Hello and welcome.
The emphasis of these meditations is not on how to do the step,
But rather to uncover the emotions that may arise either before or when doing the step,
And willingly accept those emotions.
Step 9.
Make direct amends to such people,
Wherever possible,
But when to do so,
Would injure them or others.
Let's start by getting grounded,
Settled,
Focused.
Find a comfortable posture.
If you are sitting,
Your feet are flat on the floor.
It helps to be upright and find some balance,
Noticing if you are balanced right to left and front to back.
Just becoming very grounded in your seat.
Keep your back straight and your front soft.
You are sitting up straight,
But in a relaxed position,
Letting your face and your whole body soften.
Let your upper eyelids rest gently on your lower eyelids,
Your lips gently touching or apart,
With your jaw relaxed.
Feel your whole body be at ease.
With hands resting on your lap or thighs,
The palms may be in a receptive position facing up or the palms may be facing down,
Which is more grounded.
Feel your stability,
Your muscles becoming heavy.
Breathing allows your body to teach your mind to be relaxed and open.
Bring your attention to your breath.
Take a deep,
Slow breath through your nose,
Pause,
Release slowly through your mouth.
Continue that pattern as you become relaxed and present.
If your mind wanders,
Focus again on your breath.
Step 9 is not an apology,
Although it may involve one.
You acknowledge your past behavior.
You admit that you no longer treat people that way.
You state your willingness to make an amend in whatever form it takes.
As you recover,
You will know your behavior has changed.
You will want to walk down any street and not feel guilt,
Shame or remorse when you see someone from your past.
You may encounter emotional barriers as you embrace step 9.
There may be a level of brokenness in the relationship you just can't repair.
You certainly can't take away all the emotional pain and suffering you have caused.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do or say to change the past.
Step 9 is not an escape hatch to avoid feeling the depth of another's suffering and your pain for causing it.
You may think saying you're sorry means people will forgive you,
Or that you deserve to be forgiven.
If a person cannot forgive you,
It is no longer your responsibility to make an amend.
When you make amends,
It is important to distinguish between amends apologizing and between asking for forgiveness.
Start by asking for forgiveness,
But not from the person you have harmed,
But from yourself.
This will reduce your own negative feelings about the interaction.
Recall a situation with someone on your amend list.
Embrace the emotions you are feeling.
These emotions may include anger,
Depression,
Self-justification,
Hurt pride,
And revenge.
Hold one emotion in your awareness.
Softly say to yourself,
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
Breathe in through the nose,
Pause,
Out through the mouth.
You may feel uncomfortable saying these words,
But this is a powerful tool which allows you to cleanse and purify your thoughts,
Your emotions,
And the memories of past experiences.
Again,
Hold the emotion.
Say softly,
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
I love you.
Thank you.
It will be helpful to recall a meta-meditation which expresses a desire to have a positive attitude before you approach the person.
May I have courage.
May I be honest.
May I have compassion.
May I cause no further harm.
May I have courage.
May I be honest.
May I have compassion.
May I cause no further harm.
May I have courage.
May I be honest.
May I have compassion.
May I cause no further harm.
Emotional interactions between people may be rooted in one or the other's internal pain being expressed as anger.
Desiring the well-being of another may be healing as well,
And so meta-meditation may also be directed towards the person you have harmed.
Recall someone on the amends list.
Focus on their image with all the feelings of warmth and kindness you can bring to mind and heart.
May he be safe.
May he be at peace.
May he be free of past pain.
May she be safe.
May she be at peace.
May she be free of past pain.
May he be safe.
May he be at peace.
May he be free of past pain.
This tool lessens your own emotional response to the memory of the interaction and it helps you accept the other person as one who may be in pain and who deserves compassion,
Understanding and acceptance.
As you move forward in your recovery,
This framework of compassion,
Understanding and acceptance will support your willingness and ability to make healing amends.
Using the spiritual tools of self-forgiveness and wishing the well-being of others may deepen your spiritual and recovery life in a positive way.
Slowly move and stretch your muscles.
Gently wiggle fingers and toes.
Bring your attention back to the room,
To your breathing,
Back into the present moment.
And when ready,
Slowly open your eyes.
I wish you many blessings along with willingness and patience as you proceed one day at a time.
