Hello,
And welcome.
The emphasis on all these meditations is not about how to do a given step,
But rather to uncover issues that may arise either before or when doing the step,
And then learn meditation tools to help move past those difficult times.
Step 8.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
Start by getting grounded,
Settled,
Focused.
Find a comfortable position,
Sitting with your feet flat on the floor.
It helps to be upright and find some balance,
Noticing if you are balanced right to left and front to back,
Becoming very grounded in your seat.
Keep your back straight and your front soft.
You are sitting but in a relaxed position,
Letting your face and your whole body soften.
Let your upper eyelids rest gently on your lower eyelids,
Your lips gently touching or apart,
With your jaw relaxed.
Feel your body be at ease,
With hands gently resting on your lap or thighs,
The palms facing up in a receptive position or down,
Which is more grounded.
Feel your stability,
Muscles becoming heavy.
Breathing allows your body to teach your mind to be relaxed and open.
Bring your attention to your breath.
Take several deep,
Slow breaths in through your nose,
Pause,
Release gently out through your mouth.
Continue that pattern as you become relaxed and present.
If your mind wanders,
Which it will,
Focus again on your breath.
Resume your normal breathing rhythm.
Step 8 suggests you make a list of all persons you have harmed and are willing to make amends to them all.
This involves two actions,
Making a list of those harmed and making amends.
As you make your list of names,
You may become aware of forgotten memories and emotions associated with that person.
Because time has passed since that interaction,
An internal dialogue may have developed involving both memory and emotions.
You may experience self-justification and rationalization.
These underlying stories your thoughts are telling you may help keep the memory and emotions alive.
Take several deep,
Slow breaths in through your nose,
Pause,
Release gently out through your mouth.
Bring to mind someone with whom you've had a bad experience earlier in life.
It should not be anyone with whom you experienced trauma.
These situations are best handled with the help of caring professionals.
As that person comes into awareness,
Your mind may replay the memory of that interaction.
First,
He or she did this,
Then I did that,
And so on.
As this happens,
Identify any feelings that may be present.
The feelings may be vague undercurrents of unhappiness.
For example,
Being uneasy,
Uncomfortable,
Unpleasant,
Uncertain,
Sensing a difficult situation,
Disappointment,
Dissatisfaction.
You may have feelings of guilt or shame.
Your mind may play a fantasy story where you acted or said things differently than what actually happened,
Resulting in feelings of anger or resentment or some other powerful emotion.
These are a normal response to difficult situations,
But when you suffer from an addiction,
They can be dangerous unless resolved.
Feeling that stored toxic energy requires self-forgiveness.
You are not your mistakes.
Self-forgiveness may be practiced like this.
Focus on the feeling you are experiencing and softly say to yourself,
I'm having a hard time right now.
Everyone feels this way sometimes.
I'm having a hard time right now.
Everyone feels this way sometimes.
I will be kind to myself in this moment.
I will give myself the compassion I need.
I will be kind to myself in this moment.
I will give myself the compassion I need.
I'm having a hard time right now.
Everyone feels this way sometimes.
I'm having a hard time right now.
Everyone feels this way sometimes.
I will be kind to myself in this moment.
I will give myself the compassion I need.
I will be kind to myself in this moment.
I will give myself the compassion I need.
When practiced daily,
Affirmations such as these can be very healing.
The second half of the step is a willingness to make amends.
As you contemplate making amends,
You may experience many of the same emotions you had when you wrote down the person's name.
Projection and self-justification may become apparent again as you make the decision to become willing to make the amend.
Your mind may be flooded with thoughts like,
But,
Followed by phrases such as,
Look what she did,
Or,
Look what he did.
Your willingness to make the amend may be impacted by these thoughts.
The resentment,
Anger,
Or any other emotion towards that person must be recognized and released in order to move forward with the amend.
Some amends seem to be impossible because your anger,
Rage,
Or other emotion is simply too deep.
It is possible to focus on being willing to do so because forgiveness develops as you recover.
If it seems impossible,
Treat yourself gently by forgiving yourself.
You deserve that love and compassion.
It's not easy or simple.
It takes time and patience.
To help in releasing your resentments,
A form of meditation called metta may be used.
Metta means having positive energy and kindness towards yourself and others.
Please repeat after me.
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
May I be peaceful and at ease.
Focus again on your breath.
Take several deep,
Slow breaths.
Bring to mind an image of the person with whom you need to make an amend.
Focus on the image and with all the feelings of warmth and kindness you can bring to mind and heart,
Repeat this phrase three times.
May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
May you be happy.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful and at ease.
Since most unhappy interactions between two people are almost always rooted in the expression of one or the other's internal pain,
Sincerely wishing for the well-being of another helps in two ways.
It lessens our own emotional response to our memory of the interaction,
And it helps us accept the other person as simply another human who may be in pain and who deserves compassion,
Understanding,
And acceptance.
In closing this meditation,
Slowly move and stretch your muscles,
Perhaps wiggle fingers and wiggle toes.
Bring your attention back to the room,
To your breathing,
Back into the present moment,
And when ready,
Slowly open your eyes.
As you move forward in your recovery,
This framework of compassion,
Understanding,
And acceptance will facilitate your willingness and ability to work step aid.
I wish you many blessings along with willingness and patience as you proceed one day at a time.
