Santosha Talk: Connecting To Inner Contentment

Santosha is Yoga's 2nd Niyama or personal observance- that guides us to create a more supportive inner world and a stronger relationship with the Self. In this session, we will talk about how Saucha helps us cleanse away the clutter and things that cling to us so that we can see clearly down into our still center- where an ever-present experience of inner contentment can be felt.

Transcript

Now we're moving into the second Niyama,

As we follow the order that they are talked about in the Yoga Sutras.

We have Soutcha as our experience of clarity,

Cleanliness,

Cleansing practices,

And purity of being purely you.

That's the,

Especially in this series,

As we're looking at how the Niyamas help to create a stronger,

More supportive relationship with ourself.

We're really focusing in on that idea of clarity,

Of being able to see and connect with your true self without wanting it to be different.

So purely being connected to who you are,

Right?

We talked about wholeness.

It's the messy parts.

It's the dark parts.

It's our shadow.

It is also our skills and our gifts and the part of us that we put out there into the world.

All of that combined together is our whole experience of being ourselves.

Without fragmenting or ignoring any of those parts,

Without wanting ourselves to be fixed or to be perfect,

Can we be with the pure experience of being ourselves?

And then we take that with us and it gives us an incredible amount of support as we go to explore our relationship with Santosha,

With an inner experience of contentment.

So here's just a slightly different way of thinking about Soutcha,

Of purity.

Can I be with the moment purely as it is without wanting this moment to be different?

Just like we do with ourselves,

All of the complexity,

The messiness,

The difficulty,

All of the positives and our strengths come together to create that whole pure experience of being us,

Being able to sit with that purity.

Can I also think of this moment this moment through an experience of purity,

Letting this moment be purely as it is.

There might be positive experiences,

There might be difficulties that all exist at the same time right now.

This is the pure moment.

So that ability to be with the moment purely as it is helps us to step into the space of connecting with Santosha,

Connecting with an inner experience of contentment.

Now I really work on this space that exists between the world of yoga and the wisdom that we get from the teachings of yoga,

Being informed by modern psychology,

And a very realistic view of practice.

I don't teach yoga for people who are going to live in a cave or be a monk separated from society.

I teach from a place of reality,

The modern world with all of its complexities and challenges that we can navigate through,

And focusing in on how can yoga help us through this very challenging modern world,

This incredibly challenging experience of being a human right now.

So we're going to look at the reality of that.

And just as Soucha,

Purity is not the same as perfection.

There's a lot of complexity there.

Santosha,

Inner contentment,

Is not this process of putting on blinders and going,

Everything's fine,

Everything's fine,

My life is perfect,

I'm content.

That's not the experience of contentment that we are cultivating and connecting to here.

We want to find a much more practical and realistic version of that,

And I will show you how.

It is actually very helpful and supportive in the complexity of the modern world,

But just keep that in mind.

We're not looking at this as a form of denial,

Of ignoring the very real challenges that exist in being human.

Those are real,

And they are absolutely part of your life.

So let's step into this from a place of exploring the opposite.

I find this process to be so helpful with all different aspects of yoga and meditation,

And especially when we're trying to connect to a topic that can be a little challenging.

If your mind is sort of resisting and fighting that thing,

Try looking at the opposite,

And it gives us like this span,

This spectrum.

And we say,

Okay,

Well,

I don't have to be the absolute picture of contentment all the time.

What does it look like if I was on the complete opposite of the spectrum,

Just fully discontent or non-contentment?

What would that look and feel like?

Do I exist somewhere in the middle of that spectrum?

So it gives us a little bit more nuance.

Let's look at the opposite of contentment and satisfaction.

We always talk about non-violence and non-grasping,

So we're going to look at non-contentment,

The opposite of being content.

So what would this look like?

It is an experience of constantly being pushed and pulled by our attachments and our aversions.

And what's underneath that is actually the judgment of good and bad,

And we get very,

Very distinct in that within our life.

We can easily step into,

This is one of our cognitive distortions,

One of the unhelpful thought patterns that can take hold in our mind,

The cognitive distortion of polarized thinking,

That something is all good or all bad,

That it is something that I want to pull and hold on to in my life because it's good,

And I want things to be good forever,

And I'm going to hold on super tight.

But then when something negative or bad comes my way,

I'm going to push that away as hard as I can.

I don't want that.

That doesn't feel good.

I don't like that icky feeling.

Push it away.

Aversion.

And we ride this very bumpy roller coaster being pushed and pulled,

Pushed and pulled by these attachments and aversions.

When you go deeper into yoga philosophy,

We have the five kleshas,

The five sources of suffering.

Attachment and aversion are two of those five that they go into some detail with because it's a big force in our life.

Pushing and pulling,

Ups and downs,

Good and bad,

Judgment.

These are the things that feed our discontentment.

Now,

One of the things that I find to be the most helpful in this exploration of contentment versus non-contentment is this underlying experience that most of us have.

We could even think of it as like a core belief.

Okay,

So that's a very deep level of believing.

It does not mean that our core beliefs are true.

Very often,

Our unhealthy core beliefs are unhealthy core beliefs are absolutely false,

But we believe them to be true with all of our being.

One of those is this fallacy,

This false belief that if I work hard enough,

If I put enough effort into fixing every little piece of my life,

That one day everything is going to fall into place and then I will be happy.

When that day comes,

I'm going to keep working and pushing away the things that I don't want,

Grasping the things that I do want,

Being completely grounded in this space of constant judgment of good and bad,

And when I work hard enough that I can plow through that,

One day all the things will line up and then finally I will get to be content.

Right,

So that's a lie that a lot of us believe.

Whether you say it out loud or it's a clear thought pattern in your head or whether it's kind of something that exists under the surface more toward the unconscious or subconscious mind,

We have that belief that drives us.

Keep working harder,

Keep doing more,

One day you'll get that achievement of satisfaction and happiness.

What that actually does is it puts us on this incredibly exhausting,

Never-ending process of effort and trying to fix and trying to change.

And we know the actual reality of life is that there's never going to be a day when we wake up and everything is perfect.

There's never a day where everything lines up the way that we think it should,

And that keeps us on this treadmill of unhappiness,

Of always feeling discontent because nothing ever plays out the way we think it should.

So we stay very stuck in this endless pattern of thinking,

I will be happy when.

And that's a phrase that a lot of us actually do say very clearly in our mind.

I will be happy when I get that new job.

I will be happy when this happens in my relationship.

I will be happy when I buy that new thing that I want.

And we've all been through these ups and downs in life,

And we know that,

Yeah,

Buying that new thing can feel good and bring feelings of happiness for a short time.

Getting that new job might be a step in a good direction for us,

Perhaps,

But there's also going to be challenges with that.

It's not going to be the magic wand that waves over our life and we finally drop into that space of happiness.

So we keep fighting and we keep working and thinking,

Holding on to that belief that I will be happy when.

The problem is that it's a moving target.

You get that job,

You told yourself,

I'll be happy when I get that job.

And then you get that job and you think,

Well,

I really want that new car.

I'll be happy when I have that new car.

So it creates this constant moving target.

And that's why we get stuck on the treadmill of trying to fix and arrange the outside details of our life until they feel like they are perfect.

There's actually an interesting way of describing this in psychology.

I learned about this when I was taking one of my favorite classes ever,

Which was positive psychology,

Where we finally got to talk about what are the ways that we support happiness and contentment and deep connection and meaning.

Instead of just talking about all the ways that humans suffer and all the terrible mental disease processes that can go on,

We finally got to talk about what supports satisfaction and happiness in our life.

And that was a wonderful turn for me,

A whole other way of thinking about human psychology.

But one of the lectures that I remember so clearly is when we talked about what's called the hedonic treadmill,

Hedonism,

Consuming,

Kind of bringing things in for sensory pleasure.

We get stuck on this hedonic treadmill,

Always thinking the next thing will fill that void.

The next thing will make me feel like I'm enough.

The next thing is what's going to finally bring me happiness.

And we can do that day in and day out until we are finished with our life.

We can stay stuck on that hedonic treadmill forever,

If we don't pause and start to shine that light of awareness into this false belief,

This process of always looking for happiness externally.

Now,

As I said,

I am not one to be so fixated on the philosophy that I believe your life could be in absolute,

Complete chaos,

A disaster going on,

Some very real,

Very painful things could be happening in your life.

And it's not about like putting on these rose-colored glasses and being like,

None of that matters.

I'm just going to be happy because I made up my mind to be happy.

This is a different sort of experience.

And I'm going to kind of jump down a little bit in my notes to clarify this before I lose you.

And this is a process that I like to go through with my students and my private clients.

And that is when there's a lot of really difficult stuff going on in your life,

That stuff is real and it is hard.

There's some really crappy situations that we get to deal with as humans,

Some incredibly complex emotions and healing processes and things that we go through.

That are difficult and there's no way around it.

So we say,

Yes,

There is this struggle in my life right now,

Right here.

I see that it is real.

I'm not ignoring it.

I'm not denying it.

That's just a way of repressing something.

And that creates fragmentation.

We are not doing fragmentation here.

We are doing wholeness.

So the whole pure look at my life is saying,

Yes,

There is this thing that is so difficult right now.

It feels heavy.

It has all of these hard emotions.

And at the same time,

I can work down to a deeper layer within myself.

And I can experience this gentle,

Soft place of contentment that is inside of me at the same time.

It is this experience of inner contentment that is untouched by external experiences,

Difficulties,

Challenges.

I think of it as the eye of the storm.

We can have all this movement,

All of this commotion and change and emotional pain going on,

Maybe physical pain going on in our life that is very real.

And as we work our way down the layers to that quiet,

Soft space within ourselves,

That is not affected by that external activity and change,

We get to experience this enduring,

Ever present,

Gentle contentment that resides within us.

It is like this soft place that you can drift down into and allow yourself to rest in.

Feeling this incredible experience of support and maybe relief in acknowledging that your inner experience of contentment does not require you to fix or change or line up the external pieces of your life.

So that is quite good news to me,

As someone who spent a very long time on that treadmill of,

I just have to work harder.

I just have to do more.

I have to make better decisions so that all the things in my life will start to finally line up.

Then I will feel happy.

Then I can have that sense of satisfaction.

But until then,

I will keep telling myself,

I will be happy when,

I will be happy when.

And that external target kept moving farther and farther away,

Feeling more and more disconnected and powerless to step into that space of happiness.

So we let that go.

We acknowledge that there is this external experience within our life.

Sometimes it's good.

Sometimes it's hard.

All of those things,

Right?

That's the whole pure experience of our life.

There are ups and there are downs.

All of that comes together to create the whole experience of our life.

We don't have to fix everything.

One of the great superpowers that we have as humans that we can tap into through all sorts of different spiritual practices.

This is not only yoga and meditation,

But really a lot of different spiritual practices talk about this place within us where an unshakable experience of contentment resides,

Completely independent from the external factors in our life.

So we can have difficult things going on.

We can see them and we can say,

Yes,

I acknowledge that difficulty.

It is there.

And also I can sink down and rest on that solid foundation of inner contentment that is always there.

Now,

As we start to look back at the connection between Saucha of cleanliness and clarity with the experience of Santosha,

We talked about how the layers of our being can get a lot of residue that clings to them.

A lot of external expectations,

Things that pull us away from ourselves,

Things that create ripples in yoga.

We always talk about the fluctuations of the mind that obscures our view of our deeper layers.

And that's exactly what happens.

So without cleanliness,

Without clarity,

We can't look down and see that inner experience of contentment.

So we don't think it exists.

And we hop onto that treadmill and we start looking every which direction except for in looking for a lasting experience of contentment externally,

Which does not exist.

The external experience is fluctuation is highs and lows change adaptation.

It is the movement of the storm inside.

When we take that attention and we flip it around,

Which feels really weird,

You flip it around and you start to work in and you start to work deeper and deeper.

Trying to find that little experience of internal clarity so that you can see the layers underneath.

And then one day,

You come to that experience of,

Oh,

I can see that inner layer of wisdom.

I think of that as like our inner experience of clarity.

It is a very clear,

But very soft voice of guidance,

Inner knowing,

Inner guidance.

It's like the true compass that is going to steer our life where we're actually supposed to be going.

And then the layer underneath that is the layer of bliss.

So the system that I'm talking about now is the kosha system,

The five layers of our being that wrap around the center or the true self.

And we get down to those inner layers,

The wisdom layer and the bliss layer that wrap around our core.

You can think of that as your spirit.

And I think of santosha as the outer glow that comes off of the bliss layer.

For most of us,

It is quite difficult to dive down inside and find an experience of bliss.

Bliss is a strong word.

It is not something that I have experienced many times in my life.

It's not a normal feeling.

It's a peak experience,

Right?

A peak experience is something that only happens a few scattered times in our external life.

But as we go deeper into spiritual practice and acclimating ourselves,

Kind of acquainting ourselves with our inner space,

You might get better and better at going down and finding that inner experience of contentment or satisfaction,

Maybe eventually bliss,

Keeping that connection there.

But I think of contentment as this gentle glow that expands out from the bliss layer.

It's a gentler experience.

It's a more accessible experience.

I don't know about you,

But I feel like I can let myself rest in contentment and feel connected to contentment much more easily than bliss.

Bliss feels a little bit more difficult to attain or sometimes a lot more difficult to attain,

But contentment,

That's something that I think I can soften into.

So you might find that as well.

We have these deeper layers within ourselves that we practice connecting to through meditation,

Through yoga,

Through prayer,

Or whatever your spiritual practice is,

It can help you with that process of turning in and listening.

Now,

One of the things that is very natural and very human in this process is to go,

Okay,

I have this experience of inner contentment.

I don't feel connected to it right now.

So I am going to muscle my way through and take a shovel and start digging and searching and working really hard in the opposite direction.

Instead of trying to line up all the things in your life perfectly,

You're like,

All right,

I'm going to dig down as deep as I can until I find that layer of contentment and I make myself stay there.

Right?

So it's an effortful experience.

And here's the paradox of Santosha.

And this is something that you'll find over and over in yoga is that this experience cannot be approached through effort.

This is the side where softness and ease,

The open hand,

The letting go,

The settling is the only way to get there.

The image that I always have in my mind is a leaf.

Think of like a leaf that just fell off of a tree and it sort of drifts gently down.

It's not trying to direct itself.

It just lands where it lands.

And it stays right there,

Completely content with where it landed.

As far as I know,

That leaf does not say,

Oh,

I wish I went three inches over there.

It's a little damp and cold here.

I don't,

I don't like this spot.

That leaf over there looks much more comfortable.

I don't,

Pretty sure they don't have that experience,

But that leaf letting go of the letting go of the tree and ever so gently drifting down and landing on the ground is the energetic experience that we are using to land in Santosha.

We use our practices of Saucha,

Of cleansing away the clutter,

Cleansing away the things that cling to us,

Creating that space and that clarity so that we can softly drift down to the deeper layers of ourselves.

And you find that space where you land without forcing,

Without clawing your way there,

Because that pushes us farther away.

We connect to that experience of softly settling.

And you might have that internal feeling of,

Oh,

There's that soft,

Gentle glow of inner contentment.

There it is.

I can feel it.

Once you have that experience,

You know that it exists.

That's the most important thing.

You have felt it.

You know that it exists within you.

And like so many things in yoga,

Once we have the awareness,

We always have that awareness,

You know,

It's there,

You know what it feels like.

And the more we practice that process of creating clarity and letting ourselves drift down and land in our still supportive center,

The better we get at that.

Of course,

We are humans,

And we will go about our business and get distracted,

Get pulled back into the external world,

Because yes,

We have to do things,

And we have to,

You know,

Fulfill our responsibilities and our roles.

So that can go through a process of pulling us out again,

Pulling us externally.

And we can,

Again,

Feel disconnected.

But we have our practices to support us.

We have,

First of all,

That knowing that it exists.

And you remind yourself,

When you feel yourself step onto the treadmill of,

I need that thing to feel momentary happiness.

I just did this the other day.

This was the example that I went through.

I really like plants.

I have a lovely collection of plants.

And there were some things going on in my life that I was frustrated about,

That things were not happening in the way that I really needed them to or wanted them to,

For things to move forward.

And that was a feeling of frustration for me.

So my brain came up with this very crafty plan of,

You know what,

You've had a hard day.

Why don't you go to the greenhouse and go plant shopping?

Just go plant shopping.

And I was like,

Okay,

Just go plant shopping.

And I thought,

Yeah.

And I just about had my shoes on and my keys in my hand before I went,

Wait a minute.

What is this sudden impulsive feeling of go buy plants?

That'll make it better.

Go buy plants.

There's nothing wrong with going to buy yourself a plant.

It's totally fine.

But the learning process happens in looking at what is supporting that.

What is the underlying feeling?

And when I practiced the pause,

Which is such an important learning aspect here,

I practiced that pause and I went,

Okay,

This feels a little pushy.

Why is my brain so fixated on going plant shopping right now?

What am I trying to distract myself from?

There's this frustrating thing going on over here that I feel powerless about.

I can't fix it.

It's out of my hands and that's frustrating to me.

And I don't want to deal with that frustration or that feeling of powerlessness.

If I go to the greenhouse and I buy myself a plant,

I will walk out with a new thing in my hand that I can look at.

And it's going to give me that little feeling of dopamine and happy chemicals for a little while.

And I'll come back into my house and I'll put it there.

And it's a lovely new plant for my collection.

And it gave me momentary happiness and distraction from an unhappy thing going on in my life.

It's like dangling a carrot in front of me.

And I said,

Is that the pattern that I want to reinforce right now?

Do I want to strengthen that very strong pattern that we all have of looking for something outside to make us feel good,

To distract us from the bad thing going on in our life,

The uncomfortable thing.

That's not the pattern that I want to strengthen.

That pattern has gotten me in a lot of trouble in other parts of my life when I didn't want to look at something.

So the healthier way was that I went,

I don't need to go plant shopping right now.

Put my keys down,

Take my shoes off,

Say,

Okay,

Acknowledge the fact that there's this difficult thing going on right now.

And it feels crappy.

I feel powerless.

I feel sad.

I feel frustrated.

Absolutely.

Yes.

All of those things were true in my life.

And also at the same time,

I can work my way down the layers.

I have a lot of practice doing this,

Working through the koshas and saying to myself,

Even as all that difficulty exists in your life,

You have a connection to inner support.

You have a connection to that glow of inner contentment.

You don't need to buy anything.

You don't need to go anywhere.

You don't need to earn any more degrees or any of those external things.

It's already inside you.

That is the great news.

And when we remind ourselves of that,

We can break some of those cycles of constantly looking externally for satisfaction.

Now I'll give you another scenario because there's nothing wrong with going to the greenhouse and going plant shopping.

It's actually one of my favorite things to do.

It's a lovely experience.

I like plants a lot and they make me happy being in the greenhouse,

All of those things.

So if there was another day,

Another scenario where I said,

Okay,

It's Saturday.

It's my day off.

I would love to do something today that is enjoyable,

Where I get to maybe spend time with my husband.

Maybe we can get coffee and spend quality time together.

We'll go to the greenhouse and walk around and just see if there's anything there that is special.

And that can be the whole experience of that.

It's coming from a place of this is something I enjoy doing with my time.

This is an experience that I can create.

I'm not trying to run away or cover or distract a source of unhappiness that I'm experiencing right now.

So those are two very different ways of watching your patterns of seeking external distraction or external momentary experiences of happiness versus doing something that is really because you enjoy it innately.

And it's a nice way to spend your time and,

You know,

Bond with a friend or something like that.

Okay.

So those are two different ways of thinking about our patterns and watching how they unfold.

We are going to talk about the experience of self-study as a key piece,

A cornerstone piece in strengthening our relationship with ourself.

It is a cornerstone piece in our yoga practice,

In every aspect of it,

On our mat,

In meditation,

Observing our thoughts and our patterns during the day,

Asking yourself the why underneath the thought,

The why underneath that impulse.

And then you will know if it's something that you want to put your energy and time toward,

Or if it's something you want to steer yourself in another direction that's going to be more supportive.

Okay.

So we've talked about the koshas.

This is that process of working down to that deep inner experience of contentment.

And we've talked about the paradox of Santosha.

The harder we seek it,

The farther we move away from it.

It only comes to us from softness.

And we'll talk about surrender when we get to the end,

That surrender and that letting go that also supports our connection to Santosha.

And we've talked about this realistic modern day experience of Santosha.

I'm not going to lock myself into a cave and say,

Well,

There's no problems in here.

So here I am sitting with my experience of contentment.

There are no problems in my cave of meditation.

Most of us are navigating the challenges of work and family and modern society,

Quite a bit more complexity there to work with and manage,

But still incredibly helpful.

Okay.

So I've mentioned how the attitudes of mindfulness are kind of like the bedrock that we can use to support our experience of the yamas and the niyamas.

And here are a few that are particularly helpful when we are trying to settle into that inner contentment,

And that is acceptance.

Y'all,

This is a hard one.

Acceptance of what is exactly as it is without trying to fix it or change it.

That includes accepting yourself exactly as you are accepting the moment unfolding in front of you exactly as it is.

That is really difficult for most of us.

It's a process.

So the way that I like to think about these attitudes of mindfulness,

Because for many of us,

This is completely opposite of patterns that we have practiced for our life up to this date.

If this is newer information to you,

Especially,

We've spent a lot of time being completely disconnected to acceptance.

We always are wrapped up in judgment and wanting things to be different,

Thinking that they should be different.

How could things be like this?

This is not how it's supposed to be.

I can't accept this.

It's supposed to be a different way.

And that creates a constant disconnect.

A lack of acceptance is a disconnect from truth.

And I think where we get tripped up with this is thinking that acceptance is the same as wanting something,

Of feeding it energy.

And that's not the same thing.

Acceptance in a pure,

Complete sense is simply saying,

This is the truth.

This is what exists right now.

Let me look at it clearly.

Let me know what is.

That is all.

So it's like standing on the firm ground of truth.

Where you choose to go from there moving forward is completely up to you.

And the interesting thing is that if we live in a place of not accepting the way things are,

Of denial,

Of ignoring,

Of covering and looking in a different direction,

The next choice that we make is going to be based is going to be based in that denial,

That lack of understanding.

Where if we can pack that experience of courage that we talked about in the last lecture,

And say,

Okay,

This is hard,

But let me look at reality in front of me.

Let me look at it exactly as it is.

Because then when I make my choice of where to step next,

That step is based on truth.

It's based on reality.

And it is much more likely to be the direction that is supportive of us.

Okay,

So that's finding support in acceptance.

Non-striving is one of the ones that I struggle with the most.

This is one of those patterns that I am actively working to release and unlearn.

One of my patterns that I am trying to cleanse,

And that is that connection to always striving,

Of always feeling like if I work harder,

I will make it happen.

If it hasn't happened yet,

That means I haven't worked hard enough.

So that's a lie that we can absorb within our life.

So the other side of that is non-striving,

Saying to yourself,

What if there was nothing that I had to fix or change or achieve for this experience to be whole and complete?

For me to be whole,

I don't have to fix anything.

I don't have to fix anything.

It's the open hand.

It's softening that fist.

And that can also be quite a challenge.

Okay,

So the attitudes of mindfulness seem very simple,

But they can be quite difficult.

Our brain will very often fight and thrash as we try to move in this new direction.

There can be quite a lot of resistance from our old patterns,

Not wanting to let go,

Feeling too vulnerable.

If I stop judging,

It means that I'm vulnerable.

It's dangerous,

Right?

That's absolutely something that our brain would think,

Because our brain is very focused on protection of safety,

Safety above all else,

Safety above happiness.

Okay,

That's an important thing for you to understand about your brain.

It's number one priority is to keep you alive.

Your brain doesn't care if you're miserable,

Or if you're disconnected from your purpose.

It wants to keep you alive above all other things.

And we can come in from a place of spirit,

Of internal support,

And say,

Okay,

Brain,

The constant judgment is exhausting.

The constant judgment,

The pushing and pulling,

The attachment and aversion that disconnects me from any experience of inner contentment,

Or inner support is not helpful.

And we need to let that go.

So softening your experience with judgment.

Now,

Of course,

To live in the modern world,

We do have to make choices,

We have to make decisions.

And that's very often based on some level of judging something as a good path for us or not a good path for us,

Right?

So we're not completely like letting our hands off the steering wheel and,

You know,

Going with the with the flow completely to this point where our life just like gets blown in the wind this way or that way.

That's what your brain's going to tell you.

Like if I stop judgment,

This is going to turn into a dumpster fire really fast.

That's the fear that we have.

Okay?

So here's how I encourage you to approach non-judgment.

Try it on for short periods of time.

Like you were trying on a shirt at the store.

You put it on for a couple minutes and you go,

What do I think of this?

Is this me?

It's kind of comfortable.

It feels sort of nice.

Okay.

I don't know,

Think about it.

Take it off.

Go about the rest of your day.

So it's like you're trying on this attitude of can I suspend judgment just for a little while and notice what that feels like.

A lot of times it feels like a burden comes off your shoulders and you're like,

Oh my goodness,

I had no idea that judgment was so heavy,

So depleting.

And then you might say,

Hey,

Maybe I keep this shirt on for a little while longer.

Maybe it feels nice.

So that's kind of a gentle way to introduce yourself to that new pattern.

Okay.

And we come to that other experience of mindfulness,

The attitude of mindfulness,

Gratitude.

We love to talk about gratitude.

It's a great one.

This is the process of saying,

Okay,

Yes,

There are difficult things in my life.

Validating and acknowledging that we're not going to practice denial here.

We're not going to practice avoidance.

And at the same time,

I can also be grateful for something in my life right now.

Something in my life right now,

Whether it is a relationship or the cup of warm tea I'm holding in my hands,

Or the fact that the sun is shining today,

There's something that I can land in gratitude.

But making sure that your relationship with gratitude is a balance,

Right?

So we acknowledge both ends of the scale within our life to keep ourselves planted in reality,

In truth,

And we don't use gratitude as an eraser.

And what I mean by that is some people say,

Well,

Why can't I just be grateful?

Why can't I take gratitude like a big eraser and swipe away all the negative things in my life so that all I feel is gratitude?

That's the only thing I look at.

And the reason for that is because it's not reality.

And there's a part of yourself that's going to know that it's not real.

It's not standing in that truth.

So gratitude as a balance to the scale.

Difficulty exists,

And I can also be deeply grateful for these things right now.

That all helps to lay the groundwork to create more clarity so that we can drop into that deep place of inner contentment.

Not fighting reality,

Not striving for things to be different or perfect,

Not getting stuck on that treadmill of external expectations or the push and pull of judgment of good and bad or of comparison.

Oh,

Holy cow.

Comparison,

As they say,

Is the thief of joy.

And I feel like that is a very true statement.

All right.

So in terms of elements,

With this experience of contentment,

It is an earth element connection.

And that is why we get here through softness,

Not through force.

Earth element is support.

It is nurturing.

It is stable.

Contentment is supportive,

Nurturing and stable inner contentment.

Okay,

So on the mat,

On the mat,

That's going to look like more floor work,

More support from props.

We might work with bolsters and do more supported hip opening and work with the legs and the feet,

Our connection to the earth.

So with our inner relationship to Santosha,

To inner contentment,

We can think about how this unfolds in our life in several different ways.

We can think of it in our body image.

There are probably quite a few things that we can get stuck on that I will feel comfortable in my body when I lose five pounds or dye my hair or get rid of these wrinkles or any of these things that have been lobbed at us to think that you should be unhappy with your body,

Right?

To watch our experience of self-talk,

If the harsh inner critic is a loud voice in our head,

It's a little bit of that internal bully,

Looking at that and recognizing that as something that creates separation between our internal experience of contentment.

It literally creates a block,

A layer of I'm loud and I'm yelling up here so that you can't drop down and listen to that quiet voice of wisdom or that soft glow of contentment.

It disconnects us.

And then finally we have consumerism.

Buy that new purse.

You will be happy.

Get those new shoes.

Get that car.

Oh,

That car.

People who have that car are very happy.

This is what is laid out in front of us in advertising.

I don't have a TV.

I haven't had a TV in close to 10 years.

And every time we stay in a hotel and I put the TV on as kind of a,

Like,

Oh,

We're in a hotel.

We have a TV.

Let's see what this is.

And I see the commercials that come on.

I am floored.

It is constantly showing people what they should be unhappy with within themselves,

What they can buy to make themselves happier,

How alcohol can make you have fun,

How gambling is just an endless party where you can go to a casino.

So it's all of these things that are not subtly put in front of us,

But blatantly put in front of us to say,

Hey,

You should be unhappy with the things that you have now,

With the way that your life is now.

That's not good.

You should be unhappy.

These things,

These things will make you happy.

And they're put in front of us and dangled there so that we get onto that treadmill and we buy into that fallacy that we need that thing.

We have to make that change if we ever want to connect to contentment.

It's very clear out there in the world when you start looking for it.

And once you start looking for it,

You can't unsee it.

Right.

So that's an important switch.

Notice that they capitalize on our experience of feeling a lack in our life.

If more and more people felt a connection to inner contentment,

It would be way less profitable for many,

Many companies.

They profit on our feelings of lack,

Our feelings of inadequacy.

So we take back our power by recognizing that and not buying into it.

As you look at that experience of lack,

When you're on your yoga mat,

When you are in your meditation practice,

Notice the thoughts that come up,

Notice the stories that you hold on to.

I will be good at yoga when I can do a handstand,

Or I will be a good teacher when I can demonstrate the splits to my students.

And until then,

I'm not good enough.

That can be a story that comes up of lack,

Of disconnect,

Of not being enough.

I will appreciate and feel comfortable in my body when I get that surgery,

Or I lose that weight,

Or I get in shape.

These are what keep us running on that treadmill.

The opposite of that,

Staying rooted in contentment,

Being connected to what is here right now,

Sinking down and leaning into that internal connection.

You can't find it outside of yourself.

You can only find it by gently working down to your deeper layers.

Can I be with my body and my practice purely as it is right now?

Can I rest in gratitude for something that exists right now?

That is how we feed and strengthen our connection to the inner experience of contentment.

And we watch carefully how it is so common in our modern society to be guided and encouraged to always look for contentment outside of ourselves.

But now you know,

Now you have this understanding that true lasting contentment is something that you find within.

Reviews

So appreciative of this talk. 🙏