Random ramblings and musings from my personal journal.
I'll know what I need to know when I need to know it.
It is a joy to meet myself,
To see myself,
To love myself in all of my iterations and all to come.
Why do we refuse the simple answer,
Asking to suffer longer instead?
What would happen if I woke today and chose to feel joy in everything?
At what point did someone say,
None of it is in your control?
At what point did you believe them?
Sometimes it helps to remember that anyone who has harmed us in some way has learned the same lesson from someone else.
And now a random unfinished poem.
Chickadees in full song,
Unseen to the eye,
But my ear follows their path across the sky as though an invisible cloud of music.
Sun peeking from behind mossy trees as though asking me to play.
So I did.
Find a place of pure joy,
Then connect that energy to your worries and fears so they no longer have a place to hide.
That unknown place so feared turned out to be the place I was more of who I truly am.
We have all chosen each other in all the roles and experiences.
We were chosen to play this out together.
What if we learned to expect wonderful things instead of fear?
If nothing is an accident,
Then it's important to pause with curiosity to understand what lesson is before us.
Never believe the story you've been given about yourself.
It was written by people who couldn't write their own.
No one can tell you who you are but you.
We give so much power to that part of our identity that fears and feels small and undeserving but almost no power to that part of us that is pure light.
The ego is like the helicopter parent telling you everything is scary and the world is dangerous and we deserve nothing more.
That it's not worth dreaming and staying small is for the best.
Our higher self is like the hippie parent who reminds you of your light,
That magic exists and that you are the architect of your life and tells you that finding joy and love is all there needs to be.
Find a place to sit and bring in the feelings,
The energy of complete joy.
Let the feelings spread wildly within you and then move forward knowing that you are now aligned with the energy of creation,
Abundance,
Manifestation and love.
As you walk through your day,
Touch this place over and over until this is simply the place you live.
Much like music,
A song,
Its tones and vibration have the ability to shift energy,
So too does language.
The words we speak,
The words we share with others and the words we tell ourselves.
What song are you singing?
Today I sat in the woods and cried,
Not from sadness but from an overwhelming feeling of love and connection to all that is.
I feel deep gratitude for every experience of my life,
For every hard lesson and wrong way taken and I'm so proud of myself for still finding my way to this place,
For this resilience and learning and growing and the greatest love I feel for myself knowing who I really am and still loving and playing and deserving and connection and continued transformation.
I am a miracle,
I am infinite,
I am meant to be here and I am loved unconditionally.
The louder the ego gets,
The closer you are to the door that it doesn't want you to find.
Open the door.
I stand in the space between new and old,
Receiving and letting go.
Notice this infinite pattern of expansion and contraction,
Inhale and exhale,
A heartbeat.
The balance requires the exchange of both.
There can be no inhale without the exhale,
No new without the old.
This cycle continues so that life itself can exist.
I embrace this adventure named life,
Every nook and dark corner,
Every seed left unsprouted,
A multitude of days wasted,
Freckled with the dappled light of joy,
Wonder and awe.
I savor holding this gift in my hands,
Not too tightly.
I take it in,
Its colors,
Shapes and textures,
Knowing that seeing it all at once will leave me breathless.
I embrace all that it gives me,
All that it takes from me.
I embrace the constant opportunity for growth,
Learning,
Transformation.
I know that I am loved so deeply that I have choice to throw it all away and that love remains untouched.
The words move through me like a stream,
Flowing or stuck,
Swirling.
The words move through me,
Seeping from my pen,
My voice.
Where does the stream begin?
What ocean?
What infinite source?
The words aren't held in the container of my brain or body,
Waiting to be used,
Like a reservoir of nouns and verbs,
Shapes and letters,
Some soft and some sharp.
Where do they live first before entering my stream,
My babbling brook,
My waterfall and stormy seas?
I spin with the season,
Leaves falling,
I let go.
One more turn and sacred creation brings forth the tiny bud with all of its power and potential.
And within me,
Bringing forth things imagined,
Things not yet existing.
Like the earth,
I open and receive the seed.
I nourish it to grow and lift it high to burst forth from the place it first took hold.
And even when the season moves again and no longer there is creation,
There is beauty in the decay,
Because here creation acts as the fertilizer for what is new.
New cannot come without its nourishment,
The nourishment of lessons learned,
Of failures and challenges faced,
The nourishment of pain,
Grief and tears,
And coming back again,
Standing up again,
Rising up again.
This is where the most beautiful gardens grow.
I embrace you by opening my arms wide,
Exposing my heart and asking you to step inside.
I love you the very same way.
Listen to your story,
What you tell others and what you tell yourself.
What kind of energy does this create and how does your body feel?
Is the story true or was it given to you?
You cannot be who you were and move forward.
Old ways and illusions must be set down first.
I close my eyes and spin inside myself,
Connecting to the universe.
And within my heart,
I expand far beyond the container of my body,
So wide and high that eventually all blends into one and one blends into all.
In this space,
I am reminded of who I really am.
