Grief As Altar – Day 3: The Day I Walked Through Anger

In the stillness of a forest path before sunrise, I went seeking my anger but found grief waiting instead. This moment, unexpected and raw, became a turning point in my healing journey. There was no roar—there were sobs. There was movement—feet on forest path, body in motion.
This is the turning point: when grief morphs into voice and the body remembers its power. Join the alchemy.

Transcript

So I just wanted to talk about that day in the forest when I went out to scream. I went out to connect my anger and I was walking. It was four in the morning and I was walking. The sun wasn't even up. It was a path and I started to try to find the place where no one would hear me right so I could scream like so I could let it out and I opened up my mouth to scream and nothing came out. It was just sobs and I fell down to my knees and I just sobbed. My hands were on the pavement and I realized then how much sadness I'd been carrying for all the grief from losing friends, Family members, Losing my child, Right? My parents. All the sadness came out at once. I remember I was so shaken and eventually the tears stopped at that moment and I just decided to keep walking. Just keep on the path. Just keep walking. Maybe the screaming would work after I let that out but I was so still and so quiet inside of me. So still and so quiet. I don't know how long I was out for but I walked all of the path and I walked back and there was a moment where I realized what had happened. I realized that I was letting go of all of the sadness not for my parents as much as for through my life through the different deaths I'd had you know which I hadn't grieved obviously because I was crying then and I got home and then life went on as it does but isn't it quite amazing and I went in I mean I took the time to make the time to go to the forest to pack it up to go there to be ready and I didn't even think about crying and the minute I opened my mouth everything started to flow. It was almost like I created a ritual for myself. I went out and whatever needed to happen was going to happen regardless right and I opened my mouth and what happened is I just started to release like a waterfall. I gave myself permission to do what needed to be done and instead of stopping it I leaned into it. I allowed my tears to go right into the ground. I felt how I couldn't stand up. I felt my heaving of my lungs, My stomach muscles and I just I tasted salt and the snot and everything that was coming down. I didn't even have tissues because I didn't think I was going to cry. I thought I was going to yell but I just leaned into it and when I leaned into and I breathed into it all of a sudden I got up and I walked. I just walked right left right left wasn't thinking about anything in particular just walking allowing my eyes to not necessarily focus but not be unfocused. The sun came up and I was still there. It's amazing. I just I was still present. It was still me. The sun still rose. I still had kids to take care of but I had released the top of the bottle right there the shaking can. I opened the can. I just let it out. I think that was a really pivotal moment for me. I think it was a big moment.