Tonglen - Cutting Through The Ego With Love

Tonglen is the traditional Tibetan practice of 'sending' and 'receiving'. It is a radical, transformative compassion practice which has the power to open our hearts and cut through our egos. By breathing out love and goodness, and breathing in pain and suffering we explore the possibility of going against our habitual tendencies to cling on to pleasure and push away all that is difficult. It is a key practice for developing bodhicitta.

Transcript

Welcome to this Tonglen meditation practice.

In Tibetan,

Tong means sending out or letting go and len means receiving or accepting.

So tonglen is the practice of sending and taking using the breath.

In Tibetan Buddhism,

It's the main practice in the development of bodhicitta,

The awakening of the heart and mind.

The tonglen practice is very simple.

With each exhalation,

We let go of our happiness,

Our pleasure,

Anything that feels good.

And with each inhalation,

We accept any resentment,

Any problems,

Or anything that feels bad.

Whilst it might sound straightforward,

It's actually an act of radical compassion as it goes against our ego's natural tendencies to protect and build a wall around our goodness and to keep everything bad and painful outside of that wall.

In our everyday lives,

We try and shut out as much pain and misery as we can.

We don't even want neighbors to play in our garden in case they make a mess.

And we even buy padlocks to make sure the door can't be opened.

So in tonglen,

We turn our worlds upside down.

We make ourselves vulnerable.

We break open the locks and invite our neighbors in.

We let them make a mess and we even invite their pets and their mess too.

So this might sound terrible,

But over time,

This practice can help to dissolve the tightness we can often feel around our hearts.

It can reduce our need to have things go our way.

And it has the potential to soften our hearts.

It allows us to connect with a deep tenderness for ourselves and for others.

Be aware that the practice can be challenging,

But it proceeds in small steps so you can try them all,

Or you may choose to stay somewhere along the journey,

Somewhere you're able to practice wholeheartedly.

It's not about being brave.

We're not better people because we managed every step of tonglen.

We're not better people because we managed every step of tonglen.

It's just a practice.

So please work wherever feels right for you.

And if you do find even the first step too much,

Then you can just come back to a simple breath or a heart space meditation,

Whatever you need,

Really taking care of yourself.

And try and be as honest as you can with your practice.

So not trying to get any results or improve ourselves,

But seeing if you can truthfully be willing to let go of your goodness,

To let go of your genuineness,

And being open to take on the hypocrisies and the harshness of the world.

So to begin,

Closing your eyes if that's comfortable for you or resting your gaze and letting your mind and your body settle.

Maybe just checking in with your body to make sure it's not holding any areas of tension.

Maybe just checking your shoulders,

Your jaw,

Maybe just checking your shoulders,

Your jaw,

And all of your body is relaxed.

Starting to notice your breath,

Simply noticing the rhythm of your breathing,

Noticing your breath rolling in and out from your body.

No need to control anything,

If it's shallow or if it's deep,

It doesn't matter.

Simply noticing how your breath is in this moment.

And then starting to feel the breath coming in to touch your heart space,

Maybe feeling it flow from the tip of your nostrils to your heart and back out.

Maybe it's even possible to feel that you're breathing with your whole body,

Your breath flowing into your heart through every pore of your skin,

Such as working wherever feels possible for you,

This sense of breathing into and out from your heart.

And then to begin,

Bring someone to mind that you feel a deep connection with,

Could be a child,

Person,

An animal,

They could be alive or dead,

Some being there's a really uncomplicated relationship,

Some being you would do anything for.

Seeing if you can be with them and feel their suffering,

Their fears,

Their concerns,

The complications in their lives,

Just seeing how vulnerable they are and if possible letting your whole being turn toward them.

And starting to visualize their suffering as heavy,

Hot,

Dark smoke and seeing if you can breathe it in through your whole body,

Through your nostrils and through your through your nostrils and through your pores.

Seeing if it's possible to be brave and let it touch your heart and being curious what happens when the suffering meets the infinite space of love within you.

And then visualize as you exhale,

Sending from your heart whatever it is they need,

There's no need to think about exactly what it is the person needs or the being,

Just trusting that they will need what will be given and being willing to let go of whatever goodness you can offer that might help them.

So as you exhale,

Sending this healing and love to the being you've chosen,

Visualizing it as a pure white light if you want and seeing if you can let the breath flow from your heart through every pore of your body.

As best you can continuing this practice for a few moments,

Breathing in their suffering,

Letting it touch your heart and then sending them healing and infinite love with your exhalation.

If possible not refusing any of their pain and not holding back anything of your goodness and happiness.

So breathing in dark hot smoke,

Letting it dissolve in the spaciousness of your heart and breathing out white pure light.

Not analyzing what you're doing,

Not trying to figure it out,

Simply doing the practice.

Breathing in their suffering,

Letting it touch your heart and sending them back whatever healing it is they need with your exhalation.

And then you can stay here with your friendly being or you can try practicing with your own situation if you want to do so.

So if you choose to do this,

Bringing to mind a time when you were in a difficult situation.

You may have been hurt or angry,

Confused or afraid.

It could be a time when you acted badly,

Which might be difficult to think about.

Maybe that you still have some energy around this difficulty.

But as best you can remembering the painful emotion and letting go of any sense of blame or shame.

No need to judge yourself or anyone else,

No need to justify anything.

Simply acknowledging that things went wrong or were difficult for you and then letting yourself breathe the emotion,

The suffering,

The pain in as hot,

Heavy,

Dark smoke.

If you find yourself resisting,

Then maybe breathing the resistance in as hot,

Heavy,

Dark smoke too.

Hot,

Heavy,

Dark smoke too.

As before,

Allowing yourself to be open to the suffering,

Letting it touch your heart and then with your exhalation,

Breathing out the spaciousness,

Openness,

Kindness and surrender that arises from your heart of vast and infinite love.

As best you can continuing with the practice,

Breathing in your hot,

Dark suffering and breathing out whatever it is your suffering needs,

Whether it's clarity,

Surrender,

Relief or kindness.

As before,

Not refusing any of the pain and not holding back anything of your goodness and happiness.

So as best you can breathing in your suffering and breathing out whatever it is you need.

Clarity,

Surrender,

Goodness,

Kindness.

And so you could choose to stay wherever you are with your breath,

An uncomplicated being or with yourself.

Or if you wish,

You can choose to expand the practice.

Maybe to others who are experiencing the same type of suffering as yourself or maybe those in your community or maybe someone or some people that you don't yet know well.

So whichever person or people you choose,

Remembering that like you,

They have difficulties in their life,

They have suffering and pain.

No need to know the exact details of this.

Seeing if you can open your heart to them,

Breathing in the hot,

Dark smoke of suffering,

Letting it touch your heart and breathing out through every pore in your body,

Healing,

Kindness,

Infinite love,

Goodness and surrender.

Not needing to know what it is they need,

Just having the intention to sending it.

Not refusing any of their pain and not holding back anything of your goodness and happiness.

Not analyzing what you're doing,

Not trying to figure it out,

Simply doing the practice as best you can.

So you might want to stay wherever you are.

Or if you wish,

You can choose to expand the practice even further,

To open your heart a little wider to someone you've experienced some small difficulty with.

There's no need to go into the story about that difficulty and no need to work with something that's too challenging.

It's someone you feel a little discomfort,

A little resistance to.

And seeing if it's possible to be with them and feel their suffering,

Their fears,

Their concerns,

Knowing that they too,

Like you,

Are human and have complications,

Difficulties in their lives.

Seeing how vulnerable they too are and if it's possible to let your whole being turn towards them.

So if it feels comfortable for you to be working at this level,

With this person,

And seeing if you can bring them closer to you,

Working at this level,

With this person,

And seeing if you can breathe in the hot,

Dark smoke of their suffering,

Letting it touch your vast and open heart and disappear in this infinite space of love.

And seeing if you can breathe out through every pore in your body,

Healing,

Kindness,

Love,

Goodness and surrender,

Whatever it might be that they need.

As before,

Seeing if it's possible to do this without refusing any part of their pain,

Without holding back anything of your goodness and happiness.

Not analysing,

Simply doing the practice.

And finally,

If you wish,

If you choose,

You can expand your practice to include the whole of humanity,

Even all sentient beings.

Remembering that this includes yourself as well,

And everyone else close to you.

Again,

Breathing in hot,

Dark smoke of suffering,

Whatever it might be,

Letting it touch your heart and disappear,

Dissolve in this infinite space of love within you.

And then breathing out through every pore in your body,

Healing,

Kindness,

Love,

Goodness and surrender.

Seeing if it's possible to do this without refusing any of the pain,

And without holding back anything of your goodness and happiness.

Not analysing,

Not thinking about what you're doing,

Simply doing the practice.

And to bring the practice to a close,

Just coming back to your normal breathing,

Just noticing your breath flowing in and out of your body.

Being aware of all the love and compassion in the air that's been breathed out for you,

By yourself,

And all the countless beings who've practiced Tung Len over the centuries.

Letting your body absorb this infinite love through every pore,

Feeling your heart center filled with compassion,

And breathing this back out to the world in a virtual circle of love.