Trusting Yourself

Having trust in yourself is one of the most potent and powerful sources of accomplishing your hopes and dreams. Yet, so many of us have created a habit of breaking promises we have made to ourselves. In this talk, I discuss why it is important to rebuild trust with ourselves and a simple way to cultivate that trust.

Transcript

Hello my name is Kieran and I am an artist and creative mentor and today I wanted to talk about trusting yourself.

Are you someone who others can trust?

Are you the person that someone else can rely on for help and guidance?

If a friend was to ask you for something you would make sure you delivered.

You would be on time,

Be there for them when they needed you and they knew they could depend on you.

Would you regard yourself as someone whom you trust?

Do you believe that when you tell yourself something you are going to do that you are assured that you will do it?

That you know if you make a promise to yourself you will keep it.

There is a fine line between trusting ourselves and others being able to trust us.

Other people's opinions of us matter and therefore we try to ensure that we stay true to our word when it comes to making agreements with them.

Yet with ourselves we can have a tendency to be more flexible as if we can let ourselves down or not show up for ourselves in the way we promised we would and it doesn't matter.

There doesn't seem to be much of a consequence except there is,

Albeit an unspoken one.

We are letting ourselves down and slowly we lose trust with ourselves.

We stop making goals or keeping in touch with our dreams because we no longer believe we will do what is required.

We have built up a bank of evidence where we said we would do something for ourselves and never showed up and this is the consequence of not staying true to our own word.

We let ourselves down but because there's no one other than ourselves that we've disappointed we act as though it doesn't matter as much.

We would feel terrible if we let down a friend or family member but we do not hold ourselves with the same regard.

Why is that?

Why do we believe on some level that everyone else is more important than we are?

That their wants and needs deserve attention but ours don't?

That we can show up for others in a way we refuse to show up for ourselves?

Is it that we are afraid we can't have,

Be or do what we want so we won't allow ourselves to focus on it or try to achieve it?

Are we afraid to try because we are afraid of failure and what that would mean about us?

Or is it that we have fallen out of practice with trusting ourselves because we have spent too long letting ourselves down?

We cultivate habits as we go through life and they are beneficial because they become our shorthand for getting a multitude of things done in life but as we all know not all habits are in our favour and a habit we can fall into is where we prioritise everyone above ourselves and we become desensitised to failing to show up for ourselves the way we want to.

It can be small acts from saying you want to start drawing again but then spending three hours binging a TV show rather than allowing 15 minutes to sketch,

To bigger things like when we say we will start a savings account and somehow manage to spend that extra money on something that wasn't really needed.

All these large and small acts start eroding any trust that we have with ourselves and then it becomes a silent belief that we stop even making these goals for ourselves because we know deep down we will not be adhering to them and the truth is we should be the person we can trust the most.

We ideally would care about what we want and need and seek those goals out and accomplish them as a priority or at the very least make worthwhile attempts to bring them to fruition.

It seems bizarre that we would be the ones that would be letting ourselves down repeatedly yet just as we form habits we can replace them and acquire new ones.

We can make trusting ourselves something we can cultivate slowly and steadily.

We can take baby steps.

We can take some time to be honest with ourselves and list all the ways we have broken trust with promises we have made to ourselves and begin to look at why.

The why's could be a myriad of reasons but the most important decision you can make is to choose that you want to be the person that can trust themselves.

There is such power and freedom in knowing that when you decide something for yourself that you will be the one person you can rely on to do what is required of you.

That you will create an environment for yourself where the actions you need to take will be made easier for the systems you have set up to make sure you show up and stay the course.

It is a silent bond that you make with yourself where you are supporting yourself in ways that are beneficial to you not only in the here and now but for your future too.

And it can feel uncomfortable and alien to you at first because this is something that you have not been paying attention to.

You have grown used to saying one thing and doing something else so you will sit with the discomfort at first and allow for it.

You will know what you have promised yourself and that you've done everything in your power to create a method for that action to take place.

And just when it feels way easier to give up and stop you remind yourself that this is important to you and that you matter.

And each time you keep a promise to yourself you take the time to acknowledge it.

You make a mental note of how you did what you said you would and you are proud of yourself for it and you build on that trust.

You accumulate it like compound interest.

What will occur is that you will reap the benefits of those actions you take and you will deepen the trust you have with yourself and it will feel so good.

It will make you feel like a powerhouse where your thoughts and dreams are correlating with your actions and it will develop a love that you know you can count on yourself to do what is best for you.

It will bring a new level of respect that you hold for yourself for there is no greater trust than the trust you can have with yourself.

It has far-reaching implications and it is most powerful and potent source for nourishing the hopes and dreams you hold for yourself in your life.

If you would like to journal on this topic then you can use these prompts to further explore.

Do you trust yourself?

If your answer is no then think why you don't.

Think of times when you have broken trust with yourself and what the outcomes were.

Now think of a time when you have trusted yourself and how that felt.

What happened?

What was the outcome?

Make a list of the ways that you break promises to yourself in small or large ways.

What are two goals you have that you would like to accomplish?

One small and one big.

Example I'd like to take the stairs instead of the lift and I would love to learn pottery.

What are the actions you would be required to take?

Now break those actions down into small chunks.

How can you make the actions you need to take easier for yourself?

Example on my next day off when I have time and I am not rushed I will look up pottery classes near me.

You can mark the date and time in your calendar so you can honour it.

How are some of the ways you will acknowledge the steps you have taken to keep the promises that you have made with yourself?

For example it can be keeping a written note of these trust-building accomplishments,

To keeping a voice note for yourself on your phone congratulating yourself or take yourself out for a coffee to celebrate.

It's so important and valuable to become aware of each time you stay true to your word.

How does it feel to be able to trust yourself and rely on yourself in this manner?

Trust is a wonderful trait that we want to be able to experience with others and ourselves.

It builds a bond and it forms roots that create strong foundations for achieving those things we desire in our lives that matter most deeply to us.

Reviews

Needed to hear this thank you! Simple but true. Making the time to take care of me and my needs and my tasks as I would for those I love and care for. Thank you for sharing! 🙏🏾🪷

So simple but such effective advice. Thank you! I am a person that others rely on, yet I find that I tend to let myself down, sometimes when I most need my own support! I will definitely listen to this on repeat.

This teacher is thought provoking and gentle. 🩵🩵🩵

Hello dear Kiran 🪻that was another enlightening talk which deeply resonated in me. Thank you, thank you. Sending love 🎼🙏

This really opened my eyes to a lot of my own issues. Thank you

This was an excellent talk, succinct, grounded and impactful. Thank you Kiran for a meaningful and readily applied talk! I am a psychotherapist and apart from the value I find for myself in listening to talks and guided meditations on Insight Timer, I also share ideas with my clients and encourage those who are interested to listen to specific recordings pertinent to their challenges. I will definitely be recommending this one!