Hello,
My name is Kieran and I'm an artist and creative mentor and I wanted to talk today about praise as a daily practice.
Biologically,
Humans are hardwired to look out for danger.
The main aim is to survive,
So our brains have a tendency to lean into the negative where a threat may lurk that we should be aware of.
Babies and younger children are oblivious to all the perils of the world and are much happier for it.
Obviously as time passes,
Their caregivers will point out where the sharp edges exist and when temperatures are too hot to touch.
But outside of that,
Young ones are praised for their efforts as they embark on their learning journeys,
From walking and talking to reading and writing.
Their art pieces are displayed on the fridge doors and they are applauded when they finish acting out their newly scripted play.
Yet,
As the years advance,
Something happens.
As adults,
We no longer need another person to tell us to be careful when we cross the road.
We are attuned to the usual dangers that could occur.
But we will experience a diminishing of praise.
We will enter workplaces,
Take up positions as parents,
Partners,
Employees and one thing that we will become devoid of in our many roles is that of praise.
We fall out of practice with it and we do not think to make it something we should intentionally seek out.
Yet,
That is what we must do.
Our brain,
Without our asking,
Will seek out any negative bias,
So it becomes our job to look for the positive.
What are we doing well in the world?
How are some of our traits beneficial and to be admired?
How many times a day do you take a look in the mirror or audit what you've accomplished today in a positive,
Praising manner?
We are quick to admonish ourselves for petty misdemeanours and remind ourselves of past mistakes.
But we do not make the same effort to point out all the ways we've done well,
All the ways you might be flourishing.
The concept of praising yourself more,
More often than berating yourself,
Can feel like it's a childlike response.
It's being unrealistic.
After all,
How else are we going to ever improve if we're not forever pointing out where we've gone wrong so that we can get it right the next time?
It's from this space we use negativity as a motivating force.
But what if we could choose kindness and praise as the driver instead?
What could that look and feel like?
How about trying it on for size?
Positive reflection and compassion are skills we can learn.
They are much more of a powerful force than negativity,
Purely because they are calmer channels through which to filter our lives and actions.
They put us in a position to be more resilient and more proactive in our best interests.
They eliminate the constant need for us to fix ourselves and reserve that energy instead for creating all the wonder and beauty that we want in our lives.
Our daily energy is finite.
We tire,
We run out of steam by the end of the day.
It makes sense as humans for us to utilise our energy stores more effectively.
It takes more of our energy to keep warm in colder climates,
And it takes up more energy to move ahead whilst battling negative thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves.
A positive reinforcement of ourselves and our characteristics can catalyse more energy.
We are in flow with ourselves,
We believe in ourselves,
And we are engaging with who we are in a more harmonious manner.
What can happen for us when we are operating in this mode,
The praise mode?
I'm not saying that we only see ourselves in one light,
And that it's all positive.
But what I am pointing to is that even if we are wanting to develop our skills in an area where we feel we need improvement,
Praise and positive affirmation will get us there way more smoothly and with more effectiveness than dragging ourselves there through judgment and criticism.
The beauty of this praise protocol is that the more we seek out the positive in ourselves,
The more we will see.
And the more we see in ourselves,
The better able we are to see in others.
The world is but a mirror.
This is kinder to the self and to the whole of humanity.
So this is a call to experiment and explore the world of praise and positive reflection.
It will feel uncomfortable and unusual.
Your brain will come up with all the reasons that it's not a good idea and say it's childish and self indulgent.
It's your role to ignore that commentary and look to the light.
What can you see in yourself today that is bright,
That is good,
That you are glad of?
How are you doing things in the right way?
What is working out for you?
Why are you grateful to be you?
Even as I speak these words,
We can hear how unusual they are to hear in our everyday language.
We do not speak to ourselves in this manner,
But it is a skill we can cultivate starting now.
Pick a part of the day,
An act you performed,
Something you said or did that you are proud of,
That you can praise yourself for.
Make a list of five at the end of each day and really feel into them.
Experience the beauty of you,
The kindness of you,
The expansion of you as a multifaceted being who is walking this journey of life and whose side you are on.
You can answer these questions by journaling on them or just reflecting on them and answering them to yourself out loud.
Make it a daily practice to look out for glimmers and glimpses of the ways you are doing well,
Of the aspects that you like and love about yourself.
Expand on them,
Dwell in them,
Enjoy them.
You get to inhabit a body,
Mind and soul that is uniquely you.
It is a home you can make your own and one that you can delight in.
Using praise as a protocol for living your life is in service to you and others.
It acknowledges the gift of you and the privilege of a lifetime is that you get to be you and we get to have you in this world.
