We are all pattern makers.
We create our lives out of patterns repeated.
We are not always aware of this.
We just look at our lives and think that it is the way it is.
Invisible to us is the hand we play within its creation.
I wake up every day and make tea and journal before I begin my work.
It gives me a sense of structure to my day.
I hate rushing.
I want a slow start and so I have created a pattern of tiny rituals that reminds me of me.
They are inherently mine and they suit me.
And then life happens and disrupts our patterns and what do we do?
We go about recreating a new pattern to suit our new circumstance.
We need to know that at some point in time we are anchored to ourselves.
It is a thread that keeps us attached to knowing that we are here and that we are safe.
What we are aiming to do,
Whether we know it or not,
Is to establish some certainty in our lives.
When in reality,
Certainty is rare and rarely in our control.
I can be certain that gravity exists or that my lifespan is finite.
But as soon as I awake to a new day,
There is little chance that I will know exactly how it will unfold.
That is why we make patterns out of our lives to create a sense of a centre.
I know that I will wake up and make tea and if I wake up and I am not feeling well or I found out that my car has been stolen overnight whilst I slept,
Then my pattern for the day will be disrupted.
I did not plan for that and I will try and go back to my habit as soon as I can.
It can feel like our patterns protect us,
Give us a sense of order,
And this is true,
But they can also be our biggest saboteurs.
We abide by these systems we conjure up and live by them and once in place we don't review them or question them.
They may be ideas that we formed into a ritual a decade ago when we were different people,
But we do not make it a regular practice to appraise them.
Ironically,
It is normally when our patterns get disrupted that we may face them and see if they are working for us in our current lives and the people we are today.
And because of the ways we try to form predictability in our days,
We don't think to look at those habituated actions and witness them with any objectivity.
They have seamlessly merged into our lives and our beings and we think that they are part of us and who we are,
But they are not.
They are patterns we formed that we have the power to change over and over again.
Because those patterns shape our lives and when we feel like our lives are not working for us anymore,
We can take a look at where we are playing a part in the orchestra of our lives.
There are forces outside of our control that we have no say in other than our response to them.
Then there are the protocols we follow in our lives that we made up and that we can re-imagine.
And the problems with patterns that have made their way into our lives is that they reside there silent,
Invisible to us at times,
And so we go about projecting our needs for change onto others or outside circumstances.
We don't always think to look closer to home,
At ourselves and the actions we choose to take repeatedly.
To be able to witness our patterns requires a level of skill and objectivity.
It is like looking into a crowd of people and searching for the one face that you recognise,
The one that you're looking out for.
To see our most hidden patterns,
We need to remove the personal from our perspective about ourselves and take a bird's eye view.
To witness our daily actions and choices and see where their pattern is not serving us,
But rather a hindrance.
It is not an easy task to take us out of our view.
We are closely wedded to the ideas we have about ourselves and lose perspective rapidly when it comes to our own shortcomings.
But it is not through judgement or criticism that we come to see our patterns of sabotage.
It is through a loving and compassionate lens.
We embark on looking with a new filter at ourselves,
With kindness.
We have not come to list our failures and flaws.
We have come to witness anything that may look familiar,
But is not in our best interests.
When we are not reprimanding our own actions,
But rather looking to see what we could do better for ourselves,
Then it feels safe to look.
We have to work in collaboration with our nervous systems so that they are not triggered and think that we are in trouble or that we are doing something wrong.
We have to create a safe space within ourselves that knows that we will take care of ourselves no matter what patterns unveil themselves to us.
This is not an exercise in disapproval,
But a channel through which we can enhance our lives and experiences.
First,
We set the intention to look at ways that our own actions may not be the healthiest for ourselves in a loving way.
Then we make sure that we are in our bodies,
Breathing calmly and regulated,
So that we are not scaring ourselves into what we fear we may see.
Then we look,
And we allow for the misunderstandings and the missteps we may be taking without judgement.
It's all okay.
We are safe.
We are just looking.
And when we see the patterns that are not serving us,
Then we can start to begin the journey of altering them and recreating an updated version of that pattern that will serve you and the person you're becoming.
This is an exercise in power,
Trust and belief in yourself.
And you can do this any time,
On a regular basis,
Or whenever you are feeling stuck and suspect that you are playing a part in that stuckness.
What we want to be able to do is witness all parts of ourselves,
Those aspects that are in the shadows and hidden from plain sight,
So that we may know ourselves more deeply and tend to ourselves with care and attention.
This is not a fault-finding exercise.
It is an illuminating one,
Where we bring to light what was once in darkness.
If you enjoyed this talk,
Then please do take a look at my course that accompanies it,
Transforming Old Patterns for a New You.
Wishing you well.
