Whether we are at the start of a new year or we have reached our birthday,
These dates can instigate in us the need to review ourselves and our lives and decide that we need to incorporate change.
This is not something I am averse to,
But I do believe we have entered an era where the desire to change ourselves takes precedence over any sense of self-acceptance.
We can become very good at looking at ourselves through a lens of critical judgement and then using the information we come up with to try and make changes.
It can set a trap we often fall into where we try using negative motivation as a way to guilt or shame ourselves into change,
And then we further berate ourselves if we are not able to make the changes or stick to them.
What we are missing is the foundation of self-acceptance,
Of looking at ourselves in a much more forgiving and loving light,
Where we register what we are doing well and what we like and appreciate about our lives.
Because when all we do is look at ourselves and think about how we need to change,
We ignore any positive aspects of ourselves and our lives.
If you were to look at yourself and your current life,
You would be able to see that you are living out past intentions and goals that you had set yourself.
Your life right now is,
In part,
A curation of a life you had intended for yourself in a time gone by.
If we don't take the time to absorb this fact that we have achieved in areas we had intended to,
That we had made plans previously and succeeded in attaining them,
And that some other plans may not have materialised or life may have had its own plans,
The point here is that we can be living out some of our dreams in the present moment and be overlooking that fact whilst we busily rush ahead and decide on what further changes need to be made.
You are not a project,
You are a person.
You do not have to continually be working on fixing or bettering yourself.
You are allowed to stop and take stock of all that you are and all that you do have and bask in the light of it and fully appreciate it and yourself.
We do this with those we love,
Especially young ones.
We shower them with praise and positive attention and that is how children grow and are incentivised to try new ventures and grow into their lives.
Yet,
When it comes to ourselves,
We seem to think that praise and positive attention is for children and harshness and being realistic is reserved for us adults.
Yet the evidence of how well children grow,
Adapt and show resilience comes from the love and acceptance they receive.
So it makes good sense and seems logical that we don't outgrow this need,
That we too could benefit from the same behaviour.
So for this talk,
I wanted to invite you to take a look at yourself in a different light.
Not one where you are focusing on your flaws and past mistakes,
But I want you to take an inventory of yourself and your life and make a mental note of all the parts of yourself that you like,
That you cherish.
What you enjoy about being you and the life you live.
What parts of your personality and life you feel are worthy of some praise and positive attention.
I would like to leave you with the following exercise.
I want you to write yourself a love letter.
It can be done in a notebook,
On your computer or even just voiced out loud.
I want you to take the time to think of yourself in a loving manner and then write out your love note with sincerity,
Talking about the traits you see in yourself and the life you have created.
A letter to honour the person you are in this very moment,
Not who you hope to be someday in the future.
I want you to acknowledge yourself and your life in celebration,
In appreciation of the ways in which you interact with the world,
Of how lucky others are to have you in their lives and the ways the world is uniquely and positively impacted by having you in it.
I know this may be a difficult exercise to begin with,
But do your best,
Come up with at least a few things if you struggle.
And if you are struggling,
Know that it is most likely because you have not viewed yourself in this manner and that you are more used to looking at yourself through a more judgmental lens than a loving one.
Just like anything else in life,
This can become a practice you get better at over time.
I will now leave you with some music playing in the background and I would like you to complete your exercise.
If you would like to,
You may also pause this recording and take as much time as you need.
You can get into the habit of noticing small actions you take in your day or bringing awareness to what you are grateful for and this can be done as you move through your day as a daily practice.
A nod in the direction to what you do enjoy about being you and living your life.
I hope that you enjoyed this talk and the accompanying exercise and if you did,
Then please do take a look at the course that accompanies it where we go a little deeper into the subject of self-acceptance.
It is called The Joy of Accepting Yourself As You Are.
Thank you for listening and wishing you well.
