Do you have a bossy inner critic warning you to be nice at the family gathering?
We're fast approaching that time of year when we're all expected to get along nicely,
Despite frantic arrangements,
Rising debts,
Exhaustion,
Maybe food comas,
Alcohol and expectations.
How does it feel when you notice yourself putting on a brave or polite smile,
Even when it doesn't quite match what's inside?
In what ways do you censor yourself so you can't be accused of upsetting anyone?
Do you shrink yourself smaller,
Avoid family gatherings altogether,
Or overindulge just to push your feelings down?
Are you desperately hoping that someone in particular will manage to control their tongue this year?
Do you feel daunted by their overbearing personality or unreasonable demands?
How hard are you trying to minimise conflict and keep the peace?
Sometimes the pressure to avoid a fallout becomes the very thing that undoes us.
So instead of running that gauntlet with your eyes closed this year,
I'd love you to spend a quiet moment checking in with your values.
We all have core values that show up in how we consistently behave,
And sometimes they aren't what we thought they were.
Sometimes we drift.
Sometimes we're in values conflict.
Pause for a moment and ask yourself,
What do I really want?
And how can I honour that so I leave this season in higher spirits instead of feeling hollowed out?
It's important to find honesty within first so you can show up more comfortably and authentically with others.
Always living by someone else's values takes you off centre,
Misaligned and feeling wobbly.
Let's find the central core that runs invisibly through you even when you lose sight of yourself.
You might try this,
Closing your eyes or softly lowering your gaze,
And then place one hand on your heart and the other on your abdomen and slow your breathing just a little.
And then welcome in your whole self,
All the parts that have dispersed over time.
Call them home.
Let them speak.
They have needs.
They've been trying out there and in their own ways to get those needs met.
Gently take responsibility for those parts and integrate them.
Vow to honour them.
And now softly opening or raising your eyes and write down your values.
Then imagine welcoming in the whole selves of the people you'll be spending time with.
Not just the spiky parts you usually notice but their whole humanity.
Sense their values too,
Even if they're different from yours.
And then looking back at your values,
Choose your top three.
This isn't easy but some part of you already knows.
And these aren't rigid rules,
They're simply about remembering how you truly want to show up.
Step into the energy of them.
Imagine handling any difficulties guided by these principles.
And remember there's no need to be nice,
Just be true.
You
