Embodying Lovingkindness (Talk + Meditation)

Ram Dass says, “I love everything, love everything I can be aware of. I just love, just love, just love.” Lovingkindness is the ability to see all beings and all of life, including yourself, with kind, friendly eyes. This session begins with a 9-minute talk on lovingkindness (what it is and how it is practiced) and transitions into a less guided, 35-minute long meditation on lovingkindness. This talk was originally offered to Mudita Mindfulness Community on March 17, 2021.

Transcript

So the practice of mindfulness has two sides to it.

Very commonly it's called the two wings of a bird.

There is the awareness wing of becoming aware of what is present.

And then there is the compassion wing or the love,

The wing of warmth.

So together when the bird flies with these two wings,

The practice is about noticing what's there,

Cultivating a deeper awareness and responding to what we notice with warmth and love and care and compassion.

This is why sometimes mindfulness by some senior teachers is called loving awareness.

So it's not so much a different thing,

It's just this practice of loving kindness,

If you will,

Focuses on this wing of the bird.

So it takes a specific aspect of the practice and cultivates it further.

And this care or warmth is when it is directed to beings around us.

It's called loving kindness and it's this sense of wanting to see other beings with kind eyes,

Wanting to see the goodness in them and wanting to cultivate a friendly attitude toward all things.

And then when this warmth or care or love meets suffering,

So when there is suffering either in ourselves or in other beings,

Then it's a practice of compassion.

So the origin of loving kindness and compassion is the same thing,

It's the loving heart,

Loving awareness and then on any given day when things are going well,

It's just a friendly loving kindness practice and then when we notice suffering,

It turns into a compassion practice.

And loving kindness practice which is called Metta,

The word is Metta in the original Pali language.

So it's actually a translation of this word into English and this practice,

Metta practice,

Is traditionally done in the following way.

There are some phrases that are recommended,

Traditionally three or four phrases are recommended such as may you be held in loving kindness,

May you be safe,

May you be strong,

May you be held in love.

And these phrases are not so much affirmations but they are more wishes,

So it's a very active practice of thinking of a being and then sending them these good wishes of your heart.

And it has a creative or intuitive side because the wishes you send to one being doesn't have to be the exact same that you send to another being.

Although the practice is to ultimately to be able to send these good wishes to all beings and no matter how you feel about these beings.

And so in that it's something we do for ourselves,

It's not something we do for the other.

Although when we send these good wishes we do hope that they will be well and safe and happy.

Ultimately we're practicing this for ourselves to cultivate our ability to have a friendly attitude toward all of life.

And the traditional practice is done in a sequence,

So you think of yourself first and then you send yourself these good wishes,

Then you think of a benefactor like someone who took good care of you.

Like a parent,

A teacher,

A mentor and then you send them these good wishes.

Then you move on to a beloved friend and then you move on to a neutral person.

So sorry I keep saying person but I mean being because it doesn't have to be a human being.

It can be an animal,

It can be a plant,

It can be a mineral,

It can be a concept and neutral as in you don't have very strong feelings good or bad about them.

And then finally the practice is to call on a being that is difficult for you,

Slightly difficult for you.

And to make these wishes for them and eventually to conclude the practice by sending these wishes to all beings everywhere.

The bit about being trauma informed or trauma sensitive in this practice is to,

Even though loving kindness feels like a lovey-dovey practice,

Sometimes it actually can be a difficult practice.

And for different reasons but for example it's recommended that you don't actually practice with beings who are dead.

So you know you practice with beings that are alive or when you pick a difficult person the mind can sometimes go and pick the most difficult being or the most difficult relationship.

And so the practice is to notice okay where does this fall in my window of tolerance?

Is it a nine or is it a one or is it a six or is it a four?

So it's slightly difficult but it's something I can hold.

And if we don't pay this attention,

We don't care for ourselves in this way,

We might get burnt out of practice.

We might go too far too fast and the part of the practice is to trust that our capacity,

Our window is going to expand the more we practice and we can be gentle,

We can go slowly.

And the twist I was going to bring to the practice tonight,

This twist is something I practiced in my last retreat with Donald Rothberg.

He's a senior teacher Donald Rothberg and another senior teacher Ram Dass in his sharings recently,

He shared the same practice.

So the idea of what I will also introduce into the practice tonight is to imagine that the loving awareness,

This energy is in your heart,

In your chest area and just like it's an energy or it's like light rays or sunlight rays or energy rays,

It's something that emanates from you.

And we're going to work with this phrase of I am loving awareness as opposed to I am Zainab and I'm sending my friend Etienne good and kind wishes which involves a little bit of the ego,

It's me sending this person something of me.

Versus how can we,

Can we,

Right?

Is it possible that we embody that energy or that loving awareness?

We become it and so it becomes something that we send to all beings everywhere.

So everything we become aware of we touch it lovingly,

We touch it with care.

So I will invite you to find a posture that will feel supportive for you during this meditation.

We're going to be practicing for about half an hour.

So when you feel you have your posture you can notice if it's helpful for you to close your eyes or to lower your gaze.

How might you turn your attention inward?

So as you begin you might bring a gentle and caring attention to the anchor or anchors of your choice.

These anchor points might be your breath,

Your hands or your feet,

The sense of gravity or the center line of your body,

Or the sounds you're hearing.

When you find your anchor that works for you today you might set an intention to keep your attention on this anchor point for a few minutes here.

And if the attention wanders away,

Which it likely will,

You might set an intention to continuously and gently bring it back to your anchor point.

So you might find that you do this dance between your anchor and going away and coming back to your anchor many many times.

That's okay,

You might remind yourself that this coming back is the practice.

So when you feel ready you might this time bring the attention into the middle of your chest or the heart area.

So and as you focus the loving attention here you might also care for yourself,

You might investigate how does the heart feel today.

So and you might begin to connect yourself to a sense of loving,

A sense of kindness,

And friendliness.

And that resides in this area of your body.

And if this is not the area of your body that carries these emotions for you,

That's okay,

You might focus the attention somewhere else,

Maybe the body as a whole or your hands and arms.

Finding that place in your body that helps you connect to a sense of love and care.

So when we practice loving kindness we sometimes get identified with the self,

The self that is being kind or loving.

So instead of that in this practice you might see if it's possible to embody this love and kindness that you might be finding in your body that resides in your body.

You might whisper to yourself the following words,

I am loving awareness a few times.

I am loving awareness.

I am loving awareness.

I am loving awareness.

And you might imagine that you are breathing in love and breathing out love.

And you might explore what other imagery or which other words help you connect to this embodiment of loving awareness.

And you might see what arises for you as you sit like this.

What does your mind create?

What comes up in your heart and what calls your attention in your body?

For example,

There might be a river of thoughts in the mind and you might see if it's possible to witness this river of thinking and to notice how you are not this river of thoughts.

You are you witnessing this river of thoughts.

And then you might whisper again,

I am loving awareness or any other images or words that help you connect to the sense of embodying love and kindness.

And you might become aware of this river of thoughts as loving awareness itself.

Similarly,

There might be a sense of loneliness or worry in the heart.

And so you might again witness these emotions and whisper,

I am loving awareness and be lovingly aware of these emotions.

And whatever is there in the body,

Maybe a sense of fatigue or discomfort somewhere,

Again whispering,

I am loving awareness that is becoming aware of these sensations in my body.

And so you might explore how might you cultivate this awareness of everything that comes up in your heart,

Mind and body.

And this practice of loving all of it.

Of embodying this love and kindness.

Of being this love and kindness that is becoming aware of all of these experiences.

So this is a practice and so it might not feel a particular way,

It might not feel really loving or comfortable or happy.

And so you might see if it's possible to take it on as a practice with curiosity and openness,

Allowing the practice to unfold as it will.

So and so for a few more minutes here,

Imagining this loving awareness or kindness and friendliness is radiating outward from your heart and chest area or from your body and touching all of the objects and experiences and beings around you.

So so so so Ram Dass says,

I love everything,

Love everything I can be aware of.

I just love,

Just love,

Just love.

So you might explore for yourself,

Is it possible to just love?

To approach with kindness and friendliness,

Allowing all experiences to be there and letting them belong,

Letting them be a part of this moment.

So so so so And now in the next portion of this practice,

You might see if you would like to stay with your current practice of embodying this loving kindness.

And if so,

You might just tune out my voice and continue on this practice and this exploration.

Or if you would like to bring this loving kindness,

This attitude and energy toward some beings in your life.

So so And if yes,

Then you might maybe begin with yourself.

So you might take a moment here to remember the good within you.

You might remember something good and kind that you did recently.

Maybe you gave something up,

Maybe you helped someone,

Maybe you cared for something.

You might notice your desire and aspiration for a happy and honorable life.

Or you might just notice how this loving awareness resides in your body.

It's something you feel in your heart and chest area,

Or your body as a whole.

And then to add an active element to this practice,

You might make some good and kind wishes for yourself.

Maybe you might put a hand on your heart if that feels good.

And you might just whisper,

May I be at ease?

May I feel safe?

May I feel strong?

May I be held in love?

You might add any other wishes.

So just taking a moment to actively care for yourself and actively make good wishes for your own being.

And when you feel ready,

You might let go of yourself and this time bring to mind a benefactor,

A teacher,

A mentor,

A parent who helped you,

Who took care of you.

And you might become lovingly aware of them and the goodness and the kindness in them.

You might remember how they helped you or their aspirations for a happy and balanced life.

And you might again maybe picture how this loving awareness resides in their body as well.

And again,

You might say the same wishes for them.

May you feel at ease?

May you feel safe?

May you feel strong?

May you be held in love?

You might repeat these wishes for them or add any other that you would like.

Again,

Noticing how this feels in your body,

What's coming up for you when you actively send these good wishes for this being.

So when you feel ready,

You might let go of this benefactor and this time you might see if you'd like to bring to mind a beloved,

A dear friend.

And again here,

You might connect to what is good in this being.

Their inherent goodness,

Their aspiration for a happy and balanced life.

Or maybe how they cared for you or how you care for them.

And how this loving kindness,

This loving awareness resides in their body as well.

And then you might make the same active wishes for them.

May you be at ease?

May you feel safe?

May you feel strong?

May you be held in love?

Repeating these wishes again or adding new ones that resonate with your heart in this moment.

And as you do so,

Paying attention again to your body and noticing what comes up for you.

So so When you feel ready,

You might let go of this friend and come back again to this sense of loving kindness and loving awareness in your own body,

In your own being.

And you might open up your awareness to include yourself,

This benefactor and this friend,

As well as all beings everywhere.

Beings you are neutral about,

Beings you have difficulties with,

Beings you don't even know about,

You have never seen or met.

All humans,

All animals and plants and minerals,

In every direction,

In every direction,

Expanding into the universe.

And so you might again imagine yourself as loving awareness,

As love.

And you might visualize if it helps you,

This energy emanating from you,

In every direction and reaching all beings everywhere.

And you might actively wish for them.

May all beings be at ease.

May all beings be safe.

May all beings be strong.

May all beings be held in love.

You might repeat these phrases or any other you would like to add.

So,

As always,

Keeping a part of your attention on your body and noticing what does it feel like for you to send these good wishes?

What are the qualities of your presence right now?

What feels challenging,

If anything?

And is it possible to hold those challenges in the same spirit of friendliness and love as well?

So,

As Ram Dass says,

Loving everything you can be aware of.

Just loving,

Just loving,

Just loving.

So,

In the final moments of this practice,

You might now simply let go of the practice.

You might relax.

Bring your attention to a gentle place like your anchor.

And just noticing what's present for you right now and relaxing until you hear a bell.

So,