Being with the unknown.
What arises for you when you hear that?
Being with the unknown.
It's quite fascinating to experience the unknown within the framework of a culture which relies on knowing.
So often the knowing is what delineates success from failure.
And when that knowing isn't available to us things get interesting.
Oftentimes we anticipate,
We project ourselves into the future attempting to consider or rectify potential dangers,
Challenges,
Concerns.
Oftentimes those anticipations coincide with an anxiousness or a fear and worry.
And so I'd like to bring us into the space where those fears live.
Not from a place of judging,
Not from a place of trying to do away with the fear or to get rid of it.
Good luck with that.
But with the intention of meeting the fear like a friend or like a stranger or like a loved one.
There's an underlying presupposition within NLP neuro-linguistic programming which is that every pattern,
Belief,
Trauma response,
Behavior has at its root a positive intention.
So when we look at this being with the unknown and we consider what arises when facing the unknown,
Whatever that is for you,
It looks different for all of us.
And many times it boils down to an anticipation,
A fear,
An anxiety,
A worry,
Perhaps stress.
What I'd like to invite here in this space is an opportunity to consider the positive intention behind that perhaps unpleasant experience.
And to get there,
The question that I'll ask you first is,
When is the first time you can remember experiencing that feeling?
When is the first time in your life that you can remember facing an unknown?
And if you're brought to a memory in say your teenage years or your adult years,
Go further back.
Another way to approach this is to ask,
With whom did you first experience the unknown?
Oftentimes it will come back to mom,
Dad,
A caregiver.
What did you face as a young child that was unknown to you?
Perhaps there was somebody that you hoped would come home.
Perhaps you weren't sure where your next meal would come from or if what you express would be received.
And the question now becomes at that moment,
In that experience,
Or perhaps in those experiences,
If you're recalling a few,
What was the need that you were expressing or that was arising when this contention with the unknown came to be?
Let's take the example of the unknown of a parent returning.
Perhaps there was a separation in the family and one parent became distant.
And perhaps in that unknown,
There was a child who really needed protection or nurturing or provision or stability or love connection.
And perhaps,
Perhaps you can witness the arising of the feeling.
If it's a fear,
If it's an anxiety,
Perhaps you can feel the arising of that when peering into this unknown.
And what I invite in this space is to see that the fear or whatever it may be for you,
Has a positive intention.
That that fear is attempting to solve for or procure or rectify the need being expressed.
And the need that was uncertain to be fulfilled.
And that the experience of the unknown became one to avoid.
Because in that unknown came all of this.
And see an important element to consider here is that within our childhood dynamics,
When we absolutely,
Fundamentally relied on our guardians,
On our parents,
On those who were looking after us in one way or another.
While we were in that state,
We had very real responses when things went wrong,
Or our needs for which we depended on others were not fulfilled.
And the vast majority of the time,
We continue to carry our responses to those experiences into our adult life,
When we really no longer rely fundamentally on others to procure our needs.
And more specifically,
There's not one or two particular individuals who are responsible for fulfilling those primary needs,
As our parents were.
Yet,
Yet,
The patterns,
The responses,
The behaviors that we adopted,
With the positive intention of attempting to at least get a little bit closer to our needs.
Those patterns often remain.
And often we carry those into our adulthood.
And they cause friction.
Could say that oftentimes they're quite dysfunctional.
And when we understand the positive intention behind those behaviors,
Responses,
Patterns,
Then we can do something with it.
And the question becomes,
Okay,
Say,
In this example,
The child was uncertain of the return of a parent,
Let's say a father,
And the inherent safety and protection,
Stability,
And connection,
And belonging,
And love that could potentially be there,
Or potentially was there,
When that child had the presence of that father.
Then,
In the unknown,
The response to that unknown says something to the effect of,
I need you,
Dad.
I need connection,
I need safety,
Protection,
Belonging,
Love.
And say the fear that arises in that unknown,
Of will I have this again?
Will he come back?
Will I be okay?
Will I make it?
That's a very real expression.
These are very real needs.
And in our anticipation,
In the anxious thoughts that attempt to rectify or attempt to find potential solutions,
Or the fears that hold us and grip us from moving forward,
So as to perhaps protect ourselves,
To provide for ourselves.
They are some of our dearest friends,
Actually.
Much like a tsunami siren,
That alerts a community to the threat of an incoming tsunami.
The fears,
The anxieties,
The anticipation,
The hyper independence,
Are like the siren,
The expression of a concern,
The expression of a very real need.
And as you tune into this for yourself,
Another question comes,
Which is,
In what ways can you solve for that positive intention in a way?
So in this example of a child,
If this child was gripped by anxiety about the future,
Attempting to figure everything out,
And attempting to take care,
Through this anxiety,
Through this vigilance,
There are many options as to how to navigate the unknown in a different way,
In a way which benefits the state of being present day as an adult.
Perhaps some of those examples could be reaching out and asking for help to a peer,
To a friend,
To a colleague,
To a loved one.
Perhaps that communication wasn't available as a child,
It wasn't an option.
And so perhaps the anxiety was really truly the best option at the time.
In our wisdom,
We often choose the best available option at the time.
And we get to update that now.
Perhaps,
Instead of the anxiety,
There is the option to get out on paper,
A mind map of potential ideas,
To explore whatever it is that's unknown.
Perhaps there's an opportunity to lean into trust.
Perhaps listening to a talk about being with the unknown is another option.
When we begin to explore these new options,
What we're doing is updating the pattern,
While honoring the positive intention behind it,
Honoring the need behind the positive intention.
First,
There is the need,
Then there is the attempt to procure that need.
And in that attempt to procure that need comes the pattern,
The behavior,
The dysfunctional.
And perhaps it functioned well enough at its inception.
And over time,
Became more and more limiting,
Or more and more challenging to cope with.
As life moved on and shifted,
And the pattern remained stuck in that old software.
And so what we get to do here is to update that software.
This is something that you can do for yourself anytime.
By following this general template,
This general structure,
All of the answers are already within you.
Be well.
