What Type Of Perfectionist Are You?

Hi unique learners,

In this talk, you’ll learn about the different types of perfectionism identified by researchers and discover scientifically proven strategies to help you manage perfectionist tendencies. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like nothing you do is good enough, or you’ve struggled with holding yourself or others to impossibly high standards, this is the perfect place to start.

Transcript

Hello and welcome!

Today you will learn about the different types of perfectionism identified by researchers and discover scientifically proven strategies to help you manage perfectionistic standards.

So we're going to understand the types of perfectionism with scientifically backed up coping strategies.

So if you ever found yourself feeling like nothing you can do is good enough,

Or you struggled with holding yourself or others to impossibly high standards,

This is the perfect place to start.

My name is Yvette,

I'm a coach,

I'm a meditation teacher here on InsightTimer and I am going to tell you about the three types of perfectionism.

So I am going to talk about understanding perfectionism.

What is really perfectionism?

Perfectionism isn't simply like the drive to do your best.

According to Flatten-Hewitt in 2022,

Perfectionism involves excessively high standards,

Which is often with a lot of overly critical self-evaluations.

So this can result in stress,

Procrastination and even burnout.

And they have made three types,

Three distinctions of perfectionism.

One,

The self-oriented perfectionist.

So this is when you have these unrealistic high standards,

High expectations on yourself.

While this type can sometimes fuel achievements,

It can also lead to feelings of failure,

Self-doubt,

If your goals are not being met.

So the first one is the self-oriented perfectionist.

The second one is the other-oriented perfectionist.

So this happens when you hold others to very high standards.

This can lead to strange relationships,

Frustration with those around you,

Because they are not meeting your standards.

So the second one is the other-oriented perfectionist.

The third one is the socially prescribed perfectionist.

So this type is driven by the beliefs that others expect you to be perfect.

It often causes anxiety and fear of disappointing others.

So the third one is socially prescribed perfectionism.

And understanding these categories,

These types,

Is a critical first step to raise awareness and learn how to manage your perfectionism in an effective way.

And I want to do an exercise with that,

To find out what type of perfectionist you are,

If you are a mix,

Depending on the situation.

So please take a seat in a very comfortable position,

As long as you don't fall asleep,

Where both of your feet are touching the floor.

And make sure your hands are open in your lap.

You can close your eyes and just take a couple of deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

The point is that your out-breath is longer than your in-breath.

I,

For example,

Count from four inhales to six seconds out-heels.

So you can join me by breathing in.

Hold and breathe out through the mouth.

Deep breath in.

Hold it and breathe out through the mouth.

Another deep breath in through the nose.

Hold it and out through the mouth.

Return to your natural breath.

And I will give you a couple of statements and ask you a couple of questions.

And in your mind,

See if you can agree or disagree with this type of perfectionist.

So for one,

The self-oriented perfectionist,

Do you focus on personal high standards?

And do you suffer from internal self criticism?

Do you set very,

Very high standards and expectations of yourself?

Do you feel like your efforts are never good enough,

Even if others praise your work?

Are you highly motivated by personal goals,

But often end up feeling disappointed in yourself if they aren't perfect?

If you answered mostly yes,

You might lean towards being a self-oriented perfectionist.

Now for the other oriented perfectionist,

Do you have high expectations of others and are you often critical of their shortcomings?

Do you find yourself frequently disappointed in others because they don't meet your standards?

Are you quick to judge people for not being as detail-oriented or committed as you are?

Do you struggle with delegating tasks because you think others won't do them as well as you would?

If this sounds like you,

You might be more lean to the other oriented perfectionist.

Excuse me for the background noise.

If you're socially prescribed perfectionist,

Do you feel intense pressure to meet expectations you believe others have for them?

Do you feel you must always prove yourself to gain approval or avoid criticism?

Are you highly sensitive to what other people think of you?

Do you feel a constant pressure to achieve because you believe others will reject you if you fail?

If most of your answers were yes,

You might tend to lean to being a socially prescribed perfectionist.

And I have a couple of questions to check if you are a mix.

Since you might be a mix,

Do you hold high standards to yourself?

But do you also feel a lot of pressure to meet expectations from others?

Are you both critical of yourself and frustrated when others don't meet your standards?

Do you sometimes feel stressed from both internal and external pressures to be perfect?

Okay,

Those were the questions.

If you had a lot of yes for the last bit,

You might be a mix of all three.

So let's take a deep breath in and release that with a loud out sigh.

Let's do one more.

Deep breath in and release.

You can open your eyes again,

Slowly come back.

Now,

The perfectionistic type depends on even on situations,

Whether it's if you are with your family or in the workplace.

For example,

I know I'm a mixture.

I know I am self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionist when I work with my clients who are,

For example,

Writing their thesis or dissertation.

You know,

I have to achieve,

I have to help them,

I have to give them the best advice,

Otherwise they will think I fail them.

And in my relationship,

For example,

I think my partner should be the best and that could be an example.

Luckily,

I'm quite aware of my perfectionistic tendencies and I need to keep an eye out.

Now,

If you're interested to learn more about what types there are,

There is a bigger self assessment.

There are,

For example,

Validated psychological skills,

For example,

The multidimensional perfectionism skills by Hewitt and Flett in 1991,

That can help you to determine what type of perfectionist you are most.

I based my presentation on this.

You can also get more clarity,

Of course,

When you talk to a professional,

A therapist can help you understand some of these traits and how they manifest in your life and whether or not one type dominates or if you're a blend of perfectionistic types.

And understanding your type is the first step forward,

Because now you can learn how to cope with perfectionism and making meaningful changes in your life and also in your goals and in your relationships.

So do you think if any of these types resonate with you?

Research has shown that perfectionism is often rooted in a combination of genetics,

Psychological and environmental factors.

So,

For example,

Studies suggest that societal pressures,

Childhood experiences and personality traits all play a role in shaping perfectionistic tendencies.

In some cases,

Lindbergh and colleagues found in 2017,

That perfectionism can be linked to mental health issues like anxiety,

Depression,

Obsessive compulsive disorder.

So we need to take this seriously.

But the good news is that while perfectionism can feel overwhelming,

It is something you can learn to manage with the right tools.

So now that you know of the types of perfectionist,

Let's dive into what will help.

So like I shared before,

Awareness,

That's tip number one.

My perfectionism is targeted at myself,

So I know I'm a self-oriented perfectionist.

But I also think of others,

Other oriented perfectionist and how others think of me,

Socially prescribed perfectionist.

And I need to be aware of that.

So what will help me?

Two is to challenge unrealistic standards.

Research suggests that questioning your internal dialogue can help.

So sometimes ask yourself,

Is this realistic?

Or would I expect this from someone I care about?

So if you're a self-oriented perfectionist,

Would I expect the same from someone I care about?

That's a good question.

If you turn it around,

So for example,

If you are an other oriented perfectionist,

You turn that question around.

Do you get where I'm going?

It's important to ask those internal questions and set realistic standards.

And this technique is actually grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy,

CBT,

And it can reduce critical thinking.

So my advice is to also get an accountability partner.

Because often,

In my case,

I at some point didn't know what was healthy anymore or what was realistic.

So I needed a accountability partner,

A trusted friend,

Or a professional where I can run my standards with.

And then another tip is to practice self-compassion.

Especially helpful for the self-oriented and the socially prescribed perfectionist.

For example,

Kirsten Neff's research in 2003 on self-compassion highlights that the importance of being kind to yourself will help with that.

Now instead of focusing on failures,

Try saying,

Everyone makes mistakes,

I'm learning,

I'm growing.

And for the other oriented perfectionist,

Compassion practices with forgiveness practices are helpful.

Now I also read about setting realistic or smart goals.

I'm not a big fan of smart goals,

Because sometimes people really have difficulties making them.

But if you are,

For example,

A socially prescribed perfectionist,

Break larger tasks into smaller,

More achievable tasks,

So that it can reduce overwhelm and it can help you stay motivated and check off milestones.

But for those who want to use smart,

So specific,

Measurable,

Achievable,

Relevant,

And time-bound,

Instead of saying I need to be the best at my work,

You can make a goal like I complete my project by Friday with enough effort to feel proud of my work.

That is something what you can do with the smart goals.

Now we're all here on Insight Timer and the next tip will be of course brilliant,

Is to practice mindfulness.

And this is for all three types beneficial.

So Kang and colleagues in 2011 found that mindfulness can help reduce perfectionistic tendencies by grounding yourself in the present moment.

Even a simple five-minute breathing exercise can help you feel less overwhelmed.

For the other oriented perfectionists,

I have a tip.

Try to seek feedback and delegate.

So practice by giving others room to contribute.

People might surprise you.

Focus on collaborative efforts rather than controlling every detail.

Now this sounds,

This is a very easy step,

But in practice it might be very difficult.

So start small,

But also tell yourself other people might surprise me.

And I,

For example,

I work with students who are writing their dissertation and I have to trust in them.

I have to trust in future generations that they are responsible,

They can take care of their own.

And a final tip is therapeutic support.

You already heard me talk about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,

CBT,

That can help you uncover underlying causes and develop strategies tailored to your needs.

But there is also Acceptance and Commitment Therapy,

ACT,

That can help you guide through building healthier habits.

So yeah,

In summary,

Perfectionism comes in many forms.

Each has their own challenge,

But by understanding its roots and knowing what type you are,

And applying research-based strategies like reframing your thoughts,

Practicing self-compassion,

Setting realistic goals,

You can manage your perfectionism and live a more balanced life.

And it's okay to aim high,

But perfect shouldn't be the goal.

Progress is,

And I hate it,

It's such a thing to say,

Progress rather than perfectionism,

But it is so true.

So thank you for listening,

Thank you for taking the first step and freeing yourself from the weight of perfectionism.

Reviews

Deep insights explained in a relatable, understandable way. Thank you for this spicy food for thought! 🙏🏼❤️ CJ

Thank you 🙏🏼 🙏🏼