Hi unique learners and welcome to Root to Rise,
An introduction to understanding and healing family systems.
My name is Yvette,
I am a researcher,
I am a teacher and I am also a student in Family Constellations.
And I am really grateful to have you here as I open up this space to practice,
To share what I am learning and I invite you to explore alongside with me.
And since I am a researcher,
I usually provide evidence based tips,
You might hear me say some authors names.
But I want to be clear on Family Constellations,
Whilst there is limited research into family constellation therapy,
It does have some support from several well thought out studies.
Cohen and colleagues found this in 2019.
And what are,
Or what is,
Family Constellations?
It's a therapeutic approach developed by Bert Hellinger that explores how hidden family dynamics like unspoken rules,
Generational trauma and unconscious loyalties can shape our present behavior,
Relationships and even health.
We often carry emotional burdens or beliefs that don't belong to us.
These can come from parents,
Grandparents and even earlier ancestors.
But once we see them,
We can release them.
It is a healing process that makes unconscious dynamics of a family system visible by using the embodied experiences of each member to understand what is out of balance and what is needed to restore harmony.
Longo Loxbyser in 2018 found this.
And what are the benefits?
Many practitioners are now recognizing the benefits of using constellation therapy with clients to work through family trauma and conflict.
Several authors,
And excuse me if I pronounce the names wrong,
Cohen in 2019 again,
Kontelytege in 2021,
Stiefel and colleagues in 2002 and Blackburn in 2023,
Found that the benefits of family constellation are powerful emotional releases,
Cognitive insights into toxic behavioral patterns,
Positive behavioral change,
Healthier communication and relationships,
Creating space for processing past events,
Improving understanding of how families impact personal decision making,
And a better understanding of the dynamics between different family members.
And Blackburn in 2023 added that it can be helpful for people who are experiencing depression,
Overcoming addictions,
Experiencing anxiety and wishing to heal from trauma,
Trying to overcome grief and managing phobias.
And I would like to say that I totally agree with these benefits because I have done constellation therapy myself and it has really helped me.
How do family constellations look like?
Well,
You can work one on one with a constellation therapist,
So that's what I'm studying for.
You can also work with real people or with pawns or with anchors.
With real people,
The client asks individuals from a group to stand in for their family members.
And they will ask someone,
For example,
To represent their father,
Represent their mother.
And then the constellation therapist will ask the client if they could describe if they are feeling hot,
Cold,
Comfortable or uncomfortable.
And the client can reposition these family members,
Considering where they face or how they stand in relation to other family members.
And Stiefel and colleagues in 2002 wrote a lot about this,
That it can take several feedback cycles and multiple repositioning layouts before successful resolution is achieved.
What then happens is that you arrange,
Quote unquote,
Family members to ease the tension.
The client then replaces their stand-in and allows themselves to be affected by the experience.
And it may be accompanied by having a ritual or repeating a sentence,
For example,
Hey father I forgive you,
Or mother I see you,
Or I see what's happening in this situation.
And the benefit is you are working in a setting where you are really acknowledging things,
Seeing things,
But in a safer place because people are representing your family.
So for example,
If you felt unsafe,
You can now do this with other people,
They will pick up their energy.
And in recent years,
It has changed from group settings with people to more individual therapy,
For example,
With the pawns or with anchors,
Where you work with pieces of paper.
I've also done this and this is really helpful.
Talking about my experience,
I've done all three versions with real people,
With pawns or with anchors,
And I think working with actual people and asking them to represent family members is so powerful.
So in this situation,
I asked someone to represent my sister,
My father,
My mother,
And these people really never met my family.
And we recreated a family dinner.
So I positioned everyone at the dining table and we recreated a scene from my childhood where I felt really unsafe.
And it has helped me to see and understand what was going on in order for me to release it,
Because I always felt like the peacemaker.
So I was acting out that I was the peacemaker around my parents so that they wouldn't fight.
I wanted to keep the peace between my sisters from fighting or upsetting my mom even more.
And I learned by doing this scene that I was actually taking on a big burden for my father.
And I could give the burden back to him by restating healing statements to the person that was standing in as my father.
And when I did this,
A burden dropped from my shoulder.
I could see and feel that I wasn't responsible as a child for my family.
They were adults,
Most of them.
And now I'm able to release,
I've been able to release it.
I can take care of my own little family.
Now I've also been a quote-unquote represent for someone else being a client having a question.
I was actually their father.
And it was so strange.
I felt like that father.
I looked a certain way to that client.
I said certain things to her,
Which she later on told me was exactly what her father told her.
That I could embrace that energy.
But it was really helpful for her as well.
So if you're still listening and thinking,
Okay Yvette,
This is quite fake,
Let me give you a short example,
But I also want to bring out a little bit of theory because you might have heard me talk about the peacemaker.
The peacemaker tries to resolve conflicts and maintain harmony,
Often absorbing the negative emotions of others.
I don't know if you can relate to that role.
Often we see that families have a scapegoat.
The scapegoat is blamed for family problems and acts as a diversion from the real issue.
You can also have a caretaker or an enabler that focuses on the needs of others,
Often at the expense of their own.
So I just wanted to give you a little bit of background information about the caretaker,
The scapegoat and the peacemaker.
And can you relate to any of these roles?
Now back to the short examples,
Let's say we have Leo.
Leo is battling with self-esteem issues,
Has a profound sense of guilt,
Without any apparent reason.
And he did a family constellation and it revealed that Leo was carrying survivor's guilt for a twin brother who had died shortly after their birth.
And this was something that was never openly talked about in their family.
So when Leo acknowledged this hidden grief,
This felt of guilt,
He was able to separate his identity from his lost twin.
And this resulted in a real big improvement in his self-perception and capacity for self-love.
So what we see when we place these pawns or these family members or these anchors,
We really have to acknowledge everyone,
Even if you don't want to,
We have to acknowledge everyone in your family.
People who have died,
Abortion,
Miscarriages,
Ex-wives,
They're all part of your system.
And perhaps the following example will make things even more clear.
You have a woman named Petra and Petra is in her late 30s,
She has a strained relationship with her mother and during her session she actually discovered a generational trauma,
Tracing back to her grandmother who abandoned her mother at a young age.
And Petra found out that she now understands her mother better with her struggles and inability to express love in a traditional manner.
And Petra acknowledged this ancestral pain,
Her resentment dissolves and she suddenly could have a more compassionate relationship with her mother.
Now unfortunately I cannot hear or see you or visualize how you are going to react,
So I've made some self-reflection questions for you in a very light manner if you're interested in doing this work.
And if you are up for it,
You can sit with a straight spine,
Close your eyes and take a grounding breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.
And think about your family system,
Think of your parents,
Any siblings,
Alive or not alive,
Grandparents,
Anyone who had a big presence in your upbringing and see them all standing behind you.
And focus on yourself for a moment and ask yourself,
What role did I play in my family?
Was I a caretaker,
A scapegoat,
A peacemaker?
Maybe there was another role I chose or I inherited?
And I will give you a little bit more time for the next one.
Are there any unspoken rules I followed,
For example,
In our family?
Did you talk about feelings or,
Hey,
We don't talk about feelings?
Or was there this rule of,
You have to be strong,
Don't complain?
And I want you to acknowledge that,
Give yourself a hug,
Thank yourself for investing in you,
Take a deep breath in and then release that throughout the mouth.
Congratulations,
You have just started family constellation work.
And you can open your eyes,
Pause this recording if you need to,
Because for the following prompts,
You might want to write it down on paper,
You want to share it with someone,
Or just listen.
And ask yourself,
What is one belief or behavior you might be carrying that doesn't fully feel like it's yours?
And can you identify where or who it might have come from?
And if you could give it back with love,
What space might open up for you?
And remember,
You might want to write this one down.
A helpful statement is to stay,
Say out loud,
I honor what you carried.
I see how it shaped me,
But I choose now to carry only what is mine.
I honor what you carried.
I see how it shaped me,
But I choose now to carry only what is mine.
And take another deep breath in and release that.
Thank you so much for showing up with a curious heart.
This work really takes courage.
And if anything happened today,
If emotions or thoughts or memories have surfaced,
Please take time to,
For example,
Journal or walk or rest.
We call this the integration time,
And this is part of healing.
Now,
If you're interested to learn more,
You can follow me on Insight Timer,
Or join me in one of my live events.
And let me know in the feedback or send me a message on Insight Timer if you are interested to learn more about family constellations.
Be well,
And may your roots be strong as you arise.
