Emotion Coaching And Regulation

This track was recorded during one of the "emotion coaching and regulation" live practices. We talk about having 'big' emotions, dealing and regulating emotions and where emotional disregulation might stem from. We will do an emotional check in with multiple emotional regulation tools in place.

Transcript

So we are going to do a brief grounding meditation with some breathing exercises and then listen to parenting styles to raise awareness where our struggles perhaps with emotional regulations stem from.

Where you can take a deep breath in through the nose and then hold it for a couple of seconds and release it through pursed lips.

But make sure that your out breath is longer than your inhale.

So you can breathe in through the nose,

Hold it and breathe out through pursed lips.

You might want to close your eyes for the next one and breathe in,

Hold it and release.

Another deep breath in through the nose,

Hold it and slowly out through the mouth.

And just return to your natural breath and let's dive into our bodies.

You might want to get even more comfortable and make sure you sit straight and make sure you feel your feet touching the floor.

Can you feel the earth beneath your feet and make a connection with it.

You might want to rub your feet over the floor or visualize the earth beneath your feet.

And I'm going to ask you to take another deep breath in through the nose,

Hold it again and this time make sure you have a loud out sigh and drop your shoulders when you release air from your lungs.

So you can take a deep breath in,

Hold it a little bit longer,

Shoulders up and release.

Can you do that one more time?

Deep breath in,

Hold it,

Shoulders up and release.

And when I talk about the following parenting styles,

Can you relate to them?

Does your body resonate?

John and Julie Goldman,

They set out four parenting styles.

And the first one is the dismissing parent.

They disengage,

They ridicule,

They curb all negative emotions.

And when the child tells them I am sad,

They might actually tell a joke to distract the child.

To avoid feeling out of control,

They will use distraction to avoid dealing with the actual problem.

Or perhaps they might just use time and not respond.

Quotes that dismissive parents might use are things like,

Don't worry,

Be happy.

That is silly.

You worry too much.

Eventually the child might feel that something is wrong with them.

That it is inappropriate and they cannot regulate their emotions that well.

The second one is the disapproving parent.

They do not acknowledge or value the child's feelings.

They are negative,

Judgmental and critical.

And the disapproving parent,

They might be even controlling,

Manipulative,

Authoritative.

Quotes which might sound familiar to you might be,

Stop crying or I show you something to cry about.

Or you have nothing to be sad about.

I'll show you sad.

And parents who are disapproving,

They rather focus on disciplining their child than actually emotional expression.

Perhaps they punish you for certain feelings or the child in this case.

And you might become fearful for expressing emotions.

As a result the child or perhaps you might withdraw emotionally and shut down.

The laissez-faire parent,

They are endlessly permissive.

They offer no guidance.

There is no problem solving,

No understanding of emotions.

And when a child communicates to this type of parent,

For example again I'm sad,

The laissez-faire parent will allow them to be sad.

But they might also allow tantrums,

Yelling,

Aggression.

And there are a few to no limit set for this behavior.

So perhaps you can also resonate with this one.

And the fourth one is the emotion coach.

This type of parent is aware of their child's emotion and recognizes emotional expression as an opportunity for teaching and connection.

And the response to a child who says hey I'm sad will actually include reflections of feelings.

And perhaps they might say something like oh I'm sorry you are feeling sad about this and this situation.

And they validate the emotion and they express that it's okay.

So it might sound something like it's okay to feel sad but you know it's not okay to throw tantrums.

That's different from the previous parenting styles.

And they offer opportunity or a solution like would you like to do this and this instead which isn't a distraction.

So I talked about the four styles dismissing,

Disapproving,

Laissez-faire and an emotion coach.

And I asked you can you relate to this?

Were you brought up like this by your parents?

Or a caregiver?

And more importantly do you still do this with your own emotions?

So what will help you now with regulating your emotions?

And we already started.

The first one is grounding and creating a space.

You are now investing time in you.

And then notice what you feel.

So let's go through this.

What emotions are you experiencing right now?

Let's dive into your body.

We're not going into the story of why you're feeling that.

I'm asking you do you feel anger,

Happiness,

Sadness or fear or a mixture?

And the trick is to stay with the emotion,

To allow it,

To accept it.

And you can do this by not going into the story but by just saying I feel anxiety and that's okay.

Out loud.

And what I usually do is trace it with my hand where I feel it in my body.

For example I feel anxiety around my stomach and that's okay.

And give it a number from one to ten.

I feel anxiety and it's an eight.

I feel love and it's a ten.

Are there other physical symptoms you feel?

For example tiredness,

Hunger?

And make a mental note or actually make a note out of it.

Because the more you practice you will learn that certain cues might also be in contact with your emotions.

What else can help with accepting the emotion is compassion.

Can you say it again?

I feel anxiety but that's okay.

What you can do is give yourself a hug or place your hands on your heart,

Whatever you prefer.

And let's have some positive self-talk about this emotion or these emotions.

More people struggle with the emotional regulation and that's okay.

You are here in investing time in yourself.

You are doing an emotional check-in.

You are learning.

You're labeling your emotions,

Your physical cues.

And you are not alone.

There are 72 other meditators here with you.

You try to do your best.

Can you say the following affirmations out loud with me?

I am doing my best.

I am perfectly imperfect.

I'm allowed to feel emotions.

I am working on regulating my emotions.

I can have compassion to myself,

Towards myself.

Take a deep breath in and let that go.

And now my question is with the emotions in mind how are you going to respond?

In a healthy way how can you respond to your emotions?

So not distracting,

Not dissociating.

What is something you can do?

Can you emotionally coach yourself and come up with a good solution?

A healthy adult solution.

We are now responsible for ourselves and I'm very grateful that you are here doing that.

Is there something else you're grateful for today?

Can you see yourself practicing this more often,

Feeling confident in regulating your emotions and more compassionate towards yourself?

Can you breathe that in?

And I have a final question for you before we end.

How are you feeling right now?

Because sometimes emotions also change.

It's okay if it doesn't.

It's okay if it does.

You can take a deep breath in and release it again.

Reviews

Wonderful meditation. I well paced. Authentic. Thank you 🙏

I originally practiced this live with Yvette. It was powerful then and it was just as powerful now practicing with the recording. Both times I was brought to tears, which brought insight and allowed a greater sense of compassion towards myself. I still have a way to go in regulating my emotions but the tools in this recording give me hope that I can do it. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, kindness and wisdom 🙏💓

Thank you so much for this. When telling myself 'i feel anxiety and that is okay' Immediately started crying and felt relief.

My goodness this saved my emotional state. Thank you beautiful soul🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍