Creating A Genogram With Care & Curiosity

Recorder 2/1/2026
In this event, you’ll be introduced to the basics of creating a genogram. A simple visual map of your family relationships, patterns, and history. We’ll explore what information is most helpful to include and how genograms can bring awareness to repeating themes across generations. You’ll also receive guidance on thoughtful, respectful questions to ask family members who are still alive, helping you gather stories while honoring boundaries. This session is designed for beginners and does not require any prior experience. It’s ideal for anyone curious about their family story and looking for a grounded, compassionate way to understand it more deeply.

Transcript

Hello unique learners!

The next recording will be about mapping your family story,

Creating a genogram with care and curiosity.

Please note that I live recorded this on the 2nd of January in 2026 and it might include some background noise and references to making donations and a gratitude and a chat box.

Know that this is not possible because you are now listening back to the track.

But I do hope you enjoy it and you can learn more about creating your own genogram.

So my name is Yvette,

I am a student of Family Constellations and I'm going to talk today about creating your genogram.

And we all have a family story.

There might be some patterns we know and some patterns we don't know.

There might be unanswered questions about your heritage.

But for today you are in charge of how deep we go.

Take what's useful from this session and leave what isn't.

And if anything feels emotionally activating today,

You know you're invited to pause,

Take a deep breath or step away.

This is about awareness,

Not pressure.

And what is a genogram?

I don't like to use the term a family tree,

Because it's more than that.

It's a visual map of your family system.

It looks a bit like a family tree though,

But it goes deeper.

Instead of just showing who's related to who or pictures,

It shows patterns,

Relationships,

Life events across generations.

So it can show family structures,

Of course,

Who are your parents,

Who are your siblings,

Marriages,

Divorces.

It can also show,

And this is why it goes beyond the family tree,

Significant events like losses,

Migration,

Illness,

And relationship dynamics.

So if someone is close or distant,

Or conflicted even,

And repeating patterns like roles,

Behaviors,

Beliefs,

And themes.

So think of a genogram as you're zooming out,

And you can see the context your life grew from.

And I have an example.

So for those listening,

You cannot see,

But I'm showing my genogram.

And you might also see the Canadian flag,

For example,

And the Swedish flag,

And a UK flag.

And that's because I used to live there.

For me,

It's very important that I added those flags in my family,

Sorry,

Genogram.

Because there's a lot of migrating in my family,

And it's part of me,

And I find this important.

I was able to go eight generations back.

I even have a picture of them.

But I haven't gone online looking further.

I still have to do that.

And you can also see in my genogram,

For example,

That I'm married.

You can also make a sign for that.

Those are all symbols.

So you will have a line with two crosses,

For example.

But you can also see that I'm not in contact with all family members.

So there's a big line there,

Missing.

There's a cross.

And that's another symbol that we're not in contact.

Again,

This is for you,

So that you will know,

Perhaps if you look a generation before,

Hey,

Same thing is happening,

Or a generation before that.

Or in my example with the Canadian flag,

Hey,

I wasn't the only one moving to Canada.

My grandparents did,

And my great,

Great,

Great parents were also people who love to migrate.

So what is not a genogram?

It's not about blame.

It's not about diagnosing anyone.

It's about,

It's not,

Sorry,

It's not about getting the full truth.

It's a working map based on what you know right now.

So back to why use a genogram.

And perhaps you hear some fireworks,

Because yes,

I live in the fireworks here.

So apologies for that.

So why would you use a genogram?

When we map a family pattern visually,

We often see things,

Notice things we didn't before.

For example,

You can see repeating relationship patterns.

Maybe in your genogram,

There's a lot divorce on that side.

Or you can see shared coping strategies,

Unspoken rules or values even,

Cycles of caretaking,

Silence or resilience.

And I know that awareness doesn't change the past,

But it does change how we relate to it.

And I will give you an example.

I've also worked with my classmates in my study to make a genogram.

And with one person,

We noticed,

At least I noticed when I was interviewing him,

That there were a lot of patterns of four sons.

It was so funny.

You saw it.

He came from four.

He had three siblings,

Men.

Before that were also four sons.

And before that also all the family had four sons,

Right?

And this was very tragic,

Because either the wives divorced on an early age,

They left,

Or the wives died at an early age.

And you saw that.

It was a pattern that kept repeating itself.

Now,

Can I tell him what he should do with that?

No.

But this was something that gave him ease,

Right?

And on his side,

On the father line,

There was a family business.

So of course,

All those four generations of men,

They were too busy with the family business.

And it kept repeating himself.

And he was just done with feeling that responsibility of that business.

So do you now see or hear that knowing these patterns can perhaps bring a shift within you?

It doesn't have to be,

For example,

Back to my case again with the migrating.

I love that about me.

And I love knowing that about my family.

So what is information for you that is now helpful to include in your genogram?

So I encourage you to start simple.

Names and roles.

Start with who are your siblings,

Your parents,

With their birth years,

Birth years,

And if that's the case,

The year of death.

Make a line if people are married or if there are separations or remarriages again.

That's also important.

I've done that with mine as well.

There wasn't really like a pattern in my genogram with marriages,

But could be interesting.

And then children.

This is a very interesting one as well,

Family constellations.

Also try to include if there were miscarriages or adoptions.

I know in my family,

In my line,

Luckily I've never ever had a miscarriage.

My mother didn't as well,

But of course the generations before,

They did.

So I have a couple of,

I don't think I can show you,

I have a couple of small ones.

And I,

Sorry for the noise.

You see this?

The red,

They're small.

So you use a square for male and a circle for a female.

And those were miscarriages.

Because it's always important in your family constellation to acknowledge everyone,

To include everyone,

Even those.

And I say that because in that time,

In the 50s and beginning of the 60s,

They didn't talk about miscarriages,

Right?

And so it became a family secret.

And it became trauma.

So that might be something to include.

And that's why I keep sharing what you need to include.

So,

Of course,

Names and roles,

Birth years,

Deaths,

Marriages,

Separation,

Children,

Miscarriages,

Adoptions,

Because there could be more happening there.

Now,

Perhaps,

And when I say the following one,

They might be useful for your family as well.

You know that in your gut feeling when I tell you,

Are there any significant illnesses?

This could be physical or mental.

Are there addictions or recovery?

Again,

In my genogram,

Addiction is a big one.

So I made small notes besides the squares and the circles.

Or immigration or relocation.

Again,

This was a big theme in my genogram,

Perhaps in yours as well.

Now,

Not everything is a sign,

But you will know,

The more you grow,

What is important.

There could also be other major disruptions or turning points,

Like,

Especially here,

World War II with our grandparents,

Other war things happening,

Or relationship quality,

Like people are not in contact.

So what are questions we can use?

What are example patterns also to look for?

And we're going to look at them with a curiosity again,

Not conclusions.

So example one,

Relationship patterns.

You might find multiple divorces,

Long marriages,

Patterns of emotional distance.

So what are some reflective questions that you can ask your family members,

Living family members?

What seemed expected of partners in my family?

So when I asked,

For example,

My mom,

What seemed expected of partners in my family was that women don't study,

Women take care of children.

Hence why me and my sister both have PhDs.

So,

Next question.

I'm just going to name them and you can think about them,

Take a note out of it,

Do whatever you want,

But I am going quickly through the questions.

How were conflicts handled or avoided?

And what did love look like growing up?

So how were conflicts handled or avoided?

And what did love look like growing up?

Now for the roles in the family,

Some families have repeated roles.

The one is a caretaker,

The other one is the peacemaker,

The other one is a rebel or the achiever.

And some reflective questions might be,

Who took responsibility early?

Who took responsibility early?

Who was protected or overlooked?

Who was protected or overlooked?

And ask yourself,

Which role do I recognize in myself?

And this now brings us to the pit again,

Back to silence and secrets.

Sometimes what's missing from your genogram or what you know is just as important as what you see.

So,

Some reflective questions might be,

You're afraid to ask,

What topics fell off limits?

Think again,

Were we allowed to discuss miscarriages?

Were we allowed to discuss my addictive aunt who we don't speak about?

What questions were discouraged?

And what stories feel incomplete?

You don't need to answer today,

Just notice what stands out.

So when we're going to talk about this with family members,

The goal is connection and understanding,

Not interrogation.

But also note down your own expectations,

I thought my parents would actually like discussing this because I would show an interest in them.

For example,

The opposite turned out to be true and they just didn't know all the answers anymore,

But they're also becoming very old.

But please do it as soon as possible if you want,

Because you never know what information might be lost.

So some guidelines that might help you to prevent a situation like this,

Is to ask permission for asking personal questions and use curiosity,

Not correction.

And do accept,

I don't want to talk about that as a complete answer sometimes.

And remember,

Their story might be different from yours.

And also know that sometimes when you start asking these questions,

Maybe you will get a firm no,

Or I don't know,

But later people might come back to you.

And that has what happened to me.

I also asked some family members who just ignored me.

Okay,

Fine,

Tell us something more about you than about me.

And other people just needed a minute and were like,

No,

I found this and I know that.

And for example,

My parents.

And respectful questions can also be like warm-up questions.

Like,

Hey,

What were some big changes you lived through?

Or what was your childhood like?

What do you remember about your parents' relationship?

What values were important in your home?

And are these stories you wish had been talked about before?

Or more?

That's a big one.

Are there stories you wish had been talked about more?

With the background noise,

I will repeat it again.

Your homework assignment,

If you like,

Is to map your own genogram with three generations,

Include what you know,

And circle or star or make notes anything you're curious about.

And ask yourself,

What surprised me?

What patterns do I notice?

And what questions emerged?

After that,

You can have gentle conversations,

Where you choose one person and ask one,

Two,

Three open-ended questions.

I wouldn't go immediately too deep if that doesn't feel okay.

If it does,

Please do.

But I would focus on listening and not filling gaps.

So you can ask that person the questions I have just shared,

Or just ask,

Hey,

Can you help me with these three generations?

And then,

Of course,

Try to ask multiple people afterwards.

Look for themes,

Look for strengths also.

Don't look for the negative,

Also look for strengths.

And what feels unfinished or is still alive in me?

And that's a big one.

So to end things for today,

A genogram isn't something you will finish in your lifetime,

Probably.

It's something you return to.

It's something you will learn from,

Story shift,

And your understanding deepens.

You don't need the whole story to begin.

Curiosity is enough and care is enough.

So thank you for being here.

And thank you for investing time in your story.