Hi,
I'm Dr.
Kim.
Today I want to share something that may be perceived as controversial.
It's about healing from trauma and why,
For many of us,
Working with the nervous system first can be more effective than diving straight into talk therapy.
I also want to be clear,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with talk therapy.
It can be transformative and I've had many friends and clients sing its praises.
However,
My own experience was very different.
Rewind to 13 years ago.
I was in my third year of university,
Suffering from chronic insomnia caused by stress.
I hadn't slept through the night in months and it got to the point where I would cry every evening,
Screaming at the universe to please let me sleep.
I had tried everything I could think of back then,
Drugs,
Intense exercise,
Teas,
Supplements,
Yoga,
But nothing was working.
Finally,
I decided to book a session with the university counsellor,
Hoping he might have some advice.
He was a young man and I remember sitting across from him in a tiny room under harsh fluorescent lights.
We began talking,
And of course,
He asked about my childhood.
I was already extremely uncomfortable discussing my past,
And as soon as he asked,
I felt panic rise in my chest.
I tried to stuff it down and answer calmly,
And he probed further.
He asked,
Did anything happen regarding your sleep?
So direct,
Straight to the point.
I stammered out that yes,
My grandmother had threatened to kill me if I wasn't asleep when she checked on me.
My throat closed up and panic swirled through my chest,
Throat,
And head.
He pressed further for more details,
And I remember describing in full the threats she made,
Down to the weapons she said she would use on me.
By this point,
I was shaking,
My heart racing,
My eyes too frozen to even cry.
This is the root cause,
He exclaimed,
Clearly excited.
After that,
I remember nothing of the session.
My brain blocked it all out.
Needless to say,
My sleep did not improve.
That session itself became a trauma,
A memory that stuck with me for 13 years,
And I never ever sought talk therapy ever again.
Fast forward to today,
And I sleep well.
I feel calm most of the time,
And I achieved this not through talk therapy,
But by regulating my nervous system first,
Helping my body feel safe,
Before addressing the deeper layers of trauma.
There was a point in my life where I could not mention my past without having a panic attack.
But now,
As you can hear,
I can calmly and clearly share details with you.
Because I have rewired my nervous system,
I feel no anxiety or panic at all.
Let me explain further.
Why the nervous system matters.
Trauma doesn't just live in our minds,
It lives in our bodies.
When we experience something overwhelming,
Our nervous systems can get stuck in survival states like fight,
Flight,
Freeze,
Or fawn.
This dysregulation shows up as anxiety,
Tension,
Insomnia,
Hypervigilance,
Digestive issues,
Or a general sense of being on edge,
And many more.
In this state,
Our bodies are always constantly scanning for danger.
Trying to talk about trauma from this place can be completely overwhelming,
Even retraumatizing,
Because the nervous system isn't yet ready to feel safe.
Science backs this up.
Trauma changes the way our brain and body communicates.
The amygdala,
The brain's alarm center,
Can become overactive.
The prefrontal cortex,
The part that helps us think clearly and self-regulate,
Can go offline under stress.
And the vagus nerve,
Which calms our body's fight or flight response,
May not function optimally.
This means that even in a safe therapy room,
The body can feel unsafe.
And when the body feels unsafe,
Our ability to process and integrate memories is impaired.
This is where somatic movements and nervous system regulation come in.
These are gentle,
Mindful practices that help release tension,
Increase vagal tone,
And bring the body back into a sense of safety.
When we move slowly,
Breathe deeply,
Or engage in grounding exercises,
We're sending powerful signals to the nervous system.
You're safe now.
You can relax.
Over time,
This resets the fight,
Flight,
And freeze responses,
So that our bodies no longer react as if the trauma is happening right now.
This could look like simple guided movements,
Shaking practices,
Qigong,
Self-massage techniques,
Or slow rhythmic breathing.
My personal favorite?
Somatic movement.
This is what I live and breathe.
By regulating the body first,
We give our minds a stable foundation to process traumatic experiences.
When the nervous system feels safe,
Talk therapy or any form of cognitive processing becomes far more effective and less overwhelming.
Once the nervous system is regulated,
Talk therapy can finally land.
You can access memories,
Emotions,
And insights from the past without feeling triggered or shut down.
It's like tending to the soil before planting seeds.
The work goes much deeper and growth happens much faster.
I always tell my clients there is nothing wrong with therapy,
But if it hasn't worked for you in the past,
It may be because your nervous system needed some love first.
Today,
I can calmly talk about my past with zero stress or anxiety because I did the work to regulate my nervous system first before trying to process the trauma.
And you can do the same.
If you'd like support with this,
I have some courses and guided practices here on Insight Timer specifically designed to help you regulate your nervous system and feel safe in your body.
These tools can help you release tension,
Heal pain,
Restore calm,
And prepare you for deeper healing work,
Whether that's therapy or simply doing your own shadow work.
Thank you so much for listening today.
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences with talk therapy in your review.
Please remember,
Healing isn't linear and there's nothing wrong with you if talk therapy hasn't worked yet.
Sometimes the first and most powerful step is helping your nervous system feel safe.
I hope you have a wonderful day or night.
See you tomorrow.
