Hi,
I'm Dr.
Kim.
Today I want to talk with you about a lesser-known nervous system state,
Fawn.
You may already be familiar with fight,
Flight and freeze but fawn is another protective response that often goes unseen even though it deeply affects our bodies,
Minds and relationships.
The fawn response happens when instead of fighting back,
Running away or shutting down,
Our nervous system learns to survive by appeasing,
Pleasing and accommodating others.
It's a survival strategy.
If I can keep you happy and meet your needs,
Maybe I'll be safe.
Some signs of fawn include saying yes when you mean no,
Losing touch with your own needs,
Feelings or desires,
Constantly scanning the environment to see how others are feeling,
A fear of conflict or disappointing people,
Over giving,
Over caretaking or putting yourself last.
While fawn doesn't always look as physical as fight or freeze,
The body does keep the score.
Many people in fawn live with tight jaws,
Shallow breathing,
Collapsed posture,
Fatigue or digestive tension because the body and energy is constantly bracing and bending around the needs of others.
This pattern is especially common in women.
Culturally and historically,
Many of us have been conditioned to be the peacekeepers,
The caretakers,
The good girls,
The ones who smooth things over.
For some,
It comes from family dynamics where love or safety depended on keeping others comfortable.
For others,
It's reinforced by workplaces and social expectations.
There's another layer here,
Our ancestors.
For centuries,
Women had to fawn to survive patriarchal systems.
Speaking up,
Saying no or standing fully in their power could mean punishment,
Exile,
Even death.
That survival wisdom to appease,
To stay small,
To keep others happy at the cost of themselves has been passed down through the nervous system as ancestral trauma.
We carry it in our bodies even if our conscious minds don't remember.
So when we fawn today,
It's not only our own history but also the echo of those who came before us.
The good news is the fawn response is not who you are.
It's a nervous system state and like all states it can shift.
Healing usually involves two layers,
Mindset and body.
On the mindset level,
Begin to notice where you abandon your own needs to please others.
Practice small,
Safe no's,
Even if it's just to yourself at first.
Remind yourself that your worth is not tied to being useful or agreeable.
On the body level,
Ground into your own presence with slow breath and somatic movement.
Relax your jaw,
Throat and chest.
These are areas that tighten when we silence ourselves.
Throat chakra meditations are particularly useful for this.
Practice movements that improve your posture,
That expand your spine and chest.
You are allowed to take up space.
Over time,
These practices teach your nervous system that it's safe to stay connected to yourself even when others may not approve.
The fawn response is not a flaw.
It's proof of your nervous system's incredible intelligence.
It kept you safe when you needed it most but especially in this day and age,
You don't have to live there anymore.
By softening the habit of over-pleasing,
You can step into a life of deeper authenticity,
Healthier boundaries and true connection.
When you do this,
You don't just heal for yourself,
You also heal for your ancestors and those who come after you.
You become the one who stops the cycle,
Who no longer has to shrink or silence themselves to survive.
You open a path of freedom for those who come after you.
Thank you for being with me today.
I invite you to notice just for the rest of today,
One moment when you can check in with yourself before automatically saying yes.
Note how it feels to honor your own needs,
Even in the smallest of ways.
If you are interested in learning more about the different states of the nervous system,
Please check out my full courses here on Insight Timer.
Thank you so much for listening.
I will see you tomorrow.
