Comparison Trap

In today's session with Yasmine Cheyenne, you'll be focusing on the trap of comparison and how comparing to others strips us from seeing our true selves. Comparing is a natural thing we all do. The problem is when we continuously compare ourselves in a negative way, it can affect our mental health and create a space of negative self-talk. We begin to question our own self-worth. This becomes a distraction. Instead of using our energy towards the things that we want to create in our lives, we get distracted by what someone else is doing. The intent of this session is to help you to stop comparing yourself and to refocus on who you really are, and what's true about you and your life.

Transcript

Welcome to day seven of establish a positive mindset.

A challenge here on insight timer crafted to help you break free from negative thought patterns,

Overcome self-limiting beliefs and embrace a mindset of abundance and possibility.

Let's jump into today's session.

Hey everyone.

I'm Yasmin Cheyenne and welcome to establishing a positive mindset,

A challenge on insight timer to help you let go of negative thoughts and replace them with a true sense of belief in yourself and the life you're creating for you.

Today we'll be talking about comparison and how comparing to others strips us from seeing our true selves.

When we learn to curve comparison as it shows up,

We create spaciousness for what we desire.

Before we get started on our conversation around comparison,

I wanted to provide the definition.

Comparison is the consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people said plainly,

When we are comparing ourselves to other people or other situations,

We are looking to see how we may be the same or different.

And in situations of negativity,

We're comparing ourselves to see how we might be better than,

Or how we might be worse than.

Now,

Whether it's in real life or we're comparing ourselves to something or someone we saw on social media,

When we compare,

We're usually using evidence,

Right?

Maybe it's negative things that someone has said to us in the past,

Consciously or unconsciously,

Or things that we wish we had ourselves,

Things that we desire,

And we see someone else with them.

We begin to create a story around who that person must be or what they must have or what they've accomplished that perhaps we are not because we don't have the things that we,

That they have.

And this can be because we see someone else with a partner and we really desire a partner and it's a hard time trying to find one.

It could be financial.

We see someone living in what we consider to be an abundant lifestyle.

And because we don't have it,

We feel like they are,

You know,

Everything that we're not.

It can also be in friend groups.

We could have people in our lives that we love or family that we care about.

And because they seem to have access to things that maybe we don't have access to,

We compare.

Comparing is a natural thing that we all do.

The problem can become when we continuously compare ourselves in a negative way,

It can affect our mental health and really create a space of negative self-talk.

And I often teach this in my workshops.

Comparison is not only a distraction,

Right?

Because instead of using our energy towards the things that we want to create in our lives,

The abundance we want,

The love we want,

The connection we want,

The friendship we want,

We get distracted by what someone else is doing.

And if we're not careful,

We end up comparing ourselves.

If we're not careful,

We end up spending most of our time and energy watching other people live out their lives and thinking about how we don't get to do or experience what they have,

Not consciously realizing that we could be using that energy towards living our lives,

Even if it isn't exactly the same as theirs.

Right?

But in addition to the distraction that comparison can be,

It also fools us into believing that we're missing out on what others have.

Because the truth is we don't know their full story.

We don't know what they had to get through or what they had to go through or what they had to surrender or what they lost or what they are experiencing in their lives.

All we see are the shiny things.

All we see are the things that we want.

We don't know how fulfilled they are.

We don't know what they're going through in their own lives.

And so one of the things that can really help us build that positive self talk within ourselves when comparison shows up is to remind ourselves,

Yes,

I see what they have access to.

Yes,

I really desire this in my own life.

And yet watching them experience it doesn't mean that one,

I won't have access to this myself.

I don't have it now,

But I can gain access to this.

But it also doesn't mean that their lives are perfect and mine's isn't because I only know about this one particular part of their lives.

I don't know what else they're going through.

This is also a great time to start to think about what you are grateful for and actually list out within your mind or on paper or on your notes section of your phone,

What you're grateful for so that you can begin to reacclimate yourself to all of the amazing things that you do have.

So in the moment when comparison shows up,

It can be really hard to remember what's happening.

And so this practice that I'm about to walk through with you,

This exercise was created to help you be able to stop comparing yourself and to refocus on who you really are,

What's true about you and your life and to give you a way to ground yourself back into this moment.

Okay,

So let's start.

You're scrolling on Instagram,

You're at work or you are watching a television.

So something is happening and the comparison starts.

The first thing I want you to do is ask yourself,

Can I stop this behavior right now?

And what I mean is,

Can you log off of your computer?

Can you log off of the internet?

Can you turn off the TV?

The reason why this is so important is because sometimes we get so caught up in the comparison behavior.

We start looking for more ways to compare ourselves.

Like we're looking at someone's Instagram who isn't making us think positive thoughts about ourselves.

And then instead of logging off,

We continue to go deeper and longer and spend more time creating those thoughts.

So the first thing I want you to do is ask yourself,

Can I stop this behavior and can I log off and give myself a break?

The second thing is I want you to ask yourself,

Why was I comparing myself in the first place?

This is something that we don't often give ourselves time to think about because we've just believe all of the thoughts that are popping up in our head when we're comparing ourselves.

Instead of asking what did I think that they had that I didn't have?

And more importantly,

What do I believe that I'm missing,

That this person or this experience or whatever I am looking at has that I am now blaming or shaming or talking negatively to myself about not having.

The reason why this is such an important part of our internal conversation in this practice is because we're not talking about the things that we're not saying to ourselves.

We're talking about the things that we're saying to ourselves.

And the reason why we're not talking about the things that we're saying to ourselves is because the next question is,

Is this even true?

I talk about this in my book,

The Sugar Jar,

Fact Checking.

It's such a powerful tool that we have access to because when we begin to question the thoughts and the things that we're saying to ourselves,

Comparing ourselves is the words and negative things that we have seen said in society,

The things that we have seen said to other people who may look like us or have experiences like us.

And unfortunately a lot of it is the negative things and experiences that we've had on our own.

And those negative experiences have caused us to create negative internal feedback and thoughts within ourselves.

And so when you fact check,

I want you to ask yourself,

You know,

You go back to that first question.

I stopped the behavior.

And when I stopped the behavior,

What happened?

Did I still have the thoughts?

Did I not have the thoughts?

If I did still have the thoughts,

I go to the second question.

Why was I comparing myself again?

What do I believe I was missing?

And in the fact checking piece here,

Is my life not fulfilled because I'm missing it?

And if I feel like my life isn't fulfilled because I'm missing it,

Does it mean that because I'm missing this particular thing that I will never have it?

Is it true that because I don't have a partner right now that I'll never be partnered?

Is it true that because I'm struggling in my career right now,

That I'll always be struggling?

Is it true because this person is at this place in their career or in their lives that because I'm not there,

That I'm not worthy or that I'm not successful because a lot of these things worth success,

You know,

Where we are in our lives,

They're based on definitions that we ourselves have put on ourselves.

The next part is what do I have that I'm thankful for and that I'm already proud of?

I don't know about you,

But I sometimes can get so wrapped up in what's coming next and comparing myself to what I need to be doing next or,

You know,

All of the things that we all do that I don't take time to stop and really think about what I need to be doing next.

I don't take time to stop and really think about how I might already be living out a lot of the dreams,

Desires,

Goals that I set for myself five years ago,

10 years ago.

Some of the things that I'm living and experiencing,

I couldn't have even set as a goal or a dream because I never even thought it was possible for someone like me.

And so when we ask ourselves,

What do I have in my life that I'm thankful for?

What am I proud of?

What we're beginning to do is change our mindset.

We're reminding ourselves that yes,

My life may not look exactly like that person,

But here are all the ways that my life is amazing.

Here are all the things that I did for myself this year that I'm incredibly proud of.

Here are all the things that I said that I would go do and that maybe they aren't finished yet,

But I'm actually working toward them.

And here are all the ways that I'm not doing anything goal oriented,

But I'm having fun and I'm having connection with my friends and I am,

You know,

Enjoying myself because life isn't only about our goals.

It's not only about what we do.

It's not only about how we contribute to our careers and society.

It's also about how we are living our best lives.

Right?

Lastly,

And I think this is one of the most important steps and feel free when you are doing this practice to put this first,

Ask yourself,

Who can I call or connect with that will sit with me in a safe space and help remind me of who I am.

Now we are not asking our friends or our family members to be our therapist,

But we are asking them to sit in reflection with us as we talk about this moment of comparison where maybe we didn't feel our best.

And we're able to be honest about how we were feeling and they're able to hear us because when we have these moments of comparison,

It can create an incredible amount of shame and showing up with people who you feel safe being vulnerable with not only reminds you of how powerful you are and how worthy you are and how loved you are.

It also gives your friend or your family member,

A moment to reflect to you how much you are loved,

How worthy you are and how amazing you are.

This is a practice that really helps to remind us in those moments when comparison shows up again because it will.

It's a natural human response to see what someone else has and think,

Wow,

That's amazing.

Why don't I have that?

But in that moment,

You can think about what you do have.

You can think about how you can work towards whatever it is that you may want.

And it doesn't have to mean that you aren't worthy or loved or seen or respected or cared for because you don't have that thing.

And that is a muscle that we work on and this practice helps us to refine.

I want you to take a moment right now and think about the amazing work that you just did.

How do you feel knowing that now when comparison comes up,

You have a practice that you can rely on.

You don't have to do it alone.

I hope that this feels like something that you can really easily integrate into your daily routine because the more that we do this,

As I talked about in the practice,

The more that we flex that muscle,

The more that we're able to lean on it when comparison shows up and the more that it creates those positive emotions.

The more that it creates those positive thoughts and that positive thinking when comparison shows up.

And I'd love to hear from you,

You know,

Share in the discussion forum,

Something that really stood out to you.

Share what you're most proud of yourself for committing to with this practice.

It could be something as simple as,

I'm really grateful that I stuck with it and that I did this practice.

You know,

You can share a thought that came to mind when you were thinking about,

Is it true?

And how you know that a lot of the thoughts that come to mind when you're comparing yourself aren't true.

When people share in the discussion forum,

Anytime we share in community,

We remember that we're not alone and it helps to reinforce all of these positive thoughts and thinking that we are working on in this practice.

So thank you so much.

And I can't wait to hear from all of you.

Reviews

This tendency to compare which in most cases just tears me apart is devasting, making me ashamed and feelings like an absolute failure. I so need to examine this and develop a different mindset in order to have the most fulfilling rest of my life that I can create.

thank you 💚☺️💕💚☺️💕💚🐞💕💚

Just what I needed. Great exercise.

Really thought provoking and empowering. Thank you. I will revisit this discussion.

I will listen to this session many more times. I am SO grateful!

Thankyou for this healing practice!

Thank you so much!
The first thing that came to my mind that I’m proud of is this: after all these years, I’ve finally released my first original song EVER! An amazing feeling!
I would like to share this with you (I hope it’s okay…)!
Here’s to enjoy, to be touched, moved & changed ☺️: http://troytempest.hearnow.com
Blessings ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Very powerful, and her delivery and passion shine through. Great topic!!

Impactful

Thank you so much!

Excellent reminder 🙏

Just what I needed to hear. It was like you were talking with me and knew what I needed to hear, Thank You 🙏✨

It's really useful to recover the balance of my selfsteem.