Trust - An Essential Component Of Any Healthy Relationship

Why is trust so important to maintain a healthy relationship? How can we learn to trust and surrender into relationships?
Join us to grow beyond your self-inflicted limitations to reach complete blossoming.

Transcript

Can anybody hear?

Yes,

Good.

So welcome to this special occasion.

As usual,

We are going to start with a short ceremony,

Just to make sure that we are all aligned and to give a chance to all the late arrivals to join us.

So,

Let's make sure that our phone is off and won't disturb us in the next hour or so.

Let's sit comfortably on our seat.

Let's take a deep breath in and let go.

Let's close our eyes and take another deep breath in.

And the next breath in,

We keep in,

We don't breathe out.

And slowly breathe out and let go.

Let go of all your efforts,

Let go of all past impressions,

And let go of all anxiety and expectations about the future.

And allow your breath to guide you back to the present moment.

Let's be completely aware to whatever is happening right now around us and within us.

Become aware of your body,

The posture of your body on its seat.

Become aware of the tip of your nose and the flow of air that is gushing in and out of your body through that point,

The tip of your nose.

Become aware of the quality of your breath.

It may be deep or shallow,

Or shallow,

Hot or cold.

It doesn't matter,

You just observe.

Become aware of the flow as it flows down through your body,

Filling your lungs with oxygen,

With life.

And as it flows back,

Collecting toxic toxins from your body and cleansing you from within.

Become aware of how your breath is sucking air from that space of air around you with each breath.

And as that air around you turns into your breath,

It becomes that air within you.

And on the opposite way,

That space of air within you turns back to join that space of air around you.

That space around you becomes the space within you.

And the space within you becomes the space around you.

The out becomes the in,

And the in becomes the out.

Allow that without straining your imagination.

Just observe.

Observe how that invisible barrier that divides the outside and the inside fades away as your inside expands towards the outside and your outside expands to merge with your inside until they are one and there is nothing left but silence.

You are silence.

Take a deep breath in,

Gently allow your attention to come back to your body as it is seated here upon its seat,

A part of our virtual circle.

Let's unite our individual intentions into one unified intention,

The intention to grow,

To develop,

To evolve.

And with a smile,

Let's take another deep breath in.

And when you feel comfortable,

You may open your eyes.

So,

Welcome everybody.

I'm gonna join Carly,

Who is going to be participating today only on audio,

Unfortunately,

Because she's on the other side of the globe.

So,

We are going to walk together today on the path to an awakened consciousness,

Holding hands and supporting each other's growth,

Never forgetting that the driving force that pushes our journey ever forward is that longing for the truth,

That tension that hides between the question and the answer.

So,

This is your opportunity to share your questions,

To share your insights,

To share your difficulties and grow beyond them.

So,

Don't be shy,

Don't censorize yourself,

Don't be afraid to put yourself on the stage,

Because you know that this is how you contribute to this journey that we are embarking together today.

And today we invited ourselves to walk under the light of the question,

What is trust and why is it important to a healthy relationship?

So,

This is what we are going to focus on today.

And Carly is going to be the sound of your voice,

The voice of the sincere seeker,

Because unfortunately,

You are not able to voice yourself on this platform.

So,

What do you say?

Sounds like a good idea?

Yes.

So,

Trust.

What is trust?

Before we try to answer,

Is it good or bad,

Necessary or redundant,

We need to understand what we are talking about.

What is it?

That's the only question that I'm going to bring to this conversation.

All the rest are going to be yours.

So,

You can use this as a prologue to our discussion.

What is trust?

Trust is that belief that you generate within you,

That whatever you are facing is safe enough for you to allow to come close to you.

It's that idea that you generate about the subject of your observation,

Convincing yourself that it is safe enough for you to allow it to come close.

This is trust,

At least for the sake of our conversation today.

So,

The first thing we understand about trust is that it is a prerequisite to generate and experience intimacy.

Without trust,

There is no closeness and there cannot be intimacy.

So,

People that don't allow themselves to trust should not be surprised if they don't find intimacy in the relationships that they hold.

So,

Just remember that trust is that self-convincing idea that what you face is safe enough for you to allow it to come close.

This is trust.

And the floor is yours.

Can you hear me?

Yes,

I can hear you.

Can everyone else hear me?

They should.

Can you hear Carly?

So,

Christine says yes.

Can it include trust within the relationship with ourselves or with the universe?

Definitely.

Any relationship,

As long as there is duality there,

You and something else,

Even you and yourself.

You know,

I don't trust my instincts,

I don't trust my judgment,

I don't trust my tendencies,

I don't trust my determination,

Whatever quality of personality that you are currently observing and have a relationship with.

If you don't trust yourself,

You create a gap,

An inner gap between you and your personality,

Between you and your tendencies.

You create a gap.

And that gap prohibits inner blossoming of who you are and what you are.

You are always in defense regarding yourself or the universe,

You know.

Doesn't matter if you cannot trust life,

If you cannot trust prana,

The force of life,

The energy of life to sustain you.

If you cannot trust the circumstances to be safe enough for you to flourish,

Then you create that gap,

That distance,

Which prohibits blossoming of your full potential.

Any relationship that you have,

There must be two there,

You and the object of your observation.

What do you say?

So TJ says trust plus vulnerability equals intimacy.

Trying to be vulnerable and create intimacy with someone we can't trust is not good for us.

So I guess that begs the obvious question,

How do we get to that point of trusting someone else in that duality?

Very good.

How do we get to that point of trusting someone else?

Of course,

It's obvious to see in this context that growing beyond fear is essential here.

As long as we are afraid of what we meet,

Who we meet,

As long as that is intimidating,

There is always this hesitance,

Wait,

Wait,

I'm not sure if I can allow myself to trust you.

So we need to focus on the reasons of why we are afraid,

What makes us hold back.

And you'll see it's always about past events,

Impressions from past events that we extrapolate to the future.

This happened to me once and God forbid it will happen to me again in this circumstance.

So I have to hold back and make sure it will never happen again.

Or this happened to somebody else,

To a friend of mine,

And I don't want that to happen to me again.

Past impressions that I throw onto the future of the present moment.

So when you are dealing with fear,

You see that there is always that movement of consciousness between past and future.

So how to stop that?

First of all,

Like always,

Before you answer the question how to stop that,

You have to be absolutely sincere when you say to yourself and to the world,

Yes,

I want to stop that.

I want to grow beyond that fear.

I want to allow intimacy in my life.

I want to trust.

You have to be absolutely certain that you actually mean that.

Then the how is relevant for you.

Otherwise,

It's just completely futile.

Because the tool may be fantastic,

But if you won't use it,

Then it won't be effective.

So let's assume for the sake of the argument that you actually mean it when you say,

Yes,

I want to grow beyond my fear and allow intimacy,

Allow myself to trust.

Then a few recommendations are there for you.

One of them is bring your attention from past and future back to the present moment.

You realize that that movement,

Pendulum,

Is not healthy for you.

Past,

What happened,

Future,

What may happen,

What happened,

What may happen,

Is not healthy for you.

It doesn't help you to open your heart to the present moment.

So you take that as a challenge.

You take that as a mission to stop that and allow yourself to be back in the present moment.

And that you can do by harnessing the power of the breath,

Which is always happening in the present moment.

No,

The breath cannot happen five minutes ago or in 10 minutes.

If I ask you to take a deep breath,

You can only do it now.

Take a deep breath in.

So you're back in the present moment.

That's always available as a tool,

As a carriage that always brings you back home again and again to the present moment.

So if you find yourself thrown by thoughts of the past and the future,

You come back to where life happens to the present moment using your breath again and again and again.

So this is one thing.

Another thing is to remember that once you are in the present moment,

There is only one fear that is relevant for you to notice.

And that is the reaction that you experience in front of a clear and an immediate danger.

That's the only fear that is worthwhile listening to.

Because if there is a clear and immediate danger and you're not afraid of it,

There is a problem.

But when I say clear and immediate,

It has to be without a doubt.

If you don't react,

You're going to get hurt.

You see the truck is coming and the driver is watching his phone and in two seconds he's going to be over you unless you step aside.

So you better step aside.

That fear is there to protect you and keep you safe.

Good,

Because there is an immediate danger that you should take care of.

But unfortunately,

The vast majority of the fear that we are referring to here are not because of clear and immediate danger.

They are based on past impressions that we extrapolate and throw on to the future.

This is not helpful.

So when you come back to the present moment,

You open your eyes,

You look,

Is there a clear and immediate danger around me?

No.

Okay,

So there is no reason to be afraid.

I can take a deep breath in and come back,

Open my heart,

Allow myself to be available to experience the present moment,

To let life touch me here now.

There's no need to be protective now.

There is no danger now.

So I allow that to happen.

I surrender to that.

Vulnerable is a beautiful word TJ just used.

I allow myself to be vulnerable,

To be touched by life.

What do you say?

So what comes up for me is that if I have a past experience that has hurt me,

In the present moment,

If there's a threat of that same or similar thing happening again,

Like to use your truck analogy,

I've been hit by the truck before.

And now I'm in the road and the truck is coming again.

It looks very similar.

It feels the same.

And I don't know how to tell the difference.

And I've heard a beautiful analogy recently that it's like throwing my palette of paint on a blank canvas.

So I'm pulling my paint from my past and just throwing it on the existing truck that's about to hit me because it feels the same.

How do I tell the difference?

Again,

I mean,

Clear and immediate danger is not something that you can argue or debate about.

It's clear and it's immediate.

If you're walking in the zoo and you see the lion's cage is open and there are lions walking around the zoo,

This is clear and immediate danger.

And you better get the hell out of there.

What's unique about clear and immediate danger is that it's not up to debate.

It's not a question of,

But maybe that will happen and maybe that will happen.

It might develop into a dangerous situation.

As long as the danger is not clear and immediate,

You are invited to open your heart because there is no need to protect yourself against life in a situation where life doesn't introduce you to clear and immediate danger that threatens your health or your life right now.

What happens usually is that we have the impression of something dangerous that happened to us and we look at the present moment to see if any scenario might lead to that situation.

This is,

For example,

What happens after we experience trauma.

People that didn't experience that trauma would not react the way we do because they don't have that trigger.

They are not so threatened by possible situations as we are because that happened to us once and now our system is much more alert against the possible situation developing out of this.

Of course,

We all are tuned differently in that sense,

But with our own bag of past impressions,

Some of them are traumatic.

So we are triggered by different situations differently.

But the message here is to wake up from that constant alert,

Realizing that you are bigger than any event life can offer.

And there is no need for you to protect yourself against life unless there is clear and immediate danger.

There is no need for you to stay on defense.

You can jump and join life,

Embrace it,

Experience it,

Be vulnerable to it.

Let life touch you.

Trust that you are bigger than any situation,

Any event.

And if life is suggesting that event for you to experience,

This is because you are capable to do that with an open heart and a willing soul.

And nothing is bigger than you.

Nothing.

No experience,

Pleasant or unpleasant.

What do you say?

Yes or no?

Yes or no?

I say yes.

Good.

He just says a lot of times we choose to be vulnerable and trust but get hurt.

Then we must decide what does this mean for how I can trust.

We choose to never trust and never be.

We want closeness of it.

You know,

What does it mean?

I get hurt.

You know,

People hurt me.

How can anybody hurt you?

The only way somebody can hurt you is if they act or behave different than your expectations.

This is the only way people can hurt you,

Create that disturbance,

Because you expected differently from them.

So you can stay in the position of a victim.

You can say to them,

Your words hurt me,

Your actions hurt me.

How can you say something like that to me?

You can stay there and victimize yourself like most of humanity does.

Or you can take responsibility and remember that you prefer an open heart.

This is what you prefer.

This is most important to you.

More important than to be righteous or to win an argument.

And then adjust your ideas about it.

You know,

Update your expectations.

And if possible,

Let go of them.

Altogether,

Expectations reduces joy.

That's it.

They don't help you to enjoy life.

They actually sabotage it.

Expectations reduce joy.

Nobody can hurt you.

Nobody.

You are preferring your ideas about them.

And when that contradicts how they behave or act,

Then you are suffering.

You are frustrated.

You are angry.

You are violent.

But that's not because how they behave.

It's only because you attached to your ideas about how they should behave.

Let go of that.

Nobody can hurt an awakened consciousness because it is free from expectations.

Its love is unconditional.

Unconditional.

You can behave any way you want.

You can act any way you want.

You can say anything you want.

I love you not because what you do or not even because who you are.

I love you because I am an expression of unconditional love.

That's why I love you.

And you happen to be there,

So you enjoy it now.

Do you see the difference?

So don't condition your trust with the potential of being hurt.

I'm not sure if I can trust this person because he hurt me before and I don't want to be hurt again.

Don't be.

Free yourself from that dependency.

It's got nothing to do with the other person.

Know yourself and then you realize nothing can hurt you.

Nothing.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So can we also be hurt because or perceive hurt because somebody is saying something to us that we believe about ourselves?

Like,

You know,

If somebody is sure ugly,

You know,

Does that hurt me because I believe that?

You know,

Why is it so important for us what other people think about us and what they say about us?

Why is it so important?

It's important because we don't know who we are.

So we go and ask,

Please tell me who am I?

You know,

We try to find the answer in the other people,

Other person's ideas,

Their observation of us,

Their feedback.

And the collection of those feedbacks becomes an identity.

This is who I am,

What other people think.

That's why it's so important,

Especially for teenagers who just haven't had the chance to know themselves since they're so young.

So other people's opinions are crucial,

Critical for teenagers,

Right?

They're so embarrassed and ashamed and awkward about that because the collective answer would be my identity.

This is who I am.

If people think that I'm bad,

So I'm bad.

I must be bad.

If people think that I'm good,

I might be good.

And see that you're always in doubt about the positive.

You're never in doubt about the negative.

If you get a negative feedback,

If people tell you you're ugly,

You're terrible,

I hate you,

You don't say,

Oh really?

Do you really hate me?

But if somebody tells you,

Wow,

You are fantastic,

I love you,

Then you go,

Oh really?

Do you really say that?

Do you really mean that?

So the cure for that,

If you really want to develop independence regarding what other people say,

You need to know yourself.

Once you know yourself,

There is no reason to ask other people who you are.

You already know.

And other people can think whatever they want.

You are seated comfortably,

Deep within self-knowledge.

So you are rooted in self-knowledge,

Unshakable.

It doesn't matter what other people say,

No?

You know how many terrible things people said about me along the years?

What can I do?

People have opinions.

A dime a dozen.

I see an irony here that our path is,

The goal is to create and experience oneness.

But somehow we do extrapolate ourselves being dependent on other people and really codependent within our relationship to know ourselves before we can then experience,

Go back and experience that.

True intimacy cannot be based on dependency.

This is very important.

If you go and try to find somebody to complete you,

To fill the void that you experience,

And you are dependent on that feedback,

Constantly dependent on that feedback from outside in,

I tell you,

This is doomed to fail.

100%.

It's not sustainable.

True intimacy can only happen when you come to that relationship complete.

I don't need you.

I don't need anything from you.

That's not the reason that we are engaged in a relationship.

I am an expression of unconditional love.

I am an expression of the bounty of life.

I am the fountain.

The fountain cannot be thirsty.

I am the water.

This is who I am.

This is what I am.

And our relationship is an opportunity for us to grow together in a vessel bigger than my own private vessel.

But not because we are clinging to each other because of need or because of fear.

No,

Definitely.

If you want true intimacy in your life,

You need to know yourself.

You need to realize you are love.

You don't need love.

You are love.

And then a relationship is an opportunity to share that.

Share that love.

So,

It brings up a lot of questions about the different emotions that we feel when it comes to something like trust,

Like jealous is one,

You know,

Or anger.

You know,

Why do we feel these things?

Do they have a purpose?

The purpose is to hold us away from our nature.

What is the purpose of anger?

The purpose of anger is to reinforce ego.

The purpose of jealousy is to reinforce ego.

You need to decide if this is what you want.

You need to decide what is most important for you in life.

Do you want to continue this endless search for reassurances from life that you will always get what you need?

Or are you more interested in maintaining an open heart?

Life cannot ensure that.

It is not supposed to ensure that.

You need to make sure that you go beyond the idea that life needs to fulfill me.

Things need to happen so I can be happy.

No,

Your happiness cannot be conditional in that sense.

Your happiness is your nature.

You have to wake up from that illusion.

You know,

What is jealousy?

Jealousy is just the result of you chasing an idea about happiness.

If this happens,

I will be happy.

If that happens,

I will be happy.

This person has what I believe what I believe I need to be happy.

So I'm jealous.

This person is more similar to the image I have of who I should be in order to be happy.

So I'm jealous.

I tell you this is based on lack of self-awareness.

Once you are aware of who you are,

You realize you are already that.

You always been that.

You are love.

You are joy.

You are peace.

It's not something to be achieved at the end of the journey.

It's who you are.

It's your nature.

You just need to wake up from that illusion,

From that dream.

So jealousy has no place.

There is no reason to be jealous about anything,

About anyone.

You realize everything has its place and time.

There is no hope that things will get better for you to be happy.

That hope is lost.

So Rosa says,

If a person's words or actions don't align,

Meaning they say one thing and do another,

It's hard to trust them.

Again,

Don't put your expectations on other people's behavior.

How should they behave?

What should they do?

How should they speak?

This doesn't help your quest for intimacy.

Free yourself from those ideas.

You need to behave differently in order for me to open my heart.

No,

No.

It's got nothing to do with the other person.

You open your heart because this is the most important thing for you.

Because this is how you fulfill your destiny.

This is how you fulfill your potential as a human being.

So if he chooses to talk half-heartedly or he chooses to lie,

It's just his karma.

You pour compassion into that.

That's it.

So is it okay for us,

I think when people ask,

What does an open heart look like?

In a situation like that,

Is it okay for us to distance ourselves from that person or choose that that person maybe isn't somebody we want to be intimate with,

If that's the case?

And can we maintain an open heart in that situation?

An open heart has got nothing to do with the situation.

It's got nothing to do with the other person.

If your heart is open,

Then it's open.

That's it.

If the sun is shining,

It is shining.

It doesn't matter if you sunbathe or you are hiding in the air condition.

It's shining.

It's got nothing to do with the outer.

It's your inner being beaming love.

But is it okay for us to choose distance from this person or not to be intimate with this person that we can't trust because of their actions?

There is no such thing.

There is no such thing.

If you choose to close your heart to that person,

That's because you are intimidated by the pain that he might inflict on you.

That is your choice.

An awakened consciousness is not intimidated by life or by situations.

It is not trying to avoid pain and promote pleasure.

Pleasure and pain are one and the same.

Sometimes life suggests pleasure.

Sometimes life suggests pain.

Both are good.

Both are fine.

My heart is open for any experience.

And just remember that the only way that person can hurt you is if their action conflicts with your expectations.

Then you readjust your expectations or drop them altogether.

Then your heart is open.

Don't be afraid of the pain.

Pain is a part of life.

So TJ says people are who they are.

I tell that to myself and sometimes to others.

Yeah,

And you are who you are as well.

And Bree says,

What is there to trust in someone if there's nothing to expect?

No,

If you don't expect anything,

Then you are much more available to trust.

Meaning,

Available to take off those barriers between you and the other.

That protective shield that we keep around ourselves so people won't be able to hurt us.

That's the meaning of being vulnerable,

Not taking off those shields.

And say yes to life.

Come,

It's okay.

Come,

Come.

I'm here.

Touch me.

It's okay.

Only then true intimacy is possible.

It's okay.

I'm here to experience life.

It's okay.

Even if it's painful from time to time.

If you are avoiding pain,

I tell you,

There is no way for you to experience pleasure.

No way.

Life will bypass you while you are protecting yourself against life.

You are not here to allow life to bypass you,

I tell you.

What do you want to tell the angel when the day comes and he asks you,

No,

How was your life?

Do you want to tell him,

I'm not sure I experienced it because I was there?

Do you want to tell him,

I'm not sure I experienced it because I was too afraid?

This is what you want to tell him?

I let life pass by me?

I was too dug in my shell?

Dug in?

You don't want that.

You want to tell the angel,

I squeezed the juice out of life.

Don't you?

I enjoyed the experience of every moment,

Painful or pleasurable.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So I hope you can appreciate that this is very difficult to wrap our heads around.

So wrap your heart around it instead.

Actually,

Yeah,

That's a good point.

Sometimes I find that quite helpful.

If I ask my mind what it's thinking,

It says one thing and then I ask my heart and it's always open and available.

Exactly.

So the million dollar question that everybody wants to know,

Jaron,

Is do you ever get angry?

You tell me,

Am I ever angry?

Not really.

Even if sometimes anger is there,

I don't identify with it.

It's like you have to play the part of the villain in a play,

But you're not vicious.

You just play that part for a while and then it is time for a new scene to happen.

So it doesn't stick.

It doesn't leave any mark on you.

It washes away as easily as you go backstage and change costume.

When you change costume and now you're dressed like a prince and you're supposed to be the prince of the castle,

You're supposed to be the prince of the castle.

You're supposed to be prince charming for the next scene.

You don't carry that garbage of the villain with you on stage.

Right?

Same.

Even if anger is there sometimes,

It's just a play.

You're not identified with it.

And it's rare that it happens.

You can always see that it is just a part of the play,

Just a part of the show.

So in that context,

Would you say that it can serve a purpose in that moment and then once it's done serving its purpose,

It's done?

Yeah.

Sometimes you need to convey the message in a very firm way.

So you put that mask on and you become angry for a minute and you convey the message.

But you don't identify with that and you don't carry that weight with you as you continue your path.

You shed it as soon as it served its purpose.

Barbara says,

The Old Testament saying comes to mind,

Hence hard to get my head around.

Thoughts are not your thoughts and my ways are not your ways.

Rosa says,

I think women and men experience anger differently,

Both from within and without.

Yet that's a different conversation.

Which is a wonderful way to end today as our hour comes.

That maybe a topic that flows from this is something around carrying our emotions and how to experience them for their purpose and let them go.

Definitely.

And maybe also trying to differentiate between the masculine and the feminine within us in that sense.

Is there any other question that needs to be addressed before we adjourn?

5,

4,

3,

2,

1.

Okay.

So let me just say thank you for your presence and your lovely questions.

I'm not sure yet if we can meet again this coming Tuesday or next Saturday.

I will let you know.

So please follow up on my page on InsideTimer.

You're always welcome to contact me directly on my website.

I'm easy to find.

And join our WhatsApp group if you want to be updated about upcoming events.

And wishing you a wonderful week.

And let's take this coming days as a opportunity to let go of our expectations and ideas about what should happen so we can be available to experience what is happening.

Trust that and open our heart to it.

What do you say?

I did have one last question.

I know people are asking about the COVID-19 pandemic.

People are ready to leave.

But maybe we can address this next time.

It's about trust in the universe and how that helps us on this path.

So I will write it down so I don't forget.

You don't need to.

The answer is very simple.

The universe and the present moment are synonyms.

So when I say trust the present moment,

I also say trust the universe.

The universe cannot be found elsewhere on another occasion.

The universe can only be found here and now.

So come back.

Experience here and now.

And you'll find the universe is waiting for you.

That's it.

Nothing else to say about that.

Barbara says,

My hands feel warm.

Thank you for holding them.

That's very sweet.

That's very sweet.

I agree.

Okay.

Talk to you soon.

Good night.

Reviews

Yaron has the gift of sharing profound spiritual truths in terms that the mind and ego gravitate to. A true mystic who selflessly guides all of us to the one we are.

A blessing to have such a sage available to the rest of us.

Love and gratitude
🙏🏻

Good questions and answers. I will ponder with an open heart. So simple yes?