Stop Suffering, Once And For All

Join us for this transformative talk about Suffering - what it is, how it is created, and most of all, how to stop it. Once and for all. Suffering is a code name for all negative emotions like frustration, anger, violence, disappointment, judgment, revenge, etc suffering is not your karma or destiny. It can be reduced or even removed from your day-to-day experience of life. Join us to learn how we create suffering and how we can grow Beyond it to come closer to an awakened consciousness.

Transcript

Hello again everyone.

Welcome to this unique opportunity that we give ourselves every week to stop the rush,

Take a breath,

Hold hands and walk the path together.

Reminding ourselves who we are and what is most important for us.

And we do that by harnessing the force that hides between the question and the answer.

So the more questions you bring,

The more powerful your journey will become.

This is your opportunity to share,

To unload any burden,

Any doubt you might still have.

And today I thought to invite us to discuss once again what does it mean to live a life free of suffering and how to do it.

So I'm going to give a short intro and then I'm going to give that space for you to share your questions or insights or whatever.

So what is suffering?

Suffering is a cold word for all the negative emotions that we experience from time to time.

Like frustration,

Anger,

Violence,

Rage,

Revenge and all this.

We give it a cold word,

We call it suffering.

In the ancient times it was called suffering.

Today we sometimes use the word stress to basically describe the same thing.

And it's important to note that suffering is experienced in various ways.

As mental stress,

Emotional stress,

Physical stress.

In all the layers of our existence we can find that.

And it's basically,

Generally speaking,

The reason why we are unable to fulfill our potential.

And we feel that we are missing the opportunity.

This is suffering.

The thing is,

Most of us are so used to live in suffering,

With suffering,

That we don't acknowledge the fact that there is an alternative way of living,

Where suffering is not a part of the game anymore.

Suffering is not a destiny or a karma.

Things happen and that's it.

I'm suffering,

What can I do?

Things happen to me,

Or I made some terrible mistakes,

So you blame the world or you blame yourself and you're a victim to whatever circumstance.

And that's it.

That's your karma.

Some people are not even aware that there is that option to live without suffering.

That it's realistic and achievable.

And today we're going to learn how to do it.

So I'm giving you my personal guarantee that this meeting will change your life 100% if you choose to adopt the recommendations that you're going to hear today.

You may have heard these before.

It doesn't matter.

You listen to it as if it was the first time you hear it.

And if it is the first time you hear it,

Excellent.

Allow it to penetrate through the layers of intellect that tries to determine whether you agree or disagree.

Don't bother agreeing to anything I say.

You just take it as a possible reality,

As an invitation to check it for yourself and see if it works.

If it doesn't work,

Then it's useless anyway,

So don't worry about it.

But if it does work and you apply it regularly,

I guarantee it will change your life.

The question is,

Do you want to change your life?

Are you ready for a life free of suffering?

This is not a theoretical question or a hypothetical question.

This is a real question I'm asking now.

Are you ready to live a life free of suffering?

No more aggression,

No more drama,

No more frustration and anger and disappointment.

No more.

Are you ready to live like that?

Truly?

Honestly?

Because I tell you,

There are many reasons to stick to suffering.

Most humanity chooses to stick to suffering,

Whether it's because they are not aware that there is an alternative or they choose suffering over peace.

As ridiculous as it may sound,

There are many good reasons,

Strong reasons to hold on to suffering.

It serves a purpose and you need to consciously choose peace over drama.

Otherwise,

I guarantee whatever you learn here today will not work.

It will be just another interesting information that doesn't really affect your life in any way because you don't want to change.

Not because it's not effective,

But you are not prepared to use it.

So before you learn how to and before you apply it in your daily life,

You need to look in the mirror and ask yourself this question.

Are you willing to give up suffering?

I'll give you a few reasons why people choose not to give up.

First of all,

It's very comfortable to stay in the position of a victim because you don't need to take responsibility.

You are not responsible for your suffering.

Somebody else is.

When will I be happy?

When you change,

When you learn how to speak to me,

When you give me what you promised,

Whether it's confidence or attention or love,

When reality changes,

When I have more money,

When I have a different job,

You know,

Whatever you have in your mind is a condition to your happiness.

Then what can you do?

You're a victim of circumstances.

It's very easy.

Even though suffering is not nice or a positive experience still,

It allows you to stay stagnant and lazy.

That's one reason.

Another reason is that suffering defines you.

It's an answer to the question,

Who am I?

And I'm so used to use that as an answer.

The prospect of losing that and remaining with no answer to that question.

Who am I now that I stopped suffering?

Hello.

I am the one that used to suffer.

But that's not relevant anymore.

So where am I now?

This is terrifying.

I stick to my story about suffering.

I hold on to it and I use it as an identity card.

This is who I am.

And I can explain to you why I'm suffering.

It's very justified.

Let me tell you my story.

So these are two examples of why people choose to hold on to their drama,

To the suffering and not go beyond it.

So from this point onwards,

Whatever I'm saying is directed to those people who look in the mirror and honestly,

Full heartedly want to grow beyond suffering.

Exclamation point.

Now I open the stage for your questions,

Please,

Before we continue.

So Firefly is asking,

But how can you shift that perspective?

I'm going to explain.

In details,

Just a few more minutes before the how,

You have to ask yourself,

Do I really want to?

I mean,

What do you say?

Can you imagine yourself living a life free of suffering?

Do you choose that reality for yourself?

I'm not continuing before I see at least one positive yes.

Oh,

Thank you very much.

It's hard to imagine.

Yeah,

Give it a go.

Even if it's hard to imagine.

Imagine yourself free of the drama.

Yes,

But there is always a but.

Sometimes it looks like suffering is coming back by itself.

It will come back,

Definitely.

But but from this point onwards,

It's important to understand and to realize that suffering is not an external entity that comes from the outside.

Suffering is self-created.

And yes,

You will forget for sure.

You'll forget many times and create new suffering for yourself.

But you can remind yourself again and again and again that you created it and you can stop it.

And I'm about to share the knowledge with you,

Just preparing the grounds to make sure you realize it's going to be useless for you if you don't use it,

If you don't apply it.

As I say,

I can invent the ultimate cure for all the illnesses in the world.

And if you only swallow one pill,

You will never be sick again.

A magic potion.

But again,

That potion will be totally useless for you if you don't choose to swallow it.

Do you see what I'm saying?

So this is your responsibility now.

Make sure that you choose to do that.

You choose to go beyond your suffering.

You choose to live a life free of suffering.

Whatever the price may be,

Whatever uncomfortable it may seem in the beginning,

Or intimidating,

Or far-fetched,

You stick to that resolution.

This is what I want.

This is what I want more than anything else.

What do I want?

Stop suffering.

Are we ready to learn how?

Are we ready?

Question mark.

Yes.

Thank you,

Barbara.

Barbara is saying yes,

Even though she is the one that heard this the most.

Okay,

So I'm going to say a sentence.

This sentence,

If applied,

Is carrying a transformative potential.

I encourage you to write it down so you have it in front of your eyes.

Take a piece of paper and a pen.

Or,

You know,

Click it on your computer or whatever.

Just one sentence.

Okay,

Barbara will write it in the text box for us.

The sentence goes like this.

Suffering is born and raised in the gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

Again,

Suffering is born and raised in the gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

That's it.

Do you see?

There is a gap.

There is reality as it manifests,

And there is an idea I have about it.

When that idea opposes reality,

Rejects it,

Argues with it,

I'm suffering.

That's it.

It starts with frustration.

I'm just frustrated that reality doesn't manifest as I believe it should.

When that frustration builds up,

Untreated,

It turns into anger.

When that anger builds up untreated,

It turns into violence and all the drama that you experience in your life.

So every time you feel that you are contracting,

That you are angry,

That you are frustrated,

That you are,

You know,

Drained,

That you get carried away by the drama and all the noise that is around you and you reject that,

You need to remind yourself,

This is something I created.

Whatever is those negative emotions that I experience now is my own creation.

Now,

I remember that I chose to go beyond it.

I remind myself that I'm most interested,

More than anything else,

In life without suffering.

So I stop and I look for the gap.

I give it a name.

Where is the gap?

What idea do I have that rejects reality?

You should never speak to me like that.

How dare you speak to me like that?

What's happening?

This is the way you spoke to me and this is the idea I have about you should speak to me.

And these are not exactly the same.

There's a gap.

Okay,

You look for the gap.

How do they say in London?

Mind the gap.

Identify the gaps.

And you do it every time you experience those distressed and negative emotions.

Okay,

So far so good.

Questions?

So the next question naturally would be,

Okay,

So how do I close the gap?

All right.

First,

It's important to realize how much empowering is the realization of the position that you are in now.

Because usually,

You feel a victim when you suffer,

You blame.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

You're powerless.

Or even if you try to change reality,

It's a consequence of your own suffering.

Right?

This is called Karma Yoga.

What is Karma Yoga?

It's an action that is born because of your suffering,

Your ignorance.

And of course,

That leads to karma,

Leads to more things you would need to correct later on.

Right?

You're a victim of circumstances.

But now,

When you realize that this is your own creation,

You have the power.

You created it,

You can stop it.

It's got nothing to do with circumstances.

This is a huge realization.

My suffering was never about what happened,

What you did to me,

Or any mistake that I made in the past or whatever.

My suffering was always about me rejecting,

Me preferring an idea I have over reality as it manifests.

And suddenly,

I get the power back.

I can do something about that.

Realizing it's my own creation,

It's my own ideas,

My own opinions.

I can definitely do something about that.

I can close the gap.

How to close the gap?

Again,

You can write it down.

It's very simple.

Three simple steps.

The first thing you need to do is,

Of course,

That's a prerequisite before the first step,

Is to identify there is a gap.

Okay?

You should never speak to me like that.

Just a minute.

There is the way you spoke to me and the idea that I have about the way you should speak to me.

Okay,

These are not similar.

There is a gap.

What to do?

First step to close the gap is add humility.

Remind yourself you don't really know what should have happened.

Even though you have a very clear idea,

It's only an idea.

It doesn't matter how justified your idea is.

It doesn't matter how intelligent your idea is.

It doesn't matter how humane your idea is,

How beautiful,

How perfect your idea is.

It's just an idea.

You don't really know.

That's important to realize and to remind yourself.

Our intellect has this tendency to be very determined.

I know.

You should never speak to me like that.

What do you mean?

How dare you?

But I don't really know how you should speak.

How could I know?

I mean,

Did I open up the book of your life and see the script?

Actually,

Today at seven o'clock,

You should have spoken differently.

I don't know what should have happened.

How do I know?

Again,

It doesn't matter how beautiful your idea is.

Children should not die in a young age.

What did they do to deserve that?

Why?

Only two or three years on this planet,

In this body,

And that's it?

What's the point?

You don't know.

And it's designed so you would not know.

And it's important that you realize and remind yourself this.

Add some humility,

Humbleness.

I don't know what should have happened.

I don't know what you should have said or how you should react or what you should understand.

All those ideas that I have about the circumstance,

I don't know.

I don't know.

Baron Katie is saying this sentence.

Some people dedicate their lives to argue with reality.

And reality wins only 100% of the time.

For sure.

Right?

Because reality happens whether you like it or not,

Whether you agree or disagree.

It really doesn't care about your opinion.

The present moment is manifesting,

That's it.

So remind yourself,

You don't really know.

This is like adding oil and allowing the wheels to start turning.

Without that,

It will be difficult to continue.

That's the first step.

Second step is,

Second step is,

Adopt a paradigm that is opposite to the paradigm that created the gap in the first place.

Opposite.

180 degrees.

Adopt a paradigm that is opposite to the paradigm that opened the gap.

An example?

Instead of believing you should not speak to me like that,

Now I believe.

That's exactly what you should have said.

Word to word.

In the exact time.

In the exact intonation.

That's exactly what you should have said.

And how do I know that to be true?

Because that's what happened,

Right?

Do you see that?

Instead of adopting an idea that rejects life,

Now I adopt an idea that describes life.

Why would I do that?

It seems a bit unrational.

I do that because I choose to stop suffering.

That's why.

I choose that over my ideas of what should have happened and how reality should exist.

Anyway,

It's just an opinion.

Do you see that?

Whether it rejects or supports life,

It's just an opinion.

Just an idea you have.

It's a thought.

So now I choose to adopt a thought that describes life instead of rejecting it.

It takes some skill.

But more than that,

It takes your commitment,

Your willingness.

It requires your conscious choice to stop the suffering.

So now you have an idea that actually describes life instead of rejecting it.

There is no gap.

There is no gap now.

Your idea actually correlates with reality.

Supports it.

If there is no gap,

Then there is no suffering.

That's it.

Now,

I dare you.

Try it.

Apply it.

Every time you suffer,

You stop and you remind yourself,

This is something I created and I choose a life without suffering.

Okay.

What is the gap?

What is happening?

What I believe should have happened?

Okay.

I remind myself,

I don't really know what should have happened.

And now I choose an opposite.

100 degrees.

Opposite idea.

This is what should have happened.

Not this.

This.

How do I know that?

Because that's what's happening now.

There is no gap.

If there is no gap,

I don't suffer anymore.

It might look a bit artificial in the beginning.

But you do that again and again and again.

Remind yourself again and again.

Doesn't matter if it feels artificial or fake.

Just do it.

Fake it until you make it.

Yeah.

Instead of believing you should never speak to me like that,

Now I believe that's exactly how you should have spoken to me.

Instead of believing I should have more money in my bank account,

Now I believe I have exactly how much money I need.

And not one penny more.

Instead of believing I should have known better,

Now I believe I should not have known better.

I know exactly what I need to know at this moment.

Exactly.

In divine accuracy.

And I can continue throughout the night.

Every time you feel contracted,

Every time you feel frustrated,

Angry,

Violent,

Despair,

Revengeful,

Etc.

Etc.

All those negative emotions.

There is always a gap that you created.

And now you choose to close it.

And you close it.

Okay?

And the third step is a bit more delicate.

It's for people who have practiced closing the gap for some time.

But I'm gonna tell you,

You can apply that if you feel that you're ready.

The third step is drop all paradigms.

Realizing that paradigms are just opinions,

Ideas that stand between you and an open heart and a willing soul.

That prevents a complete experience of life as it happens in the present moment.

Then I drop them.

If I realize it doesn't serve me any any way,

Any good.

So I drop my paradigm.

It's not good or bad.

It's not useful or useless.

It's not pro or cons.

Neither of those.

I don't need that anymore.

And the consciousness free of paradigm is truly available to experience life.

So every time there is an idea I have about reality,

Doesn't matter if it supports reality or rejects it,

I drop it.

I drop it.

Then I'm fully available.

Truly available to experience the present moment.

This is a bit more delicate and it takes some practice for sure.

So you can concentrate on the first two steps.

Remind yourself that you don't really know.

Be humble.

And adopt a paradigm that describes reality instead of rejecting it.

And you do that again and again and again and again.

Because guaranteed you will forget.

And you'll find yourself in the drama once again.

But now when you're in the drama,

You can remind yourself,

Oh,

Just a minute.

I choose to live without a drama.

This is more important that I detox from it.

And then I apply the steps.

I recognize the gap.

Add humility.

Adopt an opposite paradigm.

If I can,

I drop all the paradigms altogether.

Hmm?

What do you say?

Questions.

How am I doing?

I'm quite sad,

I have to say,

Lately because of what's happened in Israel.

But I'm also happy to be here with you.

Now,

What are the questions about suffering?

It's important to say,

You know,

Sadness is not suffering.

The fact that I feel sadness doesn't mean that I'm suffering about it.

You see that?

Sadness is just another emotion that we are invited to experience from time to time.

Sadness is not a problem.

It's just the opposite side of the scale from happiness.

How do you know that you're happy if you're never sad?

Opposite values are complementary,

No?

They complete each other.

So sadness is just another emotion.

It becomes depression when you are opposing it.

Do you see that?

What you resist,

Persists.

Pain is not a problem.

It's just the opposite of pleasure.

When does it become a problem?

When you resist.

Then it becomes chronic.

Chronic pain.

Do you see that?

Then it's suffering.

What you resist,

Persists.

So allow yourself to experience what life has to offer.

Not always it's comfortable or nice.

Sometimes it's painful or sad or Kazimer.

How do you stop suffering in sadness?

In sadness I'm not suffering at all.

I'm just sad.

And that passes.

Sadness gives meaning to my happiness.

It deepens my happiness.

And the other way around.

I don't reject sadness.

Very helpful.

Now to test out and see if I can reframe to close the gap.

Yeah.

How should I deal with chronic physical pain?

Embrace it.

Embrace your pain.

Rejoice it.

I know it sounds strange.

But you only have your body for how many years?

How many more years you have your body?

60 years?

50 years?

40 years?

I don't know.

And living in a body means that we also feel pain.

Just as we feel pleasure.

We can taste.

We can smell.

We can hear.

Because we have a body.

We can experience life in the physical realm.

Thanks to our body.

So don't reject the pain.

Allow it.

Embrace it.

Rejoice it.

Soon you don't have a body anymore.

And you will miss the pain.

I guarantee you will miss the pain.

I never thought that was possible.

Now you know it's possible.

And from now on forward it's your choice.

You can reject the pain and suffer.

Or you can embrace the pain and rejoice.

How do you choose?

What do you want?

How do you want to live your life?

Same approach for emotional pain such as grief?

Definitely.

Again,

Remind yourself.

I don't really know.

I don't know.

Be humble.

When should people be born?

When should they die?

I don't know.

This person should not have died.

This person died at exactly the right moment.

How do I know that?

Because he did.

She did.

Now I'm free to experience the grief without the suffering.

See that?

Yeah,

Of course it's sad that people are taken away and they leave a big hole as they go.

And it takes skill to fill that hole again if possible at all.

Sometimes it's just a big hole that we need to get used to.

But that's not a problem.

I once said that our purpose in life,

The reason that we came here is to learn how to elegantly let go.

Learn how to elegantly let go.

We can talk about grief maybe next week if you want.

And how to elegantly let go.

Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming Yeah,

It's an illusion.

You know,

Sometimes the experience that life suggests seems so immense that it feels overwhelming.

No,

This is too much.

I cannot handle it.

It's beyond my capacity.

But know that this is never the case.

Life cannot offer you an experience that you don't have the capacity to experience.

Fully.

You just don't know yourself.

Yet.

You don't know how great you are.

How vast you are.

You don't know that any experience is always smaller than you.

Just like any play is always smaller than the theater hall.

You see what I'm saying?

Any play,

Doesn't matter how dramatic it is,

Is always smaller than the theater hall.

Just like that.

Your consciousness is bigger than any experience.

You just don't realize,

You don't know yourself yet to be that big.

So you convince yourself this is too much.

It's never the case.

Know thyself.

And then no trauma will ever be marked on you again.

No trauma.

Because you will always be available to experience whatever life has to offer.

It hurts and it's difficult to embrace.

It's a daily practice.

I must learn to elegantly let go.

People say,

Oh it sounds so difficult.

And my answer is always,

It's more difficult to suffer.

Isn't it?

It's way,

Way,

Way more easy to let go.

Think about it.

How is it?

More difficult to live like that?

With your fists closed and you fighting life against life?

Protecting yourself against life?

Or relax and let go?

How does it,

What does it feel more difficult to do?

Good,

Good,

Good.

Well,

There's a long one.

Let's see.

Cut.

But if universally we all understand how it sounds to be rude and disrespectful or behave abusively,

Then it is harder to accept that we create that paradigm,

So to speak.

But of course,

As a human race,

We did.

I understand the concept and agree.

I joined late,

But I appreciate we all created a reality that doesn't exist or on a spiritual level we do not know.

Here we strive for grace and to be in the present moment and move with the storms and bend like the trees.

It does seem to be about letting go everything in life.

Yes.

So I encourage you guys to stop making sense.

Do you know the Talking Heads?

Do you know their album Stop Making Sense?

If you don't,

Listen to it.

It's a fantastic album.

And remind yourself,

This is not about making sense.

It's not about your intellect.

Getting the point.

It's about your heart choosing to open.

And the way to do that is to let go of the intellect ideas about what's good and bad and what should happen and should never happen.

The journey is from here to here.

And to do that,

I gave you those three steps.

And now it's up to you.

You need to ask yourself,

Do you want to live a life free of suffering?

If so,

Every time you feel contracted,

Every time you feel that you are drawn back into the drama,

Into suffering,

Stressful life,

You allocate the gap.

Every time.

It could be 50 times a day.

Doesn't matter.

Allocate the gap.

Give it a name.

And now remind yourself,

I don't really know.

Choose a paradigm that is opposite to the one that created the gap in the first place and then drop the paradigm.

Yes.

Remember this.

And now you're back in the present moment.

You see what I'm saying?

Practice that.

Take this week.

Practice it.

Let's meet again next week and we can share our experiences.

What do you say?

See if it works.

Yes?

Good,

Good,

Good.

So thank you guys for being here,

Sharing your path.

Thank you for your beautiful questions and your donations are very helpful.

And let's meet again next week to walk the path together a little bit more.

Good night,

Good morning,

Wherever you are.

Love you very much.

Bye bye.

Reviews

I look forward to learning more from you.
This was fabulous! Not only the three steps shared here but wow, a fan of Talking Heads 🎸 You’re my man 😁, I’m following you. 💥🥳

Excellent, Yaron! Integrates some aspect of Buddhist way in an astonishingly simple and direct manner. Thank you so much!

Awesome! I'm going to do the meditation now.
I'm tired of suffering!

Thank you so much for this Yaron. Closing the gap to the reality of what is and the idea of how I think it should be is extremely helpful and a wonderful tool in my pocket when I allow my thoughts to make me suffer.
Namaste and thank you for being here 🙏💚