Rising Beyond Self-Doubt

How do grow beyond self-doubt? How to deal with depression? Is the Mind real or not?

Join us to continue our discussion about the nature of an awakened consciousness. Learn how to grow beyond all self-inflicted limitations. Share your insights, your questions, and concerns as we join hands to grow together.

Transcript

This unique opportunity we give ourselves every week to stop the rush,

Take a deep breath and reflect,

Reminding ourselves who we are and what is most important to us.

Because we are propelled forward by the tension that hides between the question and the answer,

The universal longing for the truth.

So this is your stage,

This is your opportunity to share your questions,

Your wonders,

Your insights,

Your difficulties,

Your doubts,

Anything that you feel stands between you and an awakened consciousness.

So who would like to be the first one to talk,

To ask,

To jump into the waters?

Baba is asking,

Is an awakened consciousness even feasible?

It's inevitable.

It's not just feasible.

It's inevitable.

It's like a fish asking,

Would I be able to swim?

Is it something I can do?

You are engulfed in that,

You are that.

It's not a matter of achieving it at all.

It's being rewarded for your efforts at the end of your journey.

It's not an achievement.

It's who you are,

Who you've always been.

The only reason that you might not experience it as your very nature is doubts,

Self-doubts,

A restless mind that keeps pulling you away from your inner peace,

Into the drama.

But there is nothing that you need to do to realize it.

Just wake up.

We have an idea about what an awakened consciousness is.

And then that idea creates a gap between whatever I believe it should be and whatever is happening here right now.

This is definitely not an awakened consciousness,

What I have.

I'm too much deep into the drama.

I'm still learning.

I have a lot of work to do,

A lot of issues to solve.

I have a lot of journey to finish before I can be even hoping for something like that,

Right?

These are all ideas.

An awakened consciousness simply saying is a consciousness that stopped doubting itself.

And don't wait for some kind of proof that you can rely on to say,

Okay,

That probably justifies the fact that my consciousness is currently awakened.

There is no proof.

It's like you're trying to prove that you love.

Did your partner ever ask you to prove your love?

Did your partner ever ask you to prove your love?

How did you feel?

How can you prove it?

You do something,

You bring flowers,

Is that a proof?

You know?

It's not something that you can actually prove.

It's got nothing to do with what you do or don't do.

It's something that you know.

You know that you are love.

Same,

You know your consciousness is awakened because you just realize it.

And the doubts cannot convince you otherwise anymore.

Listen to what I'm saying.

The doubts cannot convince you otherwise anymore.

Meaning,

It's not that the doubts would disappear from your mind.

It's not waiting for the days where doubts have vanished.

They may continue rising,

So what?

So what?

Sometimes that record that keeps on playing in the back of our head never stops until the last day we are on this planet in this body.

That doesn't mean that you need to continue dancing to the music it plays.

You can listen to that music,

But don't dance.

Don't dance.

Don't be a victim of your beliefs and thoughts and opinions.

That means rising beyond your doubts.

And once you've risen beyond your doubts,

You realize I am that.

I've always been that.

I just have a tendency to forget.

What else?

I have a question.

I don't probably know if it's appropriate or not,

But recently I found it harder and harder to be present with my mother.

I find it challenging to be conscious and hold conversation without feeling anger towards her.

I think my question is how do you confront feelings that arise towards loved ones,

Especially parents?

I find it hard and it takes so much effort to remain calm.

Parallelly,

I am working on healing these old wounds,

But my mom talks to me every day.

It can be challenging and bring a lot of shame and guilt.

So,

Parents,

That's a complicated subject,

Isn't it?

That's why I devoted a whole talk to our relationship with our parents.

Go back to my Insight Timemail page and look for that Healing Our Relationship With Our Parents.

There's a talk specifically addressing this.

So,

Listen to it.

But in a sentence,

I would say,

The closer and more intimate the relationship we have,

The more vulnerable we are.

That's why we are very easily triggered by parents because we are closely intimate with them.

If you're honest about your spiritual journey and your quest for an awakened consciousness,

You will be able to see that and your quest for an awakened consciousness,

Which is equivalent to an open heart and a willing soul.

Then you would use these events where you feel triggered to learn and grow.

Instead of blaming your parents or your mother or your loved ones or whoever it may be,

Instead of blaming them for triggering you,

You grab that as an opportunity.

Thank you for putting some light on an unresolved corner of my soul.

So,

I know that this is where I need to focus on right now.

Because I do realize that an awakened consciousness feels at home in any situation with everyone,

Close or far.

So,

If I,

For some reason,

Don't feel at home,

I feel that I'm shrinking instead of expanding for some reason,

I want to grab that as an opportunity to grow,

To learn something about myself.

Don't blame the messenger.

Use it as an opportunity.

And start investigating what caused that contraction,

That resistance within you.

I guarantee you will find an idea that is contradicting reality.

Something in the family of this woman,

She will never change.

She needs to change.

She needs to understand.

She needs to change the way she talks to me,

The way she behaves.

She needs to change her ideas and her concepts about life,

About me.

She needs.

She needs.

Or,

A little bit more developed is,

I should have known better.

I should have learned already at my age.

I shouldn't be triggered like that.

Blaming others or blaming yourself.

Judging.

Why?

Because you have an idea about a fake reality that should have happened instead of falling in love with reality as it happens.

My mother should be a different person.

Is that true?

Can you know that to be true?

Absolutely true?

She should not talk to me like that.

How do you know?

You don't know.

Do you?

You have an idea that you don't know.

Fish out those ideas.

Fish them out.

Don't believe them.

Ideas that try to argue,

To contradict reality are those that create suffering for you.

Then you become contracted.

And you close your heart.

The opposite of your journey.

The purpose of your journey.

So every time this happens,

You immediately wake up to say,

No,

No.

This is not why I'm here.

I'm not here to close my heart.

I'm here to open my heart.

So,

What am I doing wrong here?

What did I miss?

What did Yaron say?

Suffering is born and raised in the gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

So I close the gap.

Close it.

How do I close the gap?

You remind yourself that you don't really know.

Add humility.

And then you open a paradigm that is opposite to the paradigm that caused suffering to begin with.

Instead of you should never speak to me like that,

Now I believe that's exactly how you should have spoken to me.

In those very words.

In this intonation.

In divine accuracy.

How do I know that?

Because that's exactly what happened.

So now my beliefs describe reality instead of contradicting it.

There's no gap.

So I don't suffer.

It's much easier to keep your heart open to people and situations as they are when there is no gap.

You see what I'm saying?

The day that inner peace,

Silence,

Unconditional love would be more attractive than the drama that these ideas create is the day that you will wake up.

Michel,

I have the exact same situation with my mother.

Thank you for the question.

To Yaron.

Do you believe that antidepressants can hold spiritual awakening since it is a substance?

It's a good question.

Sometimes they are required.

But usually you can do it without substances.

They are required when your ability to function is how do you say it in English?

Diminishing.

You are unable to function.

You stay in bed.

You don't go to work.

You don't want to eat.

Then antidepressants might be required.

At least until you get back into a functioning position.

And then you can look at your depression.

And what do you see when you look at depression?

What is depression?

Depression is sadness that you resist.

Somebody write it down.

Depression is sadness that you resist.

And what you resist persists.

Isn't it?

What you resist persists.

You give that energy to the event.

So it stays and grows and expands.

If you put your attention on the difficulty,

On the pain,

On the suffering,

If you put your attention on the difficulty,

On the pain,

It grows.

If you reject that,

If you oppose it,

If you try to run away and not experience it,

If you fight against it,

It stays,

It grows.

That's how pain becomes chronic.

That's how sadness becomes depression.

Because there is sadness there that you don't want to truly experience.

Yes.

Do you see that?

Why do you try to avoid it?

Usually it's because you don't believe you have the capacity to experience it.

You think it's too much.

It's too painful.

It's too sad.

And if I will open my heart to it and be exposed to it,

Fully,

Truly,

It will destroy me.

So I try to avoid it.

And it stays.

It grows.

Because you put that energy.

You allow it to stay.

You resist.

So it persists.

If you truly submit yourself to the experience,

How open is it maybe?

You will realize two things.

The first thing is,

Whatever you are currently experiencing is never too much.

It's never beyond your capacity.

It's there for you to experience because you can experience it.

That's how you avoid generating trauma.

Karma.

You are available to experience reality as it happens,

When it happens.

Do you see what I'm saying?

The second thing that you find is not only you can experience it,

It's changing.

Everything is changing.

Life is a constant change of events and experiences.

Life cannot be stagnant unless you resist.

Then it can stay for ages.

It can stay for a lifetime.

People can be depressed all their lives.

Why?

And they can take it with them to the next life.

Why?

Because they never submit to the sadness.

Of course,

Because they avoid sadness,

They don't know happiness as well.

If you avoid the pain,

You don't know pleasure.

So,

What do you want to do?

How do you want to live your life?

Do you want to keep on rejecting experiences because they are uncomfortable or threatening?

And then judgment day comes.

You come in front of Gabriel,

Or whatever his name will be,

And he's asking you,

So,

How did you live your life?

What are you going to tell him?

That was too afraid.

That was too afraid.

Okay.

So,

Here we go again.

I did it.

Remember,

Whatever life has to offer,

You have the capacity to experience with a full heart and a willing soul.

Even if it seems too much,

It's never too much.

Hmm?

So,

Your depression goes away.

And there is only sadness,

Which is temporary.

Mila is asking,

In conjunction with studying neuroscience and shamanism,

I've started looking into tantra and reiki.

As a clear-scented psychic,

I have been seeking clarity as to how I can achieve the tantric objective without completely negating the power that our thoughts can have in terms of manifestation,

Psychic powers,

And empathy.

If the mind is not real,

Then how do we discern the validity of these capacities and phenomena?

Wow,

That's a beautiful question.

So,

I would fine-tune it a little bit.

When you say the mind is not real,

Make sure that you don't dismiss it altogether.

Of course,

It's real in the sense that it exists.

Right?

Thoughts are there,

Emotions are there,

Sensations are there.

They are not real in the sense that they don't exist.

Sensations are there.

They are not real in the sense that they don't describe who you are.

Okay,

There is a movie there on the screen.

Definitely,

There is a very dramatic movie happening all the time.

I don't discern the movie.

Yeah,

There is a movie,

But I don't use it to identify myself.

There is the observer,

Which is unthreatened by changing events.

It is able to experience whatever the movie has to offer.

Without identifying with it,

That movie can never shake you.

Sometimes the movie is a tragedy.

Sometimes it's a comedy.

Sometimes it's a dance.

Sometimes it's a stand-up comedy.

Right?

It could be many things,

But you are never shaken by it.

You don't disregard it or ignore it.

Definitely participate.

You cry in the right moments,

And you laugh in the right moments,

And you clap when it's appropriate.

But you don't identify with the movie.

This is not who I am.

This is just an opportunity for me to experience that.

But I don't belong to that realm of changing events.

I belong to eternity.

The eternity cannot be threatened by a temporary event.

Do you see that?

So if you go and you practice tantra,

Reiki,

Whatever you do,

Or you want to practice the traditional sciences,

Or whatever you choose to do,

You do it.

With joy.

With joy.

With curiosity.

But don't depend on it to identify who I am.

That's never the case.

Your experience cannot identify what you are.

Ian?

Do you see what I'm saying,

Mila?

Good,

Good.

Noni.

So true.

I haven't been resisting my sorrow over my husband's passing and cried my eyes out all year,

And now I'm feeling myself rising strongly.

Good.

So I confront my sadness,

And it seems like there is so much of it within me that needs to come out.

Should I just let it flow then?

Yes.

Yes,

In its own natural rhythm.

Just don't resist when it comes.

Embrace it.

Just as you embrace happiness and enjoy it,

Sadness and happiness are one and the same.

Pleasure and pain are one and the same.

Again,

Just make sure that you stay open with an attitude that says yes to life.

This is awakening.

An attitude that says yes.

Wow.

This is amazing.

Sadness.

This is how it feels.

Wow.

Happiness.

Wow.

Yes.

Bring it on.

Ian?

Mila,

That's an amazing answer.

Thank you.

I have much appreciation for you.

I need to.

I have to realize you are the generator.

I'm just following your pace.

Gently following you.

What else?

Don't you just love those silence moments where you can just connect with that words and concepts and ideas?

But I love your questions.

Don't stop asking.

Jackie is asking,

A friend got drunk and started attacking me on Shabbat because she was sad about her life.

She didn't stop even when loved and heard how to be with her.

I think you did good.

You were listening.

You were there for her.

You loved her.

That's as good as you can do.

Isn't it?

And when she sobers up and feels like it would be an opportunity to learn something about herself,

You may reflect to her and discuss why she needs alcohol.

Alcohol.

What is it good for?

Why do we use alcohol or drugs here?

Usually it's about deeming the pain,

Deeming sadness,

Deeming those experiences that we feel are hard and difficult and challenging that we are trying to escape from.

I don't want to be sad.

I don't want to be depressed.

I don't want to feel the pain.

So,

Deem it artificially.

Run away from it.

This is why people commit suicides.

Because they believe the pain is too much.

They can't deal with it anymore.

The only way to shut it down is to destroy yourself.

That's an illusion.

If you need to experience something and you keep running away from it,

It will come haunting you again and again and again.

This life,

Next life,

Until you are available to experience it.

That's the truth.

What you resist,

Persist.

And God has all the patience in the world.

So,

Instead of running away from the experience,

Know yourself to be wide enough,

Strong enough to allow it to be experienced.

You are the theater hall.

And whatever is happening is just a play on that stage.

The hall cannot be threatened by the play.

As dramatic as it may be,

It doesn't hurt the hall.

Do you see that?

Your consciousness is like the hall.

Everything that is happening and is being experienced is included within your consciousness that allows it to manifest.

No point of running away from it.

You just postpone the inevitable.

Numi,

I find it challenging to focus my mind.

My thoughts are strong and all over the map.

Yet I am aware that I am aware of them.

Shall I just let the river flow or do I feel its eye?

Important to develop our focus.

The secret lies not in avoiding your thoughts,

But realizing that they are not who you are.

There is a gap between the object of observation and the observer.

They are not the same.

Just like the play that is happening on the stage and the theater hall are not the same.

They are included in the theater hall.

But they don't describe the theater hall.

The same theater can have a tragedy one evening and a comedy the next one.

It doesn't change.

It's the same theater,

Same location,

Same tickets,

Same cost.

Just a different play.

So now you are experiencing a thought and the next minute you will experience an itch on your nose.

And then there will be sadness or disappointment or whatever you happen to experience in a given moment.

It's not a problem.

Thoughts are not a problem.

Don't try to tame your thoughts,

To control your thoughts.

That's futile.

Thoughts are not meant to be controlled because they have no power.

You don't need to change something that cannot threaten you Thoughts have no power.

You give them power.

When you identify,

When you believe,

As the observer,

You are carried away and lost in that stream.

Just wake up to realize I'm just,

I've been mesmerized.

This is not who I am.

I can relax in the position of the observer once again and just observe the thoughts as they come and go.

They have no power.

Right?

Just like the movie that you go to in the cinema.

It has no power.

Does it?

Just 25 frames per second.

Lights and shadows on a silver screen.

It has no power.

You,

The observer,

Give it power.

Where is Carly when I need her?

Mila,

This is a message for Anne.

OK,

Anne,

You can read it later.

And then?

What else?

You know,

I recommend if you really want to develop a new type of relationships with your thoughts,

Practice the guided meditation that you can find in my Insight Timer page.

It's called Me and My Mind.

Go there and practice it again and again,

Every day for a week,

At least.

And then every couple of days,

Practice it again,

Again and again.

This will sharpen the gap,

Make it very clear to you.

The gap between the observer and the object of observation.

And within that gap you find great freedom.

That's the true first step of an awakened consciousness.

Realizing that the realm of events has no power.

So,

There's no point of keep on trying to manipulate it,

Control it,

Changing,

Running away from it,

All that drama,

Craving and aversion.

No point,

Because it has no power.

Why try to control it?

Why try to avoid it?

It has no power,

So what's the point?

It's like waking up from a dream.

That's why it's called an awakening.

As long as you keep believing that the mirage that you're looking at is real,

It has that promise that only when you arrive and drink those waters you'll be satisfied.

But when you realize it's not real,

There's nothing there.

It's just an image,

A mirage.

In?

Then you know.

It's never hiding somewhere out there.

It's been within me all the time,

Since ever and ever.

Then,

What else?

Any last questions for tonight?

Good night.

So I encourage you to go there and practice,

Practice those meditations.

Listening to me talking about it is good,

But usually it's not enough.

Only very rare type of people can listen in listen to it and just be reminded,

All right,

That's it.

I will never forget that again.

Most of us need the practice,

The sadhana.

So do it.

Don't be lazy about it.

In?

Good,

Good,

Good.

So I would like to thank you very much for your time and your awareness,

Your beautiful questions,

Your donations,

And then look forward to meeting you again next week and go together a little bit more.

And bring a friend.

Let's make it a party.

What do you say?

In?

The practice I recommend,

As I said,

Is me and my mind.

Look,

Look for it in my insight timer page.

Guided meditation called me and my mind to realize thoughts,

Emotions,

Sensations have no power.

Good,

Good.

Good night.

Goodbye.

Take good care of yourself.