Know Thy Self- I Am Not My Intellect (Fears)

Know Thy Self- I am not my Intellect
Join us for this series of lessons that takes us through the seven levels of existence toward Self-realization. This 5th session will focus on the realization: I am not my Intellect- where my fears are born. Learn how to deal with fears so they will not stop you anymore from fulfilling your highest potential.

Transcript

So,

Let's sit comfortably on our seat for a short ceremony.

Let's take a deep breath in and let go.

Close your eyes and take another deep breath in.

Breathe out and let go all your tensions.

Let go of everything that already happened in the past.

Let go of everything that may happen in the future.

And allow your breath to guide you back to the present moment.

To be aware of whatever is happening right now.

Become aware of your environment.

Become aware of your body and your breath.

Make sure there is no tension hiding anywhere in your body.

If you found a place that is contracted or tensed,

Just breathe into it.

Fill it up with oxygen,

With healing light.

As you breathe out,

Allow that area to loosen and open like a flower.

Comfortable and relaxed.

Become aware of your thoughts,

What are you thinking of right now,

Without getting too entangled with any specific phenomena.

Emotion,

Sensation,

Thought.

You just observe.

And as you observe,

Allow your attention to shift from the realm of phenomena back towards its own origin.

The origin of attention.

That space within that exists before and beyond any phenomena.

That space within where there is no movement.

There is only silence.

And for a moment,

Become that silence.

Another deep breath in.

Gently allow your attention to come back to the body that is seated here upon its seat.

A part of our virtual circle.

Let's unite our individual intentions into one unified intention.

The intention to grow,

To develop,

To evolve.

One more breath in.

And when you feel comfortable,

You can open your eyes.

So,

Hello everyone.

How are you doing?

Welcome to this unique opportunity we give ourselves twice a week.

To hold hands and walk the path together.

Supporting each other's growth and the growth of us as a unified consciousness.

We are in the middle of our journey under the light of the eternal question,

Who am I?

We are roughly halfway on that journey.

Realizing that this question could never be answered directly,

We are using the elimination method.

Instead of answering that question directly,

We answer the question,

Who am I not?

Allowing the truth to reveal itself as we shed off false identifications.

So,

We shed off three and a half layers so far.

I am not the body.

The body is the temple in which I reside.

I am hosted.

So,

Learn how to improve the communication skills you have with your body.

Use the wisdom that lies within.

The second layer was,

I am not my breath.

The breath is the bridge that stands between the physical body and the inner world of the mind.

So,

Learn how to use the breath to clean your body from toxins and stress.

And to bring you back to the present moment when life happens again and again.

The third level of existence was the mind.

I am not the mind.

The mind is just that movie that is being projected on the screen of the mind.

And the breakthrough is realizing that this movie has no power of its own.

Emotions,

Sensations and thoughts are experienced,

But they have no power unless we identify,

We believe.

Then we grant that power.

So,

As we practice,

As we meditate,

We come to realize again and again,

More and more,

The difference between the experience and the experiencer.

In the last session we started discussing the fourth level of existence,

Which is the intellect.

The intellect is that movie critic that sits in the cinema hall,

Watching that movie and having an opinion about it.

And as soon as there is an opinion,

We are stuck,

We are trapped.

Because when we approve,

We hold on to the reality that we see,

Trying to make sure it doesn't change.

It's not taken away.

We want more of that.

That is called craving.

And if it disapproves,

Then we try to chase it away,

To avoid,

We fight against it.

That is called suffering.

Aversions.

Cravings and aversions rule our intellect.

Because all the opinions it has about reality.

So we came to realize that this is where our suffering is born.

And we actually gave a mathematical equation to deal with that suffering.

What was the mathematical equation?

Suffering equals the gap between what is and what I want,

I thought it should have been.

What I believe it should have been.

That is suffering.

And the homework was allocating those gaps as they happen,

And work to minimize the gap,

Close the gap.

Did anybody do their homework?

Anybody wants to share?

How was it?

Allocating and closing the gaps.

Don't be shy.

That's your opportunity to shine.

Remember,

This course is not just a theoretical philosophy.

This is a practical course.

It requires practice.

Barbara says,

The neighbors had some construction done yesterday.

Loud,

Dusty,

Noisy,

Etc.

Reality.

I did not like it.

Gap recognized.

I laughed.

Isn't it,

You know,

When you recognize the gap,

It becomes a joke.

All the drama turns into comedy.

Isn't that so?

Once you realize this is just ideas that you have about reality,

You are free from the drama.

Because you can choose different ideas.

These are just ideas.

Right?

How much freedom is revealed once you realize you are the creator of the drama?

So you can be the destroyer of the drama as well.

Anybody else?

Barbara says she is so grateful to be able to hear and smell and have neighbors.

It's a new story.

One that actually supports reality instead of arguing with it.

John says I benefited from changing the issue with my wife.

I didn't disagree.

Rather,

I accepted 180 degrees her view.

She smiled and we laughed.

Wow!

Isn't that transformative?

Think about it.

How easy was it to dive into the drama again?

My opinion against your opinion.

Who is right?

Who is more just?

Who is going to win the argument?

It's so easy,

So comfortable to go back into that position.

When will I be happy?

When you understand,

When you change,

When your opinion is similar to mine.

And suddenly,

Even if just one side of this equation flips and is not a partner for the drama anymore,

There is no drama.

There is no drama.

Isn't that beautiful?

Transformative,

I tell you.

But you need to practice.

It's not enough to listen to it.

You need to roll up your sleeves and do the work.

Allocate those gaps and close them again and again and again.

My suffering is born and raised in the gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

Closing the gap is the way out of suffering.

How do I close the gap?

Remember?

You add humility.

You just remind yourself,

I don't really know what should have happened.

And then,

Flipping your agenda,

Flipping your story,

Instead of believing that reality was confused,

You are now believing that reality was accurate.

Divine accuracy.

This is exactly what should have happened.

How do I know?

Because that's what happens.

And I choose an open heart over my addiction to drama.

And now,

The idea that I have actually describes reality instead of arguing with it.

So there is no gap.

If there is no gap,

There is no suffering.

That's it.

Now you know.

And you also have the tool.

You cannot claim that you didn't know anymore.

That's it.

Now it's up to you.

If you find yourself frustrated,

Angry,

Violent,

That's not because you didn't know that there is an alternative.

You cannot use that excuse anymore.

You know there is an alternative.

You know that it works.

But you need to apply it.

And you need to choose an open heart over winning an argument,

Over the satisfaction of drama.

Choose it again and again.

Anything more about suffering?

Or are we moving on?

Moving on?

So the other aspect of intellect that is important to mention is in that faculty not only suffering is born,

But also fear.

Fear is born in the intellect.

And it's important to focus on that.

Because fear is a huge power.

One of the most dominant powers that manipulates us.

And determines how we live our lives.

How we make our choices.

How we interact.

So we need to put some attention there.

So first of all let's use this mathematical equation to determine fear.

Remember suffering is the gap between what is and what I believe it should have been.

Fear is the gap between what is and what I don't want it to become.

So instead of looking back and suffering,

You are looking forward in time and you are afraid.

Ok?

This is the definition of fear.

This is fear,

The gap between what is and what you don't want it to become.

Do you see what I'm saying?

It's almost exactly like suffering.

It's like first degree cousin of suffering.

Kathleen has the example,

I had a medical diagnosis and it scared me.

I found the gap and I'm less afraid now.

Excellent.

So first of all,

Before I forget,

I want to invite you to go back to my Insight Timer page.

There is a course there that is called Fear vs.

Surrender.

You can take that course.

Fear vs.

Surrender.

We go deep into the essence of fear and surrender.

And grow beyond your fears.

So I strongly recommend you do that.

But in the context of the intellect,

Which we are discussing today,

What is fear?

There are only two types of fears.

There is no third type.

There are only two types.

The first type of fear is the fear that we experience when facing clear and immediate danger.

And that fear,

Of course,

Is a good friend because it helps us protect ourselves,

Survive.

Right?

If there is a clear and immediate danger and we are not afraid,

We have a problem.

We are going to have a very short future.

If we are not protecting ourselves.

Right?

If you walk in the crossing and you see a truck driving fast and the driver is not looking and just playing with his phone or whatever,

And you know if you are not out of there in two seconds,

And the truck is going to drive over you,

This is clear and immediate danger.

And you should be afraid and react.

Use that fear.

You know the fear,

What happens?

It wakes you up.

Right?

There is the blood pressure and the adrenaline and the breath.

And you are all sharp and attentive and you are able to face the danger and protect yourself.

Do whatever needs to be done to survive.

That is a good friend.

Unfortunately,

These types of fears are rare and far between because we don't face clear and immediate danger.

Almost never.

We live in a protected environment and that is not the case.

The vast majority of fears belong to the second group where we experience fear,

But not because of clear and immediate danger,

But because of movies that are projected in our minds about what may happen.

So we are in constant anxiety about a possible future.

And that type of fear is not helpful at all.

It doesn't keep us healthy and alive.

It actually reduces the joy,

Reduces our availability to experience life fully.

So the first type of fear is not born in the intellect.

This is a normal reflex of our lower brain stem.

Yes,

This is almost an automatic reaction of our body when facing clear and immediate danger.

The other type of fear is psychological.

I can understand that your brain tricks you into thinking that it is clear and immediate.

And you can even justify it with your intellect and explain that this is the reason why I am scared and these are all the reasons that I have to feel this way and there is a whole story around it.

Yes,

And you are right.

It is very tricky because the way the body reacts to that psychological fear is very physical.

It can be almost identical.

Because the body,

When you think about an apple and when you actually touch an apple,

You can barely tell the difference.

If you do a CT scan of your brain,

It is very difficult to tell if you are just thinking about an apple or you are actually holding an apple.

The same parts of the brain light and the body react.

You have the juices running.

If you hold an apple or you think about an apple.

The same about fear.

The body reacts very similarly.

The adrenaline is rushing and the blood pressure is rising,

Etc.

But for no reason,

Because there is no clear and immediate danger.

You don't need to protect yourself,

Actually,

In real life.

Only in your imaginary world that is currently possessing you.

So the first thing a sincere seeker is encouraged to do when facing fears is to search for clear and immediate danger.

Every time you feel contracted.

And engulfed with fear or anxiety.

The first thing that you are invited to do is to look left and right and search for the tiger.

Is there a tiger here in the room about to jump?

Then you should protect yourself.

Definitely.

But if there is no tiger,

And I tell you 99% of the time there will not be a tiger there.

I hope 100% of the time.

Then there is no reason to be afraid.

Then you need to take back responsibility and go beyond that fear.

Realizing that it is not helpful at all.

It takes away life force from you.

And takes away your availability to experience life fully.

To fulfill your potential.

In every given moment.

Do you see what I am saying?

So this is where I see it very helpful to have connection with other people and be in community and relationship.

Because I know for myself sometimes I feel like it is really difficult to get out of that sort of crazy anxiety feeling.

And it is helpful when other people in my life know this.

Know what you are speaking about.

That they can recognize that from the outside.

And help me take a breath and stay in this present moment.

And then I can do that also when I see somebody else going through that.

This is why we connect in this space here.

So we can be that for each other.

Because besides doing the mindfulness practice and the meditation practice just strengthen that part of your observer brain.

That is what other,

I feel like that is what other people in our lives are also there for us for.

Definitely if you surround yourself with sangha.

With people that are supporting your growth.

And your strive to live a fulfilled life.

Fearless.

Then it is definitely helpful to have them mirror that intention to you again and again.

Remember what is most important to you again and again.

And when you feel you have slipped back into that position of a victim or engulfed in drama.

Then they can help you to get out of it,

Snap out of it.

And keep reminding you of what is most important to you.

But you can do it yourself as well.

If you happen to be alone or that person is not available to mirror all that for you in real time.

I can give you a few recommendations on how to do it for yourself.

How to snap out of that.

You want to know?

Of course.

So the first thing of course as always is remind yourself what is more important for you.

Remind yourself of that intention to grow,

To be free,

To be fearless.

To relieve yourself from drama.

That choice has to be completely clear and enriched at any given time.

Because it is very easy to go back to that automatic reaction to life and life circumstances.

So if you feel that you are contracted again,

Rejecting,

Avoiding,

You are overwhelmed with cravings and aversions.

No,

You keep reminding yourself.

I prefer an open heart.

This is what I want.

That choice of coming back to an open heart is precious.

Keep it the most important thing for you.

This is the key to use the following recommendations successfully.

So once you have chosen that,

What to do?

You can go back to the four levels of existence that we have discussed so far and work in each one of them to relieve yourself from fear.

How to do that?

The first level of existence is the body.

So remember,

Every time you experience fear your body is contracted.

Sometimes the contraction is overwhelming.

You are frozen from fear.

And sometimes it is mild.

If you search you can see that here it is blocked.

Or here in the throat it is blocked.

Or in the lower belly you can feel that there is a blockage there.

So what do you do?

You recognize that blockage and deliberately,

Intentionally,

You work to release that blockage using your breath.

Like we have learned,

Breathe into that area,

Fill it up with life,

With oxygen,

With white light,

Whatever makes you happy.

And then breathe out that contraction,

Breathe out that toxin.

And as you do that 5-10 times,

Like a flower blossoming,

This area is releasing that stress.

And once there is no contraction anymore you see you are free of fear.

Even if it is only temporary.

But it works.

So using the body as an indicator,

Using your breath as a cleaning material,

Releasing these contractions.

And once you are released and the passage along the 7 chakras is open,

You know,

God is able to play through you like a flute.

Fear doesn't allow that to happen.

So this is the first level of existence,

The second level of existence.

The third level of existence is the mind.

So how to deal with fear in the mind?

You keep reminding yourself,

This is just a story.

There is no tiger.

It is a story about a tiger.

A possible tiger.

But there is no tiger,

It is just a story.

And the story has no power.

This is what we do in the level of the mind.

We keep reminding ourselves again and again.

Thoughts have no power.

So when you look at a scary movie,

You just keep reminding yourself,

This is just a movie.

It is not real.

What is real?

What is happening here,

Now?

This is real.

This is the only thing that is real.

Where truth can be found.

Now,

Here and now.

So again,

Using your breath to come back from the story about the future,

Back to the present moment.

Yes?

So this is the work we do on the level of the mind.

Questions?

John is asking,

If fear is based on a prior experience of deception with an individual,

To readdress from an open-mind perspective,

What if the deception occurs again?

How is that just a story?

That seems like reality.

If it happens again,

It is reality.

But the possibility of it happening again is a story.

Do you see the difference?

So yes,

You can learn from your mistakes.

You can learn how to better deal with life circumstances.

No problem.

Don't hold on to the edge of your seat to wait for the next time it may happen.

Because while you are waiting,

Life happens.

Do you see what I am saying?

Life is happening while you are waiting,

Preparing,

Protecting yourself against the pain that you may experience in the future.

So I can see from John's example how one would try to justify the change in behavior towards somebody who was deceptive in the past.

So I am being like this towards this person because they lied to me or whatever.

And I am afraid that they are going to lie again.

So I am putting up a boundary or I am protecting myself in some way.

So what is the difference between doing that,

Which you just said,

And creating this gap where you are entering into the territory of assuming that somebody is going to do something or behaving based on that fear?

The only reason you protect yourself is because you are afraid.

Afraid of the pain.

An awakened consciousness doesn't protect itself against possible danger.

An awakened consciousness is there to experience life.

And life is pleasant and life is unpleasant.

Sometimes life is comfortable,

Sometimes it is uncomfortable.

Sometimes there is pleasure,

Pure pleasure.

Sometimes there is pain,

Sometimes there is terrible pain.

An awakened consciousness is there to experience it.

Pleasure and pain are one and the same.

You don't need to protect yourself against life.

You are here to experience it.

You see,

When you position yourself in that position of protecting against life,

You don't really allow yourself to experience it fully.

Don't be afraid of pain.

If you avoid pain,

I tell you,

You never know pleasure.

If you avoid sadness,

You will never know happiness.

Opposite values are complementary.

You need them both.

Sadness gives depth to happiness,

Isn't it?

It fills it with meaning.

If you are happy all the time,

You don't even know that you are.

What does it mean?

You need sadness.

So open your heart to it.

You need pain.

Sometimes pain is pleasure,

Isn't it?

Pain is not bad.

If somebody hurts you,

Hurt you.

So what?

He was a missionary of God sent by the Divine to poke you.

So you have been poked.

I have been poked.

Is there anybody here who has never been poked?

This is not how life works.

Allow the poking if you want to be available for life's caressing.

How do you say?

Caressing.

Otherwise you just shield yourself against life.

Life cannot touch you.

That's great.

So you will never feel the pain,

But you will never feel the pleasure as well.

Is this how you want to live your life?

So the idea is to surrender to anything that is coming in the moment and then immediately let it go so that you can experience the next thing in the next moment,

Whether it is painful or pleasurable.

That's why that course is called Fear vs.

Surrender.

Surrender.

Surrender that shield.

Take it away.

You don't need it.

Life cannot really harm you.

Allow life to touch you.

You are indestructible.

You are indestructible.

The essence of who you are is eternal.

Life is temporary.

It is changing.

And it will be over in 50 years.

That's it.

All this drama about protecting yourself against life will be washed away by the next wave.

Nobody will remember that.

Barbara uses the example of pain of childbirth that somebody brought up last week.

It's a great example.

It's a good example because all at once you are going through pain for such a pleasurable experience or outcome.

Yes,

And it's very intense.

But you know it happens,

And maybe at lower levels,

But it happens daily.

We avoid the uncomfortable,

We avoid the painful experiences,

And we surround ourselves in this cocoon of comfort,

Comfort zone.

So what would happen if we invite these not so pleasant experiences?

You don't need to invite them.

They will come.

You don't need to ask the world to abuse you.

You don't need to do that.

You just stay open.

Yes,

But invite in terms of not resisting it.

What's the question?

Just a thought.

Keep yourself open to whatever life has to offer.

Like everything is approached with this curiosity and.

.

.

Innocence.

Yes.

Like a child.

Like a child.

What happens?

A child is open like a flower.

Everything is new and exciting and full of joy.

And then we hurt,

Because life can be painful.

So we start building these shields around us more and more and more.

We become more and more sophisticated in the way we manipulate and maneuver between the drops.

We want the rain to come,

But we don't want to get wet.

A consciousness that is free is standing there in the rain and reviving itself with the dropping rain.

It's not avoiding discomfort.

It rejoices discomfort just as much as it rejoices comfort.

So back to fear.

Understanding.

Fear is only useful when we face clear and immediate danger.

And if not,

We can start working to grow beyond that using the body,

Using the breath,

Using the mind,

And now using the intellect.

How to use the intellect to overcome fear?

The intellect likes to digest,

To explore.

It likes to figure it out,

Like a scientist.

You want to get into the bottom of things.

So use that capability of the intellect to investigate your own fear.

And I'm going to teach you a method you can use to do that.

Investigating the essence of fear.

How to do that?

You choose a fear.

We're going to do a simulation.

Ready?

Yes.

So first remember that in order for this to succeed,

You have to be honest and brave.

Without those two qualities,

No investigation can be fruitful.

Honest and brave.

So let's choose a fear,

Any type of fear.

It could be mundane,

Whatever.

I have a fear of heights.

Okay,

Very good.

So now we're going to take that fear and start investigating by using this question,

Why is that scary?

Okay?

Why are you afraid of heights?

What is scary about heights?

Because if I fall to where I can see it's too far,

Then I'll break something and that will be painful.

So pain.

Why are you afraid of pain?

Why is that scary?

Because it hurts.

Yeah,

It does.

But why is it scary?

Because I'll be uncomfortable and not feeling like myself.

Very good.

Why is that scary,

To be uncomfortable?

Maybe because I would be dependent on somebody else to take care of me.

Okay,

Good,

Good,

Good.

Stay there.

Why is that scary,

To be dependent on somebody else?

I feel like I would be a burden to them.

Maybe then they would resent me.

Okay.

Why is that scary?

Because then I wouldn't feel connected to that person and they would push me away because I was too much.

Okay.

They would push you away.

Why is that scary?

Because then they wouldn't be there to look after me and I would maybe die.

So you're afraid of death?

Yeah.

Okay,

Why is that scary?

I don't know what happens then.

You're afraid of the unknown?

Yeah.

Why is that scary?

I like to know what's happening.

I like to control things.

You like to?

Control things.

Control things.

Pause.

Stay with that.

That was a simulation.

Thank you for sharing.

Now let's see what happened here.

We started with fear of heights and we started digging deeper and deeper using a simple question,

Why is that scary?

And we keep returning to that question again and again and again.

Why is that scary?

Why is that scary?

Why is that scary?

And you see after four,

Five,

Six layers we reached a central station.

Why central?

Because it's like a common denominator,

You know?

The fear of losing control.

It's like an underground stream of poisonous water that poisons all the wells.

We dig,

Dig,

Dig,

Dig,

Dig,

Pach,

We reach that underground stream.

The fear of losing control.

This method will take you through two possible streams,

Possible inquiry streams.

One is I'm afraid of this because of that,

This because of that,

This because of that,

And here I'm searching for fear and I don't find any.

I'm not afraid actually from that.

I call it the empty station.

Because there is no fear.

Actually I'm intrigued.

For example,

People go there and then they face the fear of death.

And then when asked why is that scary,

They say no,

Actually I'm not afraid of death.

Actually I'm quite curious about what would happen after I die.

I'm not afraid of death at all.

Or they will reach a different type of an empty station,

Empty of fear.

This is one possible path.

The other path would lead us to fear of losing control.

I've never seen somebody reach a different path.

The only thing I've seen is somebody stopping on the way.

Because it's too scary to actually go down deeper and reach that fear of losing control.

So we stop before that.

I don't know,

It's too much.

It's okay.

If somebody reaches that point,

You just stay there.

You know,

Stay.

Don't try to dig deeper forcefully,

But just stay with that.

Okay,

So I reached that.

I started here,

I reached this.

I'm going to stay with this.

And when I'm ready I'm going to dig deeper.

But I tell you,

Deeper you will find the fear of losing control.

Let's look at that fear now.

Why is losing control so scary?

Let's take a deep breath in.

And let go.

Questions?

Mary is asking,

To observe makes sense,

But is it worth analyzing irrational fears?

To observe that a fear is irrational seems enough.

Good.

Stop there.

It's not necessary.

If you can do the work using body,

Breath,

Mind,

That's enough.

If you are free from fear,

That's good.

If you still need to work because the fear is holding on and doesn't let go,

You can analyze it.

And Joe says,

I'm afraid I will be alone in the world if I burden others because of my disability or weakness caused by this fear.

You're afraid because of the fear?

I think that's what she means.

It's like a loop,

Definitely.

Yeah,

There is only one way to get out of that loop.

You need to choose,

Honestly choose,

To break free from that loop.

John's.

.

.

Break free from that loop,

Meaning you don't position yourself again,

Anymore,

In that position of a victim where life is intimidating.

You choose an open heart.

You choose to be available for life,

To touch you.

You choose to be actively participating as opposed to sitting on the fence,

Protecting yourself against life.

No,

No,

No.

You don't want that anymore.

You jump off the fence into life,

Accepting the present moment,

Pleasurable or painful,

And moving through the difficulty with an open heart.

You'll realize eventually life cannot harm you,

Life cannot destroy you.

Only your body.

Your body is here to be destroyed.

It was born to be destroyed.

But you cannot be destroyed.

John's asking,

Then,

Can we not find wisdom from prior experiences?

Yeah,

Definitely,

Why not?

Learn.

But don't stay attached to that.

Don't use it as another type of shield against life.

Yeah,

We are here to experience all types of experiences.

Yeah,

So learn,

Grow,

And keep your heart open.

That's the point.

Keep your heart open.

He's asking,

Is personal wisdom or what we've learned from history always too biased and just leads to fear?

Personal experience?

We'll speak about that when we talk about the next level of existence,

Which is the memory or our story.

Yeah,

Yeah,

We are here to experience our unique story.

But you already know this is not who you are.

We'll discuss that in detail next meeting.

And Christine's asking,

How does that help my fear of heights?

I think with the fear of heights,

Actually,

That that one is probably,

That one for me personally,

Feels almost like I can observe the deep part of my brain being fearful.

And it's almost like my intellect can rationalize,

You're safe,

You know?

Like if I'm standing on,

Like in,

We live in Edmonton and I grew up in Calgary and there's a tower in downtown Calgary where you can take the elevator all the way to the top of this tower and you can stand on the floor where it's glass and see all the way down to the street,

You know,

The 20 some floors or whatever.

You know,

Like,

So you stand on something like that and you know,

Your body feels scared,

But I can rationalize that I'm okay because I'm looking around and I'm looking at other people standing on this thing.

And,

You know,

I can say to myself,

Well,

This must be safe.

I'm sure I'm going to be fine.

Even though I feel like I want to lay on my stomach to even look over the edge.

Yeah,

You can use it as entertainment.

Like,

You know,

People go to see these movies,

You know,

The chainsaw,

Whatever,

Massacre,

All those terrible movies.

Yeah,

So something like Fear of Heights to me feels like that,

You know,

A horror movie or something where you want to just,

You know,

Close your eyes,

But you know that it's just being,

It's just that projection.

And if I go through that,

Those levels,

I realize that I feel scared and,

You know,

My stomach turns,

But I can still do the thing.

It's not stopping me from doing whatever I want to experience.

Maybe I want to have that thrill.

However,

I can experience that.

The observer is there,

Untouched,

Unharmed,

To experience the thrill of whatever.

You know,

I'm not standing on the wall going,

I can't even go over there,

You know,

And I'm totally dysfunctional and can't join my party to experience that thrill.

Next time you run into this scary situation where previously you could not participate because it was too scary,

Too overwhelming.

Next time you come with an open heart deciding,

No,

I want to experience it,

Even if I'm intimidated or my body is somehow pre-programmed to react in a certain way.

It doesn't matter.

Just be there.

Observe the sensations.

As extreme as they might be,

You know,

And then you realize there is no sensation,

Emotion,

Or thought,

An idea that you can experience that is actually too much for you.

It might be intense,

But it's never too much.

If you somehow were mistaken to believe that it was too much,

Then it's only because you still have some learning to do about the capacity of your own self.

One rule to remember always is that if this is happening,

It's because you can experience it fully with an open heart and a willing soul.

Okay.

More questions or can I come to the question of losing control?

Bernadette is saying,

It's difficult to stay in the present moment.

We constantly reflect on the past,

Reliving it again and again.

Instead of saying we live in the past,

Just replace the we with the realm of thoughts live in the past.

We are free from that pendulum movement between past and future.

This is the realm of thought,

Not me.

The realm of thought always goes like that.

Why?

Because this is the nature of thought.

If I'm not focused on something,

The thought will go to something that already happened or may happen.

Don't take it personally.

It's not you.

It's just a thought.

And you can choose at any given time if you want to ride that train,

That crazy train between past and future,

Or you want to jump off it and stay in the present moment.

This is your choice.

How to do that?

Just use your breath.

We already learned that.

Come back to the breath.

The breath can only exist in the present moment.

Anything else?

Good.

So,

Back to the question of losing control.

Guys,

Once and for all,

We have to look at that with courage.

What is that drama about?

Why are we so afraid of losing control?

The joke is that we end up realizing that we were never in control.

Just look,

Observe,

Observe life as it happens.

Look around you.

Are you in control?

Birds are flying,

The wind is blowing,

The sun is rising and setting.

What are you in control of?

Life outside you just happens.

People come and go.

Did you choose your friends or did they just happen to be in front of you at a given time?

Did you choose the family,

The brothers and sisters you were born to?

Things happen,

No?

Even your profession,

Did you really have that calculated from an early age or did it just materialize?

Life took you on a mysterious journey and you ended up doing whatever it is you are doing now.

Isn't it?

Think about it.

How much of this were you really in control of?

Look inside your body.

It is such an amazing organism.

It grows,

It develops,

It eats,

It digests,

It keeps such an amazing balance of toxicity.

Toxicity?

Toxicity and keeping temperature,

Keeping.

.

.

Homeostasis?

The level of.

.

.

The level of fluids,

The level of.

.

.

Like in lemon,

The level of.

.

.

Acidity?

Acidity.

All these things that happen,

The body does by itself.

Are you in control of this?

What are you in control of?

You know,

You want to move your finger.

Okay,

You have this idea,

I want to move my finger.

But what happens?

Do you know what happens since you had this idea until the finger actually bends?

I don't know.

Realizing,

Waking up to realize,

You know,

This drama,

Losing control is based on nothing.

Life happens.

What are you in control of?

Seriously.

Your own thoughts.

Are you in control of your thoughts?

Don't think about an elephant.

Don't.

Did you manage not to think about an elephant?

For one second?

So an awakened consciousness realizes this is a joke.

How can you be afraid of losing what you don't have and never had?

Surrender to the mystery of life as opposed to try to continue and control it.

To ride the tiger.

This is not what you are here to do.

Life is much more mysterious for you to ride it and control it.

When you surrender,

Life takes you,

As it always has,

But now you don't fight against the current.

Now you are harmoniously flowing with the current.

Do you see the difference?

So much energy is released there when you don't spend it trying to fight against life.

So next time you engage with fear and you investigate to realize that what you actually are afraid of is losing control,

Remind yourself this is a joke.

Don't be afraid of losing what you don't have.

Wake up to surrender to life's mystery.

Then you can actually engage.

Then life can actually touch you.

More questions?

That's it.

So what to do?

Keep practicing.

Allocating those gaps.

The difference between what is and what you believe it should have been equals suffering.

The difference between what is and what you don't want it to become equals fear.

Keep allocating those and keep choosing.

I prefer an open heart.

You can use all those techniques and pointers that we gave to close those gaps.

Come back to the present moment.

Enjoy the present moment.

Even if it's not enjoyable or not comfortable.

Whatever.

This is how you justify your existence here.

Actively participating as opposed to trying desperately to avoid.

Rejoice always,

Barbara says.

And you can practice those guided meditations.

I am not my body.

I am not my breath.

I am not my mind.

I am not my intellect.

All are available in my Insight Timer website.

So keep on practicing those.

Practicing closing the gaps.

And we'll meet Saturday to discuss the fifth level of existence,

Which is,

I am not my memory,

My story,

All those things that happen to me.

Invite your friends to come with you to Saturday's meeting.

Let's make a party out of it.

John says,

Very insightful.

Be curious and recognize opportunity.

So thank you for your time,

Your attention,

Your donations.

And looking forward to meeting you all.

Meeting y'all.

How do you say?

On Saturday.

Good night.