Fearless Relationships- Possible Reality Or A Myth??

Join us for this discussion about the nature of a fearless relationship. Is it feasible and how to achieve it. Let's hold hands and grow together, uniting our longing for the truth and our commitment to grow beyond any imaginary obstacle toward an awakened consciousness.

Transcript

Hello everyone,

Welcome to our weekly session.

That unique opportunity we give ourselves to stop the rush,

Take a deep breath,

Grow together,

Not just as individuals on the path,

But also as a united,

Universal consciousness.

And we do that by harnessing the tension that hides between the question and the answer.

I was told by my boss to move it closer to me,

I hope that's not too close.

So your questions is what moves this conversation forward.

This is how I am activated.

So to make it most beneficial for you,

This is your opportunity to shine.

Share your question,

Your wonder,

Share your doubt,

Your difficulty,

Anything that you feel that stands between you and an awakened consciousness.

And specifically today we were hoping to focus on fearless relationships,

Whatever that means.

So the floor is yours.

What would you like to know?

Who would like to be the first one to jump into the waters?

PJ is asking,

Is society internationally designed to distract us from consciousness?

No,

There is no master plan that is out there to prevent you to be who you are.

Because you are already that.

Nothing can take that away.

Nothing can threaten that.

Sometimes you remember and sometimes you forget.

It doesn't reflect on the fact that you are that already.

So don't be discouraged by the distractions that life sometimes put in front of you.

And the fact that you forget is only aware to you,

Only realized by you when you remember.

So every time you think,

Oh,

I forgot,

It means that you woke up,

You know?

So just rejoice on that.

Stop expecting reality to be different.

Stop expecting yourself to be any different than who you are as you are right now.

And if your tendency is to forget,

Embrace that.

Then you can engage in practices that can help you to remember and forget as little as possible for you.

Remember Seva,

Satsang,

Sadhana,

Sadguru,

Molda,

Kali.

How do we decide when to take action on something and when to sit back and accept?

Accepting something doesn't necessarily mean that we sit back,

Okay?

We can be very active and influential after we accept it.

You know,

This question comes because we are so pre-programmed to believe that action can only be the cause of misery or suffering.

Something is broken,

So I'm trying to fix it.

For example,

I don't have enough money in the bank,

Which is a terrible mistake.

So now I'm going out to the world and I'm involved in action to gain money,

Right?

If I had enough money in the bank,

Then why should I go and work and do anything?

There is another force that propels us to act,

Which is not based on lack,

On misery,

On fear,

Right?

A very powerful force that we can all connect to and be the tool of.

And that force is called,

Let me guess,

How is it called?

Love,

Exactly,

David,

Douze poids,

Right?

We can go out and influence,

Actually,

You know,

We influence anyway,

If we decide to go out and if we decide to stay at home.

In both cases,

We influence.

We influence because we are a part of this creation,

An integral part.

And everything that is happening out there influences us.

And everything that is happening in here influences reality,

Whether we choose to do something about it or not,

It doesn't matter.

So you just ask yourself,

What is your motivation to go and do and engage?

Does it have to be based on lack,

On fear?

Or can it be an expression of love,

Of bounty,

Of wealth,

Internal wealth?

Then you go and change the world.

But not because you believe it's broken,

Okay?

Another Ed is asking,

How to heal the part that is relating out of wanting to get approval and love and shifting to more internal deal relating out of true love?

Most shifting to more internal clear relating out of true love.

How to heal the part that is relating out of wanting to get approval.

Do you know what is the motivation that drives us to demand approval from other people?

Why do we need that demand?

Why do we need that approval?

We do that because we have no idea who we are.

So we go out and ask people,

Maybe you can tell me,

Who am I?

Your opinion is what I will use to answer this question,

Who am I?

I have no idea.

You tell me.

If you think that I'm good,

Then I'm good.

If you think that I'm bad,

Then I must be bad.

And why is that?

Because I have no clue.

So what to do?

Add self-awareness.

That's the point.

Become aware.

Know your true nature that hides behind your tendencies,

Behind your doing,

Right doing,

Wrong doing,

Behind your persona,

Behind your story.

Find the true nature of yourself.

Know that.

Then you're not dependent on what other people think about you.

It doesn't matter.

Once you know,

It's unshakable.

Nobody can threaten that anymore.

You see what I'm saying?

So how to heal that?

You just add self-awareness.

Walk on the spiritual path.

It's designed to help you find an answer to this question,

Who am I?

And it's not a concept.

It's not an answer that you can realize,

Ah,

OK,

I got it.

This is who I am.

It's a direct experience.

It's a knowing in a biblical sense,

Which means uniting into one.

In the Bible,

When they say to know something,

It means to unite with it.

OK?

I hope I answered your question,

Eddie.

So don't bother asking for people's approval or for people's love.

This is futile.

You just know who you are,

What you are.

And you share that knowing through love.

That's your destiny.

That's the reason you're here.

Good.

Good.

Peggy's saying,

Fearless relationships are not common.

We tend to have some fear.

Maybe children are fearless.

Children are fantastic teachers for sure,

Mostly because they can live in the present moment and they don't carry on this baggage of their story,

Right?

The younger they are,

The greater the teacher they can be.

Time adds layers of ego until that innocence is almost gone.

Yeah,

And I agree,

Definitely.

The vast majority of relationships are led by fear,

Not by love,

100%.

If we are honest,

Look at your relationship.

How many of your relationships were truly led by unconditional love and how much it was actually clinging for comfort,

For safety,

For an illusion of stability,

For social status,

Whatever,

Just not being alone and cold in the winter?

How much of that was involved?

You don't find many couples who have a relationship that is based on unconditional love.

It is very rare.

The question is,

Do you want such a relationship?

Do you want to be an expression of unconditional love through a relationship?

This is the question I'm asking you to ask yourself today.

How do you know that you love someone unconditionally?

Because you don't have any conditions,

Preconcepts and conceptions about the relationship,

About the other person,

About yourself.

You're completely surrendered in that regard,

Completely open,

Innocent.

You don't attach yourself,

You don't cling,

You don't reject.

No cravings or aversions of any kind.

Then you know your love is unconditional.

Physically,

How do you know?

Very simple.

If you feel that you are tight in the presence of your partner,

The tightness can be very physical.

You can easily recognize it,

Or it can be very gentle and easy to ignore.

But it's there.

And if you're honestly observing,

You will find it.

This tightness is fear,

Manifested in the physical form.

If you are in the presence of your partner and the only thing you can experience physically,

Emotionally,

Mentally,

Spiritually is openness,

Expanding,

Flowing from inside out,

Then you know your love is unconditional.

And you're not afraid that this will close if that person goes away.

As you know,

This is your nature.

That person is only an excuse that you give yourself to open up.

That's it.

It's nothing to do with him.

It's only about your willingness to open your heart and to be exposed,

Be vulnerable.

Nothing to do with the other person.

Don't wait for the right person to do that.

Let's go back to your questions.

AJ,

Just a minute.

Is there self-will?

How active should we be in playing the game of life versus surrendering?

Is there self-will?

Some say self-will is an illusion.

These are all biochemical events that happens in our brain,

Which is pre-programmed to react in a certain way in front of a certain situation by millions of years of evolution and fine-tuning.

Some say the only will that you have is to love the present moment,

To accept and love the present moment versus rejecting and fighting with it.

That's the only true choice that you have.

Are you willing to open your heart and be vulnerable?

Full-heartedly and with a willing soul,

Or are you still governed by fear?

That's the only choice.

The rest is just life happening through you.

But it's so beautiful,

Isn't it?

You remember the movie Bruce Almighty?

With what's-his-name?

Bruce Almighty,

Remember that movie?

What's the guy's name?

Jim Carrey,

Yeah,

Remember?

So it's about a guy who is complaining to God about the way he performs,

Saying that if he had the powers that God has,

He would do a much better work than God.

So one day God just tells him,

OK,

Listen,

I'm convinced.

You take all my powers and you do the best you can.

Let's see how you do.

So he goes and makes a big mess.

But I'm telling this story because at one point he's trying to persuade his partner to love him,

And he's doing all kinds of crazy things,

But he's unsuccessful.

So he goes back to God and asks him,

Listen,

I did everything I can,

But she still doesn't love me.

You do that.

You make her love me.

So God says,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No.

This is something I cannot do.

I cannot make people love,

Open their hearts.

This is their choice.

It's a stupid movie,

But a beautiful point.

So just for that,

Go and see that movie if you haven't.

I think I'm opening a gap here.

Let's see.

Peggy is saying,

Interesting.

Answer,

Yaron,

I know who I am and I do not need approvals anymore.

I am 69.

I learned.

Good.

Now go deeper.

Beyond your age,

Beyond everything you've learned in your lifetime,

And beyond your body and everything that it went through throughout the years,

You go deeper.

Dive deeper into this question.

Who am I?

Who am I without this story,

Without this body?

But young people try hardly for approval,

BC,

That is what society asks them for.

Even in finding a couple and you are right.

Okay.

I don't hear a question there.

Is there actually a thing such as conditional love or is it just Maya?

No,

Love has no condition.

There is relationships that are based on conditions.

Conditions are caused by fear,

By a sense of lack,

Not by love.

Conditional love is contradicting in terms.

Love cannot be conditional.

Love is all abiding.

Love is a manifestation of wealth,

Of plentiness.

Why would it want something?

It already has everything.

It is everything.

Why would it bother about this or that?

You are love.

You are love.

When you know that as a direct experience,

You drop all your conditions.

They just fall off you like shoots that are ripe.

Never ask your partner to prove their love to you.

You just take it for granted.

You just know that they love you unconditionally.

Behind their conditions,

Behind their fears,

Behind their drama,

Behind their history,

Their scars,

Their trauma,

Behind that,

They only can love you unconditionally.

Connect to that.

Connect to the divinity within them.

Don't ask for their proof.

That kills relationship.

Peggy,

I had a relationship for 42 years.

I loved him unconditionally.

I am a widow now.

I know what you mean,

But it took me years to get rid of the fear.

Okay,

Good,

Good.

But you did that,

So now you go and teach other people how to live.

Best relationships.

Melina,

I tried to practice this with my partner.

I find it hard and that my wants are not much met.

So,

Melina,

Yeah,

Being okay with being alone.

Being okay with being alone.

That's a start for sure.

Look,

If you are not comfortable in your own skin,

Why would anybody be comfortable with you?

Why do you ask other people for what you cannot provide to yourself?

That's not fair.

I cannot love me.

You love me.

I hate my company.

You enjoy my company.

What?

That doesn't seem right.

This is the recipe for disaster.

People are looking for someone to fill up that hole within them of self-loathing.

The fact that they bore themselves.

This is the recipe for disaster.

If you're not comfortable in your own skin with your own company,

Don't expect other people to enjoy you.

And even if by some miracle you find somebody that will enjoy you,

You still live with a huge hole inside of you,

Which nobody can fill.

There is no freedom there.

And in order to feel okay with yourself,

You are dependent on their constant approval.

You be your friends.

You be your best partner first.

You know who you are.

I'm aware of that.

And then you go out and share that knowing with other people.

So being okay with being alone is a start.

And then you love that.

You love your loneliness.

Love that.

Love who you are,

What you are,

As you are.

Then you go and share that love.

Not the other way around.

David,

I feel my relationship starts without the contraction,

But certain events or states of the relationships being about the contractions.

And then they don't ever leave.

The contractions don't ever leave.

Work on that.

Investigate what are you afraid of.

Let me help you in your investigations.

When investigating your fear,

You will find there are only two fears.

Two types of fear.

The first type is the fear of not getting what you believe you don't have.

You miss.

You need.

You lack.

And the second fear is the fear of losing what you feel you have already.

You've gained.

You were able to obtain.

These are the two fears.

There is no third fear.

So when you research your fear,

Try to see,

Try to go deep,

Deep,

Deep,

Deep into your own being and see what is that fear based on.

What is your belief?

What is your core belief about yourself,

About your partner,

About the relationship you have?

Maybe you will find either something like,

I'm happy when they are around.

So I'm afraid that if they will go,

I will not be happy.

I will be miserable.

So my happiness depends on them,

On their presence,

Right?

I'm afraid to lose what I were able to obtain,

Which is mine.

Or it could be something like,

Keep on searching for love and appreciation and approval,

Which I don't have.

And I'm afraid I will never have without their presence in my life.

So I'm dependent on their proximity.

You see,

There is little love there.

There is mostly fear and lack.

Peggy,

I am in that path and it's different of being young.

You will see when you will be Zaken,

An old man.

I'm getting there.

First love is ourselves,

For sure.

What means contractions?

Contractions are the physical form of fear.

So when you are contracted,

You know that you are governed by fear.

And this is an opportunity to stop and investigate what fear am I concerned with right now?

Why is my heart closing?

My intention was to open my heart.

Why is it closing now?

Closing of the heart feels physically as a contraction,

Right?

Carly is saying,

Contractions are tightening in our body or heart or mind that makes us turn away or shut down or feel trapped.

Yeah,

Exactly.

AJ,

What is your relationship with Igor?

I have no relationship with Igor.

Igor is not good and Igor is not bad.

Because Igor is not.

It's an illusion.

It's not real.

There's no point in trying to have a relationship with something which you know to be an illusion.

You know,

It's like a mirage.

You walk in the desert and you see a mirage of a beautiful oasis out there in the distance.

So you're hypnotized by that and you want to get there and you believe only when you reach that oasis you will be able to heal your thirst,

Right?

You're captured by that mirage.

But when you wake up to realize this is not real,

There is no oasis there.

It's just an illusion.

It loses its charm.

It loses its ability to manipulate you and control you.

It loses its power.

So what's the point trying to do anything about the ego?

I have no relationship with Igor.

See what I'm saying?

Peggy,

I will find the exact translation in Spanish as contractions is not that.

Contractions.

Anyway,

Peggy,

Think of tightness of muscles.

Yes,

Physically contracting.

You know,

Think about it.

You try to stress your belly muscles,

You know,

Just now,

Like you need to really go to the washroom and pull something out.

This is that tightness is contraction.

You know,

When you're having a baby,

You have contractions,

You have those muscles tightening in doing labor,

Right?

So fear does that as well.

Doesn't have to be so dramatic.

It could be very gentle,

Easy to ignore,

But it's there.

Okay,

What else?

Ego is necessary,

But we need abundance.

Ego is necessary.

Necessary to do what?

It's like saying,

Yeah,

That mirage over there in the desert is necessary.

Okay,

Use it then.

I don't know what is it good for,

But if you think it's necessary,

Then use it.

It's like the wave saying,

No,

No,

No.

My idea of me,

Myself,

And I,

My idea of separated identity is important for my survival.

If I remember the ocean,

It will be a disaster.

But that's ridiculous because the wave is always a part of the ocean,

Whether he likes it or not,

Whether he believes that or he ignores it.

The wave is always an oceanic expression,

Whatever he thinks about that.

You are as well.

You can enjoy your ego.

You can fight with your ego.

You can try to kill it.

It's an illusion.

Don't worry about it.

The walls growing between you and your partner,

Resistance to who they are.

We resist our partners as they are.

Do you know how many couples I've been teaching that are basing their relationship on the promise that their partner can change.

You know,

I know in his heart he can change.

I know that.

That's why I stay with him because I have this hope that one day he will be different.

I tell you,

Don't base a relationship on the hope that your partner will change.

Either you accept your partner or you reject him.

My recommendation is accept your partner and then decide if you want to stay with them or leave.

But don't expect them to change.

Definitely not because you think it will be better.

This is a recipe for disaster.

This session is full of recipes for disaster.

First you accept,

Then you love your partner as they are.

Then you drop all your expectations and all your concepts about who they should be.

And then you surrender into this choice and the consequences of that choice.

And then because you love unconditionally,

You can make the right choice.

Sometimes the choice is to stay,

Sometimes the choice is to go.

But then it's accurate,

It's effective,

It's harmonious.

It's proactive.

It's A-karma yoga.

A-karma yoga is an action that you do that doesn't generate new karma for you and for your loved ones.

Self-love and self-respect and also for respect others.

We are humans.

We are not perfect.

No,

I.

.

.

Peggy.

We are humans.

Therefore,

We are perfect.

What is perfection?

Perfection is not different than reality.

Do you see that?

Reality is already perfect.

You don't need to fix it or change it.

If it doesn't seem perfect,

It's because you have an idea,

An opposing idea.

A better idea,

A more perfect idea about what should have happened.

But that's an illusion.

It's just an idea.

The only thing that is real is reality.

That's why it's called reality.

And it's already perfect.

So are you.

You are already perfect.

Don't wait for a better version of yourself to manifest.

I tell you,

If you wait,

It will never come.

An awakened consciousness realized that.

And realized that beyond any doubt.

You are that.

You are already that,

Perfect.

In divine accuracy.

So is the reality that you encounter.

AJ,

If relationships are based on relating to another,

What are we relating to?

Without getting into too much detail,

I would say,

We create a vessel together that can hold a higher level of consciousness.

Higher than what we can do alone.

We bring masculine and feminine energies to dance in this new vessel.

We can definitely do it without a partner.

We are doing it without a partner,

Even if we are not conscious about it.

But if you are consciously doing it with a partner,

It definitely creates a stronger,

Bigger vessel that can reach higher.

Expand to deeper levels of consciousness.

Higher level of consciousness,

Whatever you want to call it.

Then,

Either you grow together or you grow apart.

As long as you grow.

Peggy is saying,

No,

We are not.

Only G-D is perfect.

Okay.

What would you be without that belief?

Peggy,

Let me ask you,

What would you be without that belief?

We make mistakes.

What if I told you there are no mistakes?

There's only contradicting ideas about reality.

And reality actually happens in divine accuracy.

Whether you planned it or it came as a surprise.

In divine accuracy.

What if I told you that G-D and you are one and the same?

And there is no external entity out there which is more perfect than you are.

We can only hope to be.

That's not the reality I know.

Wake up to realize you are that.

You are that.

Always been.

And this cannot be shaken or taken away.

Cynthia.

Are we relating to the reflection that was seen in our partner that is showing us who we really are?

So we're really relating to the divine they all there is?

We relate to them the same way we feel about ourselves.

Yeah,

Truly,

In many cases,

We look at the mirror through twisted lenses.

Why twisted?

Because our lens is not pure.

It's already tinted with past impressions,

Expectations.

We already have an idea about who we are,

What we want,

What we can achieve,

What we cannot achieve,

What we can only hope for.

Our eyes are not innocent.

So what we see in the mirror is tinted.

You see what I'm saying?

The only eyes we can look at and receive a very clear,

Untwisted reflection is the eye of the spiritual teacher.

That's usually a very unique opportunity to meet unconditional love.

The eye of your teacher has no expectations from you.

They love you as you are.

They know who you are,

As you are,

To be divine.

And they see that in you.

And you can see that in you through their eyes.

Tommy is saying,

We are all God experiencing itself.

That's my experience as well.

Thank you,

Tommy.

Tommy goes,

For example,

He is not perfect.

He grows,

And so do I.

Yeah,

Yeah,

We are perfect.

Perfection is always expanding.

The movement is not from imperfect to perfect.

The movement is from one perfect to a greater perfection.

Drop the idea that it's imperfect.

It's an illusion.

Cynthia,

Yes,

There are no mistakes.

There is no such thing as God and anything else.

God is all there is.

Agreed.

I will not change.

Excuse me.

You're not required to.

You already are.

You don't need to change.

We love you as you are.

Right now.

Please don't change.

I know my soul is part of God,

But not my body.

Whoa.

This is going to take me half an hour to read.

OK,

Anami.

Anami,

You've been away for so long.

I've met someone sincerely wonderful.

We connected so deeply,

So beautifully,

So deliciously,

And non-nourishingly,

And we mutually began falling for one another.

But not long thereafter,

They started regressing in their addictions,

And that started impacting the gorgeous connection.

I mindfully convey that,

And during this regression,

The connection started seemingly disintegrating.

They've recently began addressing the regression within themselves for themselves,

And they've also seemingly started operating more from fear than freedom.

And over the course of time,

All this has been happening.

They've increasingly been less and less the person I started falling for.

There was quite a bit of suffering on my end for some time,

Until I started coming to accept that things are as they are now.

I feel I've been trying to navigate a situation that is infused with quite a bit of fear,

And at first,

My own now there's with a seemingly different person,

And trying to continue to be open to them as they are now,

And unconditionally loving of them,

All the while trying to calm my mind and body in the weeks of heaviness and instability.

Instability is the word.

You've entered your manifest with the right words.

One of the most common fear that governs our relationships is the fear of losing that sense of stability that our relationship gives us an illusion of.

People can stay together for decades just because they don't want to deal with something new.

They don't want to break that construction that they've been dedicating their lives to,

Because who needs that?

Yeah,

Definitely,

Carly,

I need you here by my side.

When are you coming?

So one thing I would recommend,

Reflect on your relationship,

Any relationship,

Especially the intimate ones where we feel more vulnerable.

And make sure you clean out of the relationship your demands,

Your expectations,

Your fears.

You clean that,

So much so that the only thing that is left and binds you together is love,

Unconditional love.

Don't expect your relationship to provide anything that you convince yourself that you lack.

Not approval,

Not stability,

Not social status,

Not protection,

Not financial or material benefits of any kind.

Make sure your love is innocent.

Make sure your heart is open regardless of the situation.

If you do that,

I guarantee a whole different version of relationship.

And it only depends on you.

It's got nothing to do with your partner.

So I would like to thank you very much,

Guys,

For being here and sharing your path,

And for your beautiful questions,

And for your donations.

I love your presence.

And I look forward to seeing you all again next week,

Same time,

Same place.

See you soon.

Bye-bye.