Hello and welcome to this talk about restlessness.
A condition that affects so many of us today.
When I say restlessness,
I mean inability to be still and content in the present moment.
That restlessness we feel is a longing for something we have known but forgotten.
For simply being relaxed and comfortable in our own skin.
And it's a common idea that we need to add something to become content.
That's why we're seeking more information and keep ourselves busy.
But what if I told you that peace and contentment isn't something we need to find,
But something we need to stop covering up with our incessant thinking.
And that they're always present no matter our current circumstances.
Before we begin,
Let me start by saying that I'm an experienced quote-unquote restless person.
I used to spend just about every available minute reading,
Watching or listening in order to be productive and to work on myself.
Because I believe that in order to finally find peace and contentment,
I first needed to get better.
Once,
Before my discovery,
Which I'll talk about later,
I was asked how I saw life and I surprised myself by saying an endless set of stairs.
In my case,
Restlessness is more of a persistent feeling that right now is not good enough,
And that I needed to do something else to arrive to a better future,
Where I would finally be able to rest.
But trying to find peace in the future is like saying that we need to just take two more steps to get closer to the horizon.
Regardless of how many more steps we take,
We can never reach it,
And yet it always seems to be there,
Never attainable,
But always in sight.
Now I'm much more comfortable doing nothing.
I can be by myself for an hour,
Something that felt unimaginable just a few years ago,
And not feel the need to do anything,
Simply being present with the beauty around me,
Comfortable with my thoughts and emotions.
How did that change happen?
And most importantly,
How can my story be useful for you to find your own peace and contentment?
The turning point in my relationship with restlessness happened in a riverside cafe in Myanmar about 7 years ago.
At the time we were traveling in Myanmar with my wife and in one town we rented two bicycles to explore the surroundings.
Outside the town,
Out in the fields,
We cycled to a beautiful cafe,
Lush and green with flowers and trees.
It was early in the morning and the cafe was empty,
So we sat at a table overlooking the river and my wife got still,
Looking at the river,
Enjoying the view,
Present and content.
But I couldn't be still.
Even despite the beautiful scenery,
Quiet morning and being alone with the person I loved,
I couldn't rest,
So I grabbed my phone and started reading a travel guide.
It's not that I needed to read it right at that moment,
But I was simply uncomfortable doing nothing.
I was reading all the time back then,
Travel guides,
Self-help books,
Cramming information in hopes of finding something that would allow me finally to be able to stop.
I lived with a vague feeling of dissatisfaction and longing for something that became so familiar,
Like a pair of shoes a size too small.
Uncomfortable,
But tolerable.
I always felt like I was lagging behind and needed to do more.
Like everybody was running and I needed to run too.
Where was the finish line?
Was there ever a finish line?
If there was,
I had never found it by running faster and working on myself more.
So that morning in Myanmar when my wife asked me to put down the phone and just be present and I couldn't do it,
Was the moment when I clearly saw that I had a problem.
I simply didn't know how to stop compulsively cramming more information that I hoped would allow me to finally arrive to a place where I could rest.
I wanted to learn to be still and to enjoy ordinary moments,
So I went on a spiritual search.
On my search I read spiritual books,
Spoke with transformational coaches and spiritual teachers and started meditating regularly.
I saw in my direct experience what the Buddhists call the monkey mind,
That tendency of thought to always dwell in the past or in the future,
To chew on imaginary problems,
To never be content.
Then,
About a year after that morning in Myanmar,
I came across an understanding called three principles and that discovery changed everything.
I was still searching for some technique,
Some method that would allow me to calm down my restless mind.
I thought I needed to add something to be able to rest and be at peace and that I was missing some crucial piece of information I needed to find.
The three principles teaching pointed to something completely different.
It suggested that as soon as our thinking slows down,
Peace and contentment automatically appear,
Just like the sun that shines through a break in the clouds as soon as they part.
The teaching said that agitation we experience is simply a result of a wrapped up thinking and as soon as our thinking slows down we'll be at peace.
After all,
Think back to your own experience.
When do we feel most peaceful?
When we have little on our minds.
Maybe it's in nature,
Watching a beautiful sunset or taking a morning walk,
But our mind slows down and we feel so good.
We usually think it's the external circumstances that make us feel good,
But those are just helpers to slow down our thinking.
When it does slow down,
Peace and contentment quietly come forth.
They never left,
They're just overshadowed by thoughts.
So ironically was that tendency to search for peace in the future,
All that mental activity that was the very thing preventing me from experiencing peace and contentment that are available behind our thinking right now,
As a backdrop of our experience.
That idea of subtracting instead of adding was completely new to me.
Before the principles I thought that I needed to add something and that's why I was reading all those books and seeking new techniques.
But the principles taught me that there's nothing we need to add.
We simply need to stop that incessant thinking from stirring up our natural peace for our mind to calm down.
How do we make a cup of murky water settle?
Not by stirring it harder.
As soon as we stop stirring trying to make the water calm,
It calms down by itself.
Nothing we need to do.
Calm is built into the system.
The peace you've been searching for isn't somewhere else.
It's not in the next book,
The next technique,
The next improvement.
It's right here,
Right now,
Waiting quietly behind all that thinking.
You don't need to search for it,
You just need to stop covering it up.
So the next time you feel that familiar restlessness stirring up,
That need to read something,
Do something,
Fix something in order to get still,
Just remember the cup of mighty water.
You don't need to stir harder.
You can simply stop stirring and be still and watch what happens.
Thank you for listening.
