Hello people,
I'm a little agitated right now so I don't know how this will come out,
Especially my tone is weird when I get like this so sorry about that and let's just dive into it.
So mental illness,
To put it simply,
Is crippling hard,
It alters not only our perception of events and our physical and emotional response to them,
But it makes us bewildered to a certain point like everything is lost since it feels like we've lost ourselves,
Lost our minds,
Lost purpose,
And sometimes we even lose friends,
Jobs,
Certain opportunities.
When depressed we don't know what we like,
We feel like the hole in our chest swallowed us entirely and there's nothing good left of us and we won't ever be the person that we were and keep on living the life that we had with its responsibilities and excitement and passion.
Those feel foreign and elusive.
We feel alien to the things we once did and were and we mourn those memories since we can't seem to find the way back to a place of safety,
A state of confidence and emotional comfort.
And each and every time,
Man,
I swear it feels like it's the end,
That we've reached the end of the lane and that nothing could ever feel good again,
That we are inherently broken now and messed up and that society is a hostile and judgmental place that is no home for us.
What I think is particularly hard is the feeling of losing touch with the world,
Feeling blank and estranged and not knowing what to do in order to get things back to normal,
To just be able to not cry all the time or not being constantly frustrated and anxious and to just feel right basically,
Just feeling okay,
Like you've got this and like the world is not going to end and that you've got your own back.
Because here's the horribly puzzling question,
How are you supposed to feel and what are you supposed to do when you don't even trust your own head anymore?
It feels absolutely unfair and scary and outraging and sad and you feel betrayed by life,
By yourself,
By everyone who said that they would be there for you,
But ultimately they can support you only to a certain extent and you start to feel mad about people who see you like this and that don't understand you all the time,
But you feel guilty for feeling mad because it's not like they did anything bad and they're doing the best they can.
So whatever you see how it is,
This is confusing and very frustrating and sad and it's hard not to make it even harder because we tend to steer up the turmoil in bad moments,
To interact with the problematic thoughts and fight our emotions and we add more emotions on top and it gets overwhelming.
So here's the problem,
We seek enlightenment or let's say at least just a clearer,
More fluid and peaceful outlook on life in order to make insightful decisions while trusting life in our inner vision and on the other hand we've got a mental health issue that makes us doubt ourselves and the world altogether,
That makes us strangers to ourselves and therefore doubt our capacity to live a normal life and frankly this idea is terrifying and in relation to enlightenment I would say that the issue is that in this state of disorientation we can plainly think that our brains could just not compute enlightenment anymore,
You know,
Like since we can't even feed ourselves or get up and exercise and take a shower,
How the heck should we be able to process the immensity of the universe and let that idea save our asses?
You know what I mean?
Maybe you don't relate to that specific way of putting it,
But that is for sure one of the ways that we might be apprehending the subject.
There's also the uncomfortable fact that we have moments when we can't tell exactly where our emotions come from and why we are feeling the way we feel at a random moment and you know in these specific confusing situations we know very well that if we were listening to some guided meditation and the teacher would ask us to identify what we feel and focus on it and let it go we would not be able to do it.
Sometimes it's straight up impossible and we feel way too much overwhelmed to focus on our breath because in our minds at the moment the world is ending and yes we will come down and maybe we can do the guided meditation later but there are times when none of this seems possible to us.
We are just too far estranged and confused and all sense of consistency and purpose is gone and it's important that we don't take it as a proof that we have made no progress because it's easy to think of it like I've been meditating for a year and I made so much progress and now I'm having a breakdown and nothing works so it must mean that I haven't made any progress so far and I'm just starting back at day one trying to figure out life and myself and I'm dumb or whatever.
But it's not what it is,
Really we never stop learning and breakdowns happen,
They will happen and it's okay.
Just remember they're an illusion,
You feel like the ground is collapsing and that the whole universe is falling apart but it's not what happens.
Remember the times when this feeling has visited you before,
Remember how you believed this was true and how life proved you wrong,
How you proved yourself wrong over and over again throughout all these months,
Years,
You're still here and if you're listening to this you still have faith because you know that better times will come if you let them come.
Just like you know that day follows the night and summer always comes no matter how cold the winter has been.
The fact that you struggle with mental illness doesn't make you less of yourself,
You might not feel in control but frankly nobody ever is so it's not like this was on you.
Sure it's different when we feel empty or full of foreign emotions but I think that shame and hate directed toward yourself is a big contributor to making it worse.
Try to hug the part of you that is hurt,
You're allowed to feel this and if you accept how you feel half of the struggle will be gone.
Then sure we don't want to have these feelings in our lives but believe me the more we bury them the more they'll grow.
Acknowledging is always the first best thing to do,
If you're too overwhelmed to distinguish what you're feeling then okay you've acknowledged that you were overwhelmed and couldn't ask more out of yourself at the moment and it's alright.
There are moments for everything and having breakdowns is part of the big ups and downs of life,
Hopefully with time,
With loads of acceptance and patience and experiences the breakdowns will reduce in intensity and they'll be more far apart and more importantly with help.
If you struggle with mental illness you should not for your own well-being deal with it on your own,
Therapy is a concrete tool that can save your life.
Seriously don't wait to have your back against the wall before you ask for help because you don't have to get there in the first place,
It's never too early to get therapy,
Never underestimate how you feel.
Since we're on the topic,
Because I just want to get back on this,
No therapist is ever going to tell you how you're not suffering enough to come see me,
You know what I mean?
Even if you're a little sad,
A little depressed,
Go see a therapist right now,
Don't wait for it to grow bigger.
So since we're on the topic of mental health I'd like to mention some basic elements that play a role in your overall well-being and that I feel have a positive effect on my end so I'll share them with you.
So first is vitamin D,
If you're not getting enough sun because you're stuck inside or you live in a very rainy or snowy place,
Get some supplements because vitamin D deficiency has effects on our mental and physical health,
Not consuming enough makes us more prone to depression and overall lack of energy.
Now I'm not a nutritionist but I do feel the effect it has on me,
Just like many people also do.
There's also magnesium,
We don't get enough since we eat less whole grains and whole foods in general these days and apparently it has an effect on anxiety.
And once again I am roughly stating this,
There are scientific explanations out there that gets into the depths of all the health effects on these deficiencies but I do try to remember to take my magnesium supplement because I have personally seen a difference when I've been taking it versus when I stopped out of carelessness.
So I noticed that binaural beats were beneficial for my mood,
I listened to them for anxiety and depression and I've also seen an improvement when I was listening to them regularly.
So that's it for today,
I hope this was helpful in any way and take care of yourself,
See you next time.
