How To Stay Enlightened With Mental Illness

Disclaimer: This recording is not for relaxation purposes. Yes, I speak fast on this one. The purpose of this recording is to inform, and to share insights on the situation of being mentally ill while pursuing enlightenment, which feels contradictory and impossible in moments of deep despair when you feel like you can't even trust your own brain anymore and that therefore the pursuit of wisdom is unavailable at the moment if not forever.

Transcript

Hello people,

I'm a little agitated right now so I don't know how this will come out,

Especially my tone is weird when I get like this so sorry about that and let's just dive into it.

So mental illness,

To put it simply,

Is crippling hard,

It alters not only our perception of events and our physical and emotional response to them,

But it makes us bewildered to a certain point like everything is lost since it feels like we've lost ourselves,

Lost our minds,

Lost purpose,

And sometimes we even lose friends,

Jobs,

Certain opportunities.

When depressed we don't know what we like,

We feel like the hole in our chest swallowed us entirely and there's nothing good left of us and we won't ever be the person that we were and keep on living the life that we had with its responsibilities and excitement and passion.

Those feel foreign and elusive.

We feel alien to the things we once did and were and we mourn those memories since we can't seem to find the way back to a place of safety,

A state of confidence and emotional comfort.

And each and every time,

Man,

I swear it feels like it's the end,

That we've reached the end of the lane and that nothing could ever feel good again,

That we are inherently broken now and messed up and that society is a hostile and judgmental place that is no home for us.

What I think is particularly hard is the feeling of losing touch with the world,

Feeling blank and estranged and not knowing what to do in order to get things back to normal,

To just be able to not cry all the time or not being constantly frustrated and anxious and to just feel right basically,

Just feeling okay,

Like you've got this and like the world is not going to end and that you've got your own back.

Because here's the horribly puzzling question,

How are you supposed to feel and what are you supposed to do when you don't even trust your own head anymore?

It feels absolutely unfair and scary and outraging and sad and you feel betrayed by life,

By yourself,

By everyone who said that they would be there for you,

But ultimately they can support you only to a certain extent and you start to feel mad about people who see you like this and that don't understand you all the time,

But you feel guilty for feeling mad because it's not like they did anything bad and they're doing the best they can.

So whatever you see how it is,

This is confusing and very frustrating and sad and it's hard not to make it even harder because we tend to steer up the turmoil in bad moments,

To interact with the problematic thoughts and fight our emotions and we add more emotions on top and it gets overwhelming.

So here's the problem,

We seek enlightenment or let's say at least just a clearer,

More fluid and peaceful outlook on life in order to make insightful decisions while trusting life in our inner vision and on the other hand we've got a mental health issue that makes us doubt ourselves and the world altogether,

That makes us strangers to ourselves and therefore doubt our capacity to live a normal life and frankly this idea is terrifying and in relation to enlightenment I would say that the issue is that in this state of disorientation we can plainly think that our brains could just not compute enlightenment anymore,

You know,

Like since we can't even feed ourselves or get up and exercise and take a shower,

How the heck should we be able to process the immensity of the universe and let that idea save our asses?

You know what I mean?

Maybe you don't relate to that specific way of putting it,

But that is for sure one of the ways that we might be apprehending the subject.

There's also the uncomfortable fact that we have moments when we can't tell exactly where our emotions come from and why we are feeling the way we feel at a random moment and you know in these specific confusing situations we know very well that if we were listening to some guided meditation and the teacher would ask us to identify what we feel and focus on it and let it go we would not be able to do it.

Sometimes it's straight up impossible and we feel way too much overwhelmed to focus on our breath because in our minds at the moment the world is ending and yes we will come down and maybe we can do the guided meditation later but there are times when none of this seems possible to us.

We are just too far estranged and confused and all sense of consistency and purpose is gone and it's important that we don't take it as a proof that we have made no progress because it's easy to think of it like I've been meditating for a year and I made so much progress and now I'm having a breakdown and nothing works so it must mean that I haven't made any progress so far and I'm just starting back at day one trying to figure out life and myself and I'm dumb or whatever.

But it's not what it is,

Really we never stop learning and breakdowns happen,

They will happen and it's okay.

Just remember they're an illusion,

You feel like the ground is collapsing and that the whole universe is falling apart but it's not what happens.

Remember the times when this feeling has visited you before,

Remember how you believed this was true and how life proved you wrong,

How you proved yourself wrong over and over again throughout all these months,

Years,

You're still here and if you're listening to this you still have faith because you know that better times will come if you let them come.

Just like you know that day follows the night and summer always comes no matter how cold the winter has been.

The fact that you struggle with mental illness doesn't make you less of yourself,

You might not feel in control but frankly nobody ever is so it's not like this was on you.

Sure it's different when we feel empty or full of foreign emotions but I think that shame and hate directed toward yourself is a big contributor to making it worse.

Try to hug the part of you that is hurt,

You're allowed to feel this and if you accept how you feel half of the struggle will be gone.

Then sure we don't want to have these feelings in our lives but believe me the more we bury them the more they'll grow.

Acknowledging is always the first best thing to do,

If you're too overwhelmed to distinguish what you're feeling then okay you've acknowledged that you were overwhelmed and couldn't ask more out of yourself at the moment and it's alright.

There are moments for everything and having breakdowns is part of the big ups and downs of life,

Hopefully with time,

With loads of acceptance and patience and experiences the breakdowns will reduce in intensity and they'll be more far apart and more importantly with help.

If you struggle with mental illness you should not for your own well-being deal with it on your own,

Therapy is a concrete tool that can save your life.

Seriously don't wait to have your back against the wall before you ask for help because you don't have to get there in the first place,

It's never too early to get therapy,

Never underestimate how you feel.

Since we're on the topic,

Because I just want to get back on this,

No therapist is ever going to tell you how you're not suffering enough to come see me,

You know what I mean?

Even if you're a little sad,

A little depressed,

Go see a therapist right now,

Don't wait for it to grow bigger.

So since we're on the topic of mental health I'd like to mention some basic elements that play a role in your overall well-being and that I feel have a positive effect on my end so I'll share them with you.

So first is vitamin D,

If you're not getting enough sun because you're stuck inside or you live in a very rainy or snowy place,

Get some supplements because vitamin D deficiency has effects on our mental and physical health,

Not consuming enough makes us more prone to depression and overall lack of energy.

Now I'm not a nutritionist but I do feel the effect it has on me,

Just like many people also do.

There's also magnesium,

We don't get enough since we eat less whole grains and whole foods in general these days and apparently it has an effect on anxiety.

And once again I am roughly stating this,

There are scientific explanations out there that gets into the depths of all the health effects on these deficiencies but I do try to remember to take my magnesium supplement because I have personally seen a difference when I've been taking it versus when I stopped out of carelessness.

So I noticed that binaural beats were beneficial for my mood,

I listened to them for anxiety and depression and I've also seen an improvement when I was listening to them regularly.

So that's it for today,

I hope this was helpful in any way and take care of yourself,

See you next time.

Reviews

Thank you for powerful self disclosure with enriched wisdom full of truth.

I felt seen. Thank you.

Very relatable
It’s the first unedited and unapologetically honest content I came across on insight timer, and for that reason it feels so personal. Like a supportive friend you might meet in recovery giving you a pep talk. Thank you!

Powerful, thank you. I feel better able to support my friend now.

Loved the tone of your voice. Thank you, this was very helpful. Thank you.

Thank you so much - again!💚What you're saying completely resonates with me and I'm very happy to have found you on InsightTimer. Don't apologise for your voice, it is absolutely fine the way it is! Your talk is helpful and inspiring - I'm very grateful for your kind & comforting words. Sending positive & healing energy your way🌞🌸

Really appreciate this talk coming from your own experience. Very helpful to hear. Thank you!

this is raw, honest, and powerful.

Really good, Thank you for sharing this. 💖 Helpful and comforting. Will listen again. Be well 😊

This was the first time EVER that someone has been able to describe the suffering I experience. You put words to it I haven't been able to. Thank you for helping me feel less alone😢 I have such a difficult time navigating my day-to-day and finding my joy. My depression has been on-going for 20 years. I have lost friends. I've tried medication. I know I need to see a therapist because there's such a huge disconnect with my friends and family since they cannot begin to understand my pain at this level. I feel so alone.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to us even though you stated you were agitated. I listened to 3 of your videos that got me out of one of the lowest states that I’ve been anticipating. It felt as though my heart could stop. The talks here are something else and you’re right, how can you meditate when your mind is so in and of itself during that peaceful moment to try and help it. I thank you for your talks. In a weird way they were what I needed to get back to functioning and putting stamps on my save the dates for my wedding. I will remember that if I get this way again, I will listen to these again to help me get out of the funk to be able to move again. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing, Roxanne, it was very helpful. 💜💜🙏🙏

Thank you for sharing 💞

Thank you. My favorite reminder is that when we have a breakdown, remember that we are not at day zero and we have made progress. 💗

You are a great communicator Roxanne. I could relate to each and every word you just said in regard to mental illness. I will listen to this again and take notes next time so I can share with others that are looking to be understood. The struggle is definitely real. Thank you for sharing your insight. It is truly appreciated.

I really appriciate that you've brought this topic to Insight. I think the world needs more courage and discissions about the struggles of mental illness.
Insight Timer with its variety of awesome meditations has been one hugh part of my on going recovery with Depression and Anxiety from developmental abuse neglect and torture. Flashbacks are overwhelming and dibilitating that I just have to lay down and breath and find a meditation here, sometimes it takes 8 to 10 different selections before I begin to feel safe.
Your tips on self care are great!
thank you so much for your love and courage.

Thank you Beautiful Soul for speaking from your Heart...I hope you have found some peace through sharing your experiences. Every single detail you shared is “Spot On”...Beautifully Done and Your Honesty was So Humbling hearing the Struggle in your Voice...✨🙏🏻✨

Thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom so courageously and not waiting until it could be "studio perfect." I have an educational and professional background/career in mental health. I also live with my own mental health conditions which do at times include depression and anxiety.

There are many different types of things that can help people actively dealing with these, and your mention of vitamin D, magnesium, therapy, and binaural beats are but four of them - all of which have helped me as well. Exercise, adjusting one's diet to have more healthy selections, plenty of sleep, adequate water, ensuring there is enough Omega-3 in the diet (best to have certain mineral and other bodily deficiencies tested by a doctor via bloodwork first, though, so as not to accidentally cause harm to yourself through oversupplementation) - all these plus regular relaxation, meditation, engaging in enjoyable activities regularly, journalling and/or drawing/painting/composing music/sculpting/any art of choice...these are also but a few other non-pharmaceutical ways to help manage mental health symptoms until they recede and you can resume your non-symptomatic life.

Seeking professional help early is SO important. I have clients write out lists of enjoyable activities when they are feeling good, as it is so hard to think of anything like that when you feel like you're stranded at the bottom of a deep, dark well and see no way to reach that tiny patch of daylight and sky so far above you at the top.

I am not a licensed professional by choice, though I could be if I so chose. My career path does not require it of me, however. Even if I were, it would be unethical and a clear violation of professionalism to "prescribe" treatment or diagnose someone without personal evaluation first, so none of the above should be taken as medical advice or guidance. Please seek assistance from a mental health or medical professional for any concerns that you, dear reader, may have, so you may receive the individualized care and support unique to your needs.

When all seems at it's darkest, the light may simply be just around the corner. Contact your local crisis hotline if necessary (good ones in the USA are Crisis Text Line at 741-741 plus the National Suicide Hotline or for military veterans, the Veterans Crisis Line, and I believe there is one in the UK called the Samaritans, though I'm not certain of that).

And again, thank you for your courage in speaking up and speaking out on this subject, Roxanne. It is so important, and so encouraging for others to hear that having mental health concerns need not prevent one from having a fulfilling meditative practice. I see the light in you all. 🤲❤️🤲

Wow. I am so grateful you recorded and submitted this. You describe perfectly what I have been trying to explain to others for a long time, but I didn't know how. I will bookmark this and play it for them, so they have a better understanding of what I'm going through.

I wish you much success and constant progress on your journey.

Best wishes, John

This talk was encouraging. It helped me remember that I've inserted Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) into meditation when I've felt too overwhelmed by strong emotion. Incorporating other modalities and nutritional aids is so useful. I appreciated all that was said and the total authenticity behind the words!