Have you ever felt that your name no longer fits with who you've become?
For those of you who already know me,
Hearing me call myself Wolf may feel new.
I'm not sharing this to explain myself or to convince anyone of anything.
I'm sharing it as an offering for those who may feel something similar stirring within them.
The name Wolf has been with me for as long as I can remember.
As a child,
I was drawn to wolves,
Their quiet strength,
Their presence,
The way they move through the world without apology.
For most of my life,
My given name never quite fit.
Not in a dramatic way,
Just in a subtle,
Persistent way that something felt slightly off.
Like wearing a jacket was just a bit too small.
When I was young,
I had a dog named Wagner.
He was part wolf,
Part German Shepherd.
We played together for hours in the winter snow.
There was roughness and joy and a deep sense of trust.
When I spoke,
He listened.
When I asked him to stop,
He stopped.
And I always felt safe with him.
One day,
Wagner was taken from me suddenly and violently.
As a child,
I didn't have the words for the grief,
But something lodged itself deep inside me.
Years later,
I came to understand that Wagner never truly left.
Through a series of unmistakable experiences,
I knew,
Not imagined,
Not hoped,
I knew that his spirit still walked with me.
A loyal presence,
A protector,
A companion.
Over time,
The wolf began to appear in my inner world,
In meditation,
In my work,
In my art.
Not as something I chose,
But as something that kept showing up.
Eventually,
Two very perceptive women,
Both deeply rooted in spiritual practice,
Said nearly the same thing to me,
That my name no longer matched who I'd become,
That it was weak for the depth and strength I now carried.
And when the name Wolf was spoken aloud,
Something in my body settled.
Not excitement,
Recognition.
I am Wolf.
I haven't changed my name legally,
That may come.
For now,
I am living into it,
Allowing it to inhabit me.
In many cultures,
This is natural.
You're given a name at birth,
You choose one as an adult,
And when you transform,
You choose again.
The last years of my life have been devoted to deep healing,
Confronting old wounds,
Releasing identities that were formed only to survive.
I didn't become someone new,
I remembered who I was beneath the armor.
And in that remembering,
The Wolf was already there.
I share this with you because you may be feeling something similar.
A quiet discomfort with the name you were given,
Or with the identity you've been carrying.
If so,
Sit with it.
Listen.
You don't need to rush.
You don't need permission.
And if a new name or energy begins to reveal itself to you,
Trust that it knows the way.
If this reflection feels like a part of a larger conversation you're already having with yourself,
You're welcome to explore my other work here when the energy feels right.
