Being Numb To Life

What does it mean to numb? To some extent, we all numb ourselves physically or mentally, intentionally and unintentionally. Numbing can have positive outcomes and sometimes not-so-positive outcomes. This talk explores the ways in which we numb and alternatives. Towards the end, there is a short meditation and guided visualization on working through a difficult experience(s).

Transcript

Hello and welcome friends.

My name is Debra.

I'm trained as an intentional communication instructor,

Integrative wellness coach,

Ayurvedic wellness counselor,

And a 500-hour yoga teacher.

Basically,

I'm an explorer of life and a lifelong learner.

And I'm so happy that you're here today to share this process and this journey we call life.

As Ram Dass would say,

We're all just walking each other home.

I've always been a seeker of knowledge.

However,

My relationships weren't where I wanted them to be.

I'm a person who has spent pretty much a large part of her life numb.

Numb to the sensations in my body,

Numb to the relationships I was in,

And then numbing came with some pretty serious consequences.

Numbing came in the form for me of always being busy.

I was a parent at a young age,

So I was working,

Volunteering,

Working out,

Seeking education.

I was constantly on the go.

I was so busy,

My body was in a constant state of high alert.

And constantly being busy was a byproduct of not wanting to be alone.

I didn't want to be alone with myself,

My thoughts,

And all the discomfort it brought.

I can recall a weekend in my early 20s when my children weren't with me,

Being so uncomfortable because I was alone.

It got to the point where I just wanted to go back to work.

I wanted the weekend to be over.

I was disconnected from myself and my body.

As time went on,

I began using alcohol regularly in the evenings,

At first socially and then within relationships.

The cycle of being busy and using alcohol in the evenings continued through marriages,

Jobs,

And relationships.

However,

As I started to experience the negative consequences of my numbness,

My relationships were suffering,

My body was hurting,

And I was sad.

It got to the point where I just could not continue the lifestyle I was living.

It was causing me harm.

Something had to change.

My first step towards change was intentional communication.

This program helped me to understand my thoughts and the impact my thoughts had on me and others.

From there,

I delved into Ayurveda and yoga,

And that's where I found my spiritual practices that I'd been seeking for so very long.

I started to take an honest look at the ways in which I was tuning out the numbing.

It was and still is some of the most painful work I've done.

Looking back,

I was struck by grief,

Grief for the years I'd lost.

I'd missed out on opportunities for relationships and connections,

Both to myself and others.

The healing journey has been bittersweet.

There's this sadness to healing because there's a knowing that comes along with it.

Numbing for me wasn't just alcohol,

But alcohol was a big part of it.

I want to take a moment and just say to all those who are struggling with alcohol,

Addictions,

Or overuse of a substance or thing,

You're not alone.

Keep plugging away.

Keep reaching out.

Keep educating yourself.

Keep learning about what makes you tick.

It took us a long time to get where we are here.

Give yourself some love,

Patience,

And lots of grace.

The universe is in your favor,

My friends.

So for me,

I was busy working,

Volunteering,

Teaching,

Coaching,

Learning,

Traveling,

And then I would end my day with some alcohol.

And even putting this out into the world,

I can just feel this little belly of shame surrounding that,

But that's a different topic for another time.

Numbing can be a way of avoiding what is too much for us or what we have yet to learn that we can handle.

It's a learned response.

It can be a form of protection that may at times serve us well and at other times is a disservice.

There are days I choose to numb out by watching a movie at the end of a busy week or being on Facebook in between coming home and starting a project.

The difference between numbing out and taking a break is awareness.

If our faces are buried in our phones as a way of avoiding the people and or circumstances in front of us,

We're missing out on life happening.

If that's the case for you,

Maybe it's time to start to take a look.

Where are you numbing?

What are you avoiding?

And waiting for the answer.

And maybe the answer doesn't come all at once.

It's okay.

Asking the question is just part of the process and sometimes we just have to wait for the answer.

Once we're able to recognize what we're avoiding,

We're able to work through the situations that are uncomfortable.

So where are those situations that you want to become fully engaged in?

We have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

To start,

We first recognize that there's something that's not in alignment for us,

The cause of our discomfort.

Then we must truly see it,

Whether it be a person,

Place,

Thing,

Or event as it is,

Not as we think it to be.

By becoming aware of our thinking brain,

We're able to watch the narratives we've created around our discomfort.

The labeling,

Judging,

Comparing,

Not accepting,

Etc.

Once we're able to recognize,

Then we investigate it.

We look at every nook and cranny of this discomfort and we look with compassion and honesty.

We look at the truth of the matter and start to recognize where we're not in alignment with our true selves.

We begin to see our part in the discomfort and bring kindness,

Light,

And love to the situation.

For a moment,

I'll use the analogy of a house.

When we first encounter a house to rent,

Purchase,

Visit,

Or whatever the case may be,

First we see the house as it is.

The brick,

The wood,

The roof,

And whatnot.

Then the narrative begins.

Oh,

I like that house.

I like the color.

Oh,

I don't really like the color of that door.

That's the narrative.

If we can just go back to focusing on the facts of the house without the expectations,

Without the opinions,

Then we can differentiate between facts and narratives.

And when you're able to differentiate between those two,

Then you're able to see a person,

Place,

Or thing,

Or a house as it truly is.

The same holds true for numbing.

When we're able to look at our behavior and see it for what it is,

We can then shine kindness,

Love,

And light on what may be uncomfortable.

Where there is light,

There can be no darkness.

However,

If we're shaming ourselves,

If we're blaming ourselves,

We cannot heal that way.

We need love to heal.

So let's do a little short meditation and guided practice.

During the practice,

I'll ask you to think of a situation,

Person,

Place,

Or thing that maybe you would typically try to avoid.

Something that's not comfortable,

Or maybe even something you've had a hard time accepting.

Start small and work your way towards something more highly charged later.

I'll start with a body awareness,

Breath work,

Then move on to the visualization practice.

If at any point this becomes uncomfortable,

Physically or mentally,

Please readjust.

I encourage you if there are emotions that come up,

To acknowledge them.

Sadness,

Frustration,

Annoyance,

Etc.

And ride through the wave of an emotion.

Emotions on average last 60 to 90 seconds.

Of course,

Always take care of yourself,

Friends.

I'm your guide.

You are the experts of your own self.

Do what feels right for you.

Now I want us to find a comfortable seat with an upright posture,

But not too rigid.

Let's take a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

And maybe you'll want to place your left hand on your chest or your heart center.

And the right hand can be wherever it brings you most comfort.

Maybe on the stomach,

The navel,

Or resting in your lap.

Bring your attention now to the top of your head,

The back of your head,

The left side of your head,

And the right side of your head.

Bring your attention to your face,

The left eye,

And the right eye,

And the spaces underneath your eyes.

If there's any tension in your eyes,

Just relax them.

And bring your attention to your jaw.

And if there's any tension in your jaw,

Just relax.

Moving down to the front of the neck,

The back of the neck,

The left shoulder,

And the right shoulder,

The front of the chest,

The upper back,

The middle back,

The lower back,

The left side of the ribs,

And the right side of the ribs,

The stomach,

The pelvis,

The left hip,

And the right hip,

The tops of the thighs,

And the backs of the thighs,

The knees,

And the lower legs.

Bring your attention to your feet and notice any sensations in the soles of your feet.

Bring your attention back up to your chest,

Your left shoulder,

And your right arm,

Your right hand,

And the placement of your right hand,

Your left shoulder,

Your left arm,

Your left hand,

And the placement of your left hand.

Now continue to either keep the hands on your torso or readjust if you so choose.

Take a couple breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.

In through the nose and out through the mouth.

Now start breathing in through the nose and out through the nose.

If there's any stuffiness,

Feel free to inhale and exhale through the mouth.

Notice any sensations on the in breath and any sensation on the out breath.

Just noticing the in and the out.

Bring your attention to the in breath and the feel of the body on the in breath.

Notice where the body moves,

Maybe the rise of the chest,

And on the exhale,

Feel the body and maybe the contraction and maybe the falling of the chest.

The in and the out.

The rise and the fall.

The expansion and the contraction.

Just observing,

Just noticing the in and the out,

Any sensations in your body.

Maybe there's some tingling in your hands,

And you can feel some butterflies in your stomach,

Tightness in your shoulders.

Just label that and come back to the breath,

The in and the out.

We'll take a few moments of silence here to continue with the breath,

The in and the out.

The rise and the fall.

If your mind wanders,

It's okay,

Come back to the breath.

The mind will wander,

It's just what it does.

Just note wandering and come back to the breath.

The in and the out.

Now bring your attention up the body and to the third eye,

The space between the eyebrows.

Envision through that third eye,

The back of the forehead,

The inside of the forehead being a movie screen.

Now I'll ask you to think of something,

To see a situation that may cause discomfort,

Something small,

Not catastrophic.

See a relationship,

A conversation,

And then consider what you would typically do when this discomfort arises.

See this person place her thing in front of you and begin to notice the facts,

What you know to be true.

If it's a person,

See the size of their body,

The shape of their face.

If it's a conversation,

See the two people involved.

Look for the actual details of the situation,

Person,

Place,

Or thing.

Visually walk around the situation like you would walk around a house.

See if there are things you have not seen before.

Label any emotions that may come up and label the facts that you see.

If need be,

Come back to the breath,

The in and the out,

And start again.

Seeing this person place her thing and looking at the facts of the situation,

Person,

Place,

Or thing.

Noting any emotions or sensations that may arise.

And when you've looked at this person,

Place,

Or thing from all sides,

Take a few steps back and with kindness send love to the situation.

Give thanks for the opportunity to work through this experience,

To connect with our body,

Breath,

And mind,

To maybe see something differently.

Now take a couple more steps back.

See the situation slowly fading,

And when it's no longer present,

Come back to the placement of your hands on your body,

The chair,

Or elsewhere.

Begin to notice your breath,

The in and the out.

Let's take a few breaths here,

Just noting the in and the out of the breath.

And when you're ready,

Bring the palms of your hands together and rub them.

Rub them together,

Creating some heat,

Creating the fire element with our hands,

Burning and releasing anything that no longer serves you.

Now bring your hands up to your chest,

The heart center,

Thumbs to chest,

Chest to thumbs,

Creating a little pressure there.

May we see with wisdom and clarity.

May we speak with kindness.

May our actions bring love and ease to all beings.

The light in me sees and honors the light in you.

Thank you,

Friends,

For taking the time to explore this practice.

May you find comfort and return to it as much as you need or want.

Blessings.

Sat Yam.

Reviews

I was numb in my early years as well. I believe a huge number of young people are and even more so today for all the reasons we know.

As a busy professional, this really resonated with me! Thank you!