Shining As An Introvert

Stepping outside your comfort zone as an introvert can be incredibly powerful. I had a great conversation with fellow Insight Timer teacher Kacey about embracing our introverted nature and finding our voice. We talked about how doing so can lead to unexpected growth, deeper connections, and a stronger sense of self.

Follow Kacey's teacher profile here on Insight Timer and learn about the amazing work that she does!

Transcript

Oh,

This is going to be fun.

It is.

Hi,

Everybody.

It's Casey and Violeta.

Welcome to Shine on the Health and Happiness Show.

And my guest this week is somewhat,

Have you ever been on the show before,

Vine?

I have never been on your show before.

I listen to your show every week,

Faithfully.

We've talked about you a lot.

I know.

And I love it.

Every time I hear my name,

I get giddy.

Violeta and I met during a Zoom during the pandemic,

Right?

We were doing those little Shine on Zooms.

And what I noticed about you,

Violet,

Is that you never turned your camera on.

I know that because I'm extremely shy.

Yeah.

Right?

That's so funny.

So that's what we're going to talk about today,

Being extremely shy,

But yet taking center stage in some areas.

So Violet is a teacher on Insight Timer,

Which is hard to believe because now you turn on your camera for the universe,

Right?

And there was a time,

A handful of years ago,

When you wouldn't turn on your camera for a group of like a dozen women in your community.

Exactly.

It's even crazy to me to think sometimes that I'm actually doing this.

Like who is that person?

Well,

That's what we're going to talk about.

Like who is that person?

Violet and I had lunch yesterday and over a really enormous margarita.

No one's ever said to me,

What size margarita do you want?

I know.

When you said medium,

I was a little intimidated,

But I was like,

I'm having one too then.

I just figured you don't ever want to have a small margarita.

Right.

But these guys,

Their concept of medium is extra large to me.

So like a margarita that you could just put your whole face in it.

And over margaritas,

We talked about all the many ways to be an introvert.

And even though we may not want to be seen or not feel comfortable being seen,

There are some of us that want to be heard.

Yes,

Absolutely.

I always felt like I wanted to be heard and I would go on Insight Timer and I would listen to these amazing teachers and I'd be like,

I can do that,

But how,

How do I do that?

And then I got to know you during the pandemic,

Which was life changing for me because I thought,

Wow,

Here's this amazing person who's out in the public,

Talks to everybody.

How do you do that?

And as I got to know you and you told me how you do this,

I thought maybe I could do that.

Maybe I could talk to people and not be scared.

You know,

It's funny,

Even though I had this big,

Long career that was very public,

You know,

When I was on the radio every day,

I was never comfortable with the,

With the being seen part of it.

I could tell you it troubled me that that blew me away.

That changed everything for me.

Yeah.

It was never comfortable.

And I didn't realize that I had a problem,

Quote unquote,

In italics until I got married and my husband would witness the scene that would be the house every time I had to go out for a radio appearance,

Which would mean,

You know,

Makeup everywhere,

Clothes everywhere,

Always crying.

It was always crying because I was so uncomfortable with that piece of it,

That piece of being looked at.

Give me a microphone.

I can talk to the cows,

Come home,

Put me in front of people.

It's a little bit of a different vibe.

So so we're different kind of introverts.

So how did you manage to go from quiet behind the scenes,

Checking out Insight Timer,

Doing all these healthy Zooms,

But not turning your camera on to now being a host?

It started with you because I was on the Zooms with you every week with my camera off listening.

And I think I want,

I love to help and I'm good with technology and I wanted to help you.

I was like,

You know,

I could help you with this stuff.

And then when you took me up on it,

Of course I had to turn on my camera.

I wasn't going to be,

You know,

The invisible helper.

And it was hard in the beginning for me.

You know,

Like I was really like,

Oh,

This is not comfortable for me.

But the more I did it,

The more I got into it and the more I felt like,

Hey,

This isn't,

You know,

It's not so bad.

It's not so intimidating.

And then I started thinking about Insight Timer and I wanted to be a quote unquote teacher because I don't,

You know,

I'm not a yogi.

I don't do meditations.

I didn't know what I could do.

But you and I were always talking about how much I love my crystals and my cards.

And I saw how people were drawn to these cards and I thought,

All right,

Well,

I could do something with the cards and the crystals and journaling because I love,

Love journaling.

And finally,

It took me probably a year,

I finally applied and I said,

You know what?

If they don't accept me,

It's okay.

You know,

I still have a fabulous job that I love.

I wasn't getting paid.

I'm not getting paid for what I do on Insight Timer.

It was something I wanted to do for me,

To step outside of my box,

Outside of my comfort zone.

So I applied and they accepted me and then I said,

Okay,

Now what?

What do I do now?

So the first time I went live,

I was petrified.

Like my heart was pounding the whole time.

I'm sure my face was red,

Although people said it wasn't.

People said I looked fine.

Inside I was melting.

And everybody was so sweet and so supportive that I came back,

You know,

Like I started loving it.

Initially,

I was doing it every week,

But I still find that's too much for me.

I still,

Like I need to decompress.

So when the camera goes off,

I have to like go chill somewhere because,

You know,

That introvert part of me is still very much alive.

People say,

Oh,

You,

You can't be an introvert.

You don't look like an introvert.

And I'm like,

Yeah,

I really,

Really am.

Right.

And one of the things I love sharing on Insight Timer is,

Is that I want people,

You know,

I see people who are writing in the chat and they're hiding back there too.

Just like I was,

It was a safe place for me because I could type in chat and I didn't have to be seen,

But I could put my opinions out there or whatever.

And I love to tell people,

You know,

I'm an introvert just like you.

You know,

If there's something you want to try,

My favorite quote is feel the fear and do it anyway.

And that has pushed me to do some huge things in my life and the things that have turned out to be amazing experiences for me.

So now I don't care what it is.

If I even have an idea that I might want to do it,

I just push myself and give it a,

Give it a try.

And then one night in the shower,

We were talking yesterday about,

You know,

Thoughts in the shower.

Yeah.

I like heard this little voice in my ear say,

Ask your guides.

And you know,

I don't know if somebody was telling me to go ask my guides,

But I thought,

Oh,

You know,

I should do something on Insight Timer with other teachers called ask your guides.

I'll invite them because again,

I'm great with technology and I don't like talking by myself on camera.

When you're on Insight Timer as a teacher,

You're talking alone,

People are typing in chat.

I like having conversations with people.

So I thought to myself,

All right,

We'll invite other teachers.

I can get them on camera via Zoom on Insight Timer and we'll have conversations.

We'll let people who are in the chat ask questions like,

How'd you get started?

Or do you have meditations that you,

You know,

Whatever they want.

I didn't really have a clear idea in my head on what to do.

It was just kind of a nudge to do it.

And there's another teacher there,

Melanie Underwood,

Who's amazing and she's super confident and I need people like her.

So I was like,

Hey,

What do you think about this idea?

And she was like,

Go for it.

So I tried,

I started with six teachers.

It turned out amazing.

People loved it.

The next week I did it with 12,

Which was a little too much.

So we scaled it back down so we do nine at a time.

But we did two that I called the peaceful pause,

Which was right before the election when we were all kind of freaking out.

And it was,

I invited everybody.

I had 40 teachers.

It was amazing.

It was amazing.

It was so much fun to have all these teachers together talking,

You know,

Some of them shared meditations and again,

The people on Insight Timer loved it.

You know,

And I'll be honest,

A little bit of it is ego.

When people love what you do,

It makes you want to do it more.

And for someone like me,

Who's been so shy and so introverted,

That's been a huge boost to my confidence.

And,

You know,

It carries over into the rest of my life now.

I will go out and try things that I normally would never have done.

When I met Melanie Underwood,

This teacher on Insight Timer,

She did a thing where she invited six strangers to her house,

Which first of all,

I was like,

Kudos to her for inviting six strangers to her house in New York because you never know what's going to show up.

But that was terrifying to me because I thought,

How do I go?

I always bring somebody with me for,

You know,

Security,

Like my husband or friend.

And I thought,

How am I going to go to somebody's house by myself,

Not knowing if I'm going to have anything to say?

Am I going to be interesting enough for them?

You know,

All these thoughts are racing in my head.

And then I said,

Violet,

Feel the fear,

Do it anyway.

So I signed up.

I tried to talk myself out of it at least 20 times before I actually went.

And then I went and it was fabulous.

It was amazing.

I made connections with women I would have never met.

You know,

I got to know her in person.

And she and I have been friends ever since.

We're doing a lot of stuff on Insight Timer together now.

But that was an example of me pushing myself and having this amazing outcome.

And you know,

Like I said,

My confidence because of this has soared.

Like I feel,

I feel like I don't hide like I used to,

You know.

And that's,

That's just been life changing for me.

We're talking to my friend Violeta,

Violet on Insight Timer.

What's the name of your regular show where you do the prompts with the writing prompts?

The,

Um,

Um,

I,

I turned that into an Ask Your Guides thing.

So I call it Ask Your Guides,

A year of journaling.

Okay.

I'm doing a year now of journaling prompts.

All right.

And we're going to do a journaling prompt coming up in just a little bit.

You're listening to Shawn on the Health and Happiness Show.

Did you just hear that little notification that came over my computer?

It was very low.

I heard it.

We were trying,

Vi,

The computer expert was trying to help me mute my notifications on my computer because I don't know how to do any of this.

But I guess it didn't work.

I tried.

It was very low.

Well,

People,

I guess,

Are used to all those kinds of sounds.

We're talking about introverts and all the many different kinds.

So I was doing a little research.

Did you know there are four different kinds of introverts?

No,

I did not.

Yes.

And it's referred by the acronym STAR.

You can be a social introvert,

A thinking introvert,

An anxious introvert,

And a restrained introvert.

Wow.

That's fascinating.

That's a really good thing to think about.

STAR.

Social Thinking,

Anxious,

And Restrained.

I don't know which I am.

But according to WebMD,

Introverts need quiet to concentrate,

Right?

She's shaking her head.

Introverts need time for reflection.

Introverts are usually self-aware.

I'm not sure if I'm self-aware.

I think I might have big blocks there.

I won't say I am,

But I don't know.

I think you're self-aware.

Introverts feel comfortable being alone.

Introverts don't like group work.

No.

Well,

I want to say no in general.

I like to work work-wise,

What I do for a living.

I like to do that alone.

What I do on Inside Timer,

I do love being in a group.

Yes.

But you're also in charge of the group,

And that's different.

Yes.

Right?

You're right.

A little bit of control.

Yes.

Yep.

That's different.

I love this one.

Introverts prefer to write rather than talk.

Oh,

Gosh.

Yes.

Yes.

For years,

That's all I did was write,

Which is why I love journaling.

But I felt like,

You know,

By writing,

I'm not necessarily heard because I'm doing it for myself.

Yeah.

I can't tell you throughout my life how many fights I tried to win or how many battles I tried to fight via email.

Me too.

I still do with my siblings.

I don't want to talk to you.

I just want to write all of this out and make you listen.

I used to do that to my husband all the time,

And he does not like reading letters.

I had to stop.

Now,

I have to argue with him in person,

And for him,

It's great.

Introverts feel tired after being in a crowd.

Oh,

My gosh.

Yes.

Exhausted.

Like,

If I'm doing anything in a crowd today,

Tomorrow,

I need a day at home.

Yes.

You pay for it.

There's a cost.

I get that.

Introverts only have a few friends but are very close with those friends.

Absolutely.

Introverts daydream or use their imagination to work out a problem.

Oh,

My goodness.

Yes.

I've always said I'm a daydreamer,

Even now.

Well,

I was as a kid and still am.

Yeah.

Introverts retreat to their own mind to get rest.

Yeah.

That's definitely me.

Right?

Yeah.

Love that.

And I want to just tell people about you because you've got such a vibe.

You know what I mean?

Like,

It's hard to believe you ever hid because your name is Violet,

But your birth certificate does say Violeta.

Violeta.

Absolutely.

And I love that you call me Violeta.

Every time I listen to your podcast and I hear you mention me as Violeta,

I love it.

Well,

When I first called you out when we were having a Zoom and your name said Violet on the screen but I couldn't see your picture,

I was like,

Violeta,

Show yourself,

Never knowing that that really was your name.

And when you showed yourself,

You were all in purple.

Everything behind you is in purple.

Right.

Like,

You are Violet,

You know?

You've got such a vibe and it's really peaceful and chill.

So,

That needs to be seen and heard,

I think.

I love that.

You mentioned your friend,

Melanie,

And you also said in the same phrase,

Ego.

So,

Let's talk about the introvert's relationship with big personalities.

Like,

I myself adore them,

Worship them,

And fear them in equal parts.

Yes.

I adore them for their confidence.

I fear them because they scare me.

But I need people like that.

I draw so much strength from someone who has that kind of confidence because it helps me become more confident and that's why I love working with people like that.

So,

Absolutely.

Me too.

Me too.

And every venture I venture off into,

Whether it's a women's retreat or whatever I'm doing,

I always tend to,

Like,

Bring along somebody with that kind of energy that's not afraid to take center stage,

That's not afraid to ask for what they need,

You know,

And demand that they get paid what they should get paid,

Like,

All of that.

I don't have it in me,

But I like to stand next to it.

It's the same with me.

I don't have it in me either.

You know,

When it came to setting up these things on Insight Timer,

It was getting a little overwhelming for me for a while because people loved the idea and they were like,

Oh,

Can you do one on this topic and that topic?

And I was trying to appease everyone,

But I was getting exhausted and,

You know,

I have a full-time job,

So I didn't really have time to keep setting them up.

I mean,

I'm sending out calendar invitations,

I'm setting up meetings and the technical stuff.

And,

You know,

Melanie was the one who was like,

It's okay to not do this every week and to say no.

And I was like,

Yeah,

But how do I,

You know,

Back off?

And she just kind of kept pushing me,

Like,

You do,

You know,

What works for you.

And there were even times when I was like,

Oh,

I got an email from this person and they're so annoying and they're just,

You know,

Being rude to me.

And she'd be like,

I'll respond.

And she did.

And she does it in a factful way,

But firm.

And I'd be like,

Oh,

You know,

That takes the pressure off of me because I don't want to,

I don't know how to be that person.

You know,

It's like,

I don't want to offend anybody or say the wrong thing or,

You know,

Honestly,

It's like,

I don't want them to not like me.

Yeah,

That whole,

I got to be liked thing.

And she's like,

I don't care.

And actually,

I've gotten to the point where I'm like,

You know what,

I don't care anymore.

You know,

Mel Robbins says that let them theory book.

Yeah.

That thing changed my life too,

Because now I'm like,

I'll let them.

If they don't like me,

Let them.

That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

One of the things I've always said is nobody has to be nice to you.

Right.

Nobody has to be.

People can behave any way they want to behave.

That's life.

Right.

I used to take it so personal and I would be so devastated.

You know,

I had a job once where this one person did not like me,

Never had that experience in my life.

And like,

I couldn't fathom why.

Like,

I was trying to be helpful.

I was trying to do everything right.

And,

You know,

At this point in my life,

If I had that experience again,

I'd be like,

Yeah,

Let them.

Let her.

Let her.

Let her.

It's absolutely a-okay.

Hi,

It's Casey.

You're listening to Shine on the Health and Happiness show.

Violetta Violet from Insight Timer Ask Your Guides is with us.

And we're going to do a little writing prompt in just a few minutes.

I just want to make sure that we're reaching all of the many shades of introverts who may be listening.

We're talking about your husband,

And I hope he doesn't mind that we're talking about him over lunch yesterday.

And one of the things you said about him is that the closer he's,

He's a country boy from a small town in the Hudson Valley.

And the closer he gets to New York City,

The more anxious he gets.

Right?

Hates city vibe.

I,

On the other hand,

The closer I get to New York City,

The more relaxed I am,

Because I feel like in great big New York City,

Nobody cares about me.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

You know,

I grew up in the Bronx,

So I was always in the city.

And I love that.

I love being able to just slip in.

And it doesn't matter what you're doing,

What you're wearing,

What you look like.

Nobody cares.

Nobody cares.

You can be completely anonymous and free.

No one's looking at you.

So I can understand why your husband would be anxious.

But I also just want to represent the people who can go into that sort of situation and be free,

Because that's what it does for me.

It's like I disappear.

Yes,

Yes,

Yes.

I went to a high school in the Bronx with 4,

000 kids.

You know,

Talk about disappearing.

And then I went to a college with 500 women.

So it was a complete change for me.

And that,

I mean,

That was an amazing experience.

But I'm glad I had both.

I'm glad that I grew up in a city with so many people.

And,

You know,

When I go down there with him and I see he's not really loving it,

I'm like,

Yeah,

I can get how it can be overwhelming.

So I'm glad I was born there,

Because to me,

It's not.

It's not overwhelming.

But I do like my quiet life,

Too.

Yeah,

Yeah.

You've got a quiet life,

Too.

But tell everybody what you do for a living.

I work for Open Door Family Medical Center,

And I love their mission.

You know,

They help people who normally can't afford medical care.

And I actually,

When I got my master's degree in data analytics,

Which I did at age 50,

Which was another thing I was like,

I want my master's.

I'm going to do it now.

It doesn't matter the age.

I had applied for two jobs.

One was with them and one was someplace that was remote somewhere.

And because I fell in love,

Well,

I knew what they did,

But,

You know,

I read their mission statement and I was in love with what they do,

You know,

How they help an underserved population.

And as a kid,

Spanish kid,

You know,

Grew up in the Bronx.

That was near and dear to my heart because I know what it's like to be that person who came from,

You know,

Nothing,

Didn't have a lot,

And to have people help you and what they do for that community.

I mean,

They've got six medical centers and I want to say eight probably now,

And like 12 school-based health centers all over the Hudson Valley.

And it was just amazing to me.

So this other place,

Very Google-like,

Finally offered me a job the same day Opendoor did,

And I was like,

Nope,

I want to work for Opendoor.

Their mission touches my heart and I want to work for people that do something that means something to me.

So I've been there seven years.

Oh,

And what do I do?

I haven't said,

Right?

No,

But you showed us your heart,

So.

Oh,

Thank you.

I write reports that extract data from medical records.

You know,

This way,

If they're doing grants or PI projects,

They don't have to comb through medical records.

You know,

I pull that stuff right out of their medical records.

I write code,

Which is something I never thought I would do in my life.

So once again,

Here I am doing something that I never imagined.

And I do it remotely from home,

Which I love.

So I'm in this beautiful house in the woods.

I'm overlooking,

You know,

Trees and there's like a little stream that runs by and all kinds of wildlife.

And it is the most peaceful,

Like most amazing life I could have ever imagined that I am sure I somehow manifested the whole thing.

You know,

And it's just it's amazing.

And I,

You know,

When when I go out,

Like I went to the hairdresser last week and she's like,

Oh,

I noticed that you do all these like meditation things on this app.

She goes,

Is that why you're so calm?

You seem so like serene all the time.

I said,

It has to be.

It has to be what I do,

Where I am every day.

I'm not surrounded by people.

I'm surrounded by this peaceful nature scene.

And it's,

You know,

I couldn't ask for more.

And I work with amazing people.

You know,

I don't see them.

I have obviously met them because I did initially when I was in the office when I first started working there.

But I communicate with them via email and they're just the most amazing people.

And I've had jobs in the past where I didn't feel like everybody I worked with is amazing.

So I'm like,

How,

How again have I ended up in this beautiful situation?

Like I used to think of retirement and now I'm like,

I could work here till I'm 90.

As long as they'll let you.

All right.

So introvert,

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

That is our thought for the day.

And getting your master's in data analytics at 50.

That is feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Right.

That's amazing.

Good for you.

And why don't you share one of your famous Ask Your Guides writing prompts with us?

Yeah.

So I have this deck by Yannick Silver.

It's called the Cosmic Journey Oracle.

And I'm just going to look in here and pull out a card.

Let's see.

And look what I just got.

Trust and act accordingly.

How perfect is that?

I love it.

I love this deck.

I love this deck because it is perfect for journaling.

And we got card number 30.

I'm a huge believer in numbers too.

And it says,

How would you act if you absolutely knew the universe had even more in store for you than you could imagine?

Like,

Come on,

How perfect is that?

Say,

You know,

That's been my life.

How would you act if you absolutely knew the universe had even more in store for you than you could imagine?

Like,

That's our journaling prompt right there.

And it says,

What would I do right now if I fully trusted that I am supported no matter what?

And,

You know,

I have to say,

I've had so much support.

I mean,

People like you,

Obviously,

Who did support me.

So that's a great question.

We can journal on that one.

We can journal on that one.

You know,

We've had a great journey.

We've had a wonderful journey.

It's been wonderful to watch you grow.

I can't wait to see what we're going to do next.

And the way I supported you was when you started asking me questions about how to do interviews.

I was like,

Finally,

I have all this knowledge,

Right?

Let me share it with another introvert on how to lead a discussion.

But anyway,

I think.

And you have been my inspiration because that's what I do on Insight Timer.

I share what I have learned with everyone else.

I talk about you on Insight Timer all the time.

Every replay of every session I've done there,

I link to all the teachers because I love to share the teachers as well.

So it's Violet 108.

Very easy.

And 108 is my favorite number.

Yeah,

We're going to have to have another show to talk about numbers.

Yes.

Thank you so much,

Everybody.

Violet,

Thanks for being here.

Thank you for inviting me.

And thank you for lunch yesterday.

That was so much fun.

We're going to do that again.

Next time I pay.

And we get a smaller margarita.

Margarita.

Margarita.

Margarita.

Reviews

This was an amazing interview and discussion, you inspired me so much. I’m a close friend of John Steen and he introduced me to you on Insight Timer. I’ve been on there through the pandemic like you and your story is so like mine. I’m really proud of how you put yourself out there on the app and thank you so much for sharing about you being an introvert in your growth. What a gift thank you so much. 🧡🧡🧡🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

LOVED THIS. 💜 So inspiring. Great to learn more about you. Thanks so much for all you do!

Violet, it was amazing hearing you speak so openly and confidently about yourself! This topic on introverts is something I know will also resonate with so many people, including myself! Your journey is truly inspiring and I thank you for continuing to make such great strides in your life and stepping out of your comfort zone 🙏❤️

Congratulations darling, fantastic interview, you are amazing 🩵💐🩵