Self-Sabotage: Why It Happens And How To Stop It

Isn’t it annoying when we become our worst enemies and we sabotage ourselves?

In this talk, I covered: What self-sabotage is and why it happens, the most important question you need to ask yourself if you want to stop any forms of self-sabotage, and a step-by-step process to stop sabotaging yourself.

Enjoy!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to the Positive Mindset Tribe,

A refreshing and empowering podcast on how to become a magnet for love,

Abundance and joy.

And as you've probably guessed,

It all starts with your mindset.

I am your host,

Veronica Moreno,

A mindset coach,

Therapist and energy healer.

And my mission is to share with you my most powerful tips,

Psychological tools and energy healing techniques so you can manifest the joyful,

Meaningful and successful life you deserve.

So are you ready for your weekly dose of motivation,

Confidence and empowerment?

Let's get started.

Hello,

Everyone,

And welcome to another episode of the Positive Mindset Tribe.

In this episode,

I'm going to talk about self-sabotage.

Isn't it annoying when we are our worst enemies and we sabotage ourselves?

So I'm going to be talking about what self-sabotage is,

Why it happens and most importantly,

Some strategies to stop it.

So let's get started.

First of all,

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is when we want to achieve something or do something or when we know that something is good for us,

But we consciously or unconsciously block ourselves and prevent it from happening.

And I want you to pay special attention to what I just said,

Conscious or unconsciously,

Because most of the times when we sabotage ourselves,

We are not even aware that we are doing it.

We are not doing it consciously.

Obviously,

We are not doing it on purpose.

It would be crazy,

Right?

So let me give a few examples to illustrate what self-sabotage might look like.

Procrastination is a great example of a form of self-sabotage.

So when we set a goal and we have the motivation,

I don't know,

Maybe we want to lose weight or look for a better job or have a healthier diet or learn a new language,

Whatever it is,

And you keep postponing it again and again and again.

That's a great example of a form of self-sabotage.

When we want to do something,

We know something is good for us,

But for some reason,

We just don't feel like doing or we find excuses,

We find other priorities or other things to do.

So that could be an example of self-sabotage.

Another example is,

And this is very common,

When we date people that are not right for us.

And we might want to be at a conscious level in a healthy,

Loving relationship and we keep telling ourselves that we want to find the man of our dreams,

But we keep finding ourselves being attracted to people who always end up hurting us.

And we seem to get caught in toxic relationships or just attracted to people that we know are not good for us.

So why do we do this?

Because these examples might resonate with some of you and you might be thinking,

But why on earth do we do this to ourselves?

Like,

Yeah,

That's me.

I want to lose weight.

I want to learn a new language.

I want to date the right person.

But why can I seem to do this?

Well,

It is actually much simpler than it might seem.

We sabotage ourselves when at the conscious level we want to achieve something,

But deep inside there are some old beliefs or programs or patterns that go against it.

So for example,

If we want to have a healthy relationship at the conscious level,

But deep inside we might have the belief that I don't deserve love,

True love doesn't exist,

Love hurts,

This is just in the movies,

True love is never going to happen to me.

And those old beliefs run our behavior from the subconscious mind,

Like old programs slowing down a computer.

That's how I see our thoughts,

Our beliefs,

Our old emotions or patterns that we develop in our childhood or that sometimes we even inherit directly from our parents or parental figures.

So they're like kind of old programs that are no longer useful,

But they're slowing the computer down.

So it's the same with our mind.

Another example,

Maybe you're looking for a better job because you don't feel valued at work,

But deep inside there might be some old beliefs like I'm not good enough,

I'm not smart enough,

I will never be successful.

And again,

Those beliefs,

Even if you're not aware of them,

They will be conditioning your behavior,

The decisions you make,

How you feel about yourself,

How you feel about certain situations,

About the world,

About other people.

And this is so important.

In other episodes,

I keep talking about this because it is extremely important and I have explained it in particular in more detail in episode three,

Where I explained how those old beliefs or programs are formed,

How they're stored in the subconscious mind and how to remove them,

Especially with a very powerful technique I use,

Especially in my sessions,

Which is Theta Healing.

And I also have some guided meditations on my YouTube channel.

This is how it is so important,

Our mindset,

Our thoughts,

Our beliefs,

Our emotions,

Our patterns.

And this is why I started this whole podcast about positive mindset and healthy mindset,

Because our mindset,

Our beliefs,

Our thoughts about ourselves and the world and other people will determine the reality we experience.

So it is actually up to us.

The events we experience are entirely up to us.

And although there are some events that obviously are beyond our control,

But the way we react and the decisions we make,

We are totally responsible for that.

So when we sabotage ourselves,

We become our worst enemy.

And you might be thinking,

Yeah,

Right.

Okay,

I have these beliefs,

But they're not healthy.

They're not helping me.

So why are they still there?

Well,

Actually,

When we sabotage ourselves,

Normally we are just trying to protect ourselves.

Because sometimes we can be more scared of succeeding than of failing.

And think about it.

I've worked with a lot of women and sometimes they say,

Yeah,

I feel like if I really unleash my power,

My inner power,

My intuitive skills,

Or my other talents,

People are not going to get me.

People are going to judge me.

Maybe I'm going to hurt others if I become too powerful.

Maybe I'm not going to be able to handle success.

Maybe I will become too visible,

Too exposed.

So sometimes we can also be scared of success,

Not only of failure.

So self-sabotage is not something random that happens out of nowhere,

That happens randomly.

Normally what we're trying to do when we sabotage ourselves is to protect ourselves from something else.

So how do we go about stopping self-sabotage?

So maybe you have identified that there is some form of self-sabotage in an area of your life.

Right,

Okay,

Yeah,

Sure,

Maybe I have some old beliefs that are not serving me,

But how do I go about it?

So first of all,

If by listening to this episode you have detected any form of self-sabotage,

The very first step before you try to stop it is to look at yourself with compassion.

And a lot of people skip this step and this is a must.

Because sometimes when we identify that we have an old belief,

That we've made a mistake,

We can be so harsh on ourselves,

You know?

No,

Look at yourself with compassion.

Don't judge yourself,

Treat yourself like you would treat a kid that has made a mistake.

With that love,

With that kindness,

With that compassion.

That's how I want you to treat yourself.

And here we're talking about self-sabotage,

But any other areas of your life or yourself that you might have identified that you want to change,

Always treat yourself with love and compassion and kindness and no judgment.

Right,

So second step.

Very important one,

This one.

Identify what is the benefit you are getting from sabotaging yourself.

Because like I said,

It happens normally unconsciously because there are some old beliefs or we are just copying patterns,

You know,

From our parental figures,

Whatever.

And you may think that it is very random and that it has no purpose,

That it's just hurting you for no reason.

But actually,

There is always a benefit in any harmful,

I don't want to say negative,

But limiting behavior,

Thought we have,

Emotion we have.

There is always a benefit.

And I know you're probably thinking,

Nan,

Why do I do this to myself?

This is useless.

There is always a benefit,

Otherwise we wouldn't do it.

And by benefit,

I don't mean that it's something necessarily good.

It might not be a positive or a good or a pleasant outcome.

But when we sabotage ourselves,

We are normally getting something.

Maybe it's protection.

Maybe it's a form of security,

Like when we procrastinate,

For example,

Maybe we're protecting ourselves from taking a risk,

From failure.

There is always a benefit.

Be honest with yourself.

Take a few moments to close your eyes,

Take a deep breath,

And knowing that no one is going to hear what you're saying,

What you're thinking,

Knowing that no one is going to judge you,

Not even yourself.

Be honest with yourself and you will find that there is always a benefit.

And this is probably the most important step,

Because if you don't identify what you're getting for a certain form of self-sabotage,

It's going to be extremely difficult to stop it.

Understanding why you do it in the first place is probably the most difficult step,

But the most important one.

And this is always what I focus on when I'm working with someone one-to-one,

Because it can be tricky.

And sometimes we don't like to admit that we're doing this for a reason.

And that's the focus of my work,

On exploring those deep beliefs,

Those old beliefs,

And exploring role models,

Inherited patterns maybe from our ancestors that we just copied,

That we just took as ours.

What the person is protecting herself from.

When there is self-sabotage,

There is always something that we can.

And normally it's protection from being hurt.

Sometimes it could be from failure,

From success,

Like we have discussed,

From getting hurt or harmed,

From experiencing something painful.

It is very common that it will be some form of protection.

So for example,

By dating the wrong people,

In the examples we were discussing before,

By dating the wrong people,

You might think,

Well,

What's the benefit of dating someone who's not good for me,

Who's treating me badly?

Well,

Maybe by dating the wrong people,

You're avoiding a long-term relationship where you can end up being hurt.

So it's not a good outcome,

Absolutely.

But sometimes protection and security is more important for our minds because it is part of our survival instinct.

So identify the benefit and understand why this form of self-sabotage is happening.

Now,

The third step.

Ask yourself the following question.

How can you get that same benefit?

So for example,

If it's protection from being hurt or fear of failing,

Fear of succeeding,

How can you get that same benefit without limiting yourself?

So for example,

If I'm trying to get a job,

But unconsciously I think that I'm not good enough for it and I'm afraid that I'm going to mess it up,

So maybe my form of self-sabotage is I don't work on my CV,

I don't prepare properly for the interviews,

And I end up not getting the job.

Because deep inside,

I believed that I wasn't smart enough for it or I was scared of letting the company down.

And by not getting the job,

I am protecting myself from a painful situation.

So the benefit there would be protecting myself from doing something wrong,

From letting someone down.

So,

First of all,

I will probably need to review my beliefs about myself and make sure that I rewire my brain with more empowering affirmations,

Like what I do in my sessions with Vector Healing,

Which is great for old beliefs and old programs that we want to let go of.

So,

Instead of sabotaging myself to not get the job,

Maybe what I could do is do some additional training to feel a bit more confident.

Maybe I could do more research about the company so I can be as prepared as I can for the interview.

Or maybe I just need to look at myself with more compassion and think that if I make a mistake,

Well,

I'm human,

We all make mistakes,

Right?

So look how to get the same benefit from the self-sabotage,

But in a healthy,

Not limiting way.

I know this is easier said than done,

But honestly,

Once you identify the benefit,

You are honest with yourself and you understand the need that you are trying to cover,

It is not that difficult,

I promise.

And the last step will probably be to practice,

Practice,

Practice,

And obviously spend a lot of time on self-reflection.

Because a pattern that is really deep in our mindset,

Our behaviors,

In our psyche,

Sometimes it can be like a tattoo,

Right?

It might take some time to shift that.

So if you have identified that a form of self-sabotage is something that keeps repeating in your life,

It's kind of a repeating pattern,

It might be something really deep,

It might be something inherited,

It might be something very old,

That might need practice,

Practice,

Practice,

A lot of awareness,

Strong willpower,

Strong intentions,

You know?

But honestly,

Just by being aware of it,

You have done the hardest part.

So just set some time aside to work on understanding yourself,

Your beliefs,

Your fears,

Your worries,

Your upbringing,

Your inherited patterns,

Your conditioning,

Because we all have old beliefs and fears and worries and programs that are no longer serving them.

We all do.

Everyone does.

I don't know anyone who doesn't.

So this is nothing to feel bad about.

If anything,

You should feel proud that you are working on improving yourself and trying to be a better version of yourself,

Because not everyone bothers to do it.

So yeah.

Okay,

My loves.

So I know that was a lot of information.

So maybe before we finish,

Let's take a few moments to recap here what we have covered.

Right,

So self-sabotage,

When we sabotage ourselves and stop ourselves or block ourselves from doing something we want to achieve or something that is good for us,

It normally happens unconsciously.

So don't beat yourself up,

Because obviously it's very rare that we do this on purpose.

It normally happens unconsciously.

We're kind of on autopilot when we sabotage ourselves.

The reason why we do this is normally because there are some old beliefs or programs or inherited patterns that go against the things we want to achieve or that are good for us.

One of the keys we have covered in this episode is that there is always a benefit.

It might not be a positive outcome or a pleasant outcome,

But there is always a benefit.

Now once you identify that benefit,

What you are achieving by sabotaging yourself,

If it's protecting you from being hurt or from failing or from whatever it is,

It is much easier to be aware of it and stop it.

But this is probably,

If I would like you to take one thing from this episode,

Is the idea that there is always a benefit and that once you identify it,

You've done the hardest part.

And then it's much easier to just become aware of how you behave,

What you do,

The decisions you make and how to stop them.

It's a very interesting question to ask yourself,

How can I achieve this benefit?

How can I get this benefit in a healthy way that is not limiting myself?

So how can I protect myself or how can I make something less scary?

Maybe just by preparing myself,

Maybe just by relying on my inner resources,

By doing some self-confidence work,

By believing more in myself rather than limiting myself and blocking me from challenging experiences.

And most importantly,

The most,

Most,

Most,

Most important thing of all,

Don't judge yourself.

Treat yourself with love and compassion always.

Always.

Because we all do this.

I mean,

I know self-sabotage might sound like a very strong word,

And it is,

But we all do this one way or another.

Sometimes with very important things,

Sometimes with just little actions in our everyday life.

It is much more common than you think.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

Like I said,

If anything,

You should be proud if you have identified any form of self-sabotage in your life because it means you have awareness and you want to do something to change yourself and improve yourself.

Okay,

My loves.

So that is all from me today.

If you liked this episode and if you are enjoying the Positive Mindset Try podcast,

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Let's spread some positivity to the world.

I'm going to share a link to my website with the work I do in my one-on-one sessions.

I mentioned Fetih Healing,

Which I covered in more detail in episode three,

Which I use in my sessions a lot,

Which is great to clear and remove all beliefs,

All programming condition patterns.

So I will leave a link to that in the show notes.

And please reach out with any suggestions of topics that you would like me to cover in future episodes because I read your suggestions and I do cover them in my content some way or another.

So please reach out and share your suggestions.

Ask and you will receive.

Okay,

My loves.

Sending a lot of love and light to every one of you.

See you next week.

Bye bye.