Welcome to Integrative Wisdom's Deep Brief Care.
When we love,
We will face loss at some point.
Someone we hold dear will die.
While we can process this logically,
Emotionally it can be much harder to face.
Always listen to the true life stories and words of care from my days as a hospice social worker.
And if you are in this place of grief,
May these moments give you solace and comfort and hope as you make your way through one of life's most difficult journeys,
The loss of a loved one.
Hear me as I share a couple of stories and observations about witnessing the process of healing in spite of dying.
It may not be very common a term in hospice,
Healing.
Many times when someone is signed on it's because we believe that medicine has failed and that someone is going to die.
But the reality is we all have an appointed time to die.
We just don't know when.
But those individuals and families who have been lucky enough or brave enough to choose hospice also have a good chance of seeing healing in action.
My first story is about a man who before he died wanted to make amends with his adult daughter.
They had been estranged for over 30 years and he had never even seen his grandson.
During his course of care,
It was suggested that he write this daughter a letter sharing his thoughts and feelings with her.
That's where I came in.
As his social worker,
I was able to sit with this man and offer to write down his thoughts and feelings.
Although he was getting weaker and it was harder for him to swallow,
His mind was clear.
I asked him what he would like to do and he said,
Write her a letter.
I explored with him the possibility that he wouldn't hear back from her.
Was he okay with that?
Could he live with that?
He said,
One has to risk.
And so we sat in the assisted living facility in his room,
Me with pen in hand and he with eyes furrowed in concentration.
As he dictated his thoughts to me,
I was amazed by his ability to stay focused and on task.
Two impediments were his inability to swallow and my inability to write fast enough.
But somehow we both kept going.
He spoke of the fact that he had a grandson that he didn't know,
That didn't know his grandparents and the love they felt for him in spite of never having seen him.
He spoke of love that continued in spite of any anger or sadness over the past.
He talked of the Jewish Holy days,
The day of atonement and Rosh Hashanah,
Which were by the way,
Right around the corner.
He never admitted any wrongdoing.
He never accused her of the same.
He only spoke of forgiveness,
Love and a desire to dance with her one more time.
He dictated a two page letter.
His wife mailed it.
Now this wasn't a fairytale ending.
They didn't live happily ever after.
No they never heard from the daughter.
But for the patient,
That wasn't necessary for his healing.
For him,
The act of sitting with his thoughts and saying what was on his heart was enough.
And from that moment on,
He never mentioned his daughter again.
My second story of healing has to do with the husband and wife who had been together for over 60 years.
The wife was dying of renal failure.
She had been on dialysis but had recognized that it was no longer working and she decided to go home to die.
We were called in to assist.
The first day of hospice service we realized she was most likely going to die fairly soon.
We explained the process to him and we made sure he was comfortable with our leaving.
His family lived out in one of our many rural areas and so we told him that if anything changed to be sure to call the office and we'd come back before leaving the mountain.
And sure enough,
Before we were down the hill,
We got the call that his wife had died.
We returned to his home and we found that the home health aide had been able to visit the patient and bathe her and wash her hair and dress her in a favorite gown.
I noticed her hair and how beautiful it was.
It was that kind of shimmery gray and longer than most women her age wear.
Her husband got a tear in his eye and said that he knew that the simple act of washing her hair had made his wife happy.
The two of them hadn't been able to wash it lately and that the hospital hadn't been able to take care of that.
As we sat with him he was able to talk about their lives and their families.
They weren't born in this country and many of their family members still lived in their homeland.
Suddenly he rummaged on the table,
Threw some papers and pulled out some letters and handed them to me.
I asked him if he'd like me to read them out loud.
And so as we waited for the mortuary team to arrive,
I began to read these letters that had been sent to him over six months before.
He had been so busy with his wife's care that he hadn't responded or even really taken in what the letters had to say.
When we got to the last letter that he had picked out,
There was a page that was in his native tongue.
So I handed it back to him and he began to translate.
It was from his sister-in-law,
I think,
And she had sent this message to them.
I wish for you so much luck,
Like the rain has drops.
So much love,
Like the sun has rays.
And so much pleasure,
Like the heaven has stars.
As he read this,
He realized it was a poem of sorts and he began to cry.
And then we all started to cry.
But these tears were healing tears.
We were amazed at the way this letter with its words of love and hope and support showed up just when he needed it.
And it was somehow a message that he was able to use that in spite of his beloved wife dying,
He would be okay.
That he would heal.
And that is my hope for you.
That by listening,
By taking the time to honor those who die,
We will all experience one more moment of healing.
And that by doing that,
We will gain strength.
That light that we experience through our grief will guide us as we continue to live,
To love,
And to be compassionate to others who cross our paths.
Here's to you and your story of love and loss.
And here's to the light that will always shine.
God bless.
God bless.
