Mastering Your Overwhelm

Master Your Overwhelm in five steps. 1. Own It—Handle Your Scandal. 2. Get Clear and Prioritize.
Clear out your mental and emotional space. Get all the projects and tasks out of your head onto your "To-Done" list. 3. Nurture Your Relationships. What relationships could you spend more time nurturing? Who do you miss? Who misses you? List each person in your life with whom you wish to spend more time with. 4. Fill Your Cup. 5. Acknowledge and Celebrate.

Transcript

Hi and thank you.

I am so excited that you have decided to master the whelm in your life.

I'm Basvi Kumar and we're going to be spending some time really looking at how to master the whelm before the whelm masters you.

So I want to first talk a little bit about what is the whelm and you know it's a short form of overwhelm.

But when I think of overwhelm I think about that feeling it's like a tsunami in your brain.

Like you feel like if you have one more thing put on your plate that you're going to explode.

Right?

For me it usually looks like oh my god don't even ask me for a favor.

I can't even think of handling anything else in my life.

And it got to the point where my business was growing but I was not able to handle everything.

So I created this program out of my own experience in learning how to master the whelm.

Because where you're going in life there's no room for overwhelm.

Because you are up to some big changes and transformation in your life and there's no room for it.

So the way we've set up the workbook is that I'm going to talk you through a lot of the exercise.

And if you need to pause the recording so that you can take a moment,

Get present,

And really have that internal conversation about really what's going on for you in that moment.

But I'm going to be here with you throughout the entire program.

And I'm really just grateful,

Thank you,

For wanting to change that part of your life.

And to actually transform and break through that part of your life.

The conversation that I don't have enough time,

I'm too busy,

If I handle one more thing in my life,

Or if I get handed one more thing in my life,

I'm going to really implode.

So let's get started.

The first step in mastering the whelm is to own it.

It's to handle your scandal.

And to really look at all the things that you have currently on your plate and saying,

How did it get there?

How can I be responsible for the overwhelm that I am currently experiencing?

Now owning it does not mean blame or make wrong.

It does not mean being unkind to yourself and saying,

See,

I knew I shouldn't have done that.

It's not about shoulding all over yourself.

It's about owning it,

Owning what you have created.

Like,

Wow,

Alright,

I can see that I created this overwhelm in my life.

It's just about taking responsibility.

It's not about being victimized.

It's about taking a stand for what you want in your life.

And being willing to let go of judgment of others and yourself especially.

And to own it and handle your scandal.

So I want you to look at the first exercise.

I want you to make a list of all the projects and responsibilities in the different areas of your life.

Work,

Volunteer positions,

Home,

Family,

Friends.

Make a list of all of them.

And for some of you,

You may need more lines.

It's okay.

Once you make a list,

I want you to ask yourself and write down next to each list item,

What's the real reason that you have this on your list?

Let's dig a little deeper here.

Are some of the things on your list,

How did they get on there?

Is it because you felt like you should or you must or you had to?

Did you say yes to some of those things because you were afraid of the other person's response or that you might be looked down upon or that another person might be upset if you said no?

This is the first part of owning it and handling your scandal.

See,

No one makes you do anything.

We create the situations in our life.

No one made you say yes to baking 600 cookies for your child's bake sale at school.

You chose to say yes.

Now,

Here's the thing.

I'm inviting you to look at the things that you have on your list.

And if there are things that you could walk away from tomorrow,

Would you?

And if there are things that you know that you can't walk away from because you've committed to it,

The next thing I want you to look at is what's another way of looking at it,

Right?

Maybe you don't feel great and happy and empowered about making 600 cookies,

But another conversation or another way of looking at it is,

You know,

Because I felt pressured to do so,

I agreed to it.

Just own it.

And if you've got to bake the 600 cookies,

You bake them.

But ask yourself,

What do I want to do next time?

Well,

Next time,

I'm going to say,

Hold on.

Let me look at my calendar.

Let me see if this is possible.

Okay?

So make a list of your projects.

What are the extraneous items in your life?

What are the things that are on your plate that are giving you a sense of,

Well,

And maybe the next time looking at what can I do differently is just owning it.

We're not blaming anyone.

We're not blaming ourselves.

This is just about deepening your awareness about why you do what you do.

Notice next time you're about to say yes,

Am I saying yes because I feel like I should?

In that moment,

If you notice that you're saying yes because you feel like you should,

Practice saying,

I'll get back to you.

Practice saying no.

That might be a little hard for some people,

Just saying no.

Practice saying,

Let me think about it,

Or I'll get back to you.

Just slowing down the process between what you really want to do and what you end up doing.

The next step of mastering the realm is to get clear and prioritize.

A lot of times we think that we need to keep everything in our head.

I disagree.

I think we need to get all of the projects and tasks out of our head onto paper.

Many times when I'm working with my clients,

I notice that the biggest challenge is really the planning and the prioritization.

I want you to look at one project that you have.

It could be baking a birthday cake.

That's the exercise that we have for number two.

Looking at what are the specific subtasks underneath that,

Let's put deadlines and timing to it.

Oftentimes we take a project and we get overwhelmed at the thought of having to complete all of it.

Let's just break it down because guess what?

You don't have to do everything today.

I think in our society we focus so much on producing results and being busy that we stop to ask ourselves,

Am I being productive or am I just being busy?

Being busy does not mean that you've actually accomplished anything or that you've produced a result.

It's more of that chatter in our head.

I used to think that answering 50 emails in one day meant that I accomplished a lot.

It didn't mean anything.

I just sat in front of the computer and responded to 50 emails,

But it did not move me forward in my goals or in my projects.

Part of being busy is that we have about 60 things on our to-do list.

How many things do you have on your to-do list?

Okay,

Well I don't know what you said,

But I'm assuming it's probably more than 10.

I want to offer a great tool for you.

It's on page four of your eWorkbook.

It's called a to-done list.

Focus really does help you move forward faster.

The to-done list is a tool to help you focus your day,

Get more accomplished,

And move you forward towards your goals.

The reason why I called it the to-done list is because I think when we think of the stuff that you've got to do,

We just get so overwhelmed that,

Oh my God,

I've got to get this stuff.

I've got to do all this stuff.

But I called it for two reasons.

Number one,

Done helps you feel like all of the things you have to do are actually going to get done.

So you're actually projecting out the vision that you have for yourself,

That at the end of the day,

It's all going to be done.

Number two,

Being organized and having a plan with priorities actually expands your time,

Allowing you to get more accomplished.

So I want you to look at the list and in order of importance,

Write down the seven,

Not the 10,

Not the 15,

Not the 20,

The seven most important things for you to accomplish today.

Then I want you to title each of the three sections below that and list the items that also need to be done.

And I usually customize each section according to different areas of my life or even just to this week.

So,

Okay,

I know I got to get stuff for the home done,

Stuff for the business.

I have to answer and return phone calls and emails,

And I got to do some errands.

I got to do stuff for my kids and for their school or whatever works for your life.

I want you to focus on completing the top seven.

When you get stuck or stopped,

Then go to the bottom list to make the most of your time.

These are like your fillers.

Then come back to your top seven when you can.

This way,

You're actually managing the whelm rather than avoiding it or being controlled by it.

And the goal here is to celebrate any progress.

Start a new list every day.

I actually write this down in a journal every day.

You could even use some app on your iPhone or whatever phone you have if you're more of a digital person.

And realize that what's a priority today may not be a priority tomorrow.

So this is really about just getting all of the stuff that you're going to get done,

Not that you need to get done,

But you're going to get this stuff done,

And really just getting it all streamlined.

The third step in mastering the whelm is one that I don't think we pay a lot of attention to,

But it's to nurture your relationships.

The quality of your life is a direct reflection of the quality of your relationships in your life.

So when we're overwhelmed,

Really think about,

Ask yourself,

When I'm overwhelmed,

What is it like to be around me?

I could tell you right now,

It is not fun to be around me when I am overwhelmed.

I get snappy,

I'm irritable,

And I have no tolerance or patience for anyone.

That's not how you want to be,

Right?

That's not what you want to be like in your relationship.

So ask yourself,

What relationships could you spend more time nurturing?

What is the cost of being overwhelmed for you?

Who are people that you have not seen in your life that you know are so wanting to see you and spend time with you?

I remember when I first started my business,

My number one story that I had going on in my head was,

I just don't have the time.

I just don't have the time to see you,

I'm sorry.

And it really cost me a lot of my relationships.

Now thankfully,

These were people that really loved me and cared about me deeply,

So I was able to redeem myself with some of the people in my life,

But that won't always happen,

Right?

So we really need to nurture the relationships that we have with the people in your life.

Because oftentimes,

When we are overwhelmed,

It's a vicious cycle,

Right?

So if you're stressed out,

Quote unquote,

Stressed out and overwhelmed,

That's going to have an impact on how you interact with people in your life,

Whether it's personal or professional.

And that's going to have an impact on how they interact with you.

And it's just a vicious cycle.

You're stressed out,

You put that on other people,

Most people will not tolerate that,

And they will give it right back to you.

And it's just a vicious cycle.

It's one that is very damaging to you and the relationships around you.

So I want you to take a moment and on page,

We're on page five here,

Make a list of all the people in your life that you could spend more time nurturing.

Who do you miss?

Who do you know misses you?

Who have you not called that you know you need to pick up the phone and just call?

Look in your professional life,

Who do you work with frequently but not really know?

And next to each person,

List the ways that you could do that.

And the challenging part here,

But the part that's really going to have you cause a breakthrough in your life around structure and time is to block the time in your schedule to spend time with those for whom you care.

So take a moment and do that.

The fourth step is filling up your cup.

You know,

My mentor,

Lisa Nichols,

She's a law of attraction expert,

And she was in the movie The Secret.

If you haven't seen it,

Please check it out.

It's an amazing movie and book.

She says that people should drink from your saucer,

From your overflow.

So what does that mean?

I want you to imagine that your entire being is in a cup,

Right?

And right now,

What you're doing is letting people drink from your cup.

That's what's getting you overwhelmed in the first place,

Is that you are such a beautiful human being and so giving,

And you are giving of yourself to other people.

But what are you drinking from?

What is keeping you filled?

How are you filling yourself up if you're always giving to other people?

So you want to make sure that you are constantly looking at filling your cup up so that when you do give from people,

You're giving from the saucer.

You're giving from the overflow.

You are not letting people dip into your cup because that's what you need to thrive.

So take a look at the activities that would fill up your cup,

Help you relax,

Rejuvenate your mind.

Remember,

If you can't take care of yourself,

How are you going to take care of others?

You come first.

You're talking about healthy priorities.

I want you to take a look at what your priorities have currently been.

And I want you to imagine if you were to put yourself as number one.

Yes,

You.

You.

Not your husband,

Not your wife,

Not your kids,

Not your job.

You.

What kind of difference would that make as far as mastering your realm?

What would be the impact on the current situation with your overwhelm?

If you filled up your cup first.

Yes,

Putting your needs first.

I have so many clients that feel selfish at the thought of putting themselves first.

Let's change perspective here.

You're not being selfish.

You're being healthily selfish.

And I'm still using the word selfish because I want you to know that being selfish does not mean that you're a bad person.

It means that you love yourself.

And it does not mean loving yourself does not mean that you do not love another person.

But you need to love yourself more because if you don't,

Who will?

So when we're talking about mastering the realm,

It's very important that you fill up your cup.

You've got to fill up your cup.

You come first.

And when you put yourself first,

You can give to others.

So let's make a list of the things that you could be doing right now to fill up your cup.

Maybe it's reading a book.

Maybe it's getting a massage.

Maybe it's saying yes to you and no to others.

Maybe it's waking up in the morning and exercising.

It's whatever would fill you up.

And you know what it is.

You've been resisting it though because you feel guilty for putting yourself first.

No.

You owe it to yourself to fill up your cup.

Okay,

So let's make a list of those things that would really fill you up to the brim to overflow so that then you could help others.

The last step of mastering the realm is one that is underutilized.

It's to acknowledge yourself and celebrate.

All we want as human beings is to be appreciated.

If you haven't read it,

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie,

He said the basic need of a human being is to feel important.

I want you to go ahead and feel important.

Give yourself permission to feel important and celebrate how awesome you are.

We live in a society that is extremely driven and motivated by external success.

And it's like we don't stop and really acknowledge and celebrate the small things.

So start by acknowledging even the littlest things.

And I'm not kidding.

This is one of the best practices that I have taken on and I offer my clients.

Wow,

Look at the way I just put the toothpaste on my toothbrush.

Look at the way I just made my coffee.

How awesome am I?

Look at the way I just put the makeup on my face.

Look at the way I just signed that check.

It sounds silly,

I know,

But we're trying to get you into the habit of acknowledging yourself.

Think about it.

If you don't acknowledge yourself enough or if you're not acknowledging yourself at all,

You're going to get overwhelmed because one way to really fill up your cup is to acknowledge and celebrate your success.

Despite how big or small it is.

And when you're not acknowledging yourself,

You're running on empty.

And no wonder any extra activity or item that's going to be filled on your plate is going to overwhelm you.

See,

We want you to be running on full.

And the minute you notice that you're getting halfway down,

Oh my God,

I'm getting close to empty.

We need you to fill that up because we need you.

We need your gifts.

You have a purpose to live.

You have a vision that you're living and walking towards.

So take a look at the exercise that has you acknowledge and celebrate.

It's important to acknowledge your own efforts and successes as well as those of others.

Take the time to appreciate all that you accomplish,

Even the little things.

Recognize and thank others for their efforts and accomplishments as well.

Thank yous and celebrations,

No matter how big or small,

Make a world of difference.

So I want you to list your accomplishments of your own and others that you can acknowledge and celebrate.

You know,

I have really found that whenever I'm feeling kind of,

You know,

I'm just feeling like you're feeling a little bit low.

It's funny.

What fills me up is to acknowledge another person and to ask for acknowledgement.

There's something about giving out what we need that actually fills us up in the process.

So make a list of people that you want to acknowledge and celebrate.

Make a list of what you want to acknowledge yourself for.

And let's start from there.

I want to thank you for joining me today as we work together on Mastering the Well.

And if you have any questions at all,

Call me.

My number is 913-951-1764.

You know my website already,

Www.

Vasavikumar.

Com.

My email,

Vasavi at vasavikumar.

Com.

I want to thank you for allowing me to be with you on your journey as you master the Well.

I'm here for you.

I love you.

And I can't wait to see you shine because guess what?

You already are shining.

Have a great day.

Thank you.

Reviews

I’m working through the steps. So
useful thank you

I've been struggling with overwhelm for years and I figured this Virgo Season would be a great time to rewire myself for success. This was very clear, beneficial and supportive. thank you, Vasavi 🤎

Great 🙏

🧘‍♀️wish I heard this earlier but better late than never. thank you very much for such a powerful talk...much needed🙏

Important information. Practical and insightful. Very helpful

Thank you 🙏 What a powerful message I will do these things. Sending gratitude and blessings 🙏🙏

So grateful for this today. Thank you so so much.

Super practical and simple steps to translate intent into tools and action that supports better balance and getting to what you really want to see as outcomes in your life.

Very nice thank you and Namaste

Helpful talk with some very practical tips. Thank you for sharing. 🙏