Giving And Receiving Compassion

In this practice, you will cultivate a kind of compassion that results from a realization of our interdependence with all life by dissolving the boundaries between self and other and instill in you a deep sense of value for others around you.

Transcript

Welcome to week eight of the Art and Science of Human Flourishing.

The subject for this week is compassion,

And the title for this contemplation is called Giving and Receiving Together Compassion.

In this week's meditation practice,

We will be building on last week's practice of sending wishes of well-being to ourselves,

Our loved ones,

And to a person we do not know so well.

In this practice,

We will work on cultivating a kind of compassion that results from a realization of our interdependence with all of life by dissolving the boundaries between self and other and to instill in us a deep sense of value for others around us.

In many ways,

We have spent a lifetime learning to prioritize ourselves over others,

Leaving aside debates about the degree to which cooperation is hardwired in our bodies,

Minds,

And souls,

As well as to the degree to which our identity is always already collective.

Coordination of self over other living beings is embedded somehow in our behavior and instincts.

If not,

We would give away all our money and possessions and be vegetarians.

This is a meditation then,

Which explores imagining what it would feel like to invert that prioritization and value others over your own self,

Moment after moment,

Day after day.

Ultimately,

It's a meditation that inquires into the morality of our relationships with others,

But also into the boundaries and interconnections between our self and others.

We will start this meditation with a nine-fold breathing exercise to settle into this moment.

If you are comfortable with closing your eyes,

Do so.

If you aren't,

Just keep a steady gaze slightly downturned without focusing on anything in particular.

Pay attention to your posture,

Holding a strong back with a soft front.

We're going to take 10 slow and deep breaths through our nose,

Paying close attention to the feeling of the breath as it goes into us,

And then as it goes back out of us.

These breaths will be accompanied by a simple visualization of purification,

Meaning negative emotions,

Suffering,

Illness,

Anything toxic and detrimental is visualized in the form of smoke that you exhale.

While positive emotions such as joy,

Health,

Anything inspiring and contributing to your flourishing is visualized in the form of light that you inhale.

The smoke can be white,

Gray,

Black,

It doesn't matter.

Notice the logic here though.

We are pulling in that which nourishes and expelling that which harms us.

It is a logic we will soon reverse in the next part of this meditation.

Right now,

Begin the practice by inhaling and visualizing light entering your body,

Bringing forth positive emotions such as joy,

Happiness,

Fulfillment.

And as you exhale,

Visualize a type of smoke leaving your body and with it,

Negative emotions follow.

And continue on your own,

Breathing in light,

Joy,

Peace,

Happiness,

Breathing out our suffering,

Our illness,

Negative emotions.

Now with your awareness settled in the process,

In the present moment,

You will begin this visualization of self and other.

We will start with someone for whom you intensely care about who you love and begin by inviting them to come into the space of your awareness,

Visualizing them in some sense stepping into your awareness to settle in before your mind's internal eye.

Consider this person.

Consider the kinds of challenges and suffering,

Even the regrets they have in the past or pain in the present and their hopes they have for the future.

As you inhale,

Then visualize all of their suffering,

All of their pain being pulled out of that person and drawn back into you in the form of smoke.

These then merge with you and you imagine that you have taken away all their negativity.

But instead of that toxicness festering inside of you,

Imagine that between inhalation and exhalation,

You are able to mobilize those immense resources within yourself and your body and your mind,

The strength that you hold within and you are able to transform suffering into joy,

Isolation into connection,

Fragility into resilience.

Imagine you are doing this for this person that you deeply love and the toxic smoke of their suffering doesn't overwhelm you but becomes the stuff with which you fashion the light of self-awareness,

Of care,

Of well-being,

Which you then gift back to them.

As you breathe out,

Imagine that all of your personal happiness,

Your comfort,

Your wealth,

Your abilities,

Your resources transforms into a nourishing white light and flows out through your nose to that person seated there.

When the light strikes him or her,

You imagine that the light fulfills all their wishes,

Fulfills all their illnesses and bestows all happiness.

On your own now,

Repeat this process for a few more breaths,

Devoting your full attention and care to exploring this inner connection between the two of you.

Now we will go through the same process but now choosing someone who you hardly know,

Someone who suffers in some way and whose hopes you could only guess at but we can know with certainty they exist.

Pick someone you have hardly acknowledged in your life,

Maybe a staff member at the cafeteria,

A quiet person in your dorm or a person we just passed by on the way to class today.

Invite them into your field of awareness and go through the same process of exchange,

Of care and a contemplation of the connection between yourself and other.

Try to bring that same intense love and care that naturally awakens in you when you consider your loved one as you think of this person you barely know in front of you and seeing them in front of you.

As you breathe in,

You imagine you are breathing in their pain,

Their suffering,

Their regrets,

Any kind of negativity they experience and with the strength of your inner resources you transform that smoke of negativity,

Of pain,

Of suffering into the light of happiness,

Of joy,

Of peace and fulfillment that you offer as a gift to the person in front of you.

And repeating this on your own for a few rounds.

Now finally we extend this field of care to someone with whom we have had a negative relationship.

It could be someone we consider an enemy who has done harmful or hateful things to us or someone we love.

Without diminishing whatever injustice or violence they have done to you,

Try to consider how they too were born into this world,

Whoever they are now and whatever they have done,

Innocent,

Open,

Alive,

Curious and confused about a world into which they just arrived.

And however much you may know about them.

On the other hand,

We know so little of what they might have experienced,

How they were hurt,

Their disappointments,

Their pain.

Whatever they have done to you,

They also just like you have fragile hopes for happiness,

A quest for meaning,

A desire to avoid suffering and they too deserve someone to care about them,

Just as you care about the people you love.

Experiment with inviting them into the field of your awareness and seeing if you can't direct to them the same kind of love that you shared with someone you naturally love and care about.

And most people find this part of the reflection the most difficult part.

If so,

Here are some additional thoughts about how you could first consider this person in your relationship to prepare a more fertile ground for you to practice.

For example,

We might imagine our relationship with an addict.

We would probably all agree that it would be healthiest if the addict should end their addiction,

But regardless of their choices,

How do we handle the circumstance from a place of compassion and mindfulness?

How do we contemplate the person and the underlying reasons for their behavior or circumstances?

What are their underlying needs such as love,

Safety,

Understanding?

In what ways are they wounded?

Where are their intentions coming from in their choices?

Can we try to observe them without judgment?

What about how they suffer?

Can we feel compassion for this person suffering?

Can you imagine them as a young child on the day they were born?

Can we reflect on how we may be similar in some ways,

At least similar in the human nature of not wanting to suffer and to seek happiness?

Now see if you can practice seeing this person in front of you and taking on their suffering as you breathe in and using your tremendous amount of inner resources to transform that suffering into positivity,

To joy,

To healing in the form of light to this person in front of you.

And practice on your own for a couple of rounds.

Now let go of the visualization and sit quietly within this sense of luminous networks of care connecting you to others,

Those you love,

Those you might have thought you hated.

Just sit with the sensation for a few minutes of being connected and caring for others.

Now for a moment,

Feel this commitment to carry this sense into your daily life of caring for others.