105: How to Cultivate Generosity

This is an inspirational and energising track that is meant to make you a more successful human being by becoming a more empathetic and charitable person. A quick review on how to cultivate a spirit of generosity in your life.

Transcript

What if your life was a dance?

What if you could learn to perform it with grace and power?

My name is Tudor Alexander and I want to be your partner as we choreograph the dance of life.

Join me as we share in some of the most meaningful life lessons and strategies that I've discovered in my career as a professional athlete and entrepreneur.

We'll talk business,

Transformation,

Gratitude,

And everything in between as we dance our way through life.

Together we'll learn and navigate life's changes and dance to whatever the music is playing.

Are you ready?

It's time for the dance of life.

What's up,

What's up everybody?

We are back with Dance of Life podcast.

My name is Tudor Alexander.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

Happy Friday to you.

Today we're going to talk about generosity.

I love talking about generosity and gratitude because they are linked.

Gratitude is one of the main topics that I like talking about that I think is just a main topic of life.

You can never get enough gratitude but related to gratitude is generosity.

I thought I'd make an episode today especially with we're fresh out of the holidays and the time I'm recording this is around the holidays.

It's a good time to think about generosity because especially in some of the ways that we'll be thinking about it today,

It's really applicable to the new year and the new you and what you're planning to do this year,

How you're going about your goals and looking ahead.

I think generosity is one of those things that's a key component in any plan.

I want to open up by going over some things that I've learned about generosity.

There were some big breakthroughs that were huge for me.

Several years ago I took this seminar,

It was a money seminar and it was basically a compliment to another course I took but it had a lot of golden nuggets so I thought I'd share a couple of those with you today.

One of them that was a big breakthrough for me was that wealth and generosity,

They're on two different scales.

If you can imagine across,

On one side from left to right you've got wealth and poverty.

So that delineates a spectrum of your resources,

How wealthy you are versus how little you have.

And on a perpendicular spectrum,

Up and down let's say,

You've got generosity and stinginess or greed,

Whatever.

So that's a really powerful tool because what it does is it separates generosity from having resources.

You don't have to be generous,

You don't have to have a lot of resources to be generous and that was a huge breakthrough for me because ultimately what we usually think is that,

Hey,

I need money,

I need X,

Y,

Z,

I need time,

I need this to be able to be generous.

And that right there is the seed of this entire thing because we put a condition with generosity.

Especially as a good experiment,

I think they had us go to these homeless people.

And basically see at what level of contribution would we start feeling uncomfortable or start making reasons as to why we wouldn't give that money.

And basically we all realized how conditional we are with not just money but everything.

You can be generous with a lot of different things,

Your time,

Your money,

Your energy,

Your listening,

Your trust,

Your control,

Your information.

If I'm being generous with my information in the sense of if I know something,

Why wouldn't I tell somebody that?

Or maybe I'm going to withhold it because I want to stay competitive or I don't want them to get the benefit.

Being generous with your energy,

Helping somebody,

Acts of service.

There's these five love languages that you're probably familiar with.

If not,

It's a pretty popular thing about how people like to be loved and treated.

So it's a useful tool to understand how to please people and how to basically treat them in a way that they want to be treated.

And everybody's got one or two that they prefer.

So for example,

One of the love languages is services.

So basically when people do something for you or gifts or your words or physical touch and your energy,

Your money,

Your time,

Your resources,

Those are all things that we spend in different ways to love other people,

To give to other people.

And when you think about generosity,

Money is like 2% of it.

There's so much more important context for generosity than money.

Another one that I.

.

.

So that was the big breakthrough is like A,

Generosity has nothing to do with money,

Number one.

And two,

Generosity also doesn't have anything to do with money in the sense of.

.

.

Not in the sense of how much you have,

But it doesn't have to do with you and money in the sense that you can be generous with other things like you're listening.

I realized I was very stingy with my listening.

Like when people would talk to me about their life or whatever,

I just tend to check out.

And when I realized I was like,

Holy smokes,

I'm not really listening to people when they're talking to me and learning to be generous with my listening.

Listening is one of the most important things we can do for somebody because at the end of the day,

We all wanna be heard.

We all wanna be able to express what we feel and get back at least an acknowledgement of,

Hey,

That exists for me,

That I exist in somebody else.

So being generous with your listening,

Truly allowing somebody in with their experience,

That is one of the greatest things you can give.

And in that sense,

I'm very grateful to be able to have this podcast,

This platform,

To be able to talk to you and to everybody who listens about the things that I think are meaningful,

That are useful,

That have made a big difference in my life and for other people to listen to that,

That is huge.

That is so cool.

So I'm super,

Super grateful that you've been generous enough to check this podcast out,

To check me out,

To listen to what I have to share and all that stuff.

So we can be generous with more than money and generosity has nothing to do with what you have.

So those are the two huge golden nuggets that I got out of this money seminar.

And the main thing,

Once we started looking at being generous and actually acting generously,

We realized that we're so conditioned and so conditional with our reasons.

And notice the reasons that you bring up,

Especially with things that are important to you.

For example,

My time is the most important to me.

And I realized quality time is one of my love languages,

My main one.

So if somebody wants my time,

That's a big deal for me to give them my time,

Unless I am generously doing it.

Normally,

That's out of all the things,

If somebody needs money,

If somebody needs help with something really quick,

But if somebody wants to sit there and talk to me for like an hour,

That's like the worst offense out of all the three,

If I don't want it,

In the same sense.

So all of us are more conditional with some of our resources than with money.

I tend to make money and money comes to me easily.

So I tend to be much easier.

Like I'll give money away much easier than I give my time away.

In essence,

I'll give my energy away because I tend to have more energy than I give control away,

Let's say,

But let's put it that way.

So you've got your six major resources.

I write about these in my book.

They're your time,

Money,

Energy,

Information,

Your trust,

And your control.

So all those six resources we're constantly leveraging and paying with.

Money is obviously an obvious one,

But you pay with your time,

You pay with your energy,

You pay with your information.

Sometimes you exchange trust to get money.

Sometimes you exchange control to get energy or information or whatever.

So it's an interesting little web.

And like I said,

I've got them in my book that's coming out,

But the main thing is notice which one of those you tend to be more conditional with in the sense that you aren't as generous.

You tend to be more stingy with your money,

With your energy,

With your information.

Are you more secretive?

Are you have a trouble,

Problem leveraging trust and trusting people?

Are you stingy with your time like I am?

So ultimately we all have those things.

And once you discover that,

That area where let's say it's the most lacking,

It's easy to think that you're being selfish or whatever else,

But really you want to get out of the selfishness trap because selfishness is not the problem.

Ultimately selfishness is a tool.

It is an impetus for movement.

Everything we do is selfish.

Even the things that we consider good acts of charity and altruism,

Those things are selfish,

But they're selfish on a higher level.

And that's where the distinction lies.

So selfishness,

Everything is selfish.

We all act out of a drive for the self.

That's not the problem.

I mean,

It is the driver because the identity is what matters.

When you put your identity and you create that to be bigger than just your individual self,

That's when you can use the power of selfishness for greater good.

So let's say you're part of a group of people,

A team.

The people who are just focused on themselves will not want to be generous.

You're going to be generous with yourself most of the time.

Sometimes you're not generous with yourself.

We punish ourselves or we have these things where we snub our own self from things.

But in general,

You're going to allow yourself,

You're going to give yourself resources,

At least in some of the times.

So when you're part of a team,

The people who are just focusing on themselves,

Those people we don't think they're team players,

Right?

But the people who create the team to be their self,

Their greater self,

And identify themselves,

They link that selfishness,

That self with a capital S now to the team,

That's when you can use that power and maximize the benefit for everybody.

And if everybody's doing that,

Then you have a very productive situation because what I can give myself is not going to match what the other nine people can give me if you follow.

So if we're all seeing the greater self here,

So to speak,

And connecting to the idea and being generous,

Then we all get like 10 times,

You know,

Multiplicated in return.

So the key is find that area where you don't feel as generous,

Right?

So how do we flip that into expanding,

You know,

Expanding into a greater level of generosity?

If I'm stingy with my time or money or control or trust,

Whatever information,

How can I,

What are the situations that challenge that and how can I expand that generosity?

And the one way to do it is with giving meaning to what you're doing,

You know,

Finding a purpose,

A greater purpose that supersedes the cost of the situation.

Anything that you give,

Obviously there's a cost to it,

But if you can find a greater meaning,

A purpose to the contribution that A,

You're maybe doing a good thing,

You're helping somebody,

You're whatever accruing points to go to heaven,

Whatever it is,

By creating a meaning that will help you override the survival instinct that is,

You know,

There to protect your resources for your individual self.

You know,

So find a meaning to whatever you're doing.

Like,

You know,

Ultimately,

Let's say I go and I go see a homeless person on the street.

My initial reaction is,

Okay,

Don't give him money,

You know,

Like he's,

I have all these stories about it,

Like he's gonna go spend it on drugs,

Booze,

Whatever,

Right?

But if I create a positive meaning out of that,

Like,

You know what,

Maybe he deserves some pleasure in his life,

Or I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and,

You know,

Help him out here.

That is a new meaning to the situation.

You basically reframe the situation.

So when you reframe,

When you add a new meaning,

It will help you overcome that stinginess because your survival brain is gonna generate a meaning by default.

When you are having a situation where you have to be generous or you have to give something and you don't want to,

Well,

There's a mismatch there and your brain is gonna trigger and say,

Oh,

Nope,

Conserve,

Conserve,

Conserve,

Protect,

You know,

Keep your resources and you'll come up with a thousand reasons why you shouldn't.

But if you can find one reason why you should,

That's very empowering and inspiring,

It will trump those other smaller reasons.

So another one is empathy,

You know,

Practicing your empathy skills when you're being generous.

And sometimes,

You know,

We are not generous with ourselves.

That's something that requires,

Empathy requires vulnerability,

You know,

Extending yourself into that other person's shoes or even in your own shoes,

Connecting to yourself and empathizing with yourself.

Sometimes like,

I know I'm a workaholic sometimes and it's very difficult to be generous with myself to,

You know,

Let's say spend time doing nothing,

You know,

And even though I like spending time doing nothing,

It's hard for me to do that sometimes.

So empathizing,

That doesn't mean just with other people,

But it can mean with,

You know,

With yourself too.

So empathizing means extending yourself into that space,

Into that other person's space and connecting.

And sometimes that's uncomfortable,

But what do you have to let go?

What judgments do you have to let go?

What limiting beliefs do you have to let go to allow that natural connection to get reconnected?

Because it's always there,

You know,

We always have a natural connection of love and connectivity.

Just that,

This is that natural pull between people,

Between,

You know,

Relationships,

Between,

We were social creatures and that natural pull is interrupted,

I believe.

I believe it's interrupted by a lot of things,

You know,

Our stereotypes,

Our brain,

But they're all,

All that stuff is thinking,

You know,

When you strip that away,

What you tend to see between people is love and connection.

So empathy is the second one.

Sharing who you are and,

You know,

Finding a joy in sharing yourself,

You know,

Being generous,

Let's say even giving money to a homeless person on the street.

That can be looked at as I'm giving money or I am sharing myself,

My vibration,

My abundance with somebody else.

You know,

It has nothing to do with money.

I am sharing and when you realize that sharing actually rewards you,

You know,

They did a study,

I read about this,

A study recently about,

Like you are five times as more likely or when you give,

They studied people like receiving gifts,

They gave them $5 a piece and basically the experiment was they had to go and spend it on themselves every day or spend it on someone else.

That was the experiment.

I think it was like five or ten days or something.

But the point is the measurement of happiness that these people had when they spent it on themselves versus when they spent it on other people,

It was like five times longer that they felt happier by spending on somebody else than by spending on themselves.

So you know,

It just adds more scientific data to something that we already know which is when you do something for someone else,

It is much more rewarding than when you do it for yourself.

You know,

There is a built in evolutionary reward there.

So in that sense,

You are satisfying your higher selfishness because it is much more pleasurable and rewarding and feels good to help somebody else.

You know,

So what do we need to do to overcome those limiting beliefs that prevent us from sharing and living a life of sharing,

Sharing your ideas,

Sharing your resources,

You know,

Sharing your energy,

Like all again,

All these different resources,

Time,

Money,

Energy,

Information,

Sharing what you know with people.

If you know something,

Sharing your trust and your control,

Being able to collaborate with others.

Those are all acts of generosity.

So it is not just to do with money.

And the final thing,

Which is probably the most important,

So I left it for last,

That will help flip the switch,

So to speak,

Flip the switch and turn that part that is the most difficult to be generous with.

That's the most difficult to turn that into a part where you can share,

Where you can be generous,

Where you can empathize,

Where you can create a positive meaning.

All that stuff is very difficult to do if you're not practicing gratitude.

So it comes back down to gratitude.

Gratitude is the number one thing that will help you be more generous because gratitude creates a feeling,

A state of being of enoughness,

That life is enough,

That whatever is in front of me right here is enough.

I'm in awe with everything around me.

I'm in love with everything around me.

I'm appreciating.

And when you're appreciating and in alignment with that vibration,

It is much,

Much easier to be generous.

And to go hand in hand,

Gratitude is the internal state of being.

Generosity is the expression of that internal state of being.

When you are totally at peace and you are just being,

There's doing and being,

The fundamental dimensions of existence,

Right?

When we're being,

We are being grateful.

If you think about any time when you're just being and you're just in that enjoyment,

That fulfillment of that life experience,

It is appreciation.

It is gratitude.

It is filled with the enoughness of that experience.

And when you are out in the world and creating and living your truth and being totally open and vulnerable and sharing with others,

That's really generosity.

So it's gratitude and generosity.

Gratitude is the ultimate way of being and generosity is the ultimate way of doing.

So I really believe that.

I do want to write a book actually about that.

It's a book on gratitude in the future and really share these ideas because I think they're simple but powerful ideas.

So remember,

Generosity has nothing to do with how much money you have and there's a lot of other things that you can be generous with,

Which are much more important than money,

By the way.

You know,

Your time,

Money,

Obviously is one of them.

Energy,

Information,

Trust,

How well you leverage your trust with your relationships and your control,

The same thing.

And how we flip the switch to go from a place where we're not feeling generous with one of those things into a place where we are,

You know,

I would say gratitude.

It just comes down to gratitude.

You remember the other ones like create a meaning for it,

You know,

Try to be empathetic,

Connect to another human being,

Live a life of sharing yourself,

Get in the habit of sharing.

But really it comes back down to gratitude.

If you're grateful and you have appreciation,

I can guarantee you that you will be more generous.

So live a life with generosity.

Be generous with yourself with this new year and think what is it that I want to give to others?

What is it that I want to give to myself?

What is it that I can be grateful for this year?

And what am I grateful for last year that can give me the momentum to really one-up this next year and live life to the fullest?

So thank you so much for listening.

This has been an awesome ride and I'm very grateful to have you in my life,

That you're listening to what I have to say.

Like I said,

Listening is one of the most important things that we can give another person.

So I'm very grateful to have that from you in my life.

So I hope these episodes have been awesome for you.

Let me know if you have any suggestions for the future,

Anything that you love,

Just shoot it out.

My email's on the website and we'll see you guys next week for another interview.

Thank you.

Bye.

Reviews

I've been using Insight Timer for two years and fell upon Tudor's podcasts after searching 'gratitude'. How grateful I am! He speaks with such clarity and passion, using his own experiences without going overboard. I'm gradually working through his podcasts on here and will certainly check out his website. He's such an engaging and genuine guide, from whom I've learnt so much already. Thank you Tudor.

Thanks for your podcast, look forward to the next one. Namaste Carol

Thank you for podcast. Really good tips to remind us very often the universe has given us all that we need but we are to busy focusing on what we want and often we dont see the big picture. Your book will be very useful if you expand on these ideas