Life After A Breakup

Whether it’s a marriage, a friendship, a work partnership, or a family feud, breakups are never an easy thing to go through, and can be difficult for so many reasons. Some people cope really well, whilst others may struggle with the reality of living life alone or with how to start a new relationship.

Here, I share some ways to come to terms with life after a breakup. Thank you for your kind messages and continued support.

Transcript

Whether it's a marriage,

A friendship,

A work partnership or a family feud,

Breakups are never an easy thing to go through and can be difficult for so many reasons.

If you are lucky enough to go through a breakup and still remain on friendly terms,

I'm very happy for you.

But most people I talk to who have gone through breakups are left with heartbreak,

Anxiety because of unanswered questions or anger because of the consequences which led up to the breakup.

Whichever way it is or was for you,

You must work through your emotions and the grief.

Hello,

My name is Jacqueline and welcome to my Tranquil Spirits podcast.

Going through a breakup,

Even if you know it is or was the right thing to do,

Needs to be processed in order for you to move forward with life,

Whether or not you want another relationship.

You never know what the future may hold and doing the work on yourself after the breakup is so worthwhile.

It may be that you were broken up with or you did the breaking up.

Whichever way,

Coming to terms with it can be difficult.

Looking back with regret,

Anger or even heartbreak can be unhealthy.

Living in the past never helped anyone live a positive life.

Even friendship breakups can leave emotional turmoil if not processed thoroughly.

Having decided it was the right thing to do,

It was the right time to move on or you felt that enough was enough,

You may believe you are then able to get on with life with seemingly no problem.

This may well be true,

But at some point for many of us,

The emotional connection you once had rears its head and a feeling of grief or loss comes rushing into your mind and body as you remember the good times and that seems all you can think about.

Did I do the right thing?

Could I have done something different?

What if I had done this or that?

We then feel we miss our ex so much and suddenly the memories of the real reasons we had to leave them seem far from our mind and the good times come flooding back,

Bringing sadness instead of joy.

But most times the reality is that we are actually missing what we thought we should have had and when we realise that we can bring ourselves back to the real reasons we left as we remember things like the promises which had been made but never kept,

The way we had been treated without respect or love,

The constant feeling of loneliness in the relationship or whatever it was for you.

So what can we do at these times?

Some people go back to the relationship,

The good memories so strong that the ugly ones seemingly hidden,

But ultimately the relationship just breaks down again as the memories of why you couldn't stay together come out from hiding and no doubt more promises probably have been made and broken.

Now I'm not saying that every relationship cannot work a second time but very few do.

But you do you.

Sometimes the only way we can move forward is by giving something or someone a second chance even if that means we end up alone again.

There is no right or wrong in these situations and I definitely am the first to say have no regrets.

If you need to be sure do what you feel you need to do and for some this is the best way to be able to put that relationship finally to rest and move on more confidently in life.

So once the decision to end the relationship has been made for good,

How do we move forward?

Should we doubt others who are trying to make a connection with us?

Should we compare them to our past relationships?

First and foremost focus on yourself and your own needs.

Do what makes you happy.

Pamper yourself,

Go out with friends,

Make plans for things to do on the weekends especially if this was a time you mostly spent with your ex and disconnect yourself from their social media.

This can bring up old feelings and trigger negative emotions especially if they have moved on.

At times it can help to write a letter to your ex putting down exactly how the breakup made you feel and how you are feeling now.

Do this for you,

Not to send them the letter but to better understand your own feelings and emotions and a way to help you to move forward.

Spend time with people who love and care for you,

Avoid the ones who just want to gossip and pick holes in your ex.

This will only make you feel worse not better.

Focus on creating new memories for yourself with your friends who really care about you.

If you have a favourite restaurant but you are avoiding it because you used to go there with your ex,

Revisit it with a friend and make new memories there.

So many times we think of certain places or avoid places because of memories with our ex but by taking that first uncomfortable step we can eventually erase those unwanted memories and replace them with new ones.

By avoiding doing these things we remain living in the past so take back control and live in the present.

Unfortunately you may never get the explanation or apology you want from your ex but reminding yourself why the relationship ended,

Why you were not compatible may help you through this difficult time.

And when you feel ready to start dating again remember that every person is individual and unique.

When we compare or expect a new person to act the same way as our ex we are setting the relationship up to fail before it's even begun.

Instead of entering into a new relationship with walls up,

Set boundaries.

Know what you want before you start the relationship and be up front at the start.

A lot of time communication is the downfall of relationships and we begin by accepting things we wouldn't normally do so.

So by laying down things at the start and getting comfortable and at ease communicating with your new person straight away this is an important step forward to developing a healthy long-term relationship.

Have open communication about your feelings and expectations for the relationship so you can be sure you are both working towards the same things and goals and then keep the relationship fun and engaging as you journey through getting to know each other and hopefully growing together.

Another important thing to do I feel is keep your independence whilst also blending your lives together.

If you make your whole life about your new partner you end up putting a lot of pressure on the relationship to be your whole source of happiness.

Keeping your own individual interests also gives you something to talk about when you come back together.

I know that starting a new relationship can be worrying so watch out for red flags.

If something that is said or done triggers you take notice but having said that enjoy getting to know each other without expectations of the future.

Live in the moment and allow things to grow and hopefully develop naturally.

Your thoughts are your reality.

If you think you won't or you think you will you will always be right.

No matter what you went through in your past relationship know that you are amazing and deserve the best.

How someone treated you in the past does not define who you are now.

Most times that was more about them and their own issues but we cannot fix someone if they don't want to be fixed.

But we can build our own self-confidence and belief in ourselves knowing that we are deserving of love and affection and should never settle for less.

Always be you and in turn allow whoever you are with to be themselves but not at the expense of your own happiness.

Don't try to change someone to be the person you want or change who you are just to please them.

Focus on what you need to create the best connection with someone and if need be just stay single enjoying who you are and loving the life you live as you make new memories and new friends.

I hope you have found something useful in this podcast.

Have a beautiful day because you deserve it and remember always follow that dream as worrying does not take away tomorrow's troubles it takes away today's peace.

Thank you for listening and I'll speak to you again soon on my next Tranquil Spirits podcast.

Bye for now.

Reviews

That was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much 🌟