Helpful Steps For Perfectionists

A deep sense of wellbeing is not cultivated by living in constant fear of making mistakes, rather a logical, down-to-earth method is required. To hear & connect to our intuition we need to know that the negative bias veils the spiritual aspect of our experience. Tony Samara shares several steps so that we can avoid the pitfall of using our energy up trying to be perfect and concludes with a meditation prompt which can be continued for as long as you wish, even after the bell sounds.

Thank you.

Transcript

Hodl Wish Today another day,

It may be a difficult day for some,

But another day to go a little bit deeper and explore what can help create more of a flow in life.

And for me this is a really important aspect of spiritual practice and hopefully for you when you understand or if you already understand it becomes an important part of your spiritual practice.

It's important to create a foundation that allows for the flow because as we know the biology of our brains,

The evolution that has helped us to survive up to this moment but created certain habits aren't always in the best interest of a deep sense of well-being.

They are there to help us survive through different situations but not really thrive.

So it's important to look at the situations,

The way that we communicate to life,

The way that we do things from a very logical and down-to-earth perspective.

And this often triggers people when I mention that we need to be more logical,

We need to be more grounded,

We need to look at things in a very step-by-step way.

People think that's not creative,

That's not spontaneous,

That's not just waiting to be led by the divine,

That's not the way that spirituality should be.

Of course we will always be guided by the sacred,

We'll always be guided by our intuition but to be able to hear that intuition,

To be able to connect to that intuition we need to know that those aspects say the negative bias or the fear or the stress or the anxiety,

Those aspects of life that all of us tend to fall into can very easily veil the other dimension,

The more spiritual dimension of our experience.

So it's important to do this.

Now people then ask me you know how do you put this into practice?

Well the first thing is to remember that you don't have to be a perfectionist and being a perfectionist or trying to get it all right you know is another program that's being played out you know of being the best,

Being the loved one,

Being the recognized one,

Whatever program that's being played out perfectionism is a type of procrastination that prevents us from doing anything because of course we can never do everything.

I mean this is good to realize now we can never do all the things that life requires from us to do you know clean do this perfectly do that perfectly do everything perfectly even if you're a super mom super dad super human being super person whatever you'll never be able to do these things now that's not a negative that's just so that the little drama the perfectionist drama that's being played out doesn't control the experience to such a degree that you feel like a failure because you're not living up to your own expectations you're not living up to those perfect expectations that the mind is manipulating you to sort of think is the way forward and when we recognize this when we recognize okay we're human beings having an experience a spiritual experience here on this wonderful beautiful earth but we're having a spiritual experience which means being real being who you are there are too many people out there in the new age and superficial sort of spiritual milieu playing the game that they know everything or pretending that they know everything or speaking as if they know everything it's not going to help you okay it might impress people around you you might get I don't know Instagram likes or whatever people are looking for but the reality of the experience will still be the same if you're living up to the expectations of others or of those expectations that you have within yourself if you're living up to those expectations and believing that that is your spiritual experience to live up to those expectations you can't then be yourself you can't just relax and allow the energy to flow from a more conscious perspective from a more mindful perspective because you'll be caught up in something else it may seem better to everyone the perfect mom the perfect dad the perfect human being the perfect spiritual person whatever you know that doesn't help so perfectionism is a type of procrastination when you understand this then you're not trying to be perfect but you're taking those real tangible step-by-step important ways of doing things seriously this means that you're not trying to live up to an expectation that your mind says okay for me to be happy with myself I need to be this picture you are helping the mind to recognize that the steps that's the picture that the mind needs to connect to because when you do this and it's really powerful it's really important when you begin to break things down to manageable steps then you take those steps because they're easy it's not difficult to do some thing like meditate for 20 minutes if you've created the space if you've created the decision okay this is what I'm going to do in the mornings before I do anything else if that is the only thing that you focus on that little micro step and apply that reality to your life so that every day there is a consistency and you're actually taking that step every day like me you know wake up in the morning okay first thing glass of water you know hydrate and then next thing find the chair you know hopefully your eyes are open my eyes sometimes it's so bright that I just walk you know towards the chair to sit down and meditate there is no decision there is no should I do this should I it's just how it is now if you do this you've already sort of congratulated yourself that you've taken that important micro step and done something that you really want to do that you believe is important for you and we know now meditation is vital for helping you to sleep better become more resilient emotionally to help just take those other steps that you need to take during the day without fatigue without decision fatigue or just general chronic fatigue that happens in modern society because we use up our energy for the wrong things we use up the energy to be perfect and it's just not possible to be perfect you will come to a point where perfection will be the reflection that you see in everything but before you get to that point or before you recognize that point it's important to come back down to earth and really take those steps so that the spiritual practice or just in life you know the practice of being present to life and all the challenges that life throws at you comes from a space of consciousness whereby you're including those important goals or dreams or important ways of being in the everyday type situations and that happen to you and not waiting for the perfect moment many people wait until and it doesn't happen so what do I do someone asked how you know okay we know this how do we make this possible you know it's it's one thing speaking about it and another and you know just putting this into practice well this may be too much for some people but it's an interesting thing and it's an exercise you may want to try you know it's an interesting thing first thing I do is I look at okay how many hours are there in a day how many free hours do I have in a day you know if I sleep eight hours I have 16 hours to do things now I can either just allow the day to be my boss and you know allow the day to choose whatever it is that I need to do or society or the stress of the moment or whichever trigger happens to be the most important one in that moment to be the boss and to choose my way forward or I will film and you can do this exercise later on you know just how many hours maybe you sleep less maybe you only sleep six hours or maybe you sleep more ten hours so that's the first thing you know on a piece of paper in a creative sort of way and just write down 24 hours so that you see it it's it's really important to write things down or to to sort of have a piece of paper so that you can can formalize those thoughts in a tangible way so it's not just some sort of I don't know idea that's happening in the background of your mind that you forget about because when you have it on paper it's easier to refer back to the information that you've written so when you write ten hours of sleep say and then I have 14 hours of activity what are the things that you really have to do okay if you have to go to work most of us too then you're right okay eight hours at work or ten hours at work or whatever so then you see okay if you're you know if you sleep ten hours and you work ten hours then you only have four hours so you have to be very very clear about what is important to do in those four hours rather than just you know end up watching TV which is okay if that's what you want to do but it's not really most people just do it out of boredom or out of being overwhelmed or out of just being lost and not able to make a clear decision because 20 hours of busyness means that you know you just have to do whatever helps you to relax a little some people drink some people go on to their social media so you see when you write it down you're being conscious and you're perceiving that the the schedule from within clarity from within very logical clear space so you you see what you can do in those four hours most people have more than four hours most people will have you know if they go to work eight hours they will have about eight hours and I'm I'm also including time when you have to do practical things like drive to work or get on a bus and go to work or even better walk to work if you can or cycle to work I'm including those times because those aren't just wasted activities those are times when you can practice spiritual meditation spiritual awareness in in what you're doing so and you can do this of course in your sleep but we will speak about this a little bit later for now what I'm trying to explain is it's really important to plan every day in advance this is what shocks people yes I plan my day in advance so this means I have my I can but I also have other apps that make it easier to plan your day now if you have Google calendar or iCal and most people use that and it's very useful because whenever you can write things down it's also a little bit distracting because sometimes if you have those gadgets your phone or your computer it's easier to get distracted by my addictions so very often I say the best is the old-fashioned way to have just a simple small diary pen and you take it everywhere you know it's like your little Bible and it's your diary that you take everywhere and you write your thoughts your ideas and it's not a journal but whatever ideas that help you to plan your day in a better way in advance so when you plan your day what what happens is that you choose rather than be manipulated by your biology or by society or by people you choose what your top goals are what what helps you to live life in the best possible way very often this means you choose your goals you choose your goals and you choose the goals that give you the highest possible return on your mental emotional physical spiritual energy when you do this you can see what happens remember the 80-20 formula rather than put 80% of your effort into 20% of what gives you satisfaction or what helps you to feel good about life you're changing that formula around so you're actually choosing 20% because usually we only have 20% free time if you work and you're busy with all things you're choosing 20% to invest in the 80% satisfaction fulfilling your goals now when you do this everything changes because somehow when we live our highest possible dreams or best possible goals then we we get addicted to doing things it's not the right word but we get a dick positively addicted to doing things in a totally different way it really challenges the biology of our evolution because this is not how things work for most people this may sound totally alien to you but the only way to understand what I'm speaking about is to put it into practice and to see for yourself if it works you know some people say I'm just too busy to plan my day in advance I have too many things going on in my life that is procrastination that is not a good way to face your planning of tomorrow by already having an attitude which is procrastination of negativity that you're too busy or too stressed or to this or to that that is a justification that the mind plays out when in a state of resistance and most of us will get to this point where we are resisting what I'm speaking about because it challenges the old-fashioned old paradigm the old thinking process that holds us back what I call fight-or-flight survival and you're not here to survive you're not here just to fight them flight between all sorts of challenging and negative experiences that you're having here in this world you're here to thrive now this is something that you may need to repeat to yourself a few times and write in this little diary of yours and just have as a highlight I'm here to thrive rather than to be challenged by all the difficulties and fall into depression or fall into this idea that nothing works it will work this is not even it's a total guarantee it will work so the good news is that every minute you spend in planning saves you and this is scientifically proven saves you 10 minutes this means you know we would use 10 minutes to execute the same thing if if we hadn't if we don't plan things in advance and more for many people it's more especially if you have problems you know making decisions or problems getting getting yourself motivated and doing those things that need to be done so really if you know this if it takes one minute or two minutes to do what is spent doing normal 10 minutes of procrastination then it only takes I would say 15 minutes to plan your day now that is such a small investment of energy or time and this will save you two hours of procrastinated dysfunctional slow thinking fatigued overwhelmed states which usually last for most people two hours and I don't want to sort of bring references which scientific study proves this but when you begin to practice this it really becomes obvious that that is how we spend our lives and the busyness is not really busyness but it's rather the challenge being so very overwhelming that we procrastinate and we don't do anything and we take time because it takes time when you're in a state of overwhelm or in a state of depression or in a state of negativity takes time to actually do anything because everything becomes very difficult every decision is like a tiring energy expenditure and if you don't have the energy then what you do just don't do anything that's procrastination think of it this way when you plan your day in advance you have two hours extra that you didn't have before that's 25% for most people that's 25% increase in the joy in life 25% if you're just a normal person you know working and doing the everyday things that we have to do in life now that is such a an incredible gift for me to know that when I plan my day not only do I achieve the goals that I've consciously decided okay this is what I want to do now the goals aren't just I need to nurture myself I need a massage I need to I don't know go for a walk I need to do this that's you know those are needs and the goals are things that can be very challenging that maybe you don't want to do that you think oh that's I just today I just can't even think of doing such you know so it could be like the project that you never start because you're just overwhelmed or the reading of a book or the research that you need to undertake to fulfill a project at work or maybe a personal project just educating yourself in the end it's you have to choose the goals so these goals are not just nurture not about you know doing things that help you to feel better about yourself more about doing things that once you do those things you will feel better with yourself so once you achieve once you manage to achieve what seems like a challenge what seems like a difficult challenge then there is just this positive addiction to wow I can do this and that that is part of the thing when it comes to planning and advance because when you plan in advance then you know this is what I have to do I've chosen my goal I've chosen to the goal is just one of the things that you feel obviously in your day but that is your priority so if anything else that is what you focus on you know even if you don't achieve anything else you achieve your top priority the energy of which gives you 80% 80% return on feeling good feeling that you've done things that are really helpful helpful for you and helpful for your family or helpful for your work colleagues or whatever now this this way of thinking can be applied to everything you know if you look at people you know people that are around you because this is very much also something that we can go a little bit deeper and look at you have say 100% people around you 80% will waste your time now I'm not being judgmental or anything but 80% will will not really help you achieve those things deep inside that are important for you but rather pull you down pull the energy down to a level where you're giving a lot of yourself but not getting very much in return now this is a very logical cold way of looking at things when it comes to relationships but very often you know we create constellations in the relationships where we invite this is why we're spending 80% of our energy with those people who only give us 20% we invite this function we invite dysfunctional communication we invite a situation that's not really the one that we want to live it's not our dream but we live it because we feel that it's the only possible way to survive it comes from that old belief system survival so if we know this in a cold and neutral logical way then we can take those steps to focus the energy on the 20% that will give you 80% so this means the 20% of people around you that inspire you that help you to grow that help you to or that assist you with your goal or that help you to recognize that that part of yourself is really important and support that part of yourself that is where the energy needs to go not 20% but 80% yeah usually it's 20% we give to those people because the flow is there so we usually just go back to the problems okay we have all these problems we have to focus to try to resolve these problems the flow is not as important to the mind because biologically when things are okay then that's all they can be you know they can be okay but we have to look at the issues that are problems because that's not okay that could be disastrous to our evolution so it's not the way it's the way if you are living out in nature and perhaps having to survive wild animals and all sorts of different things but even then I wouldn't say that's the perfect way but in life it's not the way we need to focus on the positive so those 20% of people that help us to grow and help support us to grow in in positive ways now if we know that that means we have to make decisions because part of planning every day in advance is making decisions whilst you're planning your day so you will need to say to yourself my first priority and then that is the goal that you've chosen consciously mindfully you've chosen that goal your your first goal that you will achieve no matter what that is written down in your iCal or written down in your diary and that is where you focus your energy first thing not first thing in the morning but first thing before you start doing any of the other busyness type things you know which usually is like reading the news for some people entertainment checking their social media and checking if there is anything happening in the world you know all those things but that's not your goal your goal is to make sure that you get the maximum possible return on the energy that you're giving out in that moment when you are focused on your goal and that is the first thing you focus on when you open your diary this is my goal for today so when you have two extra hours to achieve that goal because you've planned everything then it's very easy to achieve that call and really you know this is a simplistic way of explaining something and it's much more in depth once you start doing this I can go a little bit deeper and look at you know creating different lists for different purposes because of course you know sometimes things happen and you get busy with a situation or you go on a holiday or it's the weekend so you have to be a little bit flexible but the core idea is focusing your energy on goals that you've decided are important for you and to make sure that you plan everything in advance so this is what I wanted to share with you just because for me you know people ask how do you manage to do all the little things that you do for me in the end when you begin to practice things in this way when it's goal orientated and you see time as a currency as an energy that is a gift and the way you use it is really important then you you make decisions and very often when you make those decisions some of those decisions mean that you have to make sometimes painful decisions but sometimes important decisions also that are end up being quite painful of just making sure that you don't fill your time with the again 80% of things that people do throughout their day that only gives you 20% we want to turn things around we want to switch the neuron so that they fire and wire in a totally different way in the beginning this will be a challenge but practice and start today not tomorrow not next week when things are easier but today you know sit with a piece of paper make sure that you account that every hour is accountable so you know what you do how many hours do you have free and what you do with some of those hours start easy you know you don't have to create a perfect calendar now start easy by just choosing one or two goals that are important for you and fit them in and then those are the things you focus on and then continuously add more add more and of course the practical has to be added to one of those lists that you create the practical meaning taking the children to school or cooking or doing the dishes or shopping or whatever and include those but during the times that you choose you know so make sure you know if you want to go shopping you don't just wait for whenever when you need something but plan it in advance so that you don't get caught up in the material manipulation that happens in the supermarket and they know this you can speak to any person who's part of the marketing department and they know that you know if they pull you into the store with a special you're going to be looking at everything because that's what we do that's our evolution check anything interesting any food out there that's you know our brains think and we will end up buying more things that we don't really need you know and just because we haven't made those decisions those decisions have been made for us triggered by the situation that we find ourselves in because we are not consciously thinking we are flowing with the energy that's put out there so we're being open and vulnerable to those triggers and cues that then manipulate us into thinking or acting or behaving in a certain way and this is studied in psychology so manipulation is just part of marketing this is why the material world is so manipulating because you know it's about more rather than what helps you what is really important in this moment you know what helps you to fulfill your goal for sure it's not the extra cabbage that you bought or I don't know the special drink that they have it's different so you know when you become conscious in this way you become very independent of the manipulation that's out there but it is that that's the painful struggle that's the painful challenge that we have to go through over these next few days because my plan is to make sure that this year which is a very transformative year is not only transformative but also that you that you live your potential in a very different way than has been part of our evolution throughout history for thousands and thousands of years now we are going to evolve and elevate to a level of consciousness where there is a level of freedom and choice that allows us to do things if we're conscious enough to do things in a way that will change the whole structure of the world as you breathe in and breathe out just letting go letting go of the tension letting go of the worry letting go of the stress spending a few moments now in stillness integrating all that has been said and then turning the activity that has been communicated the practice of being mindful making a choice planning ahead transforming that into part of your spiritual practice thank you you

Reviews

going to try to assess my time in this way as suggested and see if it helps me to be more in the moment. And waste less time. I really liked the status about every one minute spent planning saves 10 minutes. We can get so sucked into mindless things when we aren't focused and don't constantly check in about where we are at and what we we're supposed to be doing according to what we agreed during our time with our higher power

Wonderfully motivating.
Thank you, Tony.
Namaste 🙏🏻🦋