Changing Bullying Traits Talk

If you have been struggling with people challenging you with passive aggressive behaviours or you yourself have been part of the bully mentality, listen to Tony Samara explain how this structure has been created and how it is possible to change these dynamics, step by step. By closing your eyes, and relaxing the body, you will open yourself to the wisdom that is beyond the mere words. You will also receive an energy transmission that is part of each of Tony Samara's Insight Timer tracks.

Transcript

You you you Besides judging oneself from a negative There is this idea that We're not good enough And that we have to sort of do things whatever those things are in our minds we have all sorts of ideas all sorts of plans all sorts of dreams all sorts of hopes that once fulfilled then things will flow better a Lot of judgment comes from the fact that throughout our experience in life,

Especially in childhood and This isn't blaming family dynamics or anyone else but Especially in our childhood.

We are bullied into a fearful perspective that then embodies itself within the physical body and becomes part of the very structure that is trying to understand What is going on inside of the mind or what is going on around you as an experience?

What is the meaning of such an experience if we go back to the essential?

Structure where there was a form of bullying and first It's important to define what bullying means and bullying is actually a very natural aspect of Human behavior Because we have this sort of instinctual way of Communicating or interacting with others Whereby we're trying to dominate people energetically or physically now Of course,

This is not what everyone goes around consciously trying to do but very often when there is a Situation Within your experience that brings you down that depresses you or that makes you feel bad and energy leaks And you begin to want more energy and bullying is a way to be like the alpha whereby You know,

I am better and the way that I feel better is by putting you back down To wherever you need to be but you're definitely not the alpha.

I'm the alpha here That's the instinctive mind speaking when energy leaks So we do this all the time when you watch children play there's very often Besides the beautiful play and the creative aspect aspect of playing there's very often other dynamics that are happening within play that create this sort of situation where one person in the game wants I I want my toy.

I want this I want that it's not really about the toy or this or that it's more about I want your energy and It becomes very much the social way that we communicate what we understand as we grow up We become socialized and we understand this is the way at least on a very subconscious level.

We have all the niceties So,

You know,

We can be nice and polite and say nice words and pretend to be nice But deep inside when you look at communication There are so many interesting layers to the communication that happens that we believe Perhaps is positive.

So we're there speaking to people in Words and they sound nice and they sound kind and they sound whatever polite but actually if you Understand body language you will see that oh the body language is actually communicating a very different story if you move Deeper than beyond the body language to the essential structure that is creating the body language You'll recognize that very often the communication that is happening on a very basic essential Level of energy is very different from the words that are being spoken and this is why we have family constellations And dynamics and also very often other sorts of constellations that we find ourselves lost in people at work or people around us misunderstandings because there are so many levels of communication now if you Clarify or sort of understand Within yourself that a lot of the communication is bullying or what I call Passive-aggressive type behavior then you it's not a judgment.

It's not to judge anyone Or yourself if this is what you're doing that,

You know,

You're not so very nice.

You're not so spiritual How can you be doing such a horrible thing?

It's not about judging yourself,

But it's just about recognizing The moment as it unfolds so that you can learn from the experience Rather than be drawn into the experience and then fall into this sort of reactive state Where what is happening very often only becomes obvious after you react to the situation part of being mindful part of being aware is to To practice spirituality in such a way where you prevent certain karmic traits and some people call it or I call it energetic patterns from coming up to the surface and When this karmic pattern or Energetic pattern comes up to the surface then dominating your experience your experience And manipulating your experience so that it goes into a certain direction Irritation anger fear all the many many interesting emotions that then become part of this communication the passive-aggressive communication or the bullying so if you've been bullied in your childhood You know where someone for example says you're stupid You say no,

I'm not ha ha.

Yes you are No,

I'm not I'm clever.

Yeah,

You're so stupid,

You know if this if you recognize this sort of energy communication Can you hear within the energy communication?

There is this sort of?

Sort of tug-of-war happening,

You know and Someone in the communication is putting another person down and another person That is being put down is trying to defend themselves That is the reaction that naturally happens and to be conscious and react in a different way So that you don't just accept that the negative pattern that is happening within this communication is the only one possible Where you are being told that you're stupid for example And you are trying to defend yourself and say no I'm not If you're conscious of the situation you can Detach from the situation you can pull back from the situation Now this doesn't mean ignoring a person because as we know we cannot ignore communications that are happening around us especially if If we find ourselves falling into that same pattern over and over again,

So we sort of move away from one person that's Passive-aggressive or bullying us in their communication and just to find the same sort of pattern elsewhere in other people in other situations that we sort of begin to explore we know from a Lot of experience that in the end we have to change and we have to change the way that we communicate So detachment doesn't mean escaping into some sort of better space hiding from the aggressor or hiding from the bully person that is bullying you It doesn't mean that you have to escape Being conscious really means that you understand what is going on and You recognize that what is going on is actually a spiritual learning Now if you do this then If you do this then You can't really pull back Then you need to sort of look deeper into the situation which means that you look into the situation from a perspective Okay,

What is going on here?

What is really happening here?

I'm being told I'm stupid So what can I do to react in such a way that is obviously not stupid?

That is clever.

That is wise.

That is spiritual Now as soon as you do this Then you begin already to free yourself from an essential structure that perhaps we have all inherited because of our evolution and because of our childhood where such bullying was part of the games that we played with friends Very often the games that we played in family constellations very often the games we played at school where we learned certain ways of behaving that then became patterns and Then became habits and then became just ways that we do things that we don't even question.

We don't even question why we're reacting in such a way if such a reaction is even valid or important or useful or if we can learn from Reacting in such a way.

We don't question a habit because a habit is a habit just happens.

So if we realize that That we can detach from the situation without escaping into this spiritual new age belief system that there is somewhere better to go to some heavenly place that will sort of prevent the situation from hurting us or from help from creating a sense of fear or sense of Whatever bad feeling inside of us.

We recognize that no part of spirituality is to address everything from a deep level of consciousness Then we can learn from the situation and what we can learn from the situation obviously in this situation.

It's very simple Unless you believe you're stupid Then you don't have to actually accept such communication If you believe that you're stupid on some level then that becomes the lesson that you have to work with those belief systems challenge those belief systems and begin to let go of whatever created such a structure in your mind or in your feelings and move on and then come back to this point now that perhaps you've reached and without Even needing to go back because go back into trying to resolve this belief system because you don't believe that you're stupid but if the energy is being pulled out of you as As someone says you're stupid and you sort of you don't believe it,

But you begin to feel bad It's the same as passive-aggressive if someone's being very sort of aggressive with their energy It's natural to pull back and to sort of try to protect yourself So rather than do this you can communicate your learning your wisdom the knowledge that you have that is free of the energy that's being now Set into a sort of pattern that is very easily Once you accept that as a pattern It's very easy to fall back into that pattern many times with the same person and then if there are many people doing The same thing many people calling you stupid then there'll be this pattern that begins to sort of seem more natural To you.

So as soon as such a dynamic occurs then you can begin to look at the beautiful in the person and compliment the person for some aspect of their being that is positive that is nice without falling into the self-defense or trying to justify or trying to escape mode of communicating with a person so you just Sort of speak in a way that for them is very confusing because they want to be the alpha but in your wisdom in your learning You demonstrate in that moment you demonstrate that you Are not really falling for that game and it takes two to tango it takes two to create a dynamic and if one of those people Within such a constellation.

It's just not falling for that game Then it's very difficult for that game to continue.

Sometimes it does but now we're talking about general situations where it doesn't because It takes two to tango and so if you don't fall into the game the person will probably try to find someone else to play that game with and You will be boring and you'll be whatever but you you know,

You won't be called stupid because you know,

The person will just Decide okay.

This is not a fun place to be And this is all happening on a very basic level so in the end then we begin to understand one of These beautiful wisdoms that I always remind Myself of but I also remind people of when speaking about passive-aggressive type situations or bullying type situations Look for the light in The other person so like Jesus spoke about you know look for The beauty look for the sacred within the person Now this isn't like some New Age Belief system where you know you you pretend the person to be nicer than what they are.

So you complement them for attributes that are not there but you can you can always find a positive and so when you communicate this it just Changes the whole structure of the communication on a basic level in the beginning you communicate You communicate this in words.

So,

You know,

If someone says you're stupid you can mention gosh It's such a beautiful day today and you look good I don't know,

You know,

That's perhaps a little bit too much but In the end it gives you an idea Gives you an idea of what can be said or what can be done.

So,

You know,

Sometimes you don't even need to speak words Sometimes you just need to smile and check in with your body scan your body and notice Am I sort of defending myself?

So very often when people are aggressive the body posture changes so your Your shoulders sort of move in a little bit trying to protect your body the sternum moves back and You scrunch a little bit and your face changes and your body sort of wants to protect itself basically,

But if you Take a deep breath Because you are looking at the sacred,

You know,

You're looking at the sacred and the person you're not caught up in the dynamics That's being communicated And you're looking into the sacred so you could look say deeper into their hearts or deeper into the energy of their bodies Breathe in and say I'm safe Because we are now communicating on a sacred level.

So those words or those Bodily communications that are happening mean nothing And I won't get attached to those I'm now connecting to the beauty and you can comment on those beautiful things inside of yourself This is a person who is loved by the divine Despite being so very negative or so very caught up in their sort of lack of energy and you then you begin to recognize Oh,

They're losing energy And they're trying to grab energy from within this space of their own energy They're trying to grab energy from within this space and I'm in their space.

So I'm being I'm the person that The person is projecting all their sort of needs and wants onto and I can change this energy so that perhaps I connect the energy to the earth Because the earth and the universe is always giving lots of energy.

So instead of the person pointing focusing Their body language onto you.

You could sort of move a little bit Take a deep breath Open up Stern them out And imagine that their energy is moving down towards the earth So it's not that you're saying no,

You can't have my energy.

You're allowing them to connect to another source of energy That's endless and infinite This is very similar to aikido,

You know,

If someone is trying to hit you which is very different from passive-aggressive This is you know,

Something that you wouldn't want um To would want to experience but it does you know,

And if someone is trying to hit you Then the natural thing For most of us is to be afraid because we don't want pain so we move And make ourselves even more vulnerable to the physical sort of The physical communication that's going to hurt you that will hurt anyone,

You know If they don't sort of recognize what's going on,

But if you're conscious in the same way in aikido What is done is that you move out of the way?

You gently move out of the way so if someone is trying to hit you you move out of the Out of the space where you could get hit But rather than stop them You sort of pull their energy so that their energy moves in the circular way that energy moves when You just flow with that energy.

So you're not seeing that energy as a negative,

But it's an interesting challenge as a spiritual learning How can I communicate?

In the most balanced most conscious way as this sort of physical Energy moves towards me.

So then you pull this energy and move it usually towards the ground And then the person will move With that energy because it will be doubly as strong as The energy just moving towards you.

So when you connect the energy to the earth Whether that be on a physical level or whether it be on an energetic level it's doubly as strong As the energy coming towards you so then it's natural for that energy to be connected to the earth Because it's easier than connecting to you for the person to then move back up And move towards you requires effort and that person doesn't have the energy to put Too much energy into the effort and if they do that you just dance along with the game And you move again out of the way When you do this a few times unless the person is really like disturbed or you know,

Just not normal The person will find another situation to interact with because they will sense that you know There is no energy in this situation So I'm saying this not so that you can become like professional A professional Aikido warrior or so that you know you go into situations and Try to change them with everyone It's not really needed but we're always faced with communications that are dysfunctional and We have a choice We have a choice In the dysfunction Do we become dysfunctional?

And part of that dysfunction or do we choose to step out of that dysfunction and create very clear spiritual boundaries?

That Help us to focus the energy in a different direction because time is very precious A lot of people spend so much time in dysfunctional type situations And repeat the same thing over and over again.

This is why in the east This is called karmic patterns,

You know,

So many karmic patterns that remain with with An individual and become part of the experience It's such a waste of time when you think that time is precious We don't really have that much time when it comes to being here in this physical earth time is just like a quick second,

You know if you could see it from perspective time travels very quickly through space even though it may seem like It's traveling very slow.

So like The light from the stars takes a long time for this light to come and be visible here on earth But in a similar way Everything changes very quickly here and our experiences we don't have much time for Experiences and if you could see it from perspective you would see how on a multi-dimensional level when you begin to focus your energy In this way where you move out of dysfunction what you're doing is not just changing the course of your experience and the way that you the way that you feel you usually feel better you usually feel happier more in control more more resilient more more connected That is of course what happens but another thing Another beautiful thing happens is that you begin to slow time down You slow time down to a frequency that is natural and harmonious with the movement of the universal the universal energies that are everywhere so you're Then no longer connected to a dysfunction and focusing on that dysfunction you become free enough to expand you expand your energy so that that expansion Takes you to a state an elevated state that is in deeper connection to the movements around you so actually you then begin to Create more energy within your body that allows you to be strong enough and resilient enough to continue working with dysfunctional communication that Everyone has been exposed to because as you remember When You were a little child Playing in the playground with that little naughty boy or that little naughty girl and Whatever you found there was always a little bit of a struggle That is a learned behavior that's ingrained into humanity's way of thinking and it's the paradigm that we've been living by and hence why the earth is Has reached this point where What we're doing is not sustainable but that sustainability can be changed by focusing on the dysfunction that is created when There is this bullying or passive-aggressive behavior that has become almost accepted as the norm in today's world if you look at business and you look at The way that people treat each other It's no longer From a space of consciousness.

It's from a space of want and desire and this of course will not be Possible to sustain for very long.

We know this now We know that 50 percent of All creatures are extinct And this has happened in the last 50 years So we know that something is not right so that should be enough to invite everyone to To reassess how they feel within themselves If you find your mind your thoughts with the thoughts within your mind or the feelings within you carrying this energy where the mind or your feelings bully you into depression or into a sense of I can't manage anything because everything is hopeless.

Anyway,

You lose hope you lose trust If you find your mind and your emotions Sort of manipulating you like the bully To pull energy out of your body and to pull energy out of your out of the cells and the mitochondria within your body Because there is this sort of Field of negativity that is manipulating you just like the bully then now You know what to do It's not about running away from yourself because of course You can't run away from the bully within your brain or the bully within your emotional body You have to Change the communication,

You know this now So this is where we start if there is no one around you that's doing anything to reinforce that belief system and start right at the very core of your being right here and begin to communicate from a more conscious perspective so as soon as your mind through depression or through negativity begins to Repeat say a script you're not good enough you're stupid you know what to do You can say to the mind no,

I'm not stupid or you try to prove it and your actions.

Oh,

No,

I'm not stupid See what I can do that communication You know doesn't work at all because in the end the mind the subconscious mind is much more Persistent much more powerful than your actions the mind the subconscious is the is the submerged Iceberg and the conscious mind is the just the tip of the iceberg can't really control the rest It's not about control.

It's about conscious communication so if you begin to consciously communicate to that part of yourself the depressed part of yourself or the negative part of yourself Or the bully within you or the manipulator within you whether that be fear or whatever else Is coming up to the surface if you begin to communicate to these parts of yourself in a conscious way Then you know what to do you make sure You know what to do you make sure that you don't give energy to those aspects,

But rather that you re You remove yourself from the space you Consciously through intention move the move the energy towards another source Such as the earth of the universe and know that you are supported that you're not alone So you don't have to fight fight with those negative aspects that are coming up to the surface if you are sitting in meditation And those negative aspects are coming up to the surface.

You don't have to fight You don't have to fight by yourself and try to change those things.

You just move out of the way You allow the energy to flow To the earth to the universe and so the negative depressed bully within you or the negative fearful Bully within you heals And that is what is so very important about conscious communication We are here to not heal others as such but to heal the space That we've created in this world today so that we come back to the natural state of equilibrium That then creates a new structure not only within us But also a new structure a new world a new paradigm that will immediately change Everything around us on a physical tangible level everything will change But that change requires a lot of inner work Many people will think oh that's almost an impossible task But it's not as soon as as soon as a few people begin to practice this way of thinking consciousness has a way of celebrating itself When in union,

So if there are many people say one percent of the population of the earth celebrating energy in this way This is a seismic sort of shift that will be very obvious to the other 99 percent who perhaps are struggling with communication because they can't find their way to be Can't find their way to communicate in a more conscious level on a more conscious level So it's incredible when you think about it when you're sitting and meditating You are actually just purifying the space so that the bully the negative thought the negative feeling within you the bully the passive aggressor the manipulator Is no longer in charge no longer in control Rather you're referencing consciousness So that you're referencing consciousness to be part of this beautiful love that is really the the essential quality behind everything But it's very difficult to see this so you need to trust so when you sit in meditation,

Even if the mind is being Tricky and manipulating you then trust that there is something deeper as your action your conscious communication within and also around you within constellations around you as you as you do this just trust that love supports you And supports the transformation that you're now actualizing As you breathe in and breathe out Relax And take a few moments to just integrate this experience this knowledge that allows you to to interact With the world but also with parts of yourself in a more conscious way Thank you

Reviews

Thank you so much! What a helpful explanation! I will put it immediately into practice and learn with it.

Thank you Tony.
Last week was one of frustration watching people gossip at work and spending every free second on Facebook friending and unfriending others. I needed to hear this before the start of a new week. I feel like I am now equipped with a "Bullyproof" vest.
Peace to you.
Namaste 🙏🏻🦋

Thank you Tony for this wonderful practice. I could see myself in both roles and I appreciate the suggestions to get past those situations and become a more mindful, loving person.

This really help me in my thoughts to manage my bully at work.