Detachment

Consider how we’re enslaved by various attachments; we’re striving to rearrange the world so that we can keep these attachments because the world is a constant threat to them. I fear that a lover may stop loving me and turn to somebody else. I have to keep making myself attractive to keep him or her. Somebody brainwashed me into thinking I need his or her love. But I really don’t. I just need to get in touch with reality. Reality is lovely.

Transcript

Attachment.

You've got attachments.

Consider how we're enslaved by these things.

And we're striving to rearrange the world so that I can keep my attachment.

Because the world is a constant threat to my attachment.

Everything keeps changing.

Everything is changing.

So is my friend.

And my God,

How insecure I am.

He may stop loving me.

He may go out to somebody else.

Hey,

Wait a minute.

And I've got to keep on making myself attractive to him because I've got to get him because somebody brainwashed me into thinking that I need his love.

I don't.

I really don't.

Not in order to be happy.

I don't.

I don't need anybody's love.

I just need to get in touch with reality.

That's all.

I need to break out of this prison of mine,

This programming,

This conditioning,

These false beliefs,

These fantasies,

And break out into reality.

And reality is lovely.

Reality is an absolute delight.

Eternal life is now.

We're surrounded by it like the fish in the ocean.

We have no notion about it at all.

We're too distracted with this,

With the attachment.

And so temporarily the world does rearrange itself to suit our attachment.

And we say,

Yay,

Great.

My team won.

But hang on.

It'll change.

You're going to be depressed tomorrow.

Why do we do this?

Why are we so hard on ourselves?

And have you noticed all those negative feelings we have?

You're jealous.

Where does your jealousy come from?

Look for the attachment underneath.

Somebody is getting what you want and what you think you will not be happy without.

You're anxious and frightened.

You're getting paranoid.

Your attachment has been threatened.

See if you can understand that.

I'll go slowly.

You're getting angry.

Somebody is likely to come in the way of your getting your attachment or you're keeping your attachment.

Or else why would you be angry?

Because you're convinced you're not going to be happy without this.

You're not going to be happy without that.

You've got cravings.

And so it goes on.

All those negative feelings just scratch a bit on the surface,

Under the surface,

Probe under the surface,

And the attachment will come to life.

How about a little exercise?

Think of something or someone you are attached to.

In other words,

Think of something or someone without which or without whom you think you are not going to be happy.

It could be your job,

Your career,

Your profession,

Your friend,

Your money,

Or whatever.

Then say to it,

Him,

Her,

I really do not need you to be happy.

I'm only deluding myself into the belief that without you,

I will not be happy.

I'm only deluding myself into the belief that without you,

I will not be happy.

You are not my happiness.

You are not my joy.

I can be happy without you.

Boy,

If it's a he or a her,

He's not going to be too happy to hear that,

You know.

But go ahead,

You could say it within the secrecy of your heart because you're making contact with the truth.

You're smashing through a fantasy.

Happiness is a state of non-illusion.

Drop the illusion.

Or you could try another exercise.

If you'd rather do that.

Think of a time you were heartbroken.

You thought you'd never be happy again.

Your husband died.

Your wife died.

Your best friend deserted you.

You lost your money or whatever.

Think of the time you were a child and you didn't get what you want or you lost what you had and you said,

I'll never be happy again.

What happened?

Time went on.

And if you managed to pick up another attachment,

If you managed to find somebody else you were attracted to or something else that you were attracted to,

What happened to the old attachment?

You didn't really need it,

Did you,

To be happy?

That should have taught us,

But we never learn.

We're programmed.

We're conditioned.

My,

How liberating not to depend emotionally on anything.

If you could get even one second's experience of that,

You're breaking through your prison and getting a glimpse of the sky.

Some day maybe you will fly.

If you think that unless you get God,

You're not going to be happy,

This God you're thinking of has nothing to do with God.

You're thinking of a dream state,

Of a thing,

Of a person.

You're thinking of your concept.

And sometimes you have to get rid of God in order to find God.

Lots of mystics tell us that.

When you drop your attachment,

When you drop your clinging,

When you drop your baggage,

Think of the baggage we carry.

If I use the word happiness,

Gee,

The amount of times I catch myself doing this,

Thinking,

Am I happy?

Thinking,

I got a great film coming up tonight.

What's the future got to do with it?

What has yesterday got to do with it?

But we're constantly somewhere else.

Somebody said,

My favorite place is somewhere else.

We're always somewhere else.

But to attain the asceticism and the delight of being here now,

And when now goes,

Let it go.

Then we will know what reality is,

What God is.

All I'm saying is,

Be aware,

Be aware.

There are two things.

There is programming and there is awareness.

And the two are opposed to each other.

Where awareness comes in,

Programming dies.

If you're just swallowing everything I'm saying,

You're getting programmed.

And lots of people do,

You know.

I'm a great brainwasher.

I really am.

Well,

That's not quite accurate.

The way I speak very easily lends itself to gullible people getting brainwashed.

That's more accurate.

But if you're neither resisting what I'm saying,

Nor swallowing,

Ah,

That's wonderful.

You're open.

Isn't it amazing though that we have been so blinded by everything that we did not discover this basic truth.

I remember how frightened I was to say this to an intimate friend of mine when I sensed it was true.

I really don't need you.

Period.

For anything.

I don't need you.

I can be perfectly happy without you.

Result,

I enjoy your company thoroughly.

There's no more anxiety,

No more jealousy,

No more possessiveness,

No clinging.

It is a delight to be with you.

I'm enjoying you on a non-clinging basis.

You're free.

So am I.

My,

But this is like talking a foreign language to drug addicts.

We've been drugged.

We really have been.

Took me many,

Many months to truly understand this.

And mind you,

I'm a Jesuit brought up,

Brought up in the tradition of St.

Ignatius,

Whose spiritual exercises are really all about this.

And I'd missed the point.

The moment you desire somebody in this way,

Namely without you,

I will not be happy,

You cease to see that person.

You're no longer objective.

You're clinging.

We begin to view people in terms of our attachment.

If you're attached to appreciation,

You know,

I'm quite amused sometimes to see even seemingly objective people like therapists and spiritual directors,

Et cetera,

Say,

Great guy,

Great guy.

You know,

I really like him.

And I find out later it's because he likes me that I like him.

And anybody who attacks me,

I don't like.

Hey,

So when someone's for you,

He's okay.

And when someone's against you,

He's not okay.

Then I look into myself and I find the same thing coming up every now and then.

If you're attached to appreciation and praise,

You're going to view people in terms of their threat to your attachment or their fostering your attachment.

If you're a politician and you want to be voted in,

How do you think you're going to look at people?

How will your interest in people be guided?

And if what you're interested is in sex,

How do you think you're going to look at men and women if you're attached to sex?

And if you're attached to power and so on and on and on,

That colors your view of human beings.

And attachment destroys your capacity to love.

What is love?

Love is sensitivity.

Love is consciousness.

To give you an example,

I'm sitting here listening to a symphony.

If all I hear is the sound of the drums,

I don't hear the symphony.

What is a loving heart?

A loving heart is one that is sensitive to the whole of life,

To all persons,

A heart that doesn't harden itself to any person or thing.

But the moment you become attached in my sense of the word,

Then you're blotting out many other things.

You've got eyes only for the object of your attachment.

You have ears only for the drum.

The heart has got hardened.

Moreover,

It has got blinded because you no longer see the object of your attachment objectively.

You cannot be objective anymore.

Love entails clarity of perception,

Objectivity.

There is nothing so clear sighted as love.

Reviews

Thank you so much for guiding me to release my attachments!!! I found it incredibly helpful and I felt liberated letting go of the attachment even it is for a moment. I know it is journey I have to go through.... 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Fantastic! Truly. Exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you.

Practical delivery of ancient wisdom

Ty excellent

Thank you!🙏

Really deeply meaningful and full of truth … attachment blinds.

Phenomenal. Thank you 🙏🏾

Something I will be returning to. Very important concept to grasp !

Amazing wisdom . Attachment is my suffering, my heart break .

That was awesome! Ha! I really needed this reality check just now. 🙏🤍👏

Facinating and helpful. Thank you🙏🏻❤️

I really needed this 😢 , namaste

Very good lesson

This man 🙏.

Beautiful

Good point—important to see what one’s attachment is. It may not be straightforward at all!

Eye opening

Wow! This is the best DIMello talk yet. It encompasses several of the other shorter talks (which is confusing) and spells out his bigger perspective. Tied up many ideas for me. Love it.

Love to listen to this teacher. Thanks 🙏

Awesome