Support In A Time Of Bereavement

Some may be fortunate just now, but sooner or later, the pain of loss and death affects every one of us. Here you will find the support of this community in a time of bereavement. This meditation was re-recorded in July 2025, as it came to our attention that the original track had become muffled. May this meditation bring you healing in your time of loss. Interval Music - The Shiny Moon by Narek Mirzaei of Music of Wisdom. Image: prathanchorruangsak - Envato Elements

Transcript

Dear friends,

We may be fortunate not to suffer the loss of a loved one for many years.

But sooner or later the pain of bereavement affects every one of us.

In those times know that you have the support of the Insight Timer community.

Welcome to this meditation which I hope will offer you some support on the loss of a loved one.

Nothing that I can say can offer you comfort at a time like this.

No one feels exactly your pain just now.

But the thought that others are listening to this themselves seeking comfort in a time of loss may be a support to you in knowing that you are not alone.

Helen Keller tells us we bereaved are not alone.

We belong to the largest community in all the world the company of those who have known suffering.

So we begin by stating that we support one another in this time of desolation.

We are here for one another as we reflect on the loss of someone we have loved.

We don't say that time will heal or that you must get over it.

We pray that time will bring some healing.

But we recognise that the loss of someone dear to us is a real and permanent loss.

Love is priceless.

Its currency is remembrance and the currency of remembrance never loses value.

It takes time but be assured that finally time will come to our aid as we pick up the pieces knowing that even though love is forever life must go on.

But it takes time.

So let us begin by being present for one another.

This is a circumstance which we have long put to the back of our minds.

We hoped it would never come to pass.

Maybe it's time to allow a minute now for quiet reflection where it is okay to shed a tear.

It's important to know that in shedding a tear you are not on your own.

Take comfort from the fact that here you have the support of a caring community.

A community of people who understand what it is to suffer a bereavement.

You are not alone.

A one minute pause now.

Welcome back.

A quote from Washington Irving.

There is a sacredness in tears.

They are not the mark of weakness but of power.

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.

They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.

Words of Washington Irving.

There are many examples of loss.

The loss of a life partner.

Perhaps someone to whom you have spoken the words till death us do part.

Or so long as we both shall live.

This is just one example of the heartbreak which is experienced on the death of a loved one.

There's the tragic premature death of a child.

Something parents never expect will happen.

It is natural,

Painful of course,

To see our parents die.

But who expects to feel the sorrow of losing a child?

There are babies born who bring joy to their parents only for the briefest of moments.

We remember that each new life,

No matter how fragile or brief,

Forever changes the world.

There is the loss of siblings and neighbours and friends.

One friend of mine who lost a friend was offered the advice,

But Mary,

You have lots of other friends.

A very upset Mary responded by protesting,

Yes,

I have other friends but I'm sad because I have lost this one.

A reminder that each one of us is unique,

Each one is special,

Each one irreplaceable.

Then there are the different circumstances surrounding death.

Death by accident,

Death through illness,

Through violence,

Death in time of war.

The tragedy of suicide when someone in distress decides that life is no longer worth living.

If only they had spoken to someone,

Everyone,

Anyone would have been glad to offer support and hope.

So tragic,

Such a painful loss,

If only.

The Irish singer-songwriter Mick Hanley captures some of our emotions perfectly in his song,

I Feel I Should Be Calling You.

We have all experienced this feeling.

Mick Hanley's lyrics include the lines,

Sometimes the telephone is in my hand,

Then I realise anew that there is no one there at all,

No footstep in the hall.

It's a silence that's so hard to understand.

In all this we see that the longest life is so short.

No matter how long,

Life is always done too soon as far as the companionship of our loved ones is concerned.

Cicero tells us that the life given us by nature is short but the memory of a life well spent is eternal.

Let's pause for a minute now to think of other people who are listening to this meditation.

Let's dedicate this time of reflection to them.

May every playing of this meditation be a reassurance to them and to us that the bereaved are not alone.

Let's pause now to keep one another in mind.

Different religions and philosophies offer differing ideas as to what might follow after we die.

And this can provide much comfort and support according to one's beliefs.

For myself,

I find it hard to believe that this is it.

That there is no meaning beyond this amazing journey.

This journey onto which we have been launched.

Nevertheless,

In this reflection and to make it relevant to everyone regardless of belief or unbelief,

We will leave thoughts of a world to come to one side and concentrate on what all of us,

Regardless of our beliefs,

Can see and know for certain.

In feeling pain at the fact that someone has died,

It will be helpful to reflect with gratitude on the wonderful fact that this person lived and that we came to know and to love them,

And they us.

There is the Hebrew proverb say not in grief he is no more,

But in thankfulness that he was.

Sometimes we can gain comfort from taking up the good work to which our friend may have dedicated much of his or her life.

I don't know the name of the author of this quote to the same effect.

As long as I can,

I will look at this world for both of us.

As long as I can,

I will sing with the birds,

I will laugh with the flowers,

I will pray to the stars for both of us.

Often we feel we didn't convey our love to the other person the way that we should.

It's best not to dwell on that omission.

It's a common enough experience.

We repeat in our minds the words,

If only.

But we can take comfort from the fact that our loved ones,

If they were asked,

Would very likely feel the very same in relation to us.

If we have any lingering feelings of regret,

Let us make amends by giving the care to others that we believe we should have given to our deceased friend.

Above all,

Let this reflection be a reminder that we should listen more to others,

Watch out more for others and be really present for them.

Life is short and we are all passengers in this extraordinary journey that is our life together.

Let's pause for a minute to see how we might make up in the future for any neglect we might feel in respect with the past.

Let this be a new beginning for us.

Welcome back again.

Craig D.

Lounsborough offers this advice.

Starting over is an acceptance of a past we can't change,

An unrelenting conviction that the future can be different and the stubborn wisdom to use the past to make the future what the past was not.

Another quote.

I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them.

The gratitude has finally conquered the loss.

That's from Rita May Brown.

I would like to end this meditation by sharing with you a reflection which I wrote following the death of a friend of mine.

In the same way you might find it helpful to write down your thoughts about the person whom you have loved and lost.

This is called My Friend Paul.

My friend Paul was a man who loved to spend time in meditation and it was appropriate that he should come to spend his last minutes of life in the very hour when I was listening to a reflection on the theme of transience.

The mindfulness teacher I listened to had suggested that it would be a good idea to dedicate the sitting for the benefit of someone who was facing change or death.

As indeed Paul was and so I did.

Then as I ended the meditation and checked my phone I saw a message to the effect that a little while earlier Paul,

As it was put,

Had gone to live with the angels.

His timing was just about perfect.

The death of someone we know and love gives rise to questions which have been asked by people since the dawn of time.

What is life all about?

How did I come to be here?

Where do we come from?

Do we go somewhere else when this life is over?

And of course for finite beings in a vast cosmos there is no certain answer.

But the Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh whom Paul and I greatly admire suggests that something cannot come into existence from nothing.

For something like that to happen just does not make any sense.

Neither can something that already exists go out of existence although its form may change.

And how is it that surrounded as we are by death and change none of us can really imagine or believe in our own personal non-existence.

Thoughts along these lines bring me to the conclusion that in some incomprehensible manner we do in fact go on and that there is much more to the reality of our being than meets the eye.

I'm sure that in any future life many people wouldn't particularly wish to see me again but I imagine my friend Paul might like to bump into me.

He was one of the kindest,

Most reliable,

Trustworthy people I ever had the good fortune to meet.

He was totally devoted to his wife Anne whom he loved with all his heart.

We made a number of trips to places of meditation.

Plum Village near Bordeaux in France Jampa Ling in Cavan in Ireland.

Always there was the daily report back to Anne to enquire if she was well.

The words I love you,

I love you were repeated with sincerity in all those conversations.

I recall on one occasion fearing that we might never make it safely back to Dublin Paul driving with an over-anxious enthusiasm to arrive back as quickly as possible into the arms of his beloved.

He idolised his children.

He greatly missed Michael a son whom he had lost a little while before I met him.

His children were all the greatest in his eyes.

He thought I was great too but that didn't give me a swelled head because Paul gave everyone the benefit of the doubt.

In his world the glass was always half full if not full to overflowing.

He insisted he had the best doctor,

The best hospital,

The best advisors,

The best friends.

It seems that being the best himself he was rewarded with and attracted the companionship of people who shared his positive attitude to life.

They say that has something to do with karma.

Paul's good,

Decent,

Caring life reminds me that we are all here for only a short time.

Even those of us who manage to hang in long beyond our sell-by date.

But the life of each of us is a gift beyond price,

Inexplicable,

Incredible,

Unearned,

Undeserved.

So each of us might try,

Repeat,

So each of us must try to make the best use of this gift.

My friend Paul never preached about doing good.

He just practiced it to the end.

And so the time has come to say goodbye,

Paul.

Sleep well,

My friend.

I hope,

I feel sure we will meet again sometime.

We'll catch up on news and explore with even more amazement an even greater world.

When,

Does it matter?

As Thich Nhat Hanh would remind us,

We have forever and forever is a long,

Long time.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thank you Tony. As with all your meditation practices, this one provides great comfort after learning of the passing of a dear friend. The inevitable flood of fine memories is tempered considerably by your wise reminder to be thankful to his life and for having known him. For that I have deep gratitude. Namaste

Thank you for this beautiful talk. I'm approaching the 2 year anniversary of my husband Harry's death. Love never dies and I thank God for letting Harry and I share 34 years together. Thank you so much 🙏

Thank you Tony for your wonderful words of comfort. I appreciate you in my life. Two weeks ago I lost a dear friend who has had years of suffering. To see her was heartbreaking. Now today my husband's eldest brother has died. Your words are helping me again.
Much love 💖💚💜🤗🙏🙏

Thank you, Tony. I just lost a sister who was very dear to me and am devastated. Your words are so helpful and comforting to me.

This is a beautiful talk and I thank you so very much. My dear husband passed away December 29, 2022. We were married for 63 years and five months. He was my first love , my only love, and my last love. ❤️ I miss him so much. 💔

I found your words comforting as I grieve the loss of my beautiful 12 year old daughter. What’s comforting is that I believe in all that you said. What’s hard is working through my mortal feelings of intense sorrow. I shall listen to this again and again🙏🏼❤️

Thank you for this gentle transition from grief to gratitude. I hold loss very deeply. I am still navigating old ones and trying to do the best I can to have no regrets as I face my father's struggle with cancer. Your soothing way, and the support you provided are invaluable. Thank you. Namath. Namaste 🙏

Thank you Tony. A friend is actively passing away from cancer. She is in hospice. She’s on the other side of the Country. I have no ‘what ifs’ or regrets, I am blessed to have had her in my life. I needed comforting words tonight, and you gave me that gift with this heart felt meditation. Thank you. 🙏🏼✨✨

Beautiful and comforting. So grateful for this gift today. 🙏🏻

Thank you Tony
My dear husband died unexpectedly on 18 April this year.
I feel as if my world is shattered.
I am completely broken.

An excellent and comforting meditation on love and grief. Thank you so much 🙏

Always the most perfect, comforting words for the toughest of times. Thank you, Tony 🌟

Lovely thank you just what I needed having lost my brother this afternoon 🙏

🙏Thisis clear, cleverand effectivly brings me back from being overwhelmed. Thankyou for your compassio, Tony

What a lovely honest and pragmatic session. Just beautiful.

Thank you Tony for these wonderful calming words at this difficult time.

Your wise and kind guidance is helping me so much with the loss of my uncle. The words to your friend were especially beautiful. Thank you, Tony! Namaste.

Absolutely perfect - the quotes, the gentle background music, the period of simple silence, and always, Tony’s calm and understanding voice. Thank you. 🙏

Thank you so much. Precious comfort, and true compassion in a moment of need. Bless your big warm heart.

Perfectly suited for my loss my friend. I have an element of exhaustion and lethargy that rises and subsides always abiding too. Namaste Tony.