Seeing Behind The Mask

In this practice, you are encouraged to drop the masks behind which you usually present
yourself the world. Most of the time, most of us we wear a mask. We actually own several masks. We take out a different one depending on where we are and who we are with at any particular moment. By seeing behind the masks used by others and by and allowing others to see behind our masks we can help one another along the path of life expecially in moments of crisis

Transcript

Dear friends,

We need to watch out for one another.

We need to look to see beneath the masks that others present to us.

We need to notice and pay attention to the real person.

Welcome to our meditation on watching out,

Watching in.

Can we begin by settling ourselves?

Taking a moment to quieten our busy minds.

Bringing our minds and bodies into alignment in this place where we are sitting just now.

Take a moment now to just be.

Remembering as someone once said,

We are human beings,

Not human doings.

Welcome to the present moment.

So seeing behind the mask,

Watching out,

Watching in,

What can we say about this?

All of us present an image to the world.

Most of the time,

Most of us wear a mask.

We actually own several masks.

We take out a different one depending on where we are and who we are with at any particular moment.

Mask number one is the everything is fine mask.

You know this one well.

We put this on in reply to questions such as how are things?

Everything is fine.

Everything is going well.

We put on mask number one and we project an image of success,

Confidence,

Self assurance.

Just think,

When have you put on mask number one in the last little while?

And have you noticed someone else wearing this same mask?

But by really taking an interest and paying attention,

We might just catch a glimpse of the real person who hides behind mask number one.

If we look a little deeper,

We might find insecurity,

Uncertainty,

Fear,

Fear of rejection,

Fear of being different,

Fear of being unwanted,

Unloved,

Even unlovable.

Mask number one is so handy,

So familiar.

It's as comfortable as putting on our clothes in the morning.

We apply it as routinely as we brush our teeth.

It's like a comfort blanket.

For that reason,

It's not our natural response to remove mask number one.

It's not our natural response to let down our guard.

But we keep this mask on at some cost.

Mask number one signals that everything is alright.

It suggests independence.

It denotes autonomy to the point where our vulnerability fails to show.

It conceals any weaknesses.

It hides the fear hidden underneath.

When we wear the everything is fine mask,

We can even appear aloof and unapproachable.

And all of us need to be approachable.

All of us need a certain intimacy with others.

So a question,

What is your relationship with mask number one?

Naturally,

We are not going to go around revealing our souls to all and sundry.

But have you worn this mask to avoid letting those who would wish to be close to you see who you really are,

To know what you're really feeling?

And if you've seen other people wearing this mask,

Have you tried to see behind it?

Have you really seen and noticed the other person?

Have you managed to pick up the needs of the person hidden beneath the everything is fine mask?

Let's give ourselves a little time to reflect on this.

Welcome back.

Then there is mask number two,

The busy bee mask.

You know it well.

How are you?

Oh,

I'm so busy.

You couldn't believe it.

I'm run off my feet.

Yes,

Busyness is a factor of life in the 21st century.

We live in a busy,

Fast changing world.

And yes,

We can at times be very busy and too busy.

But there is another aspect.

In our increasingly frantic world,

We have the feeling that if we do not appear to be busy,

We are not worthy.

We are lesser beings.

If we admit that we are not busy,

People might wonder,

What are you doing then?

Or the awful,

How are you killing time?

After all,

Isn't everyone busy these days?

We feel if we are not demonstrating that we are run off our feet,

Then there must be something wrong with us.

We imagine we will be thought of as failures or lazy,

Lacking in initiative.

What would people say if we admitted that just now we are sitting here happily doing nothing?

Or as John Lennon put it,

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round.

I really love to watch them roll.

That is an idea that we could usefully put into practice.

In a sense,

That's what you are doing just now.

Or should I say,

Not doing,

Just now.

Having the busy bee mask on has its own risks.

Mask number two makes us appear as if we are run off our feet.

Always in a rush.

Ever facing a deadline.

It boasts that we are people with no time to spare.

Little time for ourselves,

Even less for others.

So who would dare intrude upon someone who is always busy,

Always running?

Yes,

We are rightly afraid to take a step closer to someone while they are wearing their busy bee mask.

And so it goes on.

Masks making losers of all of us.

And we have other masks in our wardrobes and in our suitcases.

We have the Cape of a mask.

The Always Right mask.

We have the Bossy mask.

The Wise L mask.

At times we put on the Mask of Pride.

At other times the Mask of Humility.

And we have in reserve the Joker's mask which conceals our inner pain and our loneliness.

The author John Powell offers us valuable advice in his book,

Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?

Why do we continually hide our real selves from the people around us?

The answer is simple.

John says,

I am afraid to tell you who I am,

Because if I tell you who I am,

You may not like who I am,

And it's all that I have.

So we engage in superficial conversations such as,

How is it going?

Expecting the auto-response,

Great.

The routine,

How are you doing?

With its routine answer,

Fine thanks.

We settle for triviality and gossip.

We content ourselves with discussing the news of the day without ever revealing our own thoughts.

And as John Powell puts it,

We give nothing of ourselves and invite nothing from others in return.

Why are so many of us insecure and afraid to open up?

The answer explains John is that maturity is reached by communicating and interacting with others.

We cannot really communicate and interact if we hide behind our protective masks.

Being open with a select number of people will be a huge help to our own well-being and the well-being of the people we meet.

It's tragic to hear of people who take their own lives in circumstances where whatever is going on within could have been shared with someone who cares,

Or even with a supportive stranger at the end of a helpline.

We think if only they had opened up.

If only they had realised that nothing that is going on is so unusual or distressing that it has not been heard many times before.

If only they had realised that what seemed as an insurmountable problem could be easily eased by the gentleness of a listening ear.

If only they had realised the loss and the pain that their premature departure would inflict upon the people who knew and loved them.

Did they know that others loved them?

How important it is to say that.

The pain,

The unanswered questions asked by those who are bereaved by suicide is long-lasting and deep.

There are so many reasons why we should take off our own masks and look with kindness to see behind the masks of others.

In simple terms,

We must all take more care of one another.

Treat one another more kindly.

Be ready to offer the helping hand.

We must take care of others and we must be open to the idea of allowing other people to support us in our times of insecurity,

Doubt and fear.

Having hundreds of Facebook friends means very little in a moment of crisis and when we find ourselves lost or in despair.

Having hundreds of followers or virtual likes and approvals are nothing compared with just one hug from one close friend.

Hugs are so good.

Chatting about football in the pub can be great fun and good company but banter on the surface doesn't let anyone see the real you that lies beneath.

The real you walking out the pub door alone.

So the message of this reflection is the ever-present need for us to watch out and to watch in.

Watch out for others.

Be there for someone in their time of need.

When you ask how are you,

Sincerely ask and genuinely mean it.

Look directly and interestingly at the person as you ask this question.

And as I was delighted to find out myself on many occasions,

You too may find that someone responds to a sincere request with a truthful answer.

An answer that opens up to a moment of intimacy.

A response that is not an auto-response.

An answer that allows you to be there for someone in their time of need.

And watch in too.

Do not stand aloof from the people around you.

Take a chance.

Leave off the mask for an hour or a day and step into the real world.

People who see the real you will not see anything that has not been seen before.

A world without masks offers great possibility for real connection in our digital age.

In one of those magical moments of synchronicity,

As I was working on this meditation,

My wonderful sister Celia in Melbourne told me out of the blue about the annual R U OK?

Day,

Which is a national day of action held in Australia on the second Thursday in September.

The title of this valuable project is simply the four letters R U OK?

On this day,

People are reminded to ask family,

Friends and colleagues the question,

R U OK?

In a meaningful way.

Because connecting regularly and meaningfully is one thing everyone can do to make a difference to anyone who might be struggling.

R U OK?

Is a project that could usefully be copied and taken up the world over.

There's a challenge for each of us in our own different locations.

But even now for you and I here on Insight Timer and for all the people who might be encouraged by us,

It could become a regular practice to ask with sincerity,

R U OK?

And listen attentively for the response.

So let us resolve to watch out and to watch in.

May your watching out be a blessing on all the people you see as you go about your day.

May your watching in give you the courage to be who you are and to reveal who you are to those who would care for you and those who would love you.

And watching out and watching in,

May you find joy and support in being part of something greater than yourself.

The world is out there waiting and hoping to see you.

Namaste.

Reviews

Thank you very much for this wise and inspirational meditation, dear Tony. ‘Watching out and watching in’ is sure to create a kinder and better world for others and ourselves. Take good care of yourself. Namaste 🤓🙏🏻

This is a lovely reminder to be more present in our interaction with others and see Beyond the Veil. Thank you!

Wonderful meditation! So much in this one. Thanks Tony. 🙏🏻💕

Very insightful. I have all these masks within easy reach. I will try to be more conscious of which one I’m wearing, and whether it’s OK to let it down. Thank you, Tony.

Word! Thank you Tony, for reminding us to help others and allowing others to help us.
Blessings 🙏👼🌹💕

As I go through some challenging health issues right now, I find that I am wearing a mask 24/7. I believe that people don't really want to hear how I am truly feeling both physically and emotionally, even though I encourage others to be honest...I'd say it's time for me to practice what I preach. Thank you Tony

Beyond beautiful! Thank you Tony.

So thoughtful and insightful as always. An invitation to connect more meaningfully with others, and to have the courage to drop the masks and be seen for who we truly are. 🙏🏼

Tony, you have done it again. Your narrative of daily interactions, ‘looking inwards and looking outwards’, has connected with me. You are also right about the masks we wear. Thoughtful and insightful,as always. Namaste 🙏

Wonderful sweetness. Namaste, Tony.✨

So true. I will practice being more true with my responses.

Thank you for another gift of grounding wisdom, Tony. Living in a loud urban environment, I appreciated the use of background music in this meditation.

Thank you Tony! A wonderful wake-up / reminder. We’re all in this together and it’s much more fun to share. I hope my eyes and ears are more open and aware from today. Thank you!

Thanks for sharing this, just what I needed today...

Always such a pleasure to see a new meditation from you Tony. We got lucky and got 3 in the last few days! I always know I’m in for an inspiring, thought-provoking pause in my day when I turn on one of your meditations. Thank you for that 🙏🏽

Thankyou Tony, if a meditation could be a warm kind hug that would be it 😊
watching out
watching in
may UBOK 🙏🏼

Clear, simple and profound🙏

Wow! Never thought I’d hear a meditation that speaks exactly as my heart does. I’m so aware of masks on people- have been all my life. I think it’s because my sister was a horrible liar, so I learned very young to ‘see’ the real person behind the falsehoods and also to see the masks everyone wore. I’ve worn them too. Sometimes you must wear one to get through your job. As a mother you wear one often to reassure your children that all is well. I stopped wearing any around 20 years ago when I injured my back & wrecked my spine. Pain ruthlessly rips most masks away. Pain deep inside makes other wear very strong masks.
I’ve seen as we age masks become thinner and harder to wear. I love the idea of an R U O K day! What a wonderful thing.
Thank you for letting down your mask and sharing this with us.
Namaste Tony.
🤗🌸🙏🏽💐🙏🏼🌹🦋💕🌷🐾💖

Good talk which spawned many thoughts and feelings. One thought was that so many people seem more comfortable with trivia over deepness. It seems to be a comfort zone for them. I don't know but it makes for a lonelier world in my opinion. Thank you for bringing us this topic 💕

Thank you Tony. Wonderful and powerful reflections upon which to start my day. It will surely allow me to be more ‘real’ today.