Reflecting And Meditating On Loneliness

Loneliness is seen as a major issue for people, especially in developed countries. This meditation explores the reason why this might be so and includes a lovingkindness meditation designed to help cope with feelings of loneliness or isolation.

Background track: “Dream Fields” by Narek Mirzaei of Music of Wisdom.
Photo by Shashank Sahay on Unsplash

Transcript

Dear friends,

Loneliness is seen as a major issue for people especially in developed countries.

So welcome to this loving-kindness reflection designed to help overcome this problem.

Let's begin by taking a minute to bring yourself into the present moment.

Close your eyes if you wish and become really conscious of your presence in the here and now.

Notice the chair or cushion supporting you and the amazing miracle of gravity that keeps you feeling as if you are sitting still in one place even though our planet is turning at the rate of 1,

000 miles per hour at the equator.

So relax and come to a place of gratitude for your existence,

The extraordinary fact of your presence in this moment.

You might find it helpful to use a mantra such as breathing in,

I'm aware that I'm breathing in,

Breathing out,

I'm aware that I'm breathing out.

Remember that this simple awareness of the breath can bring you back into the present at any time.

Breathing in,

I am aware that I'm breathing in,

Breathing out,

I'm aware that I'm breathing out.

Welcome back.

What gave me the idea for this reflection was an article in the New York Times.

It was on the subject of loneliness.

The facts are quite staggering and I'm sure they have application not only in the United States but elsewhere as well.

Even before the pandemic the United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy said the country was experiencing an epidemic of loneliness and in a recent citywide survey by New York's Health Department 57% of people said they felt lonely some or most of the time and two-thirds said they felt socially isolated in the prior month.

Now just imagine that.

The idea that more than half of the people of New York feel lonely some or most of the time.

This feeling of loneliness has to be bad for our well-being.

Now I suppose it's important at this point to note the difference between loneliness and solitude.

Many people are very comfortable living a life of solitude and there's no suggestion that they should try to artificially turn themselves into people who are the life and soul of the party.

That won't work for them.

We are all different so let us safely leave the lovers of solitude to enjoy the gift that is theirs.

In this meditation we are concerned with loneliness.

Loneliness involves feelings of discomfort and unhappiness arising from the fact of being or feeling alone and socially isolated.

So what are the factors that might have caused an increase in people's feelings of loneliness in our time?

Well we have seen major social changes.

You could describe it as a fragmentation of social life.

Changes in family structures,

Increased divorce rates,

More people living alone.

These situations can contribute to feelings of isolation.

Not to mention several years of semi-isolation due to COVID.

These days we have more urbanization,

Increased mobility,

A higher population density,

More apartment living,

More people living behind closed doors.

We are living more remotely from our neighbours now than we did house by house in streets in times gone by.

We have the loss of casual neighbourly encounters because we come and go,

Each of us sealed away in our own cars.

There are other factors as well.

People might feel that they have to relocate for work reasons,

New beginnings in new places.

This doesn't help create feelings of connection.

Technology and social media have also played a part.

We have less face-to-face,

Person-to-person contact.

Yes,

Technology can connect people and we can video call people across the world.

This is a great bonus,

Wonderful,

Even magical.

We only have to think of the likes of Insight Timer and the benefit that this app brings to so many people.

Thanks to the miracle of technology,

You are listening to me right now.

But on a day-to-day basis,

Technology has reduced our face-to-face contact.

And what about the loneliness-inducing effect of social media?

Social media allows us to make comparisons with others and this can lead us to feel a sense of inadequacy.

We only see other people at their best and that gives us the impression that they are more confident and more successful than we are.

Not good for our feelings of connection.

Economic factors are at work as well.

There's an increasing work-life imbalance,

Increasing work demands,

Working in the comfort but in the isolation of a corner at home,

Always on duty,

The work emails never stop and sometimes the need for double jobbing just to make ends meet.

These pressures as well as job insecurity all contribute to our feelings of stress and social isolation.

So we may find ourselves with less time to develop friendships,

Less time for regular social interaction with other people.

So many factors,

All of them leading to one common feeling,

Isolation.

The loss of family and friends can leave people more susceptible to feelings of loneliness.

People may develop mobility issues,

Other health factors,

All these things preventing them from getting out and about,

Socialising as much as they would wish.

And notice how we have developed an increased individualism,

Less communal living,

Communal sharing,

People in more prosperous situations can live within their own bubble,

Their own bedrooms,

Their own televisions,

Computers and phones,

Their own headphones,

All these gadgets reducing the possibility of interaction with family never mind friends.

Several countries have recognised this significant problem of loneliness and social isolation and they have taken steps at governmental level to address these issues.

The UK established a Minister for Loneliness in 2018.

This reflected growing concerns about isolation and the impact of isolation on individuals well-being and societal health.

I'm told that the idea is also under discussion in Australia and we see that Japan appointed a Minister for Loneliness in February 2021.

It's good to see that loneliness and isolation are recognised as societal problems,

Not just a weakness on the part of the individual person.

But the solution is very much in the hands of the individual.

It does require an effort on all our parts.

Social connection won't just happen,

We have to make up our minds to create and sustain connections.

Each of us can take steps to reduce any feelings of isolation that we might have.

And we can work to reduce feelings of loneliness that other people might have.

But these suggestions,

They'd be the subject of a separate talk or reflection,

Not something we're going to talk about here and now.

Time now for another one minute pause before I lead you into a loving-kindness type reflection dealing with this issue of loneliness.

Welcome back.

So again make sure that you are sitting comfortably.

You might like to close your eyes if you think that helps,

You don't have to.

As you take a few deep breaths to centre yourself,

You might use the mantra,

Breathing in,

I am aware that I'm breathing in.

Breathing out,

I am aware that I'm breathing out.

A one minute pause.

Welcome back.

Now with each of the phrases that follow,

The idea is that you would silently repeat the words to yourself.

Repeat them with as much meaning as possible.

That will help bring about feelings of love and kindness towards yourself and it will encourage you to develop a greater connection with other people.

For those who are more comfortable in a state of solitude,

We begin by offering these thoughts.

May I find peace in moments of solitude.

May my solitude be a source of self-discovery for me.

May I find contentment in my own company.

May I find comfort all around me in the silent companionship of nature.

May my heart always be open to the wonder of my existence in the here and now.

Connection with other people contributes to our well-being and our sense of community.

So may I connect more deeply with other people.

May I be surrounded by friends and people who know me and care for me.

May I watch out and be open to receiving love and kindness.

May I resolve to share my company,

My talents and my love with other people.

May I find strength in my connections with other people.

And remembering that other people need our understanding and our love.

May I be filled with understanding and empathy.

May I be filled with feelings of love and warmth.

May I be able to extend love and compassion to people who feel alone.

May I be a beacon of light and love to those in darkness.

May I be a source of happiness and comfort to people I meet.

The care and kindness we receive from other people enriches our lives.

So with this in mind we have these thoughts.

May I work to cultivate meaningful relationships.

May I be free from feelings of isolation and despair.

May my life be enriched by giving and receiving kindness,

Compassion and love.

May I find friends who understand and accept me as I am.

May I be receptive to the love and kindness which is there to be found all around me.

May I discover camaraderie and fun in unexpected places.

May I experience the happiness that comes about from mutual care and support.

Next we send out thoughts of loving kindness to other people.

May all beings be free from the suffering of loneliness.

May I learn to notice the goodness in people around me.

May I radiate love,

Kindness and joy to everyone I meet.

May I be a bridge over troubled water and a refuge for people who feel lonely.

May all my words and actions be filled with compassion and understanding.

May I find warmth and affection in all my interactions.

Connection with other people breaks down barriers of loneliness and isolation.

So may I appreciate the transient nature of all things including loneliness,

Remembering this too will pass.

May I be free from the shackles of isolation and fear.

May I become more aware of the interconnected web of all existence.

May I recognize the longing for connection that lies in the heart of all people.

May any feelings of loneliness that I may experience be replaced with a feeling of belonging.

May I be enveloped by the kindness and warmth of other people.

May I be grateful for the love which has surrounded me thus far.

And a final wish before our final pause.

May I radiate boundless love to every living being I encounter.

May every breath I take be an offering of love to the world.

Let's now have a final one-minute pause.

Welcome back.

I hope you found some comfort in this meditation.

Remember to log in and listen again whenever you feel the need to renew your connection with other people.

I'd like to leave you now with the well-known poem on this subject by William Wordsworth.

Its title I wandered lonely as a cloud.

I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o'er vales and hills.

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host of golden daffodils.

Beside the lake,

Beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine and twinkle on the milky way.

They stretched in never-ending line along the margin of a bay.

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced but they outdid the sparkling waves in delay.

A poet could not but be gay in such a jocund company.

I gazed and gazed but little thought what wealth the show to me had brought.

For oft when on my couch I lie,

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye which is the bliss of solitude.

And then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils.

Words from William Wordsworth.

So as this reflection comes to an end,

May you find your life peppered with moments of happiness,

Many moments of happiness.

And may reflecting on those times be a remedy for any feelings of loneliness that might arise along your way.

May you always find happiness in the present moment and in times of difficulty,

Comfort in the knowledge that this too shall pass.

Namaste.

Reviews

Oh wow, best yet Tony!
Thanks for expressing my deepest longings 🌞👍❤️