My heart is overflowing right now. I had a couple of insights during this practice that I believe will ease the internal conflict I have had over standing my ground versus choosing to disengage and avoiding conflict. These insights are as follows:
1) Remember that all beings strive to be happy, and keep that in the foreground of my response rather than attempting to discern perceived intentions behind individual actions. (Which, as a graduate-level mental health/counseling professional, is my automatic response most of the time and has been a difficult habit to break when not in the office.)
2) Examine my personal principles and clearly establish if they have solid boundaries (and where those are) or "grey zones" (and where those are). Knowing my personal principles will enable me to better assess my own responses - walk away to maintain peace and equinimity, or engage to uphold that which at my core I feel is right (mainly major issues - abuse, neglect, human rights, etc.).
Since my early undergraduate years, I have had some version of a poster on my wall which shows the Earth from space with an arrow pointing to it, reading, "You are here." One version was the Milky Way galaxy rather than the Earth. Currently I have a magnet at work stuck to a framed photo on my desk with this photo on it, and additional text pointing out how ephemeral our own reactions are. In recent years, my meditation practice has sunk in to the extent that in situations where once I would have responded by shrinking back or growing hot with anger or frustration, I now hear a calm voice from my practice whisper, "I choose peace" and I simply state that it is not a subject I wish to discuss at this time.
(This is mainly extreme political differences within the household, often discussed by others at the dinner table, but as the lone dissenter hailing from an entirely different part of the country and with entirely different perspectives, I am often the focal point of others attempting to convince me of the error in my thinking and opinions. This is one of the biggest areas I struggle with - feeling comfortable discussing my views versus maintaining a lower level of tension. I suspect I will continue in the latter, but my personal comfort and knowing the reasons for my choice here is critical - and it has worked well. I choose others to discuss such things with, if I feel the need to talk at all.)
This practice brought so much of these core issues into sharp relief and I feel so much lighter now, relaxed, and aware of what steps I may take to deepen my awareness of lovingkindness towards others even in challenging situations or ones I have struggled with personally for a long time. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I've bookmarked and downloaded this practice, and look forward to others in this series. I see the light in you, Tony. 🤲❤️🤲
