Dear friends,
Welcome to a morning reflection where we set ourselves some particular action to keep in mind that will make a difference.
Today we are going to reflect on the importance of asking someone how they're doing and to ask it in a meaningful way which encourages a person in difficulty to consider opening up.
Let's take a few moments say 60 seconds to bring ourselves into the present so as to be better able to take on board these ideas.
So just relax with a sense of gratitude for the fact that you are here.
That you have decided to spend these reflective moments at the start of a new day.
We'll allow ourselves a one minute pause.
I'm sure we have all had the experience of reading someone with the words how are you?
Only to be responded to with the very same words how are you?
And without even an emphasis on the you.
This is a gesture of sorts.
An acknowledgement of the existence of the other.
But it is rather meaningless.
Better to say a simple hello.
In this morning reflection we are going to see if we can do a little better.
The idea is to pay greater attention to the people we come across in the course of the day.
Now we are not going to ask everyone and anyone how they are doing in the expectation that they will all open up to us and share what might be going on within.
We couldn't cope with this inundation even if we were professional social workers.
But sometimes we might notice that a friend appears to be a little down in spirits.
They seem out of sorts.
Not their usual selves.
Maybe missing out on hobbies or activities that they previously enjoyed.
Sticking to themselves where previously they were outgoing.
We get the feeling that there might be something going on.
That the person is finding life difficult.
In this situation maybe we can mindfully explore whether we might be able to help.
We can ask ourselves if maybe we can provide a listening ear.
So we need to find the time and consider the words we might use to enquire how they are doing.
How are you?
How are things with you these days?
How are you feeling?
You seem a little quiet lately.
Is everything alright?
We missed you at the gym or the class or the training session.
Is anything up?
We haven't seen you down in the pub.
I thought there might be something bothering you.
Is anything going on that is troubling you?
Questions like that.
Whatever words we decide to use the important thing is to use them in such a way that the person spoken to realises that we are listening.
That we really care.
Then the important thing is to listen without judgment.
To listen without feeling that we have to provide an instant solution.
Talking through a problem with an interested listener can lead to a solution without the listener offering any advice at all.
Parker Palmer tells us the human soul doesn't want to be advised or fixed or saved.
It simply wants to be witnessed.
To be seen,
Heard and companioned exactly as it is.
Let's have another one minute pause.
This will allow us to reflect on people in our own lives who might be in need of a listening ear just now.
Welcome back.
The important thing is that this person will know that we are there for them.
We give what advice we can only when and if it is requested.
It may be that we are not in a position to offer guidance.
But in that case we can try to find a person or an organisation who can give the support that our friend needs.
If someone has taken the step of opening up to us in this way it is important that we would keep in touch.
Otherwise it might appear that we had just a passing interest rather than a real concern for the person's well-being.
Our offer of a listening ear might be taught to be intended to boost our own ego rather than providing a genuine space for the other person.
I'd like you to think back now to a time when someone genuinely asked you are you all right?
Just remembering that incident will help you to approach the question sensitively with your friend.
Rumi,
The 13th century poet gives us these words Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing there is a field I'll meet you there.
When you genuinely ask are you okay?
You are meeting someone in that space.
We step beyond judgment.
We abandon the need to fix or change things.
We simply meet the other person where they are.
And this is our aim.
When we ask someone how they are we do this with the intention to witness and to learn.
To be a companion to the other person in their present experience.
Exactly as was recommended to us by Parker J.
Palmer.
We are not stepping in to fix or advise.
Now imagine approaching someone and asking are you all right?
Notice how you can soften your tone.
How you can pose this simple question with genuine care.
How you can listen really listen with your whole self with your body with your heart and your mind.
These thoughts bring to mind the words of the wonderful Mary Oliver to pay attention.
This is our endless and proper work.
So when we ask are you all right?
We do it with full attention.
With readiness to hold space for whatever the other person may be experiencing.
It's not just that question that matters but the quality of presence that we bring to the question.
We turn to Leo Buscaglia for the final quote in this meditation.
He says too often we underestimate the power of a touch a smile a kind word a listening ear an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring.
All of which all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
May it be that we can help turn someone's life around.
Namaste
