It's OK Not To Feel OK

We don't feel bad about feeling good so why should we feel bad about feeling a little under the weather on occasion. This meditation is to help you realise that it is okay not to feel okay at times. It is possible to see through the temporary clouds of life and move on despite the ups and downs of life. Background music is "A Pure Embrace" by Christopher Lloyd Clark of Enlightened Audio

Transcript

Dear friends,

Do you know that it is okay not to feel okay?

Believe it or not it is.

You know,

Most of the time we expect too much of ourselves.

We need to remember that we are human beings,

Not super beings.

Now we all know there are days,

Some days when we feel great and other days when we feel a little under the weather.

We have days when all is going well and other days when we feel we must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed.

We just cannot get going.

But remember,

We don't feel bad about feeling good.

So why should we feel bad about feeling bad once in a while?

So today we have some reflections on this topic.

It's okay not to feel okay.

Let's begin by making sure that we are sitting comfortably.

Meditation is not meant to be an endurance test.

It would be ideal if we each had in our homes a corner that we can make our own during these quiet moments.

We might be lucky enough to have a room or even a corner of a room that we can set aside for meditation.

It makes it easier to get into a state of quietness if we have such a place.

You only have to go to that place,

Sit in that chair and you feel a sense of relaxation.

But in any event,

Wherever you are and wherever you are sitting,

Let's settle ourselves for these few minutes.

Sitting down,

Backs reasonably straight but not rigid.

Feet firmly on the floor so you'll feel grounded.

Eyes can be opened or closed,

Whichever suits you best.

And to begin,

Let's take one or two mindful breaths.

Just breathing in and out.

Nothing on our minds but the fact that we are breathing.

The idea is to relax and just let things be.

For these few moments,

Just let things be.

Welcome to this never to be repeated present moment.

A moment that we call the now.

So take these few present moments to step off the treadmill.

To notice and enjoy the gift of your existence.

The amazing existence that we enjoy in this time and place.

Appreciating how good it is to be just here,

Just sitting here.

Now let's turn our attention especially to the breath.

And as you breathe in,

You might just follow the recommended formula.

You know how it goes.

As I breathe in,

I am aware that I am breathing in.

And the same on the out breath.

As I breathe out,

I am aware that I am breathing out.

This seems so simple,

This everyday act.

So simple that taking in this life giving breath mostly goes unnoticed.

And then being unnoticed,

It can go unappreciated as well.

The result is that we can be unaware of one of life's greatest gifts.

The fact that we breathe in the good life.

Let's take a one minute pause.

So,

Let's take a one minute pause.

So,

Let's take a one minute pause.

Welcome back.

The title of this meditation is It's OK Not to Feel OK.

For some,

It must be a relief to hear these words just now.

Because right now,

Many people in the world don't feel OK.

Many of the things we have taken for granted are disrupted.

We have survived waves of COVID,

But it's still lurking there in the background.

And humanity has not even yet learned that we must live in peace on this fragile planet.

We can see extreme divisions and disharmony in places that up to this point seemed reasonably stable and hovering overall the threat of climate disruption.

We see heat waves,

Record temperatures being reached,

Widespread fires and even still hesitancy and reluctance about solving this ever more obvious crisis.

A modern day equivalent of fiddling while Rome burns.

And this is not to mention the everyday ups and downs of normal life.

So,

It's OK not to feel OK.

But we have to find a pathway through these feelings so we don't fall into a state of depression.

So next,

An opening thought now that we are settled into this present moment.

May I have resilience to accept change in myself and in my way of life.

May I have adaptability to cope with the unexpected.

And patience to pause before reacting on autopilot when unpleasant change happens.

Help me to realise that change will always happen.

It will happen as surely as night follows day.

Change is the only constant.

Help me to accept that change may not always be for the best,

Though many times it is for the best.

And when it happens not to be for the best and when even courage doesn't enable me to fix it,

May I have the serenity to accept this unwelcome happening.

Remembering the serenity prayer,

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

May I remember that everything in nature is in motion,

From the largest galaxies right down to the smallest stone.

You might say but surely everything isn't in motion,

What about rocks and stones and mountains?

The answer is yes,

Every single thing is in motion whether we can see it or not.

Even the rocks,

Solid rocks,

Apparently motionless,

They are made up of atoms,

Each of which is in constant motion.

So in this world of constant motion,

How can any of us expect that anything be still?

How can we demand that anything would stay unchanged?

Now change,

Even positive change,

Is something which most of us find difficult at the best of times.

All of us feel secure when life rolls on without presenting us with surprises.

There is comfort and relief.

There is reassurance in the familiar.

We know that we coped yesterday and we feel that if tomorrow is anything like yesterday,

We should be able to cope again tomorrow.

Why shouldn't we?

Won't everything be fine tomorrow as well?

This is all very reassuring,

Everything rolling along happily.

Things are moving along so normally,

So normally and routinely that we don't even realise how good things are.

Until,

And until is the problem,

Until suddenly something comes along which we don't expect.

It might be illness or accident,

The loss of a job,

It might be a separation or a divorce,

The loss of a parent,

The loss of a sibling,

Or we might have lost a friend,

Or maybe the tragic loss of a child,

Sometimes through suicide,

Just imagine the pain of that.

Not to mention the life-changing loss of a partner,

A life partner,

Someone to whom we've spoken those words,

Till death us do part,

Or so long as we both shall live.

Such a change that is,

Such a loss.

All these things are hard to manage and sometimes they may come upon us more than one at a time.

Unpleasant changes can arrive in groups.

It can be like waiting for a bus,

You wait and you wait and next of all two buses come along,

Or maybe even three sometimes,

Three together.

If multiple changes happen to us in quick succession we can really feel overwhelmed,

That can be too much.

Bad enough to have one unpleasant surprise,

But sometimes we are hit with two or even three.

We see from this that a feeling of being overwhelmed at times is only normal.

Why wouldn't we feel troubled in these circumstances?

Wouldn't anyone?

This is nothing to be ashamed of.

Life,

Wonderful life,

Normally wonderful life,

Has dealt us a bad hand for this part of the journey.

So now we're going to pause to reflect,

To allow us to bring to mind people who are suffering right now because of a change that has taken place in their lives.

We'll have a one minute pause in solidarity with anyone who feels overwhelmed by change or loss just now.

That could be you,

That could be me.

May they find strength and support in this time of change.

A one minute pause.

Now.

Sorry.

Welcome back.

So how can we manage to cope with change,

Especially with unpleasant life changing events?

Are there any tips for us?

There are seven suggestions and we will take a look at them one by one.

Number one is acceptance.

Number two adjustment.

Three gratitude for what we still have.

Four holding on to routine.

Five adapting.

Six accept that there will be waves of sadness.

And finally number seven look out for one another.

So number one acceptance.

In the first place we have to accept the fact that the change has happened.

This is the reality.

This is the uncomfortable reality.

Maybe we don't like it and almost certainly we will wish it wasn't so but there's no benefit in denying it.

It's okay not to feel okay when change hits us hard.

This change has happened and we have to find ways to accept it.

Point number two adjustment.

Following acceptance we have to figure out how to live with this new reality.

Illness,

Bereavement,

Loss of a job,

Whatever the change may be.

We know now that things will be different.

The question is how will we manage to live with this?

This isn't easy.

Acceptance is difficult enough but figuring out how to live in this new situation is essential.

We have to learn to live with the change that has happened.

So what can we do right now?

That brings us to point number three.

Gratitude for what we still have.

We see that something has changed for us.

This is uncomfortable even though we know in theory that everything changes but we can take consolation in the fact that everything doesn't change at the very same time.

In the midst of the change which has hit us,

Good idea is to try to hold on to those parts of our lives that are still unchanged.

We hold on to what we have and be thankful for that piece of continuity.

Having that piece of continuation is like having a life jacket in a very rough sea.

It can be a real life saver.

So the message is hold on,

Thankfully,

To what we still have.

This sense of gratitude for what we still have will be a great comfort when we have to deal with change.

Because in these times we can feel overwhelmed.

Everything seems dark and uncertain.

We can feel overcome and confused to the point where we fail to see that we are never in total darkness.

If we can manage to keep our eyes open we will see that there is always a glimmer of light.

It may be faint but it's still there.

And if we really look hard we will see that even in the worst of times things are never totally black.

These times let's try to focus on all that we still have and be thankful for all that still continues.

Now there is an important extension to point number 3.

We have to remember to seek help if we need to.

It's understandable not to feel ok but if we do not feel ok to the point of despair we should pluck up courage and be prepared to share our feelings with someone.

I believe everyone will have someone who will be a shoulder to lean on in a moment of crisis.

If you doubt this just think of how you would be willing to offer a helping hand to someone else who needed your support.

Never be afraid to ask for help.

And if you absolutely do not have anyone that you can share the problem with then remember that there are trained volunteers at the end of a phone line waiting to help anyone who phones.

It's ok not to feel ok but the message is please do look for help if things are bad.

Remember that help is there.

Someone is there anxiously waiting and hoping that someone will phone looking for help.

This is what they have dedicated their time to.

It's ok not to feel ok but if the situation is really bad please ask for help.

Now moving on to point number 4.

Hold onto routine.

It will help a lot if you can create a framework for your days even though your familiar routine has been disrupted by change.

It's important to keep to the familiar pattern of getting up,

Getting washed and dressed,

Having your meals and making sure to take some exercise.

If you have an existing hobby or interest hold onto it and maybe find a new hobby or a new interest.

You want to ensure that your whole life will not have been taken over by the change however disruptive that change may have been.

Point number 4 is a reminder to us to hold onto routine.

Point number 5 tells us to adapt.

Look at the change and see how can you manage to adapt to it however bad the change may be.

Now the loss of a child,

The loss of a family member or friend or especially a life partner is particularly difficult.

No one can know how you yourself feel in that situation even if they've been through something similar themselves.

Loss is personal to every individual and only time will heal this pain and strange as it may seem just now time will heal this pain eventually.

But in the meantime don't be embarrassed to have a cry and think about and speak about your loss.

In the midst of the loss we mustn't forget to recall old times,

Happy times and to recall those times with gratitude.

In our deepest grief we must still be thankful for the fact that we had the gift of the company and the promise of the company of this wonderful person for some time.

What if we had never had the opportunity to know and love this person?

If anyone has suffered the loss of a young person there is a poem called The Cost which might be some consolation.

It was written by Dorothy N Monroe.

Death is not too high a price to pay for having lived.

Humans never die nor do the seas or rocks or endless sky.

Through countless centuries of time they stay eternal,

Deathless,

Yet they never lived.

If choice there were I would not hesitate to choose mortality,

Whatever fate demanded in return for life I'd give.

Nor never to have seen the fertile plains,

Nor heard the winds,

Nor felt the warm sun on sands beneath my feet,

Nor touched the hands of those I love.

Without these all the gains of timelessness would not be worth a day of living and of loving come what may.

For it's there from Dorothy N Monroe in The Cost.

And now to point number six.

Accept that there will be waves of sadness.

If a change is permanent or semi-permanent the first reaction may be shock,

Denial,

Annoyance or fear.

But after a settling down period and reflection on the new situation we have to learn well that this is the way things are and we just have to make the best of the new reality.

Admittedly this is not easy,

It takes time.

We cannot expect instant recovery,

We need to give ourselves lots of time.

We have to be gentle with ourselves.

Some days will be good and we think we are on the mend,

Then we have a bad day and we learn that these feelings of loss can come to us in waves.

These waves of sadness can be triggered by time or place or sounds or smells or music.

So many triggers because as has been said grief is the price we pay for love.

And finally point number seven.

Look out for one another.

It is most important to remember to look out for one another in moments when someone is faced with change.

The majority of us find any change really difficult,

Even positive change.

The majority of us probably prefer the comfort of routine,

The comfort of the familiar.

The familiar is so cosy.

So at times and especially in times of change and uncertainty we need to watch out for one another.

We are social beings,

We need one another and we need to pay attention and notice how other people are doing.

Ask how are they doing?

Ask are they okay?

And watch out for the answer.

That answer might be spoken but it might be unspoken.

So we have to be sensitive and aware.

We are nearing the end of the meditation now so let's pause for another minute before a closing quote.

Welcome back.

I leave you now with a quote from the wonderful Steve Mariboli who reminds us to come back to the present moment whatever it may hold.

Steve says,

Renew,

Release,

Let go.

Yesterday's gone.

There's nothing you can do to bring it back.

You can't,

Should have done something.

You can only do something.

Renew yourself.

Release that attachment.

Today is a new day.

And another quote from him,

Forget yesterday,

It has already forgotten you.

Don't sweat tomorrow,

You haven't even met.

Instead,

Open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift today.

So dear friends,

Let's hold each other as we negotiate the changes and the turns on the path of life.

This road provides so many opportunities to lend a hand.

And when an opportunity arises where we can help someone along,

Let's help them along,

Always.

We are all in this together.

Namaste.

Reviews

Really lovely and calming. Helpful reminders about the now and what to do

A calming voice with calming words, thank you Tony 🙏

Dear Tony, our 49 year old son collapsed and died yesterday. This meditation has been so beneficial for me.
💖🌟🕊🦋

Grateful, Tony. Puts me at peace with this realm <3

Thank you Tony! Some days are not ok. But we get by. Here's to sunnier days. ☮️💖🙏🖖🍀

So comforting in this time of grieving for my daughter 🙏

I so desperately needed to here this message today. Thank you for bringing some peace into my life. 🙏

Very much what I needed today,
As always thank you for your helpful words...

Very calming and full of practical and spiritual wisdom. Namaste 🙏

This was helpful.

Thank you ! Namaste

Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. Thank you.

Thank you so much for your comforting and supporting words 🙏🏻! They do help me in changing times

Came to this meditation heavy hearted, it helped to process and release some difficult emotions

Dear Tony! Absolutely precious words. God bless you, dear friend. 🙏🫶🪷💖

Thank you, Tony. Very reinforcing advice.
A correlate of its being okay to not be okay, which I also rely on, is that it’s okay to not know. Not knowing is perhaps the biggest elephant in the room of my life these days, and likely in the world.
I often use “I don’t know, and that’s okay” as a breathing meditation mantra. Oddly, Insight Timer doesn’t seem to have any talks or meditations addressing that truth. Not to be a noodge, but i wonder if you’d consider doing one?
Thanks again, Tony, for all the clarity your meditations offer.
Donna

We’re all going through so much right now; personally and globally. Thanks for this anchor 🙏🏻🌺

Lovely, calm and compassionate. Practical and realistic strategies to cope with not being okay.

Thank you, Tony!