Forgiveness: Putting The Past To Rest

Sometimes our wish to live in the present and work for the future is inhibited by regrets of the past. These regrets and "If only" thoughts act as a ball and chain around the ankles of our lives. Let us see if we can use forgiveness practice to put the past to rest and get on with living our lives. Interval music "A Dreamy Night" courtesy of Narek Mirzaei of Music of Wisdom.

Transcript

Music Dear friends,

Welcome to this meditation where we will reflect on putting the past to rest through forgiveness.

This was the subject of one of my live Wednesday meditations here on Insight Timer and it was suggested by some listeners that it would be useful to be able to refer back to it.

So I hope you find it helpful.

First let's see if we can get ourselves into a posture which helps meditation.

It's most important to try to make sure that you are in a comfortable position.

Take a deep breath in to help you realise that you are here just now.

And as you breathe out just let your concerns go out with your breath.

Breathing in the good air and breathing out any stress or tension or concern.

Just relax as you listen to this.

Remembering that everything happens in the present moment.

So welcome to this never to be repeated present moment.

Now to move on to today's theme,

Letting go of the past through forgiveness.

Alan Moore tells us,

The past can't hurt you anymore,

Not unless you let it in.

So today we are going to see about letting go of the past in so far as it holds any pain for us.

We don't want the past to hurt us anymore.

The past can be like a ball and chain around our ankles,

Our failures of the past,

Our mistakes,

The things done,

The things left undone.

Regret about all this can make it more difficult to live our lives in the present.

And this can create an obstacle to living our lives in the now.

And the world is the poorer because our contribution is less than it could be,

Less than it should be.

Our past failings can be worrying,

Shameful,

Disheartening.

All of us are carrying some burden of the past,

Some of them heavy,

Some of them light.

We think of the burdens of the past carried by people who have fallen foul of the law,

People who have acquired a bad reputation.

They have to face the task of beginning again.

So difficult.

We think of the old saying,

Give the dog a bad name.

It's easier to stay in grace than to recover if you have fallen from it.

Think of smoking or gambling.

How much easier it is if you have never involved yourself in either of these things.

Yes,

We see that the past can be like a ball and chain around our ankles,

Which is why it's so important that we are dealing with this in this meditation,

Putting the past to rest through forgiveness.

When we think of people trying to start again,

Trying to begin again,

We realise the importance of a second chance.

How important it is to see people,

Not in terms of how they were yesterday,

But how they are today.

One of our problems is that we don't look upon people with fresh eyes each time we see them.

We have preconceived notions.

The person was bad news yesterday,

So we write them off as being bad news today.

We don't give them a second chance.

We feel we know them well,

We know them too well,

So we forget that everything changes minute by minute,

And so can they.

So our approach to a person is based on yesterday's view,

Expecting the worst,

Because the person was bad news yesterday,

And so it goes on,

With nothing better expected and nothing better received.

We have to allow people to recover from their past,

To escape from the chains of their past,

And we have to allow ourselves to escape from the captivity of the past,

The captivity of our past,

To escape from that ball and chain around our ankles.

The burden of the past can be a heavy weight that we are carrying around with us,

Unnecessarily.

I hope that this meditation today will help each one of us to drop these burdens.

They can be weighing us down,

Draining our energy,

Stopping us from being the people we know we could be.

They're stopping us from making our unique contribution to the world.

So dropping these burdens will be life-changing.

I hope you'll feel the benefit even this very night,

As you go to bed more at ease following listening to this meditation.

Maya Angelou tells us,

It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself,

To forgive,

Forgive everybody.

So next we're going to take a few moments for reflection.

We'll take a moment or two to look back at our lives and see if we can call to mind some occasion where we fell short of what we knew to be right,

When we hurt someone by what we said or did.

It may or may not have been deliberate,

But it has been troubling us.

Because in our hearts we know what's right and what's wrong.

We know what is fair and what is mean.

We're going to give ourselves the opportunity to put this behind us.

So you might think back now of situations of unkindness,

Dishonesty,

Meanness,

Selfishness,

Something that,

Looking back at your life,

You wished you'd never done.

We all have things in our past that we regret.

We won't call most of them bad things.

It might be better to say unskillful things.

It helps if we come to realise that many of the unskillful things we do arise not from a wish to be harmful or unkind,

But from fear,

From loneliness,

From anger,

Pain or misunderstanding,

From not knowing anything better at that time.

We are all wise after the event.

So just now,

Notice the pain you might have caused others by some particular action.

There's no need to dig a hole of remorse or hopelessness,

Just allow yourself to feel a sense of regret,

A feeling of sorrow that this has happened,

And a wish to put it behind you with an expression of real sorrow.

Know that you finally can release that burden and allow yourself forgiveness.

After all,

You are the one who feels the guilt.

Let's pause for one minute,

For 60 seconds,

To recall any of these memories that are causing us upset.

Welcome back.

Now repeat after me.

In this present moment,

I recall this failing on my part.

I am really sorry.

I wish this had never happened.

I am so sorry.

I have been troubled about this time and time again.

Now let me finally put this to rest in the past,

Where it belongs.

I am truly sorry.

So let me know I have put this away.

Now having gone through this genuine expression of remorse,

It's important to leave this incident in the past where it belongs.

You have expressed regret.

You have learned a lesson for the future.

It's been troubling you long enough.

Now let it be.

Just let it be.

You can remove the ball and chain from your ankle right now and feel the difference.

Next we'll move on to consider ourselves and how we might have harmed ourselves in the past.

Louis B.

Smeeds reminds us,

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

What have we done?

We might have neglected our physical or mental well-being through any one of a number of actions.

Any one of a number of things we failed to do to allow ourselves a decent run at life.

Maybe now we are paying the price in ways that no one else will ever know.

Maybe we have abandoned our highest aspirations,

Fallen short of our ideals,

Acted in ways that now make us feel ashamed or stupid.

We'll take a minute now to feel all the ways that we have brought suffering on ourselves,

On our bodies,

On our minds,

In our hearts,

And how these actions or inactions have affected our relationships,

Our prospects.

And of course we've been beating ourselves up about this,

All the if-onlies.

But we have to remember that this too belongs in the past.

The past can't be changed,

But lessons can be learned.

The thought,

If only,

Is only a waste of time.

Let's pause to reflect on this for just one minute,

60 seconds,

Any of this that's causing us upset.

And after that we'll have another act of sorrow.

Welcome back.

So just feel the burden you carry from all this and say to yourself after me,

I forgive myself for all the ways I have messed up.

For all the pain and regret I've caused myself.

I place these regrets in the past.

A lesson has been learned and let that be enough.

I forgive myself.

Now I will move on without this burden of regret.

Now next we come to what might be the most difficult part of this exercise.

Over the course of our lives many of us have experienced hurt at the hands of others.

Tyler Perry tells us,

It's not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people,

But it's such a powerful place because it frees you.

Now the important thing to note is that we are only bringing this up so as to let it go.

We are not going in deeply to open,

Reopen old wounds.

It's more a case of applying ointment.

You know how it works,

Just a slight sting before the pain is eased.

But we do need to apply that ointment in order to heal the wound.

What could the wound be?

It could be physical injury or neglect,

Mental hurt,

Abuse of power,

Sexual abuse,

So many possible causes of hurt and pain.

And all this can be hard to forgive,

Particularly if the hurt was caused by someone who had a particular duty of care towards us.

A parent,

A family member,

A teacher.

But we must try so as to let down this heaviest of our burdens.

Ida Wu-Kainiken says this,

If you forgive someone for something they did to you,

It doesn't mean you agree with what they did or believe it was right.

Forgiving that person means you've chosen not to dwell on the matter any more.

You've moved on with your life.

Now there can be many ways in which other people have let us down.

We can feel hurt and harmed.

We can feel betrayed and abandoned.

So now we take a moment to notice the pain that others might have caused us,

How we felt at the time,

And how those feelings might have bubbled up over the years,

How they sit in our memory now.

Let's take a few moments to notice any resentment we might still feel,

And how that resentment has been eating away at our peace of mind.

Again,

We'll stay with that for a few moments.

Just one minute,

Sixty seconds for this.

And after that,

We'll have an act of forgiveness.

Welcome back.

Now see if you can lift this burden of the past by considering these thoughts.

I have called to mind incidents in my life which have left me with feelings of pain and bitterness.

I know in my heart that this pain can only be eased by putting these events and hurts behind me.

I am in control of how I deal with this hurt.

My control does not require an encounter with the one who caused me pain.

My control does not require an apology from the one who caused me pain.

It is understandable that I carry a burden of resentment.

But I know that there's nothing to be gained by continuing to carry the burden of resentment that I understandably feel.

So now I release myself from this burden by offering forgiveness for the wrongdoing.

I offer whatever forgiveness that I am able to muster right now so as to allow myself to move on.

Now that is something that you may need to repeat a few times.

In some situations it can be difficult to reach a position of total forgiveness in one sitting.

It can be done but it might require more than one sitting,

So repeat as necessary.

But now that we've worked to heal the pain of the past,

We're going to offer ourselves some inspiration for the future.

So now I invite you to call to mind some good action or some good deed that you've performed.

It might be some kindness that you've long forgotten,

But see if you can bring it to mind right now.

And keep that good deed in mind for a few moments.

Think of how you felt at the time and how you feel now when you bring it back to mind.

And notice the difference between this feeling and the feeling of guilt that we've just released,

The feeling of pain that we've just released.

Notice how much better it feels when we do good and when we release our problems and when we release any feelings of bitterness.

Letting go of the past frees you to do more of these good deeds.

Letting go of the past lets you free of the burdens of guilt,

Of pain,

Of burning resentment which only harms ourselves.

Now I hope this exercise has been some help,

And that you will wake up tomorrow with a burden lifted,

More than one burden lifted.

A final thought.

I cannot change the past,

But I can let go of it.

I can lay down my heavy burdens,

Allowing me to pick up the gift of a better future which is offered to me every day.

Because I am not a bad person trying to be good.

I am a good person trying to be better.

Today I rededicate myself to the doing of good.

Today I rededicate myself to finding opportunities to do good.

And that is our reflection for today.

Before we finish,

Let's pause for a few moments as we take some more conscious breaths.

Breathing in and being really aware that we're breathing in.

Breathing out and being really aware that we're breathing out.

Our breathing in and our breathing out,

Bringing us to a place of peace and calm.

A place that we can find every time we return to our breath.

And so to end our meditation,

The Divine in me bows to the Divine in you.

Namaste.

Reviews

This helped me to release some pent of feelings of anger and resentment. I felt bad for allowing these feelings, connected to my past, childhood family to overshadow what should have been a happy time with my ownFamily.

Thank you Tony for these wonderful healing words of wisdom. Namaste

Thank you 🙏 so very much. Your meaningful words are always spot on 💗💗💗

I’ll be coming back to this one. Such a helpful practice that will need more time. Thanks Tony. 💕🙏🏻

What a great meditation on forgiveness of past hurt. Many thanks! 🤓🙏🏻

A very encouraging meditation and what I needed this morning. 🐬🤗🐬

Tony is it ok to feel good about our acts of kindness? Is that not like boastfulness ?
I struggle with this. And it relates to a Catholic upbringing and being told often enough that you were ‘showing off. ‘

Go raibh maith agat Tony for this meditation. It has been here all this time and I only found it this morning. Remembering that Everything we need comes to us in the right time and space. ✨ 🕯 ✨ 🤗 ✨

An excellent, mu h needed mediation. Thank you or all your wonderful mediations. 😊💕

I am good…and striving to be better in this present moment🎈
Tony, I appreciate you🌟 Thank you for sharing your love of what you do🌊🙏🏼

Very helpful

Thank you! Happy Easter. Namaste 🙏🏻👼🏻✨🌟

Beautiful and meaningful meditation that has put me on a path of forgiveness and healing. Thank you Tony as always for your kind and helpful words. Namaste🙏❤️

Most excellent meditation ever, for me. Thank you Tony.

Positive and hopeful. 🌸🌺

Excellent, very helpful.
Thanks for sharing this with us.

Moving, cleansing, powerful. Thank you, as always. Namaste.

This exercise was so very instructive, effective and important, and one to which I hope to return, often. Thanks, Tony; truly top notch.

Really Really Helpful, Tony, thank you !

Yes, thanks for recording this session as it will take more than one sitting. Its sure nice to clear the air.