Facing The Final Curtain

This meditation is designed to be of help and comfort to someone who may have received a worrying medical diagnosis. This is not something that look forward to but what do we do when it comes?

Background music: Relaxing Dream Relaxation via Pond 5. Photo by Natalia Y. on Unsplash.

Trigger Warning: This practice may include references to death, dying, and the departed.

Transcript

Dear friends,

One of my listeners here on InsideTimer enquired if I had produced a meditation which might be of help or comfort to someone who has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

Over the years I have produced meditations intended to help people who have suffered bereavement and loss but never a meditation or reflection along these requested lines.

In my own life I have had a couple of scary encounters but thankfully all falling short of such a worrying diagnosis.

So what I am offering in this meditation doesn't come from personal experience but from trying to put myself in the shoes of someone who has had a diagnosis raising the likelihood of a short life expectancy.

Let's begin this reflection by coming to a place of quietness leaving to one side the everyday distractions that prevent us from living in the now.

You might find it helpful to close your eyes but the important thing is to make sure you are relaxed.

So check that you are sitting comfortably and see if you can release any tension that you might feel anywhere in your body.

It usually helps to drop the shoulders.

Relax your face and the next step is to take in a few deep breaths each time breathing out fully.

Awareness of the breath is key to coming into the present moment.

You might find it helpful to repeat to yourself words such as the following as you breathe in and out.

Breathing in I notice that I am breathing in.

Breathing out I notice that I'm breathing out.

Let's continue this breathing exercise for the next minute just 60 seconds to come into the present.

Breathing in I notice that I'm breathing in.

Breathing out I notice that I am breathing out.

Welcome back.

It must be a shock to receive a diagnosis which suggests you might be facing the end of life.

First you had the worrying symptoms which brought you to seek medical advice.

Then the referrals and the tests maybe one after the other and all of them accompanied by a sense of foreboding.

Foreboding.

Then there was the waiting for results the hope that the results would be good and the fear of the opposite and now the dreaded words cutting right through us regardless of how gently spoken.

This is not by any means an easy time.

Each person will have their own set of reactions to such difficult news.

Some will accept the diagnosis with a sense of resignation.

In other cases the response will be a fighting spirit.

I'm not going to let this happen to me.

And then there are cases where the reaction will be one of denial.

I don't want to hear about this.

Trying as best I can to put myself into the shoes of someone receiving such information I think I would react with a fighting spirit.

Of course who knows how I would react on the day.

But if this was me this would be my intended approach how I'd like to react.

Why?

I believe that life should be lived as fully as possible for as long as possible.

That calls for an attitude of positivity rather than resignation.

We are all going to leave this world but why give up before the end?

And if we are given news that our life is expected to end within such and such a period it will be putting our heads in the sand to simply ignore what we have been told on good authority.

Let's have another one minute pause now to consider how you might react on receipt of such difficult news.

Welcome back.

Are there any positives we can take from such a diagnosis?

Amazingly there are some and I hope these thoughts will help.

We could compare our position with that of someone who dies suddenly without any notice to family or friends.

I have seen that happen in cases of members of my own family.

As we all know death leaves an emptiness which will only ever be partially filled with the passage of time.

But sudden death leaves the survivors with an even greater sense of loss.

This is a departure without warning.

We reflect on what we might have said or done if only we had realised we were to lose the person concerned.

Can we even remember the last words we exchanged with the person?

There may be troubling memories of a last unkind word an unfulfilled promise a person let down.

Even the simple fact of a person routinely going out the door without a hug without a word of goodbye and that departure turning out to be the person's last going out.

Sometimes we are troubled by the thought that we might have failed the person in what we have done and what we have left undone.

Maybe an unanswered call for help.

But we must be gentle with ourselves in considering any of these feelings.

All of us would do things differently if we had a second chance.

Especially when we are faced with news of a sudden death.

Now we only have to look around us to realise that we are all going to die someday.

But how is it we always consider that day to be some time in the future?

Maybe in the case of very advanced years we might realise that the departure date cannot be much longer delayed.

Cannot be far into the future.

But even then which one of us ever goes to bed at night seriously considering that we may not wake up in the morning?

A diagnosis which tells us that we have only weeks or months to live at least gives us the time to put our affairs in order.

We have the opportunity to prepare ourselves spiritually and we are offered a chance to have precious time with our relatives and loved ones.

In the busyness of everyday life and failing to reflect on the end we never seem to say I love you enough.

Now faced with this news we have a chance to express our love our affection and our gratitude.

We have the opportunity to put our affairs in order.

Making or revising our will.

Letting our loved ones know where everything is.

So important.

We can make known our funeral wishes.

This warning allows us to iron out any practical difficulties for those who will come after us.

I think without a push we are inclined to leave these things on the long finger.

Comforted just a little by being able to take these practical steps doesn't mean that any of us will look forward to receiving bad news.

Not at all.

But having received the diagnosis we now have an opportunity to make life a little easier for those who know us and love us and who will now have to face the future without us.

Spiritual preparation will be an important part of the follow-up to any serious diagnosis.

This is our time to reflect on the mystery and the meaning of life.

Almost certainly we will have regrets for not having spent our life as well as we should.

We may wish we were saints but the reality is that we are human beings with all the weaknesses that attach to that condition.

We might find that due to human frailty,

Fear and circumstances we may at times have fallen short of our higher ideals.

But as has been said to me we are not bad people trying to be good.

We are essentially good people trying to be better.

Now we have a chance to see things from a newer light and especially we have the opportunity to give thanks for the wonderful gift that is our life.

The fact that we are here at all is a miracle.

We are the lucky ones we are the lucky ones countless billions of possible people have never been born never will be born.

The statistics against our being here are beyond calculation and yet despite all these odds we are having this human existence.

So this is a time to be grateful for existence and for the people who know us and love us who will be sad to see us leave.

Let's have some thoughts now to help us through these days.

First we reflect on the importance of acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't mean giving up.

Acceptance means embracing the present moment without resistance.

And then there is the reality of change constant change.

Notice how life in all its forms is fleeting so fleeting and notice how every fleeting moment regardless of circumstances holds some significance.

Think of this moment this is now.

Things will never again be exactly like this.

We must appreciate the now.

This is the time to reflect with gratitude on the experiences that have shaped your life.

This is the time to reflect the events that have made you as you are.

Think of all those moments big and small that brought joy love or peace into your life.

This is an opportunity to give thanks for all these circumstances all the many opportunities all the people who have been part and are part of the tapestry of life.

You may understandably be fearful of what lies ahead.

Who wouldn't?

But acknowledge the pain acknowledge the fear the sadness.

This is only natural and normal.

But also take comfort from the love the support and the kindness that surrounds you and become more aware of the now this present moment.

When you come to think of it the now is all there is.

The past only exists in memory it's recorded in history books.

The past doesn't exist in this present moment and the same goes for the future whatever it may hold.

The future is only a projection we only live in the now.

We each have the opportunity to make the now as valuable as it can be.

How do we do this?

By showing love and concern for the people around us and leaving aside the failings of the past our failings other people's failings.

The now is filled with opportunity so leave aside worries concerning the future which is only a projection.

Instead accept the gift of living kindly and gratefully in the now.

I'd like to leave you with a poem by Mary Oliver.

I love Mary Oliver and I love this poem.

Mary helps remove the fear of death by looking at it with the eye of curiosity.

The poem is called When Death Comes.

When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me and snaps the purse shut when death comes like the measle pox when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades I want to step through the door full of curiosity wondering what is it going to be like that cottage of darkness and therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood and I look upon time as no more than an idea and I consider eternity as another possibility and I think of each life as a flower as common as a field daisy and as singular and each name a comfortable music in the mouth tending as all music does toward silence and each body a lion of courage and something precious to the earth when it's over I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms when it's over I don't want to wonder if I've made of my life something particular and real I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument I don't want to end up simply having visited this world words there from the wonderful Mary Oliver So dear friend thank you for checking out this reflection I hope you found some benefit and maybe some comfort from listening to it May every day bring you to a place of gratitude for having lived gratitude for being alive now May you be free from pain May you be surrounded always by people who love and care for you Namaste

Reviews

Yes, much comfort and spiritual consolation received, Dear Tony. I have a “co-morbidity “ which forces me to face the potential reality of Death in different ways than most others in my world, but in some ways this has been a great gift, helping me make bold healthy choices I might have been overlooking. And indeed, we all must face that daunting yet beautiful doorway of Death, and walk through it sometime! Thanks from the heart for this gentle consoling support meditation. With gratitude from your follower and fellow seeker, “Nilz from the Hills” in the forest of New Mexico 💖♾️🪷🪽✨🕊️

Thank you, Tony. We need gentle guidance about how to approach death and dying.

I loved this. Tony, you did a wonderful job with such a difficult taboo topic. Thank you. 🙏🏻

Thank you Tony for this... I have been unwell and am not sure how long I have. I have been unsure about whether I will make the next morning on a few occasions... Also, my brother passed away recently, so death is a reality for me, not an abstract idea or distant possibility.
As you said, it is important to be aware of and live in the present moment and somehow it seems easier to feel gratitude for all I have experienced.
So thank you for this reflection. 🙏❤️

Thank you for sharing this..
I lost a friend yesterday morning to Cancer, this helped me too understand just a bit..

Thank you Tony for this talk comforting talk I have a close relative facing the end and this has helped me reflect and appreciate what life is all about 🙏

Dear Tony. I sat with a dear friend yesterday who is dying and imagined she was hearing your words.Short version of her situation. I have known her for approx. 9 years. During that time she has had no quality of life because of brain cancer and has a big decision to make. Yesterday I sat with her . She has great dufficulty eating, drinking, speaking and she can't stand! Our son who passed away was very friendly with her and her husband.
I encouraged her to get IT a while ago which she loved. Now this is beyond her. My heart is breaking. My husband and I are the only people she will see. Having nursed palliative patients makes it a bit easier at the time. Reaction later.
Appreciate your words in this meditation. Thank you.
🙏🕊🌟

Beautifully words of comfort for us all. 🙏🏻
I witnessed my precious 30 year old sister move on to her next adventure with such grace and acceptance. And during the process, I discovered that just being together, loving went deeper than words. And that’s when I discovered being in the present moment is all that matters. I savored each minute with her.

A reflection that is both beautiful and brave. In my life, I have witnessed friends and family bravely trying to cope with life after having received the dreadul news that their lives are going to end so much sooner than they would have wished. I’ll never stop admiring their different attitudes and approaches and love them forever. Namaste 🤓🙏🏻

Dear Tony, what a helpful and comforting meditation . I was diagnosed 3 years ago with Parkinson's Disease. It is not a quick end, but is incurable and progressive. Adding to that, I turned 80 a few months ago. Those two fact have caused me to dwell on the fact that I am in the last chapters, whether that be a few months or a few years. It does give me cause to be grateful for my life and to focus on my family and friends and all they have meant to me. Thank you for your friendship over the years, and your wonderful teachings. God bless you.

Beautiful Tony. So comforting. I have a dear friend I will share this with. 🙏🏻💕 Thank you

As always, Tony, your words are so thought-provoking and positive. Thank you so much for your offerings here on Insight Timer. Greatly appreciated. Happy end of July. Namaste 🙏

What a thoughtful, kind and encouraging response to a daunting request, Tony. Of course, we face this eventuality alone, with whatever tools and insights we’ve had the chance to gather in life. Your talk provides many such comforts.
Thanks for your work, Tony!
Donna

Thank you 🙏 I am blessed with good health but have friends and family living with life limiting diseases… this message of hope, gratitude, and counting blessings will help them and me. Bless you Tony, and the work you do. Love and Light always Sue