Action Speaks Louder Than Worry - Coping With Anxiety

This meditation is designed to help you cope with everyday worry and uncertainty. You will hear that uncertainty is normal. You will be helped to cope with personal worries and shared worries. And instead of worrying, you will be encouraged to take action to help cut off the danger and reduce the chances of the feared event coming to pass. Interval music "A Dreamy Night" by Narek Mirzaei of Music of Wisdom.

Transcript

Dear friends,

Welcome to this meditation where we will take a look at easing the pain of anxiety.

This was the subject of one of my live sessions on Insight Timer and it was suggested that it would be useful to record a version of it so that it can be accessed on the Insight Timer app.

So here we are.

Now any meditation session on the subject of anxiety should be preceded by a health warning.

Just as we are told on the Insight Timer home page,

If a person is in crisis they should not rely on the Insight Timer site or indeed any other site for that matter.

What it says on the Insight Timer page is this,

If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger don't use this site and it goes on to provide a long list of resources where people can go to for help.

If a person is in a serious situation it's very important that they reach out for help.

If anyone listening to this meditation is aware of anyone in difficulty of this sort please encourage them to ask for help.

Remind them that there is always someone ready,

Willing and anxious to help.

It doesn't matter what the situation might be.

Reaching out to help is not a weakness.

You will discover that reaching out for help at a time when you need it is the bravest most important thing you will ever do.

So now onto this meditation where we will look at what you might call the common or garden worries and anxieties which affect us all from time to time.

So make sure you're sitting comfortably,

Eyes closed if you wish but open if you prefer,

Whatever seems comfortable for you.

As you bring yourself mindfully into this wonderful present moment.

So relax and for these few moments take it easy.

Nothing on the agenda for now except to be here.

Just to be here.

It's as easy as that.

You can use the breath as a way of coming into the present moment.

A way of bringing body and mind into the same place.

Bringing your mind back to this place where you're sitting right now.

So a deep breath in,

Breathing in the good air and letting it out with a big relaxing sigh.

Dropping the shoulders,

Letting them flop down and releasing any tension there.

And just breathing in and out for a few moments.

Breathing in and being aware that you're breathing in.

And as you breathe out just bring to awareness the fact that you are breathing out.

And again just relaxing into this present moment.

And enjoying the happiness of just being here together.

For a few moments of total relaxation in the here and the now.

Let's have a one minute pass.

Music Welcome back.

Our opening quote today is from the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh.

Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future.

If we can acknowledge our fear we can realize that right now we are okay.

Right now today we are still alive and our bodies are working marvelously.

Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky.

Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.

Today we're going to look at fear,

Worry,

Uncertainty and how we can cope with these feelings whenever they arise.

What we are dealing with in this meditation are the ordinary anxieties and worries which can interfere with our day-to-day happiness.

What I am going to offer you about worry is this.

First of all we all have to learn to live with uncertainty.

Uncertainty is normal.

That's just the way things are.

The second point to realize is there are two types of worry.

One is the situation where something is happening that many of us are worrying about.

In that case we have the support of knowing we are not alone.

The second type of worry is a worry that's personal to ourselves.

It could be a worry about a family member,

A job.

It could be worry about our health.

Even in these personal situations we get comfort and relief by asking ourselves how likely is it that the dreaded event will happen?

When we look at our past worries we see that hardly any of them,

Possibly none of them at all,

Came to pass.

Finally then we'll take a look at action.

Instead of just worrying we ask ourselves if there's anything that we can do to make it less likely that the event that we are worrying about will happen at all.

And we can and we should take action to cut off the danger and reduce the chances of the feared event coming to pass.

So to point one,

Uncertainty.

The first thing to say is that life is full of uncertainty and we've seen examples of this with the COVID-19 crisis.

Many things in life are outside our control.

COVID-19 is just another example,

Another reminder that in life in general we are not in control.

Uncertainty is all around us.

The pandemic heightened fears about the economy,

Employment,

Finance,

Relationships and most important of all health and how to try to preserve it.

COVID-19 has certainly affected the physical and the mental health of many of us.

People are suffering the physical effects of not being able to get out on a boat as they did.

People are suffering from the loneliness of not being able to meet their friends and socialise as they did.

Another shared concern these days is anxiousness about the environment.

We see so much that needs to be done to preserve this planet as a habitable place.

You just have to look at the number of people who joined the Inside Timer 10-day eco-anxiety challenge to realise the extent of our concerns about the environment.

So you see there can be many factors at play that leave us a little fearful and uncertain and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Because as human beings we crave security and certainty.

We want to feel safe.

We want to have a sense of control.

Fear and uncertainty can leave us feeling stressed.

Certain situations leave us without the sense of control that we crave and it can all cause us to worry.

Which brings us to part two of this meditation,

Worry.

Worry can drain us emotionally.

It can lead us into a downward spiral of endless what-ifs and anxiety about worst-case scenarios.

We can spend sleepless nights fearful about what tomorrow might bring.

But we could usefully remember the words of Mark Twain who's credited with the quote,

I've had a lot of worries in my life,

Most of which never happened.

Fear and anxiety can come to us in two ways.

The first is fear of circumstances arising in our own lives.

I'll offer you some suggestions about that a little later on.

The second is concern about external events which we think might affect us.

External situations are things such as the virus,

The economy,

The climate,

That sort of thing.

These are shared fears.

They affect many other people as well and the fact that they are shared helps us somewhat because other people understand what we're worried about since they are worried also.

Now we are all different in how much uncertainty we can tolerate in life without falling into fear.

Some people seem to enjoy taking risks and living unpredictable lives.

They find all this exhilarating,

Exciting.

We've all come across people like this and we envy their confidence.

Other people,

Probably most of us,

Find the randomness of life very fearful and worrying.

This second group of people fear change and especially uncertainty.

But whether we are brave or fearful by nature,

All of us have our stress limits.

If we reach that limit and if we feel overwhelmed by uncertainty and worry,

It's important to know that we are not alone.

For example,

If it's a shared worrying event,

We know that other people are in the same boat.

We see that other people are coping with the very same fear.

And it's also important to realise that no matter how helpless and hopeless we might feel,

There are steps we can always take.

These steps help us to better cope with circumstances that are outside our control.

They help us to reduce fear and anxiety and they give us a little more positivity.

What we need to do first of all is to acknowledge the uncertainty.

Always acknowledge the uncertainty.

Can we manage to accept that uncertainty is a normal and unavoidable part of life?

That uncertainty is natural,

That it is unavoidable.

It helps if we can come to realise that,

To accept the reality and the everyday nature of uncertainty.

And how can we manage to achieve that acceptance?

Well,

Just think about it for a moment.

Very little about our lives is constant or totally certain.

All right,

We may have control over some things.

At times we find ourselves having control over many things.

That gives us a sort of breather,

A type of comfort.

But we can't control everything that happens to us.

The coronavirus outbreak has shown just how life can change very quickly and very unpredictably.

After we acknowledge the uncertainty,

The next thing we have to do is to try to control our tendency to worry.

When we are faced with uncertainty,

Many of us will just worry.

We go into a corner,

Real or imaginary,

And we sit and we worry.

As if worrying would make any difference.

As if worrying would change things.

But simply worrying doesn't work.

Simply worrying doesn't help.

Worrying can give you more control over events which by their nature are uncontrollable.

What does worrying do?

Chronic worrying just robs you of enjoyment in the present moment.

It saps your energy.

It wears you down.

It keeps you up at night.

Some of us spend much of our lives regretting a past that cannot be changed.

That is such a waste of our energy.

There are lessons to be learned from the past and that's about it.

These lessons can help us to do better in the future.

But worrying about what you did or what you didn't do,

Will not help us one iota.

And of course some of us live much of our lives worrying about the future.

For some people their worries about the future turn the present into a nightmare.

They contemplate the worst of all possible scenarios.

If we find ourselves in this situation we need to recall those words of Mark Twain.

I've had a lot of worries in my life,

Most of which never happened.

So we must train ourselves not to become chronic warriors.

The next question is there a remedy and the good news is that there is.

The remedy is to do what we can to eliminate the danger that we are worrying about.

If it's a worry that affects you alone just ask yourself what is the likelihood of the dreaded event happening?

The chances are that it's not very likely to happen at all.

But even in that very unlikely event what is the worst possible outcome?

How many times have we worried ourselves sick imagining a doomsday scenario that never came to pass?

This has happened to me a number of times and I'm sure it's happened to you also.

Such a waste of time.

Such a waste of the valuable time of our lives.

I agree trying to remain positive in some situations is not easy but experience teaches us that we should not engage in needless worry.

In all these situations it helps if we focus on controlling those things that are within our control.

Some examples.

If we find ourselves worried about our health then we get to the doctor and we follow the medical advice.

If we're worried about our state of fitness we get advice and we begin a fitness program.

We can become self-absorbed in our own worries and here looking out for other people helping them can turn out to be a great assistance to ourselves.

If we find ourselves worrying a lot about our own situation it helps if we look to offer help to other people.

We can put our own concerns to one side and watch out for vulnerable friends and neighbours.

Thinking less about ourselves is always a more healthy way to approach life.

This help to others is all within our own area of control.

Another idea.

If we find ourselves with a problem needing a solution we can try to break it down to see if there is an area within the problem that is within our own control.

Then let us focus just on that aspect of the problem.

That will switch our minds right around.

Instead of ineffective and pointless worrying we find ourselves actively problem solving.

Instead of just worrying we're doing something about it.

The practice of mindfulness can help us in all this.

At its most basic level it encourages us to live in the here and the now and not to allow ourselves to become absorbed in what has been or something awful that might never come to pass.

To repeat the words of Thich Nhat Hanh which opened this meditation fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future.

If we can acknowledge our fear we can realise that right now we are okay.

So a couple of questions for us today.

One,

Can we try to become friends with change and uncertainty?

And two,

Can we face our fears with a little more confidence and hope?

After all how much can we be absolutely certain about in life?

Hardly anything,

Probably nothing at all.

Does anyone have a job for life,

A guarantee of good health or absolute certainty of what tomorrow might bring?

The truth is no matter how much you try to plan and prepare for every possible outcome life will find a way of surprising you.

And it helps to remember that there are good surprises as well as bad.

Usually very many more good surprises than bad.

It's also reassuring to think how life has been good to us up to this point.

So why do we fear the future?

Given that the likelihood of something bad happening is low,

Even at a difficult time can we live with that small chance?

Can we focus instead on the more likely outcome?

If we reduce our stress,

Our worry,

We become better able to meet whatever challenges or opportunities lie ahead.

This frees up time and energy for practical actions.

And practical actions reduce the likelihood of the feared event ever coming to pass.

Today's message is don't let these temporary feelings of anxiety get us down.

Work on the situation where we can.

This is better than simple worrying.

And if we find ourselves in a situation of chronic anxiety,

Remember above all to please,

Please ask someone for help.

Everyone and anyone will come to our aid if only we ask.

Our closing thought today is from The Grasshopper Chronicles by Rick Terwilliger.

I need to find my relationship with what is.

I need to stop arguing with what life brings me.

I need to accept that my life is my own and what I have and experience are exactly what I need.

This is the only path that will end my suffering.

It is the only way to live in peace.

We like to believe that we control our circumstances.

We feel the need to rail against what we cannot accept.

This seems to be the source of our suffering.

Yes,

We believe that this is what life is all about.

The constant striving against all that surrounds us.

Rick goes on,

Look to the river.

Look to its journey to the sea.

It finds a way to cooperate with the earth.

It seeks the path of non-resistance.

It flows along what is until it merges with what it seeks.

Be the river.

Words of Rick Terwilliger.

So as we are nearing the end of this meditation,

Let us return to the breath.

Noticing the in-breath,

Noticing the out-breath and just relaxing again and taking it easy.

Having a sense of gratitude for all the times of reflection which are available to us through Insight Timer and noticing all the good in the here and the now.

Realizing that many of the things we worried about in the past never came to pass.

We worried unnecessarily.

Why should it be different this time or next time?

And thinking that if we have come safely to this point,

Why do we fear what might lie ahead?

Remembering the words of the old hymn,

Through many dangers,

Toils and snares,

I have already come.

It was grace that brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home.

Why should any of us doubt it?

Let's have a one-minute pause for reflection.

Welcome back.

So to sum up these thoughts before we finish,

Just remember three things.

One,

Uncertainty is normal.

Two,

We can be worried at times but just think how real is the danger?

Remember how we worried ourselves needlessly in the past.

And three,

You've heard it said that action speaks louder than words.

Remember action also speaks louder than worry.

If there is something we can do to reduce the danger then we take that action and reduce the risk and the worry.

And now to our closing thought from Shantideva.

Vodhe,

The able one,

Says,

Thus all fears and all infinite sufferings arise from the mind.

It is not possible to control all external events but if I simply control my mind,

What need is there to control other things?

Useful words there from Shantideva.

If I simply control my mind,

What need is there to control other things?

And so to end,

The divine in me bows to the divine in you or as it's put more poetically,

My soul honours your soul.

I honour the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honour the light,

Love,

Truth,

Beauty and peace within you because it is also within me.

In sharing these things we are united.

We are the same.

We are one.

Namaste.

You

Reviews

A helpful and realistic talk about how to live more adaptivly with anxiety and worry. Well organized ideas illustrated with examples and quotations. By keeping things in perspective, living mindfully in the now, and focusing on productive actions we can spend less time worrying and more time living.

Thank you so much Tony. This is so full of wisdom, comfort and also very practical. My darling
Mum passed away a month ago and I thought how much she also found comfort hearing one of your meditations on a visit. You have helped me a lot over the last difficult months. Wishing you many blessings. Rani 🌸🙏

Thank you Tony.. listening to this meditation made me reevaluate that there are situations that I worry about for nothing. 99% of the time they never come to fruition.. and that living in the present is the best. Like you said life is always uncertain there's no guarantees.

This has been so helpful with a situation I’m dealing with right now. I’ve never been a big worrier so I’ve been surprised at myself recently. Thank you 🙏🏼 Namaste

Thank you Tony for these beautiful words of reassurance which are most comforting in these challenging times.

Beauty-full reflection for a new day. Thank you. Peace, Mary

Thank you 🙏
I very much needed your gentle guidance today. You helped me ease away stress and tension I was carrying. I’m centered again and seeing my situation from a calm presence and not from anxiety or worry.
Bless you! 💗💗💗

So helpful as always. Thank you, Tony. Namaste 🙏🏼

Thank you so very much for sharing your understanding around worry and what to do when it seems all consuming. 🙏

Excellent advice. You're so logical & such a reassuring voice & tone. Makes me know that with God's Grace & Love All will be well. I will be like the river. Thank you. 🙏😊

Spot on! I've been writing on fears in my step work (celebrated 36 years of recovery just a few weeks ago) and this topic is so timely and just what I needed to remember. Thank you for sharing this practice with us. Namaste

Just what I needed this morning. Wonderful, reassuring and calming words. Thank you so very much. I feel so much better and calmer now.

Thank you Tony, a very useful reminder 🙏

Thanks I really needed to remember where I am

This man is a vessel of Wisdom! Thank you.🙏

GM Tony🙏✨💗🕊 Thank you for this meditation to calm the worries that appear from time to time. Always feel more at peace after listening to your meditations. Thanks for the quotes.🌺✨

🙏🙏🙏❤️

Beautiful words.
Much needed.
Thank you so much 💫 🙏🏾

Excellent reminders. So glad this session was made accessible to those of us who were unexpectedly unable to attend the I've session. Thank you for doing this here, Tony. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻❤🤲🏻

Namaste. 🌸🌺 So many helpful suggestions and thoughts for me to think about.