A Gateway To Happiness

In the first noble truth, the Buddha reminds us of how life can be unsatisfactory at times and how our hope for a trouble-free existence is an impossible dream. In this meditation, we look at the cause of our dissatisfaction and see what is recommended as a solution. If we can control our tendency to want and our tendency to cling, then happiness will follow as day follows night.

Background music by Narek Mirzaei of Music of Wisdom. Enjoy

Transcript

Dear friends,

Welcome to this meditation which is based upon the Buddha's suggestions for overcoming unhappiness and suffering.

In the first of his Four Noble Truths,

The Buddha speaks about the reality of suffering.

But in the following three truths he speaks about an end to suffering.

In this meditation we are going to look at how we can achieve this objective.

But first of all we'll give ourselves an opportunity to come into the present moment,

To really bring ourselves into the now,

By taking a few deep breaths to help to ground ourselves.

You'll be familiar with the mantra by now,

I am breathing in and aware that I am breathing in,

I am breathing out and I am aware that I am breathing out.

Let's see if we can concentrate on the breath for a few moments.

If something crosses your mind,

Just think,

I'll deal with you later.

Or maybe more directly,

Leave me be,

I've no time for you just now.

But don't worry about any of these things that happen to cross your mind.

The less attention paid the better.

Just let them slip by like clouds passing in a clear sky.

In other words,

Realise that there will be plenty of time later for anything that you have to do.

For the moment all you have to do is to be here and at rest,

Enjoying the present moment.

Let's give ourselves one minute,

60 seconds for this.

Amen.

Welcome back.

I can feel I am having a very passionate experience,

And just In the first noble truth,

The Buddha reminds us of how life can be unsatisfactory at times.

How our hope for a trouble-free existence is an impossible dream.

So in this meditation we will look at the cause of our dissatisfaction and see what is recommended as a solution.

Two things are said to be at the root of all our suffering.

One is the simple fact of wanting what we don't have.

The other is our tendency to cling on to what we do have.

So first let's take a look at the wanting.

This desire for things that we don't already have.

Accompanied by a feeling that if only we have these things all will be well.

And a feeling that without these things we will be unhappy.

So we have this need for acquisition.

We have a fear of missing out.

Shantideva expresses it in a few words.

Oh foolish and afflicted mind,

You want,

You crave for everything.

Now it's not that reasonably working for improvement and reasonably seeking things to be better are bad things in themselves.

These reasonable efforts are not bad at all.

It's that this wanting and this craving prevents us from finding happiness in our present circumstances.

It prevents us from finding happiness in the people in our lives.

And finding happiness in the good things we already have going for us.

Despite all the benefits we have,

We can make ourselves unhappy because we are caught up in a desire for what we don't have.

If we look carefully we will see that the glass is half full,

But we find ourselves complaining that it's half empty.

Let's pause again for one minute to think about our habit of wanting.

Let's pause again for one minute to think about our habit of wanting.

Welcome back.

And then when we have people we love,

Our circumstances are things that bring us happiness,

We find we still have problems.

By clinging on and by not letting them go with gratitude when we lose them.

By not letting them go with thankfulness when we need to let them go.

This is the second reason for our unhappiness,

Our clinging and our holding on.

So we have on the one hand the wanting and on the other hand the clinging.

What we have right now might be some favourable circumstance that brings us happiness.

It might be a person,

A child or a partner.

And maybe that child has reached an age where he or she wants to move out.

Or it might be that a relationship has broken down and our partner wishes to leave us.

It might be something we've lost.

If we are to have peace of mind we have to accept that life has lots of painful experiences.

There's no way around them in the long term.

No matter how much good fortune we have,

People will break away from us,

We will come up against illness,

We have to make that dreaded trip to the dentist and on a more mundane level we will have our cars breaking down and wearing out.

It's just part of the ever changing circumstances of life.

Obviously we will all work to better ourselves and to secure matters for ourselves and for the people we love.

That's no problem.

That's good.

We're not just passive acceptors of all that comes our way.

But there are things over which we do not have control.

And we have to gracefully accept the truly inevitable when that inevitable hits us.

If we resist,

We find ourselves in a battle against reality that causes us lots of needless worry and stress.

In a battle against reality there can only be one loser.

That loser will not be reality.

The loser will be us every time.

So now we'll have another one minute pause,

This time to reflect on our tendency not to want to let go.

Music Music Welcome back again.

Fighting reality we find ourselves in a struggle against what is.

If we stop to look around we see that every single thing in existence is in a state of constant flux.

This is very clear when we look at living things and moving things.

It's not so obvious when we look at things that appear to us to be stationary or solid.

But when you look more deeply even at apparently solid things,

Rocks,

Stone,

Solid metal,

You see that the atoms that they are made of are in a state of constant movement.

And we ourselves are in a constant state of change.

Cells in our bodies are being replaced every second.

And do we think that we ourselves are really the very same people we were five years ago,

Ten years ago or when we were children?

With our bodies and minds changing all these years it is debatable.

It reminds us of the old question about a ship and the repairs carried out on a long voyage.

A wooden ship sets sail on a long voyage.

As the trip proceeds repairs are carried out.

Planks are replaced bit by bit as they wear out and by the time the ship gets to its destination all of its parts have been replaced.

Is it the same ship?

Only in a sense.

Alright it looks the same.

But none of the individual parts that comprise it when it is set out are there when it gets to its destination.

So how can it be the same?

We'd all agree that if you replace a part of a ship you can say it remains the same ship.

If you replace two parts you can say it remains the same ship.

But if you keep replacing parts until every single part is replaced is it still the same ship?

And if not at what point did it become a different ship?

It's a little the same with us.

Is there any aspect of us,

Physical or mental,

That is as it was all those years ago?

When we stop to examine matters we find that there is nothing permanent about anything.

When we try to convince ourselves of the opposite we are in for a let down.

This next quote is more than 2000 years old.

Thus shall ye think of all this fleeting world,

A star at dawn,

A bubble in a stream,

A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,

A flickering lamp,

A phantom and a dream.

The 8th century sage Shantideva expresses it this way.

Things brief,

Ephemeral,

Who firstly cling to what is also passing,

Will catch no glimpse of happiness.

The point is this.

If we don't find happiness in how things are in any given moment we are engaged in an impossible quest for a happiness which is not based on reality.

We must find our happiness in how things are right now.

We must appreciate how things are right now.

Otherwise we will find ourselves with a series of unmet expectations.

Because things don't always go as we hope or expect they would.

When circumstances go against us we are inclined to feel angry,

Hurt and disappointed.

People don't agree with us.

That causes us upset.

People don't respond to us.

That causes us frustration.

The person in front is not driving fast enough.

The person in front fails to indicate.

Fails to cancel the indication.

These things happen to us all the time.

If we can't find acceptance in how things are in any given moment we are faced with one exasperation after another.

One annoyance after another.

It makes for an unhappy life.

Now this recommendation of acceptance and grateful appreciation is not a message promoting austerity or gloom.

It's simply a reminder to us to be grateful for what we actually have right now.

But gratitude and appreciation without the burden that comes from claiming permanent ownership of it.

Because what we have is changing and passing along all the time.

And one day we will not have it.

That is simple reality.

Let's have another one minute pause for reflection.

Right now I.

.

.

Do.

Welcome back again.

I was recently looking at a set of photos of family members who had died.

There was one thing every one of them had in common.

It wasn't a family name,

It wasn't hair colour,

A job or anything like that.

What they each had in common was to do with me.

Looking at each of them I have to say that while they were still alive I never gave real thought to the fact that one day they would be gone from me.

But now they are,

All of them gone,

Each and every one.

This is a reminder to me and to you to take notice and to have a greater appreciation of all that we have going for us right now.

Knowing that this is a fleeting and ever changing world.

Not to be neglecting what we have while preoccupied waiting for something better to come along.

And not to be neglecting what we have for a little while longer as we hang on furiously to something whose time has come to let it go.

Let it go when it has to go and concentrate on appreciating what we have still.

Because what we have is always gone too soon.

So to wrap up our thoughts,

Can we enjoy pleasant experiences?

Yes,

As they come along and as they pass through.

Can we really enjoy them and be happy about them?

Yes,

But with some words of caution.

As long as we don't cling to them.

And as long as our enjoyment doesn't encourage us to seek to hold on to them for good.

Now it requires quite an amount of mindfulness to steer us through this narrow track to happiness and inner peace.

This path between appreciating and still not claiming permanent ownership.

Which is why it's recommended that we give a little time every day to this practice of mindfulness.

This path requires daily renewal and it is worth the effort.

The end of our suffering comes with the end of our clinging.

The much revered Achean Cha says this,

If you let go a little,

You'll have a little happiness.

If you let go a lot,

You'll have a lot of happiness.

If you let go completely,

You'll be completely happy.

And the good news is that life gives us lots of opportunities for practice.

If we can persuade ourselves to see the passing events of life as opportunities rather than obstacles.

Some examples.

You encounter a red light when you're in a hurry.

Your wages comes into your account later than expected.

Think of your family,

Your friends or your teenage children being in a huff.

Don't give any of the things that are inclined to bring out the worst in you.

Of course we'd all prefer not to have to endure these things.

But our wanting to be in control.

This wanting to have things our own way.

This wanting is clinging.

And clinging is the very problem that we are working to solve.

Of course naturally we want any situation to be better.

And if it turns out to be better,

That's great.

A good outcome makes us happy,

But the challenge for us is this.

Can we have a peaceful,

Accepting attitude regardless of how the situation turns out?

In other words,

Can we manage to let go,

Let be and accept reality in these moment to moment situations?

Now there is a method suggested to help us.

When we experience something,

Anything at all,

There will always be a feeling associated with it.

A trigger for what might be our usual response.

That initial feeling might be pleasant,

It might be unpleasant or it might just be neutral somewhere in between.

If we notice that the feeling involves wanting or clinging,

Then this is our invitation to try to break the chain of suffering by not giving in to what normally follows from that feeling.

The key to inner peace and happiness is to break the link between our initial feeling and our automatic response to it.

We must turn off the autopilot.

We know the autopilot gets us into trouble time and time again.

Now naturally we can't do much about the feeling.

The feeling just arises.

It comes along with the event.

The feeling and the event arrive arm in arm,

But we don't have to react to the feeling in an automatic way.

If something is coming at us which we dislike and if it is something that we cannot avoid,

Then we have to try not to push it to one side.

Remember the prayer about acceptance of what we cannot change?

We have to try to learn to accept this thing,

Unpleasant as it may be.

And if something is leaving us,

If we are losing something,

Our health,

Our good fortune,

Something or someone we are attached to,

And if the loss cannot be stopped,

Then we have to try not to grasp this desirable thing as if it was permanently ours.

Nothing is permanently ours.

This is the suggested way to happiness and peace.

It's not easy.

It's not self-evident.

But if we can do this,

It will bring us to a place of equanimity,

A state of mental balance and stability.

The greater the letting go,

The greater the equanimity,

And the greater the happiness that follows.

Because everything changes,

And we will only find happiness by not grasping and by not clinging to anything,

Including not grasping for or clinging to happiness itself.

Happiness remember is the by-product.

It comes along like water in a stream,

And like water in a stream,

It's best let flow.

If we can overcome the grasping and the clinging,

We can find happiness in being grateful for what we have while we have it,

Knowing that everything is done too soon.

Neil Diamond has a well-known song called Done Too Soon,

And there's lots of food for thought in that short song.

In it,

Neil lists 25 people,

Ranging from Jesus Christ to Buster Keaton,

And in between Humphrey Bogart,

Ho Chi Minh,

Karl Marx and others.

But he says,

And each one there has one thing shared.

They have sweated beneath the same sun,

Looked up in wonder at the same moon,

And wept when it was all done,

For being done too soon.

Words of Neil Diamond.

And that is the message of this meditation,

Everything is done too soon.

Seeking to have things,

Seeking to hold on to things permanently,

This seeking is the cause of our unhappiness.

The remedy and our gateway to happiness and peace is watching out for our needing,

Watching out for our clinging,

And let happiness just drop in.

And that's my wish for you.

May you be well.

May you be happy.

Free from wanting.

Free from holding on.

May you be at peace.

Namaste.

Reviews

Wonderful. Thank you again and again, Tony, for lighting the path.
🌞🙏🕊️

I have bedn stuck for a long, long time in a cycle of missing lost family members and past situations, and deep in regret for past actions with long-term consequences that I can no longer remedy. This meditation provided at least temporary relief from those thoughts. That was of great help. Thank you.

Acceptance is my challenge…perfect message for me today. 🙏🏻

Thank you for your guidance Tony, wise words to reflect on. Namaste 🙏

Helpful for acceptance and remembering to live in the moment.

Wise words, and a lovely presentation with beautiful, soothing music. It feels like a gift. Thank you.

"Done Too Soon" drove it straight into my heart... and the realization that not all truths are self evident.
This meditation is a lovely guidance towards accepting the happiness of what is.

As always…the timing of this meditation couldn’t be more perfect! Thank you Tony for such a powerful and wisdom infused teaching on how to find happiness in the moment and how to let go of our grasp and clinging which leads to suffering. This is one of the greatest, if not the greatest challenge of the human experience! I would love to see a course on this very proverb! Again, so very grateful for your contribution to this community! Blessings to you!

Many thanks for these wise and warm words, very helpful to become freer from clinging, and freer from wanting. Namaste 🤓🙏🏻

Great reminder of who we truly are and what really matters in our lives.

Breathtaking…thank you so much. You may have saved my life!❤️

This is just lovely in so many ways. Thank you & namaste 🙏🏼

What a beautiful meditation Tony! So much to take in. Thank you for your insight, I always learn a new perspective from you. I hope you are well and have a blessed day. 🙏🏻💕

This was possibly the MOST needed insight yet for me from you Tony or anyone in any given moment. THANK YOU for this incredible journey today🙏🙏🙏🥰

This is a deeply resonant practice filled with rich food for thought. Thank you, I shall listen to this again for there is so much wisdom here for me

Such a beautiful meanings meditation. Thank you 😊

Wow! That was quite a beautiful and very powerful message and very appropriate for what I’m experiencing and feeling in my life! I love your examples and advice on letting go and just enjoying the happiness in the moments of life. I’m also thinking about how faith and hope are so similar in that they both have good intentions but one is more selfish and the other more trusting and true. I will listen to this again and again to let it sink in deeper. Thank you for your wisdom and truth. God bless you!❤️

Very good one to listen to again and again. Namaste!

Just what I needed. Thank you for the simple lesson of not holding on when it’s time to go with the flow.

Wonderful explanation and examples. Thought provoking 👍