Mindfulness And Life's Hard Stuff (Part 2)

What do you do when you can't calm the mind and strong emotions overwhelm you? Instead of trying to escape or distract yourself, mindfulness can allow you to open to whatever is present with interest and kindness. In the process, you can learn to face whatever arises without fear. (Part 2)

Transcript

All right,

Well,

Why don't we,

As always,

Just find a posture that works for you where you can be both relaxed and alert.

However you're sitting,

You can make whatever micro adjustments you might need to feel comfortable.

And if you wish you can close your eyes.

Just fully arrive here.

Open the scent stores.

Ask yourself what's right here.

Gently feel into your body.

Sensations.

Pressure.

Against the chair.

Feet on the floor.

Maybe the aliveness in your hands.

Sense into the gentle in-breath and out-breath,

The sweep of the breath as it enters and leaves your body.

Focus for a moment on the heart region.

Pause to ask what the state of your heart is right now.

What do you feel there?

Tired or energized?

Does it feel light or heavy or open?

Just recognize,

Acknowledge whatever is there right now.

Breathe into it.

Receive that life-giving breath.

In flow,

The out flow,

Gentle movement of the breath.

When you're ready you can come back.

Open your eyes.

Focus back into this world around you.

I'll start today with a story about the Buddha.

The night before his enlightenment,

The story goes,

The demon god Mara made one last stop to visit him and try to throw him off his game.

And so,

According to the story,

Mara's throwing all of his best stuff at the Buddha.

Fear and doubt and lust and whatever he could come up with.

And instead of trying to ignore Mara or repel him with force or run away,

The Buddha stopped and simply recognized him and said,

I see you,

Mara.

And in the last discussion,

We were talking about the really tough stuff,

The emotions and feelings that can overwhelm us.

And that's both in meditation and at other times.

And certainly in meditation,

The effect of feeling powerless to return to the object of meditation,

Just not being able to shake whatever those persistent visitors are.

And this strategy at that point to take the U-turn and turn directly into whatever this may be as your object of meditation for this period.

Using this technique,

Which I introduced called RAIN.

And we talked about the first two last time,

The recognize,

Like the Buddha not trying to battle Mara,

The I see you recognize.

And then the allow,

Not to distract or run,

Taking the U-turn towards whatever it is.

The only way out at that point is in.

And with this caution that certainly for very powerful emotions that may have the potential to re-traumatize a person that you want to back off,

You want to be safe and to really try this practice first in other areas of hurt or disappointment or suffering in your life.

To try it out,

To see if it works for you like any of these practices.

This is about each of us trying to find what works for us.

So today I want to explore a little bit these second two steps,

The I of RAIN,

The investigate.

So once you give permission to whatever this might be,

Just simply to be there,

You can then approach it with a certain amount of curiosity or interest and really shift in that way your relationship to it or your reaction to it.

With this question,

What does this feel like?

Knowing that all strong emotions manifest in our bodies in some way and not to investigate so much with our head,

But really start to sense into,

Well,

What is the experience?

Is it the tightness in the throat or the contraction in your chest or maybe your breath quickens,

Whatever it is,

Just start to pay attention to what's happening and actually become interested and intimate with it.

You might refresh it to say,

What's really behind this,

What's the belief about myself that's driving this?

Is it that I don't feel respected or I feel invisible or I feel hurt?

Just start to feel into that vulnerable place.

And after you can feel into these sensations,

You can ask yourself this question,

Can I be with this?

Can I be with this right now in this moment and not forever,

But just now?

And I think often the answer is a surprising yes.

And then in this moment and the next moment.

And as you locate the sensations in your body and really become familiar with them too,

You can also get curious about how they shift or change,

Become different and sometimes just diminish after a minute or two.

And from there,

The inquiry,

I think deepens to ask this question,

Well,

What does this thing now with which I'm really intimate?

What does it need from me right now?

Or what is it asking from me?

Is it just safety or is it some kind of understanding?

For me,

Often the answer is just simply kindness.

But for yourself,

You can ask yourself this question,

What is the message that I most want to hear?

What kind of reassurance or what kind of healing?

And being able to hear that message spoken to whatever this is that arises,

Then really can transform that relationship with the pain.

And then there is this final inquiry,

Which is,

What would I be without the belief that something is wrong right now?

What would I be without the belief that something is wrong right now?

What would life be like?

Or who would I be?

In Tibetan meditation practice,

Beginning students are introduced to a teaching called making difficulties into the path.

And for me,

When I first heard this,

It was very comforting because I think for me,

If the goal is a worry-free life,

That is certainly beyond me.

I will not be able to accomplish that,

I think,

In my lifetime.

But if the path is really about all the stuff of life,

Which includes the worries and the disappointments,

The heartaches,

I think for me that's a reassuring word.

It's definitely a path that I could follow.

So it's also,

I think it's a reassurance that you don't need to be completely calm or have a completely clear mind to think that you're getting somewhere or making progress on this path,

This meditative path.

I mean,

Instead it really flips things to say,

Can you allow meditation to take you just as you are?

Or can you allow the exercise of meditation to be something that simply brings everything that is into this field of kind awareness?

Back to the Buddha.

After he said,

I see you,

To this demon god who was trying to prevent him from becoming enlightened,

His next move was that he invited Mara to tea.

The Buddha set out a cushion,

Invited Mara to sit with him as his guest.

And so Mara did,

According to the story,

Mara sat down,

Sat for a little while and then departed leaving the Buddha free.

So here's a question for us.

Can we invite this Mara to tea ourselves instead of repelling,

Avoiding,

Can we put out that cushion?

The famous meditation teacher,

Ram Dass,

Be Here Now author,

His name used to be Robert Alpert.

He was a Harvard psychology professor before meeting up with Timothy Leary,

Another famous Harvard professor,

And experimenting with psychedelics.

So he just died recently,

Ram Dass just died recently,

And he commented before he died that he had tried everything.

He tried psychedelics,

He had a guru,

He had decades of deep meditation practice,

And what he found was that he had not been able to eliminate one of his neuroses,

His neuroses which I guess he knew quite well,

He was well familiar with them,

Being a psychologist by training.

But then he went on to say that he had been able to make friends with them all.

There's the Thai meditation teacher,

Ajahn Chan,

Who said that there are two kinds of suffering,

One leads to more suffering and the other leads to liberation.

And then he asked,

Well which will you choose?

And then finally there is a song by Leonard Cohen,

You may be familiar with it,

Called Anthem and the song's refrain goes like this,

Ring the bells that you can ring,

Forget your perfect offering.

There is a crack,

A crack in everything,

And that's how the light gets in.

There's a crack,

A crack in everything,

That's how the light gets in.

So I thought we would give this a go,

See how this goes ourselves,

And so if you want to try to get comfortable again,

Find a meditation posture that works for you,

And again just try to find that balance in the way that you're sitting,

Where you can feel alive and alert,

But at the same time not constrained,

Relaxed.

You can close your eyes if you feel comfortable.

You can take a few full deep breaths,

Filling the lungs on the inhale,

Slowly relaxing and releasing on the exhale,

A few of those full deep breaths,

Settling back into your body,

Releasing any obvious tension you're holding.

You can bring to mind a situation from your life where you notice that you get stuck,

Maybe even just scanning back over this last day for somewhere that there's been some reactivity,

Feel that you withdraw,

Feel that you're hurt,

Stressed,

And just pause there.

Begin with the recognize of rain.

What do you feel right now?

Anger,

Sadness,

Hurt,

Embarrassment.

Really note what you find there.

See if you can just allow it.

Just give space to whatever is arising without trying to change it in any way.

Just allow it to be as big as it is.

You might mentally whisper yes to whatever is happening.

You can move next to the investigate,

Feeling into your body,

Into your throat,

Your chest,

Your face,

Your neck,

See if you can feel the sensations closely as they arise.

Just keep feeling back into your body,

Again allowing them to be as big as they are.

Ask this question,

What do you most need right now?

Is it love,

Understanding,

Safety?

What's the message you most want to hear,

Could be most reassuring right now?

If you could hold this with kindness,

Or let gentleness be your guide.

Offer your kind attention to whatever is right here.

Feel into this space where everything that happens can be welcomed.

Sense what your life would be like if you didn't believe anything is wrong.

Who would you be right now?

What would your life be like?

Just rest in this clarity,

This truth that's right here.

When you're ready,

You can gently open your eyes.

Come back to the room.

Welcome the rest of this afternoon.